Days went by and Mac still wasn't speaking to Harm on any
personal terms. Everything was all about the case at hand.
Harm didn't know quite what to do. He really liked Mac.
loved her even, but how could he do anything about it when
she wouldn't even talk to him? When he'd already ruined any
chance he had with her? They'd been waiting for years and he'd
blown it for them both. But could he relly just blame himself?
He'd asked for more time...she should have given it to her,
shouldn't she?To think that she would give up so easily on them.
To think that she could forget so quickly.
Harm was angrier then he'd ever been before. Mac was shutting
him out. Him. Harmon Rabb. Her partner and confidant...and he
was powerless to stop it. He'd never been so hurt in his life. No,
that's not true. When Diane died he was devestated, he had to
admit. But that was different. Loseing Diane hurt, and if he was
honest, it still hurt. When he was with Mac he didn't think about
it. He could just be happy. Diane had been special to him, and
he'd loved her but he'd loved no one like Mac.
Suddenly it occured to him why he couldn't be with Mac before now.
He couldn't believe that he hadn't thought about it before. It all had
to do with Diane. How could he have been so...blind. To let a...a.
ghost be in the way of finding true happiness was ludicress. But, at
the same tie it wasn't.
Did he really think that being with Mac would somehow cheapen what
he had had with Diane? He had told her he'd love her forever and here
he was loving Mac. But not olny did he love Mac, but he loved her more
then he ever imagined he could love another human being. What he had
felt for Diane pales in comparison to how he feels for Mac and he felt
terrible about that. Had it really been the main reason why he'd been
steering clear of a relationship between them for all these years? He
felt like he would be hurting Diane some how. But really, it was her memory
that had been hurting him. Yes, he had loved Diane, and he still does,
but she's gone. If he always spends his life in fear of the judgement of
loving someone else then he'd never be happy.
He had to let go. He would let go. He needed to do it for himself, but
most of all, for Mac. Hedidn't want to...no, he refused to, go on hurting her.
She waited long enough for him, he got that now. If he had to wait until
the day he died for Mac to forgive him, to love him openly, he would. But,
if he could maybe...speed up the process.
Mac was who he wanted...and Mac was who he intended to get.
A/N I hope you liked it...the next one will be up soon. It wasn't really the direction I was intending to go...but it's a better one.