How Many Times
Chapter 5
If the previous year had been about healing the following year was about change and growth. Olivia was learning how to be a mother, a sergeant and the leader of SVU. Her life had never been more complicated nor more fulfilling. The presence of Noah signaled another change for her and Rafael it was unspoken but they both knew that anything beyond friendship for them was once again put to the side. The priority was Noah and silently Rafael committed himself to making sure nothing got in the way of Olivia and Noah being a family.
There were so many threats along the way, after the case with Little Tino when Noah's life was put in danger. Noah's asthma and then then when he was in the hospital with the measles. It was evident to everyone he went after that mother because Noah was suffering but he didn't care.
The biggest challenge came that winter though when Olivia called him early Monday morning. His grandmother had been in the hospital and they hadn't talked in several days. He could hear in her voice something was wrong as soon as he answered the phone.
"You all right?" He asked her
"Something has come up and I need to talk to you, I know you are busy with your grandmother but do you have some time? I don't want to talk at work." She explained.
"I'm on way." He told her
"Nobody has to know, I meant it Liv, nobody ever." He assured her again after she told him about the DNA results.
"But is it the right thing, Barba, I want to do the right thing." She said fighting back the tears in his eyes.
"Listen to me Liv, the right thing is making sure Johnny D never gets anywhere near Noah and that you get to legally adopt him, whatever it takes to make that happen is the right thing." He did his best to assure her.
Of course she didn't listen to him, she was so damn stubborn in her commitment to openness. It had been a long time since he had been that angry with her but when she told him she had listed Johnny D as Noah's biological father he almost lost it. How could she be so foolish? They had never fought like that fought about that.
"You know I don't need your permission to make this deal Liv. I could have done it without ever talking to you about it. Ultimately, it's my decision but I am begging you to agree to it ." He tried again in her apartment later that day.
"No, it's wrong and you know it is Barba. I can't believe we are even having this conversation. " She yelled at him.
"Wrong for who? It's not wrong for Noah, it's too late for some of those girls Liv, but it's not too late for Noah. Are you really willing to risk losing him or forcing him to have contact with a psychopath for his entire childhood all because of your moral code? Olivia where is your priority?" He yelled back.
Olivia stared at him a mixture of hurt and anger rising up inside of her, "How dare you question my commitment to my son. I think it's time for you to go Rafael, know if you make this deal we are through I will request a new ADA."
"Liv, I'm sorry I didn't mean that, I just want to protect you and Noah both and you aren't letting me do that and I honestly think you are wrong." He said tears forming in his eyes. "Please let me help you."
Olivia took his hand her own tears falling, "Rafael, you are the best man I know and I know you want to help me and Noah but we both know we have to do this the right way. We have to have faith that it will work out. Please I need you with me on this."
Without thinking he closed the reaming space between them and wiped her tears away with his free hand and pulled her into a tight hug running his hand through her hair that has finally growing back out.
"I won't make the deal." He whispered kissing the top of her head. "We will get through this together." He pulled back from her to look and see if she was still crying and her brown eyes were staring back at him and he allowed himself to be drawn into them for the first time in a long time. The next thing he knew their lips were together and the emotions of the fight and the fear were now being poured out in a breathtaking kiss that neither of them could control.
They jumped apart when they heard keys in the door indicating Lucy and Noah were home from the park.
"I'm sorry Liv, I know that's not what you need right now." He whispered before they came in.
She shook her head and gave his hand a squeeze, "It was both of us Rafael, but no not right now."
Olivia turned to take Noah from Lucy and told the younger woman good night as Rafael began to gather his things.
"Are you leaving?" She asked not attempting to hide the disappointment in her voice.
He stepped back to her placed a hand on Noah's back, "I think I should, I need to finish my opening argument."
Olivia nodded her eyes still filled with emotion, "Are we all right?"
He pulled her and Noah into a hug, "We are fine, and we are all going to be fine." He assured her placing another kiss on her head before leaving.
BarsonBarsonBarson
"You did it Liv." Rafael said with a smile as he placed the last of the dishes in her sink after the other guest left the adoption party.
Olivia smiled back at him, "I could not have done it without you Rafael."
"I know how you can thank me." He said with a grin to which Olivia raised an eyebrow causing him to laugh out loud.
