So, I'm about 2 years late. Err, sorry? Pesky real life.
I have no idea if anyone is even still interested in this fic (Ten's era was quite a bit ago) but if you happen to stumble upon it, enjoy! And review?
PSA: if anyone has been following this from the beginning (I salute you) you'll notice that I deleted the 'Interlude' and just combined it with this new chapter. So if the first couple paragraphs sound familiar, blame my OCD.
Without further ado...
"Wibbly-Wobbly Water Balloons" (Part 2)
Captain Jack Harkness strode down a (surprisingly) sparse sidewalk somewhere in London, shaking his head in annoyance. What am I even doing here? He asked himself.
He knew the answer, of course. He was here because of a mysterious voicemail left to his phone—mysterious because the phone had not rung beforehand. Jack had just been driving up to the Hub, having spent an all-nighter chasing down a very familiar blowfish in a convertible (according to Gwen, this was a regular occurrence). He had picked up his phone to look at the time (9 in the morning), and lo and behold, one new voicemail. Jack sighed as he replayed it in his head.
"Greetings, Earthling! No, wait; hang on. Way too cliché. Ehm, right. Anyways, Jack! Captain Jack Harkness, the 23rd of May, I believe. 2008? Yes? Yes, okay, there's been an…attack! Yes, an attack. Love an attack. Big, alien-y, Torchwood-y sighting that absolutely requires your personal attention. Damsels in distress, cats stuck in trees, SOS, GTG, TTYL—look, point is, you need to be in London around…noonish. Don't worry about anything else, just follow the gigantic doomsday column of smoke and burning fuel cells. Right! Amy, how do you turn this prehistoric thing off?"
The message had cut off there. So without much choice, Jack found himself making a complete U-turn and driving 3 hours through a seriously insane amount of traffic to get to London. And now here he was, walking around aimlessly with absolutely no idea what he was doing. Nearly an hour of wandering around, and nothing. No smoke, no aliens, definitely no damsels in distress—all one great big wild goose chase. Absolutely—
Pop! Jack's head shot to the sky as a powerful sonic wave ripped through the atmosphere. Windows shattered all around him as he staggered, eyes glued to the massive spaceship flying through the sky.
It took 5 seconds for Jack to realize that the ship was not actually flying—it was crashing.
It took another 5 seconds to realize that the ship was hurtling straight towards him—fast.
As it barreled down on him, looming larger by the second, Jack had no time to do anything but roll his eyes. "Oh, sh—"
A white hot pain, a deafening roar, and the world went black.
Jack awoke with the usual gasp, retching as an acrid taste coated his tongue. He could barely move under the wreckage pinning him to the ground—a pile of mangled metal and crumbling drywall. After several minutes of wriggling, he managed to get his arms free. Another several minutes (and quite a few curses) and he was able to shove off the rest of the debris.
He got to his feet, coughing and staggering from vertigo. When he was able to stand without falling over, he took stock of his surroundings. Luckily, he had been caught near the edge of the crash. The main portion of the ship had buried itself in the shops lining the sidewalk; an enormous, twisted, charred heap of wreckage smoking beneath the rubble of the former building.
Sirens wailed through the air, growing closer by the second. Jack began a reluctant retreat, heading down the street and away from the scene. There was no point in hanging around—not right now, anyways. He did not feel like attempting to explain how he managed to survive a head on collision with a spaceship, nor did he want the authorities to mistake him for an alien. So, Jack rounded the street corner and took a long, convoluted, completely out of his way route—his final destination being the opposite side of the crash.
When he finally arrived, (a full half hour later, thank you very much), he was surprised to find police barriers already erected; keeping the swelling crowed nearly 2 blocks away from the crash site. Fire trucks, paramedics, and policemen were set up closer to the debris, evacuating the last of the survivors and keeping the occasional overly-zealous citizen from hopping the barrier.
Jack fished around the pockets of his torn jacket, pulling out his Torchwood ID. It would surely be enough to grant him access—no questions asked. He could clear the area and perform an initial inspection in peace. Depending on how that went, he would probably need to call up his team…
"Hello! Yes! I am…Captain Jack Harkness!"
Jack's head whipped around at the sound of his name. The voice (overly cheery and vaguely familiar) came from the edge of the barrier, where a tall man was trying to gain access for his group of four. He flapped a piece of paper in an officer's face, still rambling on. "Leader of Torchwood, I am. That gives me jurisdiction, right? Rather high up. Anyways, this here is my partner Amelia—"
He gestured to a slender ginger beside him, who in turn waved. "Hello!"
