A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates, I have no acceptable excuse other than a lack of interest in just about everything. I blame a lot of things. But mostly me. And video games. And losing my beta. And...

Floran Party

I land in a clearing on the jungle planet, and take a long look around, assault rifle already in hand. Nothing was trying to stab me yet, so maybe the Floran Party was an actual party, and not an elaborate ambush plot. A quick glance back, ensuring the recorder drone was there, before turning toward the structure. It was the only thing of note in the clearing, and several torches lined the path toward the ruin.

I do a quick equipment check, making sure everything had come with me. Titanium armor set was intact and still on, a good first sign. Flamethrower and shotgun on clamps on the xenon backpack on my back, and my simple titanium axe and shield are clipped to my belt. The matter manipulator and storage pack are where they are supposed to be, hanging off the back of my belt, out of the way but convenient. Assault rifle with attached flashlight, in hand, which was the last piece I had brought with me and not stored. So time to party.

A short jog up the path, armor and equipment softly jingling, and I spotted a couple dozen florans standing around around. Most were unarmed and unarmored, though four were standing just outside the only entrance to the structure, or at least the only one I could see, bearing visible weapons and armor. The other florans are spread around the outside of the circular area, some talking softly with each other, others eating and drinking the contents of the tables scattered about, but all of them are staring at the lone human that just walked in.

Conscious of the two dozen carnivorous plants staring at me, I slip my rifle into its clamp on my backpack, and approach the guards. "Heard there was a Florian party going on, and that a great warrior would be a good addition."

Two of the guards smirk, one rolls 'his(?)' eyes, and the other just sneers before answering. "Then you heard wrong, meatman. This is a Floran Party."

I raise an eyebrow, and give the speaker a cheeky grin. "What's the difference?"

A spear is suddenly in my face, right in front of my eye, but the soft hiss lower down indicates that I did manage to grab my flamethrower and activate it. "An 'i.' And you are late. The hunters already went in."

One of the smirking guards' grabs 'her(?)' spear, and carefully pulls it back, while the eye roller moves to the side and taps my flamethrower with his axe. After I take my finger off the trigger and deactivate the pilot light, the one that tapped my flamethrower speaks. "The other hunters went in a while and a bit ago. If you want to catch up… Well... you brave, 'meatman'?"

I give him an amused grin, practically my default expression, before shrugging nonchalantly as I could. "I'm here, am I not?"

That got a grin from the four guards, before they gestured behind me. "Then stand in the innermost circle."

A shrug is my reply, before heading back and standing in it. As I turn around, I notice that one of the guards was halfway inside the door, grabbing a lever I hadn't seen earlier. "What does that…"

He yanks the lever with a vicious grin, and the floor drops out from under me, revealing a lightless pit below me. Even the powerful xenon backpack, mounted on my back, doesn't reach the bottom. "Dddaaaahhhhhh!"

I fell for what felt like a surprisingly long time, though it was probably only a few seconds at most, before landing in rapidly moving water below me. Really COLD water, but it was moving, likely from a waterfall somewhere behind and above me from the noise, so landing after a few dozen, maybe even as much as a hundred, feet wasn't as painful as it could have been. Or maybe that was shock. Either way, nothing was broken, and I swam to the surface, just in time to watch the trap door on the pit close.

Thankfully, the light pack did a good job of lighting up the darkness, and nothing seemed to be trying to eat me, so the situation could always be worse. Even better, I could see a tunnel ahead of me to one side, leading deeper into the… wherever the hell I was. Cave system, mountainside, cat goddess' bunghole, I didn't know, didn't care. Though I suspected it wasn't the last, not smelly enough.

After a moment of careful swimming, I hauled my watery carcass out of the lake, did a quick check of my weapons and equipment. And then took off my back and weapons, and dove back in, having lost my helmet when I hit the water. A few moments later, I was back on land with my helmet this time, and got everything together. A flick of the safety, the rifle to my shoulder, and I bravely strode into the retreating darkness, subtle as a nuke to the forehead thanks to the pack on my back. I made a note to myself, to install an off switch on it so I could engage in tactical repositioning without a spot light over my head.

