10. Slaying Entails Certain Sacrifices

There were about seven of them, both the short squat things that were called genlocks apparently and the taller (uglier in her opinion though neither species could be called ugly at their best) brutes that Alistair said were hurlocks. The battle went better than she thought for her first time fighting alongside people who actually knew what they were doing. She only wished that she could have been more of a help but it was difficult to manage much offensive magic when it was all she could do to keep shields up.

Still, by the time Medb dropped the last genlock with a carefully placed arrow to the eye, Tasha was panting and dripping with sweat from her effort despite the cool temperatures.

"Everyone good?" Alistair asked.

"I haven't had this much fun since I thought I was going to be hung for picking Duncan's pocket," Daveth quipped, wiping off his mismatched daggers on one of the nearby plants. Ten he knelt at one of the slain darkspawn.

"What in Andraste's flaming knickers are you doing?" Tasha asked, horrified, as he started filling up a small vial, careful not get any darkspawn blood on his hands.

"You really weren't paying attention, were you?" Jory asked her.

"I wouldn't have asked if I had been. I told you, there were magey things I was thinking about," she snapped back. Her magic washed over them for a moment, cooling after the fight. The hairs on the back of Alistair's neck lifted as his Templar training responded.

"We're supposed to be bringing in darkspawn blood." Finally, she got an answer. She twisted to look at Medb, who already had hers and was studying the vial with a bored expression. Hate bubbled up past whatever she had going on, though.

"So that's what the vial is for."

Four sets of eyes stared at her. "You're not going to ask what the blood is for?" Alistair asked, golden eyebrows pinching together.

Tasha shrugged. "It's for the Joining. The only thing I can't figure out is exactly what we're doing with the blood."

"How did you-"

"I'd like to imagine I'm an expert in secret rituals," she answered the Warden's question before he finished asking it.

"What do you mean?" Jory asked hesitantly though from the fear suddenly pulsing through him he was expecting a horrible answer, one that probably had to do with blood magic and/or sacrifices.

Instead, all he got was "I'm not allowed to talk about it and since I'm using unauthorized magic anyway, I'd like to attempt to keep one rule unbroken. Besides, Alistair already knows what I'm talking about."

Jory turned expectantly to the Warden, who coughed nervously under the attention. "I was being trained as a Templar before Duncan recruited me. If she's passed the Harrowing, which she probably has since she's outside, then she does understand secret rituals and that they often come with a price."

"I've passed my Harrowing, in case you were wondering," she said, eyeing Jory. "You can even ask Duncan if you don't believe me."

"Can we move on? I'm anxious to be done with the mission." Medb suddenly spoke up, pinning Alistair with her sharp, green gaze. Jory began to fill up his vial.

Tasha hesitated, eyes narrowed as she studied the other recruits. They were collecting darkspawn blood and she could only assume it was for the Joining, as confirmed by Alistair though he hadn't come right out and said it. So there was something to do with the darkspawn blood that made the Wardens what they were, which was in part renowned darkspawn killers. Her eyes flicked to Alistair and her eyebrows pinched together. There was a relationship there, between the darkspawn and the Wardens. Now that she had a chance to think about it, and having actually encountered darkspawn now, they felt remarkably similar to the Warden shield.

"Aren't you going to fill up your vial?" Medb asked, breaking her concentration.

The muscles of her jaw tightened. "No."

"But Duncan said-"

Tasha glared at Jory. "Look, I get that I'm a mage and because of that, any contribution I make on the battlefield, even if it isn't offensive is helpful. But I need to kill a darkspawn, prove I can do it and that I'm worthy to be a Warden. So the blood I collect in my vial will be from one I kill myself. I won't let everyone else kill darkspawn while all I do is toss defensive spells around. That's not being a Warden."

"A Warden does whatever is necessary to defeat the Blight," Alistair said quietly. She could feel his eyes on her before she turned around to meet his warm gaze.