"And we're with Scotland Yard," a very familiar voice chimed in. "Detective Inspector John Smith and my partner, Penelope Clearwater."
Jack's mouth dropped open. There was no mistaking that spiky hair.
"Now hang on a second," the officer said skeptically. "I'm from Scotland Yard, and I sure as hell have never seen you before."
"Well, that's because we're a part of the E.T. department! Aren't we, Penelope?" 'John Smith' continued, nudging the (other) red head of the group.
"Oh, yes!" she agreed enthusiastically. "Very top secret, super hush-hush."
Jack finally overcame his shock and forced his feet into action. "Doctor?!" he exclaimed, pushing through the crowd.
'John's'—actually, the Doctor's—head shot up, while Jack's impersonator held out his hands in delight. "Jack!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around Jack as he drew near. He suddenly let go and backpedaled a couple paces, shuddering slightly. "Jaaack," he said again, his voice sounding much less enthusiastic. "Fact. Right. Forgot about that," he muttered under his breath. The Doctor inexplicably patted him on the shoulder, wincing in...was that sympathy?
Meanwhile, the police officer furrowed a brow. "Wait, who's this guy?" he asked in confusion, gesturing at Jack. "I thought you—" he pointed at the impersonator—"were Jack!"
The impersonator's eyes widened. "Oh, no, you see,"
"Jacks United," the Doctor randomly spouted. Jack smacked himself in the forehead. "There's a group of…Jacks…that run Torchwood. Quite confusing, to be honest, but it makes great fun at parties. Or confusion. Depends on who's Jack."
The officer (Jack checked his nametag—Detective Lestrade) gave them a skeptical glare. "What exactly do you take me for?"
Before any of them could reply, another officer walked up and tapped Lestrade on the shoulder. "Their paper checks out. It's Torchwood. There were no more bodies found in the wreckage, we have orders to clear out."
Lestrade gave them one last, long glance, before stepping back. "I guess it's all yours," he said with a sweeping arm, before turning to the rest of the police personnel. "Donovan, you're on crowd control. The rest of you, pack it up! Apparently, it's not our division…"
The voice faded off as Jack followed the foursome under the police tape. He quickened his pace, falling in step with the Doctor. "Doctor, what are you doing here? Do you know whose ship crashed? And where's Martha? Who are they?" The questions all came bubbling out at once.
The Doctor gave him a sidelong glance. "Where are you, exactly?"
Jack furrowed his brow in confusion. "London?" he finally answered.
The impersonator slowed his pace, joining the conversation. "No, he means in your timestream," he clarified. "What has recently happened in your life?"
Jack nodded in understanding. "Time travel, gotta love it. Speaking of, it's been about a month since the whole fiasco with the Master—that crappy year that got erased from time. Well, for me at least. Have you done that yet?"
The Doctor whistled through pursed lips. "Been a couple years for me. Right! Lots to explain, short walk to do it in."
"Okay, shoot," Jack said.
"First off, introductions! Jack Harkness, meet Donna Noble and Amy Pond," he said, gesturing to the corresponding redheads in turn. "Oh! And Martha is good. She's actually engaged to someone, working with UNIT, I believe. But yeah, she's fine. She's good. Really…good." He quickly changed the subject, turning to the impersonator. "And this"—he paused dramatically—"is me."
Jack stopped dead, eyes widening. "What?"
"Eleventh regeneration," the imperson—the Eleventh Doctor said with a wave, stopping next to him. "Pleasure to see you again, Captain."
"Two Doctors." Jack stated, trying to comprehend it.
"Yep," the Tenth Doctor said, popping the 'p.'
After a period of silence, Jack slowly began to shake his head. A grin spread on his face. "I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now," he said, eyebrows waggling.
"Oh, stop it!" both Doctors said simultaneously.
"They're doing it again," Amy murmured.
"Do they do that a lot?" Jack asked, bemused.
"No!" both Doctors responded, before glaring at each other. Ten ran his fingers through his hair, and Eleven straightened his bowtie.
Donna rolled her eyes and stepped in before things could escalate. "Oi! Spacemen!" she scolded, stopping in between the two and placing a hand on each chest. "Crashed spaceship, remember? Universe dialing 999?"
Ten finally broke the stare-down, shoving his hands in his pockets as he wordlessly resumed the trek to the wreckage. The others traded glances and shrugged, following in his wake. However, the silence didn't last long.
"Honestly, though, do you ever stop and think?" Ten asked rhetorically, slowing his pace to match the others. "Why London? Every time, every alien—always London!"
"Or Cardiff," Jack offered.