The tunnel I was following twisted, turned, zigged, zagged, ascended, descended, and sagged a quite a bit, and I had only been in here for about ten minutes. Clearly I was in hell, punishment for my various sins. Now if only I could remember them…

I was so distracted by my musing that I didn't see the portcullis blocking the path until I literally walked into it. Thankfully, my armor was padded, so other than a soft giggle to one side doing significantly more damage to my ego, I didn't actually get hurt. A glance around revealed a small hole in the wall, where a Floran watched me. This one looked decidedly more female than the ones above, as was her voice. "Meatman get lost? Or just late?"

I stood up and brushed myself off, and collected the rifle before looking for a way to open the gate. "Sorry, didn't realize I had a date, else I would have been less fashionably late."

She actually laughed, though it sounded a bit off. "Ah, worry not, meatman. Huntress just surprised to see someone on that side. Would you like through? Lever is here. Though if you do, the other hunters will not be… social. Glad, yes, but you look like you could handle yourself."

She hummed to herself, before suddenly the gate began grinding open, loudly. "See you at the next gate. If you live that long. Or maybe as someone's trophy…"

She turned and vanished into the darkness on the other side of the wall, leaving me to stew in my thoughts, until an arrow suddenly slammed into my shoulder. Reminded that Florans liked their meat fresh, raw, and preferably still screaming, I brought the rifle up and gave the archer a generous thank you, a full clip of hot lead as I sidestepped into cover, yanking the arrow out of my shoulder armor. No damage to me, but still annoying as hell.

After a moment of nothing happening, I stepped back into the opening, and then dove back into cover as three arrows zipped through the place where I had been standing. I could already tell this was going to be 'fun.'

Three minutes later, and eight dead Floran hunters, I finally stepped into the hunting grounds proper. I had switched to the shotgun and flamethrower, as the rifle didn't do enough damage to their plant organs or whatever, but those two definitely did. And then, for my second step, promptly fell into a poison pool. (FML)

Ten minutes after hauling myself out of the pool, I was healed thanks to the modern miracle of magic space bandages, though now five lighter than I had been. Luckily, I had hundreds. Still, needed to be more careful, as next time the florans might not be so nice as to wait for me to heal up first. Still, the thin green layer of… whatever floating on the top looked a lot like the thin green whatever growing on the stone. And promptly proved my own point by falling into another pit of poisonous water.

Five minutes later, as it didn't take nearly as long to get out this time, I was up and ready to go on. And swiped a spear from one of the dead hunters, and used it to check the floor I was about to step on. Naturally, less than ideal, but better than falling into a third pool. The spear allowed me to do just that, and side step the third pool. Right into the fourth one.

Once out again, and healed again, I grabbed the flamethrower, and set the floor on fire, burning the concealing muck away, and made it much easier to see what I was stepping on. A few minutes after that, without any further plunges, I made it out of the starting room. Proudly did I stroll into the next room, burning the green stuff left and right, no longer fearing the poisonous liquids. Eventually, I found two paths, one leading down, the other leading up. Remembering that liquids tended to settle, I headed upwards.

And walked right into a room full of floran hunters. Two dead animals, massive in size, had been butchered in the center, their shells cracked open and floran hunters gorging on the insides. Until I walked in, and gagged at the smell. Loudly.

Every florans' head snapped up at the sound, and we all stared at each other for maybe five seconds, before they all dove for their weapons, I lay down a wall of flame, and then ran. Deciding the lower level was, in fact, the safer choice, I took off, though the cries behind me quickly hinted that I wasn't the only one running. A few quick blasts backwards with the flamer, however, convinced them that I wasn't worth the effort. Or I burned enough to a crisp the others figured they didn't need more food.

