I am smiling checking my account. Several of my poems have been purchased. Kyle is the perfect muse. We have been keeping in touch really well, making me fall even deeper in love with him. He talks to me like we are in a relationship. It's weird but I welcome it at the same time.
I am getting ready to head over to Ike and Craig's place. They said I need to be there. I am sure Kyle must be coming in town or something other. Kyle hasn't mentioned anything about coming back but I hope so. I haven't seen him in person in 3 months. I kind of miss him. I do one more check in the mirror before heading out the door. The drive is faster than I thought. I spot Kyle's driver car and I start grinning. He tried to surprise me but that didn't go over very well. I ring the doorbell and Ike opens the door.
"Stan you look good,"
"Thanks," I reply stepping inside and taking off my coat. "Where is everyone?"
"In the living room as usual. I will have dinner finished shortly." I smile because I love Ike's cooking. I don't know how he finds the time to cook on top of his job. I head into the living eager to see Kyle. My face drops when I see Catherine is with him.
"Hi Stan!" she exclaims. I can see Craig giving me a sympathetic face.
"I am doing great," I reply sitting down next to Craig. "I just recently sold a lot of my poems."
"That's great," smiled Catherine. "It's so cold here."
"I keep telling her this is nothing," laughed Kyle. "It's only going to get colder."
"Makes me glad we will only be here during the end of the summer and fall,"
"Don't say that," said Kyle. "The snow here is actually beautiful. Especially with the mountains in the background, picture perfect."
"Seeing an actual picture for me dear is good enough," she said touching his knee. I notice the sparkly diamond ring she has. That thing is blinding and it's not even in natural lighting.
"Craig, do you guys have wine for this evening? I ask trying to sound polite.
"God yes," said Craig. "I need a glass myself." I follow Craig to the kitchen. I see him pull a bottle out the fridge and he looks over into his living room. "I can't believe that bitch is even here."
"She is his fiancée," I said although it takes a lot out of me to admit.
"We didn't even know she was coming," whispered Craig. "She didn't even want to stay with us. She has Kyle and her up in some expensive ass hotel. I swear this girl is stuck up." I can smell the dinner Ike has going which smells pretty damn good.
"It is what it is," I said pouring me a glass. I quickly down it, pouring another. We head back to the living room as Ike returns to the kitchen.
"Catherine," said Ike. "I hear that you want to get married in Paris."
"Yes!" she exclaimed. "I mean Paris is the city of love. I can picture the wedding so clearly in my mind."
"What is the date again?" asked Craig nursing his wine.
"We were going to go for next year in May but I am thinking of changing it to January, maybe New Year's Eve. New year, new life, tell me that is such a great concept."
"Isn't that in the middle of the season?" I asked.
"Yes, it is but I think Kyle and I can make it happen. I think he can squeeze it in but we would have no room for error. That is why I have the best wedding planner on this." I can't even bare to look at Kyle right now. Catherine's mouth is going a mile a minute but Kyle hasn't really said anything to me.
The wine runs through me as it always does and I head to the bathroom in the hall. I head into the bathroom relieving myself deciding it is best to let Kyle go. He has his own life and is not going to give up for stupid old me. He is a NBA player, straight NBA player with his life ahead of him. I wash my hands thinking of Kyle. I open the door and I am not surprised to see him standing there.
"It's all yours dude," I tell him trying to walk back to the living room. Kyle pushes me into the bathroom. He closes the door locking it. No sooner than I heard the click he is shoving his tongue down my throat. I moan before pulling back. "Kyle your fiancée is out there."
"I miss you so much," he said ignoring what I said before kissing me again. Kyle wraps his arms around me trapping me to his body. I can feel him growing hard.
"Kyle," I moan trying to get him to stop.
"I need to feel you," he whispered into my ear. "Leave your front door unlocked tonight. I am going to come and see you." Kyle starts kissing me again with some much passion I feel the fight leaving my body. He stops kissing me. "Get yourself together. You need to leave out first." I can't even wrap my mind around what is happening. All I can do is nod. I watch as Kyle pees feeling a little more turned on than I should have. I look into the mirror quickly and I can see my face doesn't look as flustered. I head out into the hall.
