Erza
What happened earlier was just...very,very, very, very embarrassing!
I was too loyal to Gray, that I thought of being touched by bluey last night and almost killed him - in front of my family. I just don't know how I'll show him that I'm so sorry because I still feel embarrassed that I just wanna be eaten by the ground. If only I didn't let my doubts take over me and listen to the lobbyist girl earlier. And, if only I knew he even saved me from being raped by a group of guys.
So, so, so, embarrassing!
"Kyaa!" I screamed as those that memory keeps flashing inside my head, while I covered my face with a pillow. Why can't the mattress of my bed just eat me, so I wouldn't remember a single thing of what happened.
Jellal
"Jellal, I'm really sorry about Erza." Ultear said apologetically who was busy flipping the book pages.
"Oh, no, it's okay. I do understand." I said. Erza Scarlet should be thankful that she's beautiful, or else I wouldn't waste my patience understanding her situation. But, I just can't help it. I just can't bear seeing a beautiful girl crying, whose beautiful smile are being covered by sorrow and pain.
"I never thought she would be that scary and brutal." She chuckled softly. I suddenly remembered her pulling out a pipe from her breasts. Whose normal person would do such thing? It's like she is a secret agent who hides a weapon underneath its clothes in case of an enemy, so a weapon is present to fight back. I could just laugh softly as I remember how she looks like the time she batted a deathly glare on me and pulled off the pipe from her breasts. Plus, the way she looked cute when she realized she was the one who's completely wrong at all. I wonder what's been playing in her mind and conscience at this moment. I don't think a simple sorry could easily make her forget that moment when she realized she completely fucked up. "Yeah, is she even a girl? And why on earth does she have a pipe on her chest?" I asked.
Ultear also laughed and said, "I seriously have no idea. Actually, this is the first time we saw her like that - so scary. We used to know her as a sweet, nice and naive, but it turned out that her true color is actually like that. It's the reason why mom easily liked her for Gray. But, maybe Gray just managed to change her real attitude before. I don't know, or maybe she's just really depressed, that's why". Depression. I really hate it when people become depressed. Then, I was kind of surprised when she added, "But, you know, Jelly, you're still worst than her."
I was stopped from what she said.
But she is right. My depression a year ago was worse than the kind of depression Erza Scarlet is going through for losing her husband. She just lost her husband due to an accident which is superbly unexpected. Me, I experienced depression twice. My first depression is when I was eleven or twelve. I think it wasn't just a child depression, but most probably it was a trauma I'm still carrying until now. "Well," I shrugged, "there are really people who'll enter your life, and will leave you without any warning. Death is just inevitable, unexpected." Then, I suddenly thought there's something wrong from what I said. "Oh, for Erza. Death was like that. But for me, the death of those two important people in my life was because of my hands."
"But you're strong, compared to Erza. Erza's been depressed for almost two years. And you, you managed to cope with your loss in just a few months, but your depression is still worst than her. I still remember those times that I couldn't leave you alone because you wanted to kill yourself. Those times when I have to throw every poisonous substance in your house even your shampoo. I threw every sharp even your razor. Kagura and Milliana couldn't also leave you alone that they have to give you a shot of tranquilizer whenever you're losing yourself."
"I know, I know, but I'm okay right now. I'm completely fine." I just said, but the truth is I was never okay. Not because I'm no longer attempting to kill myself or cry out loud in front of other people, that doesn't conclude that I'm okay. Sometimes you just have to hide the pain and sadness.
"It's been one and a half year, Jellal..."
I didn't respond from what she said, instead I just remained silent and pretended to be doing something with the book. Those happy memories, and as the same time the painful memories suddenly came back in my mind and the happiness and pain in my heart. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." She said when she probably sensed that she had hit me from what she said. "It's okay." I said. "Everything was my fault. Let me cope with my loss and conscience by myself." I added. Though I am looking at the laptop screen, I could see a bit of her gazing at me sympathetically. "Quit looking at me like that. Yes, you're right. It's been one and half year. I'm trying to fix my life after many years I have lived in the darkness." I told her. A pause occurred between us after.