Either way, after a few minutes of taking random turns, I realized two things. Number one, I was alone. Number two, I had no idea where I was. The first was good, the second, not so much. So I took a quick stock of my situation, took a quick drink from my canteen, and pulled out my 'Emergency Direction Decider.' Placed it straight up on the ground, and waited. A few seconds later, the stick fell over, indicating which direction I should go.

Taking a second to collect my EDD, I then headed down the indicated path. Two turns later, I enter a small cavern, and find… no other exits. I frown as I slowly take a second turn around the room, before spotting a small tunnel entrance further up the wall, above the one I had come in. But without my xenon pack, I likely never would have spotted it, and even with it, I had to be deliberately looking for something to do so.

Still, it was pretty high up, but with a few attempts, and only landing on my back and ass once each, I managed to jump up to it. Muttering about inappropriate jumping puzzles under my breath, I look around the even smaller cavern I found myself in. It was room sized, if one was feeling generous, about the same size as the center segment of my ship. A lot more rocks taking up what little room there was, though.

Nothing of interest in the room, but as I turned to leave, I spotted something small and white behind one of the rocks. I didn't call out, I did remember where I was, floran hunting grounds, but this was odd, it almost seemed to be hiding. I stalked around the chamber, but the… whatever it was was silent and unmoving.

Once I finally got around, I stepped around the rock, flamethrower at the ready, and paused. Two huge eyes looked up at me, and I realized I was looking at a small floran. The floran was curled up, their legs against their chest, arms around their legs, and from what I understood of the race, they were genderless. Still, this one was clearly not full grown, as the hunters had been as big, if not bigger in a couple cases, as me, and this one couldn't have gone up past my mid torso.

It was also thin, almost to the point of seeing it's, frag it, it kinda reminded me of my neighbor's little girl when I was growing up, so this Floran was a girl. Same color eyes, silverish gray, though nothing else was like the little girl in my memories. Still, too thin, too scared, and too pale. What was wrong with me, finding the small and pathetic and bringing it home with me? That was how the rest of the crew had… I mean, the tentacle monster had snuck on without anyone bringing it on, that is what happened, yep. Official story.

Anyway, enough distractions. I knelt next to the small floran, who didn't move anything but her eyes. Even beside her, I could barely see her moving as she breathed. All in all, I got the impression she was not healthy or happy. I sigh, and pulled out my canteen and some of the roasted fish and meat I had hunted. Almost immediately, her eyes lit up a bit, though she didn't move, until I put the first piece on the ground and backed off a bit. The piece of fish I had put near her vanished like a magic act.

I was glad the matter manipulator could carry so much, because she did her best to put a dent in the amount I carried. Sadly, I could carry a lot. Still, she was looking a bit better after eating her body weight in roasted meat and fish, but refused any water. After a moment, I shrugged, and stood up. Done with my good deed for the day, I headed back the way I came. Though I hear footsteps behind me. A quick glance back, after I jump back down into the first cavern, revealed that I had made a friend, as the floran was following me, and didn't hide as I turned toward her.

We spent a moment staring at each other, before I sigh, and gesture for her to follow. "Well, you coming or not?"

She tilted her head to the side, but didn't move. Of course she couldn't understand me, why would she? I just sigh, and keep moving, now with a pale shadow shadowing me. Still, nothing I couldn't handle.

Or so I thought, until I wandered into another cavern, and practically ran into another group of hunters. Literally, they were entering the tunnel I was exiting. I still had my flamethrower, plants burned well after all, but this was a bit close, even for me. Perfect for them, though, as I jumped back, barely dodging a spear thrust. I got the flamer up, and hosed down the group, but these hunters were made of stern stuff, or maybe just wet, as they steamed but didn't fall. The first one rushed past me with a scream, but the other four kept stabbing and slashing, but I kept backing up, and the flamethrower kept throwing flames.