I go to the kitchen to refill my wine glass. I am going to need this to make it through dinner. I sit down at the table since I see Ike pulling his baked Turkey out the oven. It's not thanksgiving but I am still happy to have it.
"You all can come sit at the table," instructed Ike. "The food is ready."
"Smells excellent," said Catherine standing up. "Let me go wash my hands really quick. Where is the restroom?"
"Go down the hall towards the front door and to the left," explained Ike. I noticed Craig doesn't say much to her. Soon as she leaves Craig takes his seat at the table.
"She is delusional," he stated. "There is no way Kyle can do that damn wedding and play. There is not enough time."
"I second that," said Ike. "My brother is a grown man. He would let her know that too if he is smart. I get the feeling he doesn't like to tell her no often."
"Needs to grow a pair of balls," muttered Craig. I couldn't help but chuckle. I watch as Ike sits the turkey on the table with certain sections already sliced. He adds the sides of green beans, whole wheat rolls, and mashed sweet potatoes. I never had mashed sweet potatoes but it smells and looks good.
"Ike this looks incredible," I compliment.
"Thank you. Now if only I can get Craig to cook." Craig rolls his eyes. I hear giggling as we spot Kyle and Catherine coming back into the room. I do not miss the flush on both of their cheeks. I fix myself another class of wine. I can see Craig looking at me, giving me the slow down face. Fuck you Craig, this wine is the only thing keeping me going.
I sit back down in my seat getting comfortable. I feel kind of left out sitting here with the other couples. We start to get out food and get settled back into our seats.
"How do you think you guys are going to do this season?" asked Ike before eating a bite of green beans.
"I am pretty sure we will be making the playoffs this year. I am super excited."
"I think they will too," chimed in Catherine. "I mean imagine all the endorsements you will be getting."
"I really don't care about that. I just really want to play. It would be nice to win overall."
"Sure, sure," said Catherine grabbing her wine. "We are planning to go to Fiji for our honeymoon. Have any of you ever been?"
"Nope," I replied.
"On my bucket list," replied Ike. "As you can imagine I don't have much time for vacation."
"Of course you do," giggled Catherine. "You are your own man, your own business. If need be your clients can wait until you return." I am starting to see what Craig is talking about. Is Kyle really going to marry this woman?
The rest of dinner is uneventful. Catherine seems to mostly be bragging about her life together with Kyle. It almost feels like she is more in love with what he can do for her than actually him. I don't see how he can't see this. I announce my departure as I head towards the door. I put on my coat as Craig stands behind me.
"You are so lucky you get to leave," he snorted. "I have to stay here and listen to some more of Cat's amazing stories." I chuckle.
"Yes I am so jealous of you," I joke. "I will see you later okay."
"Yeah, yeah," said Craig opening the door. "Text me okay?" I assure him I will text him. I walk pass Kyle's driver wondering how much he gets paid. Poor guy is just sitting out here in the cold. I get into my car heading home trying to decide if I am going to listen to Kyle and leave my door unlocked tonight. Of course I am going to do it because I miss him too. I miss him a lot more than I would ever admit.
I get home and don't need to shower since I did earlier that day. I go to figure out what sleeping clothes I want to put on that Kyle would find cute. Does it even matter? I am sure they won't be staying on long. I know the temperatures are going to drop so I put on some flannel bottoms and thick cotton tee. I get comfy on my bed and turn on the TV. I am not sure when Kyle will arrive. I sit there wondering if I should write. I have been bouncing around with this idea to write an actually book. I am nervous because writing a book is different from writing poems.
I write a few poems before I ended up getting sleepy. I put my work aside and check the time. It is now almost 1am. I sigh starting to wonder if he is even coming. I get snuggled under my covers trying to will myself not to cry. I finally fall asleep. I have a dream that Catherine and I are fighting over Kyle. He just stands there not saying anything. Even with it being a dream it makes me angry that he doesn't do anything.
I open my eyes and look around my somewhat dark room. I left the TV on for lighting. I don't see Kyle and this time I cannot hide my disappointment. I go to use the bathroom and come back to my room my heart filled with sadness. I am getting under the covers when Kyle walks into the room.
"Hey," he said as if he never went to sleep. I can tell he is tired.