"Not like that Sargent." He teased. "It's almost Fourth of July." He reminded her.
"Rafael…" She started but he crossed the kitchen and stood in front of her not touching her but only a breath away his green eyes pleading with her, "Please Olivia, I want to spend the weekend with you and Noah, I want Noah to see the ocean, I want to see the wind in your hair as we sail, and to watch you barefoot in the sand."
"OK" was all she said with a slight tremble in her voice, knowing this time she could not run away.
July 3rd 2015
A week later they were pulling into the same driveway she had pulled into with Alex six years before this time with Noah in the back seat and more questions than answers between them. Olivia unbuckled Noah from his car seat while Rafael gathered the first of their bags.
"I think this is going to require more than one trip." He stated as he surveyed the contents of his trunk.
"Kids, require stuff Barba." She told him dryly.
"So, I'm learning." He said handing Noah his favorite blanket.
Nancy was every bit as gracious as Olivia remembered as she showed them back to the same set of rooms she and Alex had used before. Only this time Rafael would be in the adjoining room. After they settled in Rafael knocked on the bathroom door.
"Are you two ready for dinner?" He asked stopping in his tracks at the sight of Olivia in a sundress so much like the ones she had worn before.
"Hungry Raf" Noah offered up from where he was playing on the floor.
"Me too Amigo." He said as he picked up the toddler before walking over to Olivia, "In case I forget to say it later, thank you for coming."
Olivia smiled at him and ran her hand down his arm, "Let's go eat." She did not pull away when she felt his fingers wrap around hers. With Noah in one arm and Olivia's hand in his other hand they made their way to dinner, where Olivia was relieved to see a tent full of families where children were dancing and playing while the adults talked.
Rafael pulled Olivia closer, "See I told you there would be more kids."
Olivia rolled her eyes, "Are you going to gloat all night or make me a mojito?"
He handed Noah to her, placed a quick kiss on her cheek and headed off in the direction of the bar. After dinner Noah was running around playing with the other kids and Olivia was talking to some people when she felt his hands on her shoulders, she found herself leaning back into him, and she felt his breath against her ear.
"They are playing our song." He whispered as he took her hand and led her to the dance floor. Olivia smiled at him as she heard the music start wondering if he had asked them to play it.
So long
I've been looking too hard, I've waiting too long
Sometimes I don't know what I will find
I only know it's a matter of time
When you love someone
When you love someone
It feels so right, so warm and true
I need to know if you feel it too
Maybe I'm wrong
Won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong
This heart of mine has been hurt before
This time I want be sure
He held her close as they danced until she finally pulled back to look at him, "What are we doing Rafael?" She asked softly not moving from his arms.
"Tonight we are dancing, tomorrow we are sailing, and playing on the beach Noah, then watching fireworks." He answered.
"Raf,"She pressed for another answer.
"Are we doing anything you don't want to Olivia? Am I pressuring you? If I am I will stop, but if not then for once I don't want to pretend that there is nothing else between us. How many times do we get this opportunity? "
She answered him by brushing her lips against his, "No pretending."
An hour later he was tapping gently on her bedroom door having changed into a pair of comfortable shorts and a Harvard t shirt.
"Come in" he heard Olivia whisper and he came in quietly shutting the door behind him and stopping when he saw her. She was laying on the bed with Noah curled up asleep next to her wearing only an oversized NYPD t shirt, and a pair of boy short panties.
"God, you are beautiful." He spat out before he realized what he was saying, causing her to blush before he sat down gently on the edge of the bed.
"He had a hard time going to sleep, I think he was a little overstimulated." She said as she ran her fingers through the sleeping child's hair.
"I should let you both get some sleep." He told her before giving her a chaste kiss, "I will see you in the morning." He stood to leave and was about half way to the door when he heard her say his name.
"Raf," She said hesitantly.
"Yes?" He answered
"You could stay with us." She almost whispered.
Rafael swallowed hard knowing they were walking right up to a line they could not cross without changing everything, but there was no way he was turning down her offer. He walked back the bed and settled himself on the other side of Noah, reaching across and taking her hand. They laid there for hours whispering into the dark until they both fell asleep with Noah between them.
TBC
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