After a few more seconds of intense heat, the four hunters fell, and I turned at the sound of something hitting the ground. Seeing the floran that had been following me knocked to the ground, with the remaining hunter standing over her, spear raised, and uttering a shrill cry of triumph. I dropped the flamethrower, and dropped to a crouch as I turned, bringing the rifle around and up to my shoulder. A quick tap knocked the hunter off balance enough his spear thrust didn't connect with the floran cowering on the floor, so I unloaded the rest of the clip into him.

As the last shot connected, he stood back up, and glared. So I drew my shotgun, and began advancing. He charged, and I gave him a reward for his bravery, a face full of flaming buckshot. The body hit the ground and continued to burn, as I checked on my little 'friend.' Other than a bit of bruising and some scratches, she didn't seem too hurt. So after helping her to her feet, I continued on into the room.

Several tunnels and chambers later, and two fights with roving bands of hunters, I finally found something new. Another portcullis, but still, it was a sign of progress. Sadly, like the last, this one didn't have a lever in view on his side, and after a few minutes of searching the room, interrupted by another hunter group, I was forced to admit that it wasn't near the ground. But before he could start looking for a higher cave, a familiar voice stops him. "So, meatman sstill huntss. Interessting, and you even found the lessssser prey. What will meatman do with it? It, iss prey of thiss hunt."

At first, the human soldier was confused, both by her new sibilant hissing and words, before a gentle nudge against my back reminded him of his pale shadow. I frowned at the small floran hiding behind him as she peeked out at the direction of the voice, before heading back to the portcullis. "Get her out."

The Huntress from before stood by the lever he had seen, but hadn't been able to reach. At my comment, the huntress blinked, and then started laughing. "How brave. How 'noble.'"

A few minutes of silence, broken only by the drip of water, passed. I stare at the floran huntress, who stared back. And then she broke it with a smile. "Reminds me of my elder sister's last hunt. Also with a human, like you. Though she found her lesser prey. And you amuse me."

I simply continued to stare, but lowered the flamethrower, figuring it wouldn't be needed now. She continued speaking, unaware or caring of my actions. "So here is my deal. I have… opponents in the next room, waiting for one of theirs in the deeper tunnels to open the barrier ahead. Sadly, I already found him. However, I don't want to deal with them. So, instead, I open the barrier for you, you and lesser prey go through. I shut it behind you. I will be waiting at next barrier. Try not to be long."

With that, she yanked the lever beside her, raising the portcullis, though she began pulling it back almost immediately. I grabbed the little floran, and dashed forward, having to duck under the descending hunk of petrified tree material. Once under it, I paused, getting my breath back, and looked around.

Just in time to take a spear to the gut. I had no idea how that floran hunter had gotten that close to me without noticing, but luckily my armor caught the blow. That didn't stop the floran from twisting the spear and ripping the stomach plate off, the tip embedded in the heavy metal. Suddenly aware of my exposed stomach, I brought up the flamer, and bathed the attacker in flames.

A quick look around showed nearly a dozen other hunters, and one really big one, charging me, so I grabbed the little floran that was following me (need to think of a name for her, but later), and jumped. The servos in my armor allowed me to jump far higher than I could without them, and then I activated the pulse jump, jetting even higher. And landed right in an elevated tunnel, with no clear entrance to the ground below. A good spot to drop of the floran sprout, or whatever they were called. Fuck it, I am calling her Sprout until I decide on a better name.

Done with making sure his charge was both named and safe, I turned and jumped back down toward the swirling mass of floran hunters out for my blood, spears, axes, and the rare spear-axe combo all waiting for me. And promptly pulse jumped back up into the small cavern, before using the flamer to thin them out a bit. And then by a lot. And then by as much as I could, though the big guy had managed to back out of my range with the flamer, and stood by, impotently glaring at me with all the hatred his beady little eyes could direct from his shrunken little heart. So I drew my assault rifle and shot him in the head a few times.