"Dude, I thought you weren't coming anymore," I said trying to keep my emotions in check. Kyle removes his coat and shoes before walking closer to the bed.
"It took a while for Catherine to go to sleep," Kyle sits on the beat opposite me and I can smell Cat's perfume coming off of him making me feel disgusted.
"You need to take a shower," I tell him.
"What? Why?" he asked.
"You reek of Catherine and I don't want her smell in my bed," I growled at him.
"She will know that I showered. It will seem suspect," said Kyle.
I laugh at him because he sounds stupid right now. "So what were you coming over for Kyle? Did you not plan to fuck me? You know if you did you would have had to take a shower anyway."
"I know this is all confusing for you and everything but no need to be nasty to me."
"Kyle I am honestly not trying to fight with you. I am just telling you what it is. I know for sure you are not sleeping in my fucking bed smelling like her." I run my hands through my hair feeling more tired by the minute.
"Fine. I guess it is the least I can do." I watch as Kyle removes his clothes. He walks over and kisses me. "Can you at least join me?" I tingle at this thought. I remove my clothes and follow Kyle to the bathroom. I turn on only the light above the shower so that we can least see each other a little bit.
The water us warm in inviting. I feel the stress leaving my body as Kyle stands over washing me. Doesn't take long before he is kissing me and telling me how much he loves me. I believe him but I don't understand why he is with Catherine. I don't want to bring that up right now. I want to actually just live in the moment. We towel off and climb into bed. Kyle waste no time grabbing the lube.
"You have no idea how much I missed you," he whispered into my ear before licking it. I turn my head still not wanting to give in to my urges yet. He starts sucking my neck as his hand slides lower. I let out a sigh of relief as he grabs me and starts moving his hand slowly. Kyle groans making me grab onto him. He started sucking on my neck as he releases me and takes his hand where I want it.
I moan as his finger slides inside of me. My eyes roll back into my head. It doesn't take long for him to find my spot. This time around Kyle seems more experienced than before. I am gripping the sheets trying to hold on but I can't. I start moaning louder as I release myself on my stomach.
Kyle doesn't give me time to catch my breath as he quickly thrust into me sending pleasure and shock my way that I express vocally. "Yes," he moans. "This just what I needed Stan." I am not sure what he means by that. I hope he is not just using me for sex. I don't want to chance it; I have to end this. Kyle starts grunting and I can tell he is getting closer. Kyle sits up on the bed pulling me into his lap never once did we separate. I moan from the movement.
"Fuck," I say as he continues to murder my spot. It's already sensitive but he continues to hit it dead on. I am in the middle of tossing my head back when Kyle grabs the back of my head forcing me to kiss him. I am moaning into the kiss. I am looking into in his eyes as I can see the TV light bouncing off of them.
"Stan shit," he says before kissing me again. I can feel him coming inside of me as I continue to grind my hips on him. I am out of breath by time I stop. I get off of Kyle and go to get myself cleaned up. I feel like a wimp as I feel the tears sliding down my face. I grab a robe to cover my body since it is cold in here.
"Kyle, I need you to leave,"
"Really? I mean I was going to lay with you for a while," he explained.
"Dude I can't do this anymore," I said looking down. "I mean you say you love me but this isn't love. If you loved me, you wouldn't be doing this." I can feel his eye's burning into me.
"I didn't mean for this to happen. I just need a little more time. I am so close to getting to the goal I have been aiming for since I was 15."
"Does that goal include marrying Catherine? I don't see you trying to put a stop to this wedding bullshit." Kyle is climbing out of the bed and walking over closer to me where his clothes are.
"I do love Catherine," he said.
"Get out," I tell him not wanting to hear anymore.
"Stan,"
"Get the fuck out!" I yelled shaking now from anger. I watch Kyle grab his stuff and disappear from the room. I allow more tears to fall before I head downstairs and lock the door behind him. I head back upstairs and look at clock on the nightstand. It is now a little after 6am. I sigh as I climb back into bed. I don't have the energy or the will to shower at the moment. I would do it later. I close my eyes wishing I could take everything back that Kyle and I did. I almost wish we could have just stay estranged. I would rather have all of him then none of him.