"Well, yeah," Ten agreed, tilting his head. "But that's only because Cardiff is built on a rift in Time. London, on the other hand, has nothing. Nothing, that is, to make it more of a target than, say, Manhattan. Or Shanghai. Or Berlin. Dubai, Los Angeles, Rio de Janeiro, Sydney, Barcelona—all the same basic 21st century Earth city appeal, and yet London is always the one attacked! What's with that?"
"Forgot about that gob of his," Eleven muttered.
Donna had to stifle a snort of amusement.
"See! Look at this!" Ten exclaimed indignantly, halting just in front of the demolition. The ship had rammed straight into the buildings lining the sidewalk, a semi-intact metal capsule supporting the crumbling drywall. Twisted metal sheets and bars littered the cracked pavement alongside huge chunks of cement, constructing a maze of wreckage and destruction that encompassed the whole of the block.
"Perfectly good shops—ruined. Barcelona has shops, but they're still in tip-top shape I'd wager. Well, least they will be until the early 25th century. Ish. But as for right now they're still intact! They aren't the ones reduced to rubble-y rubble by the—" Ten paused, crouching and peering intently at a stray piece of charred metal.
"By the…?" Amy repeated, raising an eyebrow in question.
Ten picked up the piece of metal and sniffed it, squinting in concentration.
Eleven put a hand to his eyes. "Oh, please don't—"
The warning came too late. Ten (to the intense disgust of all) licked it.
"Oh," Amy gasped, wrinkling her nose. Even Jack looked a bit nauseated.
"Like a toddler, you are!" Donna scolded, shaking her head in dismay. "Did that even do anything?"
"Actually, no," Ten answered reluctantly. He furrowed his brow, sticking his tongue out in displeasure. "Bleh!"
Donna rolled her eyes, sighing.
"Okay then," Jack said, raising his eyebrows and changing the subject. "Doctors, split up and search the area. We are looking for bodies, communication devices—anything that can tell us who these aliens are and what they want."
Donna and Amy exchanged glances, both feeling slightly out of their element. "What about us?" Amy asked.
"Come along, Pond," Eleven said, waving an arm in Amy's direction as he began to pick his way to the other side of the crash site. Amy gave Donna a quick shrug, stepping quickly to catch up with him.
Donna turned around, intending to follow her Doctor. Not seeing him, she turned again. And again.
Apparently, Ten and Jack had wandered deeper into the wreckage. Without her.
And when she turned again, she found that Eleven and Amy had already disappeared from sight. Without her.
Well, wasn't that just wizard.
Donna picked her way around twisted metal and chunks of drywall, muttering under her breath about stupid alien attention spans. She ducked underneath a charred metallic sheet, and her surroundings suddenly darkened as the sunlight was blocked out. She squinted as her vision adjusted to the darkness, and her eyes roved around the dim hallway. Somehow, she had found herself inside the crashed ship.
Slowly, cautiously, she crept forwards, heading towards a faint blue glow emanating from another doorway. The sound of crunching glass accompanied her footsteps as she peeked through the door.
The flickering blue light illuminated a large room that at one point could have served as a flight deck. "Where are all the bodies?" she murmured in confusion. A ship this size, it had to have had a crew.
"The escape pod is missing," Eleven's voice, rather muffled, filtered into Donna's range of hearing.
"Are you telling me that there is a random gang of aliens wandering around London?" Amy's voice questioned sharply.
Donna ventured further into the demolished flight deck, skirting the sparking wires while keeping one ear tuned to the conversation outside.
"Oi! I'm an alien," Eleven pointed out.
"That's completely different," Amy said. "You look human."
"No, you look Timelord," Eleven insisted.
Donna's foot skidded on something slick, causing her to topple backwards with a squeak. She threw her arms out, her hand swiping the nearest control console as she tried to stop her fall. The only thing she managed to accomplish was to hit a big button, and she landed on her buttocks with a winded 'Oomph!'
The smashed console sputtered to life, humming harshly as a grainy blue projection materialized. As the blue particles congealed into a discernible shape, Donna's eyes widened.
"Doctor!"
Donna heard a cacophony of footsteps echo through the ship, and Ten and Jack skidded to a halt just inside the room. Eleven and Amy were right behind them. All eyes were automatically drawn to the blue hologram in the center of the room, the reason behind Donna's call.
"Oh, not again," Jack moaned, rolling his eyes.
"How is that even possible?" Eleven wondered out loud. "I thought Sarah Jane took care of the ones we missed!"
"Sarah Jane did what?" Ten asked, eyebrows shooting up.
"Oi!" Amy interrupted, eyes staying glued to the projection. "Somebody tell me what the heck you're on about."