Smirking at the apparent leader's half second look of shocked disbelief, I jumped down, and began checking these bodies, figuring that a group this far along should have something good. And that the leader's armor was actually concealing a rather impressive and scary looking set of tribal garments. And the garments were mostly intact, thanks to his armor protecting most of it. Still needed some repairs, but it would look good on a stand. Or maybe Sprout (gods I hate that name, need new one) would like it once she grew up a bit.

But the cream of the scavenging also came from the leader, as I grabbed his weapon. The ax wasn't the largest, nor the spikiest, nor the heaviest. But it was made from a metal I hadn't seen before, and was on fire, so even better. And when I chopped with it, the axe sent this swirling fireball out that exploded when it impacted something. Not a big explosion, mind, but still. I was definitely happy, it was an axe, it was on fire, and it made explosions.

Today had definitely been a good day, so far at least. I jumped up and collected Sprout, and then headed to the far side of the chamber, to find Huntress waiting for us near another lever. She gave me a bright smile, as much as she could with her unusual facial muscles at least, as she opened the next portcullis. "See you soon. Bring little prey. The big prey is ahead."

He led Sprout through, and suddenly was almost face to face with Huntress. He didn't flinch, instead his eyes meeting her completely black ones, and after a moment she nodded. "I am Huntress Tarna. Little prey should wait here, on this side of turn. Big prey ahead."

I nodded as Sprout stopped without me needing to say anything, and we rounded a second corner into yet another cavern. I did a quick glance around, before turning to Tarna, glad to finally have a name for her. "And I am acting captain…"

Anything else I was going to say was cut off as a glob of something sticky, wet, and foul smelling splashed over my helmet, silencing me completely. Thankfully the rebreather kept everything out of my mouth, but still. I cleaned off the visor of my helmet, making a note to make sure the next one was a fully enclosed helm, before looking up. And immediately diving to the side as a massive mouth slammed shut where I had been standing. I look at the massive creature as its many eyes rotated to track me, others to track Tarna, before it retreated back upwards to prepare its next attack. I glance at my ally, whose spear was sending lances of electricity up at the creature. "Big prey, I guess?"

Huntress only glanced over long enough to give him a smile, before dodging a small version of the creature that tried to drop on her. "You take the littles, I will crack the big open. Then we feast!"

I gave her a flat stare, before pulling out my shotgun, and getting to work as an exterminator. The next few minutes were a blur, shotgun blasts for the first few little crawlers, and then switching to the flamer for a big group of them. And Tarna danced and leap from one outcropping of rock to another, always aiming her spear up at the big one. She seemed competent and to know what she was doing, so I turned my attention back to the little ones dropping from above the big prey, when I wasn't avoiding it trying to stick me with its saliva or bite me.

Still, the blur of combat only lasted until one of little ones dropped directly onto my head, falling ever faster, meaning I was primarily using the flamer now, instead of the shotgun I had started with. But once that one landed on me, I slammed back to the now as I did the ground. A long scrape of claws across my back drew an involuntary grunt as my armor was breached, and was quickly joined by a swear as my rifle clattered free. A quick twist and I rolled on top of the one on my back, pinning it beneath me, and I flailed with the flamer before activating my pulse jets.

Instead of shoving me along the ground, as I expected, I boosted into the air. I ripped the creature off my back as I started down, drawing another line of pain across my back as it found another weak spot, and threw it under me. It crushed in a very satisfactory manner as I landed, and then jumped clear. Another pulse jump, and all the creatures on the ground were in front of me, and I had a flamer. As they turned and lunged, screeching for my blood, I simply gave them a big smile, and triggered the flamer.

Only for the big creature to fall on the little ones, crushing them under it, the electricity having finally built up enough damage to its muscles to cause it to lose control of them. The impact shattered its armor, and I was already firing the flamer. It was loud, smelly, and messy, and the creature's thrashing was only doing more damage to its carapace. It didn't take long to die under that punishment, and then I stopped roasting it.