I heard her sigh and said, "Just stay strong, Jellal. You know not all the time I or the guys could be there for you. The best advice I could just give you right now. Don't let yourself be completely pulled down by the past. Stop the past that's been trapping you in the chamber of pain and sorrow." She advised. "Besides...Wendy and Siegrain wouldn't be happy if they see you living in the darkness because of them – punishing yourself. Of course, they still want the best for you. Everything is not your fault. It's just that everything happens for a reason."
I scoffed at her, "Thanks for the advice, then. But please, stop with the line 'everything happens for a reason' cause that line is a bullshit. I just...hate it, really. I do appreciate your concern, but let's not talk about my life now that we're trying to do a school work." I saw her shrugged and went back to her book instead.
Erza
"Hey, honey." I heard Gray's voice, waking me up from my nap.
"Hmm?" I mumbled.
The moment I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was his charming face and beautiful smile. Waking up from sleep and the first thing I'll see is him, I miss it. "Hey, honey."
"Still embarrassed?" He asked with a soft laugh.
Argh! Even my figment of imagination is reminding me of what happened earlier.
I felt his cold hand stroking my cheek. "My wifey is so silly."
"All right, enough."
"Erza…don't worry. I miss you too. I wish I was the one who kissed you, made out with you and slept with you last night."
"Me, too." Then, I realized I was crying again. Tears are streaming down to my cheeks again. Damn, I'm crying again. I could have a water station of my own already. It's so hard. Hard to not be sad or at least pretend to be happy. I can't. No matter how scary, brutal or brave I am, I'm so weak in the inside. Emotional pain is the hardest pain to escape from.
"Gray, why did you leave me?" I asked him, sobbing. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts? Do you want seeing me crying every day?"
He just gazed at my ocean of tears. He's not real, I know it. He's just a figment of my imagination. But still, I could feel his thumb wiping my tears away. "I can't stop you from crying, unless, I get out of your life." He says.
"Gray…" I sniffed. "How can I get you out of my life? You're my husband. You're half of my life. How do you expect me to easily erase you from my life? Why did you leave me?"
"I don't know. I didn't want to leave you. It just happened that I had to for a purpose. I think the best thing you could just do is not to build walls around you. You're not alone…"
I know he's not real, but why is my figment of imagination like this. My mind is like ordering me to get Gray out of my mind and heart completely just as getting him out of my whole life. I don't want to forget. We were happy. Everything was perfectly perfect before. If he was given to me, why would they take him back away from me? It's so unfair!
"I love you so much…" Then, I continued to sob with my face buried on the pillow.
3rd Person
Meanwhile, outside the bedroom, six people had been secretly watching Erza on her bedroom. Erza being depressed for almost two years has to come to an end already. They all missed Gray, but they've already accepted the fact he's in a better place already, but Erza is an exception. Erza's pain must come to an end. They all want to find a potion where they'll be able to wake up the redhead to the reality towards to acceptance.
"She's been depressed for almost one and a half year." Lyon who's peeking at Erza inside the bedroom said. The blonde haired girl could just lean on the wall, thinking that her and Erza's usual hobby is useless to help her in coping with its husband's death. "A shopping therapy won't work on her. Whenever she'll see those places in the mall where she and Gray used to build good memories, she'll just start crying." She sighed hopelessly.
"She's talking to herself again or probably talking to an invisible Gray.", says Meredy.
"A swimming or fencing therapy won't work on her too." Juvia added.
"And a strawberry cake therapy won't work on her either." Ultear sighed and just closed the bedroom door silently without Erza finding out they've been eavesdropping at her behavior.
"What can we do to bring back her normal life without Gray?" Natsu who just leaned on the wall beside his girlfriend asked. They all paused for a moment to think of the very best possible way of Erza's recovery. They all know they've already done everything they could to help their redheaded friend in coping with its loss. But what is the best way of making the redhead walk into the path towards to acceptance?
