How Many Times

Chapter Two

July 11th 2012

"I've got someone" Captain Harris said, "Rafael Barba"

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks she could hear Amanda referencing a case he had just closed. Her head was spinning, this could not be happening.

"I thought he was in Brooklyn." She stammered and Harris told her that he had just requested a lateral to Manhattan. Olivia felt a knot tighten in her stomach as her mind raced searching for a way out, of course there wasn't one, aside from Alex nobody knew that she and Rafael Barba had a past. A past? She couldn't really even call it a past they had a weekend together three years ago.

As they drove to the courthouse Olivia was silent her mind flashing back to three years ago. She remembered the sound of his voice saying her name, the way he held her when they danced, how he looked on the sailboat in the afternoon sun, and yes the way he kissed her that made her forget every kiss that had come before. She had thought about him often over the years, followed his career from a distance wondering often what might have been. When things had ended badly with David Haden earlier in the year her first thought had been of him. She told herself it was proof she had done the right thing that weekend saving them both the future heartbreak.

Rafael patted the defense attorney on the back knowing that he would accept the deal, he closed his briefcase and turned to walk out of the courtroom. Seeing her standing there was like someone had punched him in the stomach. He had imagined it so many times over the years, and knew that it would happen eventually when he transferred but he was still not prepared for the sight of her in front of him. In all of the images he had carried in his mind of her she was dressed in sundresses and swim suits, often barefoot with her red painted toes in the sand. The woman before him was dressed all in black wearing heals that gave her several inches over him, her hair was longer and he could not help but think that she looked tired. He wondered instantly what had happened over the last three years. Then he remembered that morning and he felt the anger wash over him.

July 5th 2009

Rafael walked to the bottom of the steps to wait for her, they had agreed to go on a quick sail that morning before they both had to head back to the city. He hoped that she would agree to ride back with him. He knew a relationship between an Assistant District Attorney and a NYPD detective would not be easy but he wanted to give it a try. He smiled when he reached the beach and saw her red sandals from the night before sitting there. He smiled remembering the way she had leaned against him when she took them off and the feel of her hand in his as they walked along the beach. He bent down and picked them up as he waited for her, surprised when he saw Alex walking down the stairs.

"Hey, are you sailing with us this morning?" He asked with a laugh.

"She's not here Raf, she went back to the city in the night." Alex told him softly, her heart aching for her longtime friend.

"What happened, was there a case?" He asked praying that was the issue.

"No, Rafael, there was no case, she got scared and she ran." Alex explained gently

"Scared of what?" He asked still trying to make sense of it al.

"Sacred of you."

"What did I do? Alex I promise I didn't do anything, we kissed and made plans to sail today that was it." He pleaded for her to believe him.

Alex touched his arm softly, "It wasn't you, it was how she felt about you that's what scared her Raf, that's why she ran, I'm so sorry."

Rafael turned to walk away his heartbreaking in disbelief he stopped when he heard Alex speak again.

"Liv hasn't had it easy, there are things I know she hasn't told you yet, but you have to believe me Rafael she is worth fighting for, you should fight for her."

He turned back to her shaking his head, "She couldn't even tell me good bye Alex, I don't think there is anything to fight for." He told her before walking away carrying her sandals with him.

Rafael forced his mind back to the present and the people standing in front of him. He felt like he was watching the entire scene from a distance. He heard himself saying some cheesy line about it being take your daughter's to work day. Harris, having no idea he and Olivia already knew each other introduced him to her and the other detective. He didn't hear the other detective's name though because his eyes were already locked with hers and they were shaking hands, and just like that first day by the pool a jolt of electricity passed between them. This time however the jolt felt like putting your hand on a burning coal and he pulled away quickly turning his attention to the other detective.

BarsonBarsonBarson

Rafael dropped his briefcase and suit jacket on the back of his couch when he returned home that evening. He poured himself a glass of scotch and charged into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt so he could get back to unpacking. He hated clutter and until he got everything settled in his new apartment he would not be able to relax. He picked up one of the boxes in the bedroom and began to sort through it quickly realizing that it was a box of keepsakes that had been stored in the top of his closet. Without even looking his hand found them, he took a breath as he slowly pulled the red sandals from the box. He didn't know why he had kept them all of these years, at first he had hoped she would change her mind and call him then after several months he had placed them in the box as he tried to forget about her.

He went back to the living room to his jacket, he reached into the pocket and pulled out her business card, after all these years he had her phone number. He could have tracked her down that weekend, but pride told him that she needed to come back to him, she was the one who had run away. He pulled out his phone though and sent her a text.

We need to talk

I know

Where and when?

You can come to my place, I'm home

She sent him her address and thirty minutes later he was standing outside her door, he had imagined this moment so many times and yet he still didn't know what he was going to say to her. When she opened the door to him she looked more like the woman he had spent the weekend with than the one from earlier that day. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top with her hair pulled up trying to cool off from the July heat, her feet wear bare and they were once again equal in height.

"Hi" She greeted him uneasily moving aside from the door so he could come inside. He didn't say anything but nodded as he glanced around her apartment, setting down a brown grocery bag he had been holding.

"Do you want a drink?" She asked him.

He realized that he was going to actually have to speak to her, "That might help." He said with an uncharacteristic nervous laugh. She moved to the kitchen and returned with two glasses of wine. They both drank in silence for a minute neither of them knowing what to say until she realized she needed to go first.

"I'm sorry Rafael." She told him honestly. "What I did was wrong, you deserved better."

"That's it, after three years, that's all I get?" He asked her.

"What else so you want me to say?" She responded.

He slammed his glass onto the coffee table and stood up. "Nothing, Olivia I don't want you to say anything else, clearly that weekend was an unimportant event for you. I should get back to my apartment I have work to do. I will see you at work."

Olivia felt herself begin to panic she knew she could not let him leave like this.

"Rafael wait" She begged.

"What you don't like having people run off on you?" He asked her coldly and the words felt like a slap across her face.

"Rafael, we are going to have to work together, we have to get through this." She told him fighting back the tears in her eyes praying that he did not see them.

"Work together? Is that it, well that's easy. I am Assistant District Attorney Barba and you are Detective Benson, noting that happened before the courtroom this morning matters. We can just pretend that it never happened." He moved back to her door to leave and motioned to the bag that he had set down.

"Oh, I believe these are yours, goodbye Olivia, I will see Detective Benson tomorrow." He told her before slamming her apartment door.

She stood motionless for several minutes after he left wondering how it had gone so badly. She remembered the bag by the door and went to pick it up. When she removed the red sandals she felt the tears fall from her eyes. He had kept them all of these years. What had she done? She tried to go after him but her legs would not move, she leaned back against the door and slowly sank to the ground pulling her knees to her chest she allowed herself to cry and wonder for the first time if she had thrown away her chance for love.

TBC