Tarna was already gorging on the other side, almost bathing in the unroasted side of the creature. Even as I watched, Sprout ran in, attracted by the smell, and began feeding as well. It was… disturbing, watching them rip chunks of flesh free with their bare hands, and feast on the raw flesh of the creature. I watch for a moment, before shrugging and stepping to the side of the creature I had roasted. It wasn't cooked, more charred, but a bit of cutting with my knife got me to less charcoaled sections of the creature. A brief whiff, however, convinced me that feasting myself would not be a good idea, so I move to one side and let the two florans eat their fill.

It was oddly mesmerizing, if a bit horrifying, watching the two florans eat, especially since I could watch Sprout literally changing color as she ate the raw meat in front of me, going from a pale grey to a light bluish green. I learned a good bit about florans just from watching, though mostly that their 'lips' were actually their teeth. It made the idea of a certain adult film series industry vaguely disturbing, one that one of my squaddies had enjoyed called 'Busty Florian Seed Hunters.'

Luckily, I banished those thoughts quickly, before they could do more than slightly scar me, and not nearly as much as the film I had walked in on had done. A quick glance at the two florans showed their gorging was slowing significantly, apparently reaching the limit of what they could store, so I stepped carefully around the two to the side that they weren't eating, and wasn't charred. I pulled out the matter manipulator, and began harvesting the creature. If Sprout was going with me, she would need something to eat that wasn't me.

I finish harvesting most of the creature, and find Sprout has curled up in the small dent she had made in the creature, while Tarna was stretching like someone had just finished a very enjoyable experience. She gave me a very measure look, like weighing me against some standard, before shrugging and rolling her shoulders in a way that would have been distracting if not for the fresh blood and viscera on her face and chest. I repress a shudder, as I walk around her to shake Sprout awake, but other than earning a grumble and slow snap of her mouth at me, she didn't respond. I sigh, and pick her up, trying to ignore how she snuggled her gore covered chest and face into his armor.

Tarna just laughed, before sauntering toward the exit on the other side of the cavern, having ripped a horn from the head of the creature. The tunnel turned into stairs leading up, and after travelling for a few minutes, she spoke. "Well done, Acting Captain. You hunt well for a meatman, and even have a trophy to take with you."

I sigh, and respond. "She isn't a trophy, and my name is not Acting Captain. It is…"

I was cut off as Sprout abruptly let out a huge belch, making me silently gag at the smell of raw meat, ichor, and digestive juices that wafted up. Tarna simply laughed at the situation, before stepping out of the tunnel into a clearing. It was near twilight, so I had been down in the tunnels for hours, but not so long that true night had fallen. She smirked back at me as she stepped to the side. "Well, acting captain Belch Gag, I have my trophy, and you have yours, making you the first meatman to win a floran party. Your reward is on the table ahead. I would advise collecting it and leaving. Quickly."

I step out of the tunnel, mouth opening to ask why, and suddenly realize I am surrounded, absolutely, completely, and utterly surrounded, by a massive gathering of florans. There had to be hundreds, if not thousands, around me, and none of them were happy to see a meatman carrying a target of the hunt. Realizing the danger I was in, that they would swarm me the second the shock of me winning wore off, I simply nod to the Huntress, and walk to the table with all the swagger I can spare while not jostling Sprout.

Florans were carnivores, but a creature regarded as prey that didn't flee or show fear would cause confusion and hesitation, so I did my best to add to it without showing my fear. I got to the table, and opened one of the two chests, and found a rebreather tech inside, likely an improvement for mine. I quickly collected it, and sent a message to the ship, as several of the florans snapped out of their shock, and screamed in feral rage as I collected the prize.

Luckily, I and Sprout were already dematerializing as the more enraged members began rushing, so I just stuck my tongue out at them, even as I vanished.