"A Warden sacrifices everything, risks their lives killing darkspawn and protecting everyone else so they don't have to," she replied, voice equally soft. "I won't let others make that sacrifice when I could do it. Besides, I have to prove myself doubly more than you. You don't have everyone's prejudice against magic hanging over your head. I cannot sit on the sidelines. I will not." For just a moment, even though she couldn't exactly feel the emotion, she could see the flicker of respect and pride in Alistair's eyes. For some reason, that made her feel warm all over.

"All right, let's move on then," Alistair said, turning away from the mage but not before she read slight hesitation on the Warden's face. She hopped forward so that she was beside him.

"I have some questions for you. About Wardens, I mean."

He glanced over at her. "Oh, are you sure you're paying attention?" he asked, though the teasing glint in his eyes was obvious. "I'd hate to have you go to Duncan and make me look bad for not answering questions."

Without thinking, she giggled and playfully nudged his armoured arm with an elbow. It was only when he glanced down in surprise at the sparks that skittered over the metal from the contact that she grimaced. "Sorry, I forgot that you all don't know." She took his shrug, despite the wide eyes, as acceptance of the apology. "No, it's about the Grey Wardens' connection to darkspawn."

Alistair stumbled and nearly fell. Even through the barrier, his emotions were loud and clear. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?" At the question in his eyes, Tasha suddenly felt self-conscious.

"Am I not supposed to know before the Joining or something?" she asked timidly, nervous that she'd be dumped back in the Circle because she'd proven too difficult.

"I don't actually know. I mean, I'm not allowed to really talk about it but if you already know…" he trailed off, looking troubled.

"I don't," she rushed to reassure him, not entirely sure why she felt compelled to do so. "But I'm not dumb and I've spent a lifetime learning to piece meaning behind action and make connections." She blinked up at him, eyes wide and sincere, and for once, her emotions were easy to ready on her face. Alistair swallowed audibly, mouth suddenly dry. "I'm sorry if I'm causing trouble for you."

"You're not. It's just that I wasn't expecting such a beautiful woman to be that clever. I mean, not that beautiful women can't be clever," he hastily amended at her raised eyebrow but even though his head was screaming for him to stop, he just kept talking. "But you were raised in the Tower and it's not like you would have had experiences like that. I mean-Maker's breath, I'm just going to stop." Even in the misty half-light of the Wilds, she could see his ears turn pink.

Tasha couldn't restrain her giggle. "Are you sure you don't want to keep digging your pit? Because it's kind of adorable."

He looked up at her just as she grinned, the expression dimming at the rush of warmth that seemed to melt the shield around his emotions. "What?" he asked, brow pinching together in concern. The barrier reformed.

Suddenly uncomfortable, she started babbling, trying to distance herself. "So there's a connection between Grey Wardens and darkspawn. The Joining makes us Wardens and darkspawn blood has something to do with it. Plus there's the whole shield thing and both yours and Duncan's feel like darkspawn but you're obviously not one unless you're really good at faking being human. And you can sense them. Obvious connection. The only thing I can't figure out is what's wrong with Medb. Well, other than the Joining puzzle. But she's obviously sick and she feels like you two do but she feels," Tasha hesitated, reaching along her magic to where it was bound to Medb, "less tamed, more volatile. But she isn't a Warden yet so I don't get it."

She would have continued on had Alistair's body not tensed and a faint, nauseating tickle just at the back of her mind not eased into being. With wide eyes, she looked at Alistair, who met her eyes with a slight frown. He answered her wordless question with a single word, spoken loud enough for everyone to hear: "Darkspawn."

AN: I AM SO SORRY YOU GUYS. I WENT TO UPLOAD THE NEXT CHAPTER AND REALIZED I HAD SKIPPED THIS ONE. Which wouldn't have been a major issue in hindsight, but the chapter I was going to upload, which was confusing both myself and my beta reader because the numbering was weird.
Anyway, I am also so sorry that it's been so long between chapters.

If y'all get the reference from the chapter title, I will love you forever. Also, any mistakes or gross ways of saying things are straight up 100% mine because this chapter was not beta read and I wanted to fix this problem as quickly as possible.