Journal entry 4

Day 'who gives a flying rat's butt?' It's been about a month and a half since the last entry, and I stopped counting days after five minutes after the last entry. Yes, I could check the computer's clock, but that would take more effect than I care to spare.

First and most importantLy, I GOT A FLAMETHROWER. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Gleeful cackling most definitely followed after getting that, and after each use against those fragging local monstrosities that kept trying to swarm me. They still do, but now I have a flamethrower, ho ha hee! Sadly, Chuckles the cat seems to have vanished, and believe me, I looked.

Ahem, sorry, back in control now. So, in a more controlled manner, here's what happened after the last entry.

The thing that the computer (which is a fully sentient AI, FML) detected was an orbiting teleportation platform thingamajig (highly specific and technical term, just like doohickey, thingamabob, and shenanigans) that relocated me to a place called The Outpost. I met a surprisingly large number of beings there, including several Florians, Hylotl, Glitches, Avians, other humans, a couple Apex basturds, and even a Novakid. Though the Novakid left quickly afterwards, fleeing to the teleport pad with a small mob on his heels after asking one of the married humans why they had a late night meeting with one of the Apex.

Anyway, after getting out of the way of the mob, and connecting the teleporter at The Outpost to the paperweight, I got bombarded with requests to do things for the natives. Well, I got about five requests, including one to get a bug, and another to find out why a mining colony had stopped broadcasting a couple days ago. The latter quest giver, however, refused to give me the coordinates until I had steel armor instead of the iron scout armor I was strutting. Fine whatever, it would give me a chance to do some of these quests and get more stuff.

So, I got back to my paperweight that was slowly remembering it was actually a ship, and randomly selected a planet that I could get to. I pushed the buttons, pulled levers, threw throttles, and eventually arrived at my destination. A desert planet. I hate desert planets, though not as much as lava planets. Poisonous ocean planets are a close third.

Anyhoo, I beamed down to the dustball, and started looking around, eventually finding the flamethrower in a weapons locker hidden halfway up a sheer cliff. I found a lot of other, somewhat important stuff, but not nearly as nice, except for a nice shotgun. As a crap ton of stuff to make iron into steel, as well as other stuff needed for the people back at The Outpost that were incapable of doing their own legwork.

Whatever, I finished collecting the stuff that I mined and that the monsters carried around for some inexplicable reason, and then had the computer pull my happy butt out of the mines after my fourth fall into a large cavern with no way out but what I cut. Never been so happy to have a matter manipulator. Especially since I had upgraded it several times, so it was now far more powerful and could move liquids instead of just solids. The reason I waited until the fourth fall was 'cause that fall landed me in a massive pool of oil. I harvested as much of the oil as I could, even trying to clean out the cracks in the walls to get it all, and then returned to the ship.

Once back, I made my new steel armor, replaced my old fire axe with a nice new steel axe, and made a light source on a stick, that I strapped to my back. I then looked at myself in the mirror, and teared up at how awesome I looked. Wearing a bland army helmet, basic body armor, and had a lantern slamming into the back of my head whenever I moved.

Gods help me, I was back in the marines again, but this time without the consoling thought of getting into the cockpit of my fighter for stress relief. Nope, just had to keep the happy thought of burning monstrosities with my flamethrower, or electrifying them with my shotgun.

Honestly, I wasn't that spaced about it.

Anyhoo, returned to The Outpost, and talked to the person, who finally relented to give me the coordinates of the mining facility. Never mind at that point they had been off the comm grid for nearly three weeks. Nope, had to make sure the rescuer was going in armed and armored enough to take on a small army, and wouldn't just need to fix a short circuit or anything. I also turned in a bunch of the other quests, but couldn't do a couple of them yet, couldn't get a couple things for them, and no one around here does rain checks.

Whatever, I just got back from doing that, and the computer has released what looks like a camera drone. Not off settling or anything like that, just sending a recording drone with me to a comm dead mining facility. Yep, can't see any way this could possibly go wrong.

I hate this frag.

Time to go, and will try to find Chuckles again when I get back. Computer, two for the Erebus Mining Facility. Let's do this.

End of dictation, ending recording. Streaming drone feed to Extranet VideoTubes, adding extralink to 'Funniest Human Deaths' site.