Ultear suddenly snapped, "Well, I think the best way to help her is to give her space."
Lyon retorted with a scoff, "Don't you think locking herself inside her room and talking to an invisible Gray is already space?"
Ultear scratched her head before explaining her point. "No, I mean, she needs to be alone for a long time. She needs to keep a distance from us for a while. Look... whenever she's in those places where Gray and her used to be, she'll just broke down as she remembers those times with Gray. Whenever she's with us, she'll always say that 'I wish Gray is here with us'. The aura of Gray's death is everywhere around her. She needs to spend her time alone somewhere, far away, where there's no sad aura of Gray's death. She needs to learn to live her life without Gray. A place where there isn't something that will remind her of Gray or something that has something to do with Gray. I think the best example is going to those places Gray has never been before. Or doing those things she has never done before with Gray.", the dark haired girl explained.
"Are you crazy? Look she's all alone. What if she just suddenly realized herself that she can't really, really can't live without Gray and she just suddenly felt the urge to commit suicide. And we're not there to stop her from doing so. Hello, sis? Remember, when she almost drowned herself in the bathtub?" Lyon said sarcastically. Ultear wanted to spank his brother already for being so sarcastic when she is just trying to help their sister-in-law. But good thing for the snow-haired boy, she chose not to.
"I thought of that. Leave it to me." Ultear formed a curve on her lips. "Remember our rest house in the south? Gray has never been there, nor you. Because in that place, aside from it has a hot climate all the time, there are farms, mountains and beaches where Gray couldn't ice skate that's why he doesn't want to go to that place."
"How far is it?" Natsu asked.
"I think it's going to take 7-8 hours to get there with a car. Don't worry because I'll still be able to take care of Erza once she is there already. I can entrust her to the caretaker of the rest house." She answered. "…and to Jellal." She added in her mind. They all just nodded, agreeing to her plan.
Jellal lazily took off his shoes, dropped his things on the couch, and lay on his bed. Another day has gone by again. As usual, he'll fall asleep tonight and wake up to see next sun again. It wasn't new to him. He's tired of his lifestyle already. Until now, he's still doing his best to strive for a change in his life. He wanted his life to completely change – so he could completely let go of the dark past he had.
As Jellal, lays on his bed, he spotted his daughter Wendy beside him. He stroked its long navy-blue hair. "Hey, Wendy." He whispered. But it turned out that the little girl ws still awake.
"Hey, daddy." She smiled at him. She was just faking it.
"Still awake? Didn't I told you to sleep already by eight?"
"I was waiting for you to come home, daddy." She said in her sweet voice. "You know I couldn't sleep without you."
Jellal cupped his daughter's cheek, and pinched it. "Okay, we'll go to sleep, sweetie." He pulled the comforter towards to their bodies before going to sleep.
"Did you find her, daddy?" The little girl asked.
"Who?"
"The lovely red-haired girl. Your knight-in-shining armor."
Jellal let out a soft chuckle. "Why do you always ask that question every night?"
"Because you promised me you'll find her, so she can be my mommy."
"I haven't. Do you think I'll still find her? My soulmate? Your future mommy?"
"Yes. Because I believe in what you told me about the red string of fate. I still believe in that, daddy."
"Well...in case I find her, you can no longer be with her."
"I can't, but you can. Because she's the angel that was meant for you, to save you from the darkness. Your knight-in-shining armor."
Jellal curled sideward and wrapped his arms around her daughter. "Let's just go to sleep. I'm tired." Jellal wasn't literally tired because he did some schoolworks, but because he's tired from trying to do everything to escape from the darkness he lived in.
"I love you, daddy."
"Me, too." Then, a tear fell from his eye. Until, he realized it was just him who was talking and laying on the bed.
A\N: Finally after decades, an update! :D jerza upcoming in the next chapter ;)
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