"And what is that," Donna added, over-enunciating each word, still sitting on the floor where she fell.
"That," Eleven announced with a scowl, finger extended at the projected image, "is Slitheen."
"Raxa-coraf—no—Raxa—Raxa-corico-fal-norious?"
"Raxacoricofallapatorious," Ten corrected Donna patiently.
"Raxo-corico-pallo-minorious," she tried again.
"Not minourious. Raxacoricofallapatorious."
"Raxa-corico-dalla-matorious."
"It really shouldn't be this difficult."
"Hey! Doctor," Jack waved, getting Ten's attention. "Forget pronouncing it, what are we going to do about this?"
The group had left the wreckage area, opting to walk around London as they tried to come up with a plan. Although chances were slim that they'd just run into one on the streets, it was worth a shot.
"First question," Eleven picked up his pace, walking in front of the group and then turning so that he faced them all. He held a finger out as if he were a teacher. "Do they have skin suits?"
"Skin…suits?" Amy repeated, eyes widening.
"Yep," Ten answered. "Kill a human, wear the skin as a disguise. It's pretty realistic, they look human while wearing them. Well, an overweight human, anyways. Also causes quite a bit of flatulence, makes them smell real funny…"
"Right, I get the picture," Amy stopped him there.
"But what are they doing here?" Donna asked.
"Donna!" Eleven exclaimed, grinning. "That is question number 2! They could be doing a number of things. Last time they wanted to blow up the planet, and the time before that, they took over Downing Street!"
"Oh my gosh, I remember that," Amy said. "Spaceship crashed into Big Ben, right?"
Eleven nodded.
"I remember my gramps going on about that a couple weeks later," Donna chimed in.
"What, you weren't watching it?" Amy asked incredulously. "It was all over the telly!"
"I was on holiday in America," Donna said.
"…they have tellies in America," Eleven pointed out.
"Florida. Do you know how much the hotels charge for cable there? It's ridiculous! I went right down to reception, I told them, 'I'm not having any of that nonsense!' Didn't hear any news, much less about Big Ben, until I got back."
"Again with the big picture, Donna," Ten said in exasperation. "What is it with you?"
"Oi, watch it Spaceman!" A grin ruined any effect Donna's frosty tone would have, but that didn't stop Ten from shooting back a sharp retort with a grin of his own.
As the duo bickered incessantly, a sad sort of smile graced Eleven's face. Amy gave him a quizzical look, and was about to call him out on it. However, as her eyes traced a singular tear track making its way down his face, she bit back her questions.
'Now is not the time,' she thought to herself, even as Eleven swiped away the tear and plastered a grin on his face, jumping into the conversation as if nothing had happened. She'd ask him about it later, when they had a moment to themselves. Until then—
"Umph!"
Amy's train of thought was derailed as Ten stumbled with a low grunt. Donna stopped mid-sentence and gripped his arm, trying to keep him upright. "Doctor?" she asked in surprise, the others echoing her concern.
Ten made it to the nearest support structure (being the windowed front of a bakery shop), leaning against it and gripping his head with both hands. His eyes were tightly closed, his face contorted in a wince.
Eleven gently pushed Donna away and touched Ten's shoulder. "Doctor, what's wrong?"
Ten didn't give any indication that he had heard him, biting his lip in obvious pain as his fingers pushed against his temples.
A couple pedestrians on the sidewalk stopped in curiosity, but Jack quickly managed to convince them all to move along before returning his attention to the scene.
Finally, Ten's eyes popped open with a gasp. "TARDIS," he breathed, barely a whisper.
"What about it?" Donna asked. But Eleven's eyes widened in understanding. "Someone's broken into his TARDIS."
"Not someone," Ten said, voice already getting stronger. "Slitheen. She was trying to warn me, but they're somehow interfering with her telepathic circuits." He rubbed his head absently. "Must be why it hurt so much," he added.
"I thought no one could break into the TARDIS," Amy said, eyes narrowing. "Not unless they have a key."
"They can't," Eleven agreed, as Ten levered himself up away from the window. "Which is why I am very confused. How could they have gotten in? It simply does not happen."
"Unless…" Ten murmured, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a key. "TARDIS keys. Everyone in this group should have one. Show me, now."
Four of them dug into their pockets, and three of them produced keys. All eyes turned to Jack, who was frantically feeling all of his pockets. He growled a string of expletives under his breath. "I don't understand," he finally announced, slightly panicked. "I had it this morning!"
"Jack, this is important." Ten's deceptively calm voice did nothing to soften the intensity of his stare. "Everything depends on you right now. What exactly have you been doing today?"
"Literally nothing!" Jack exclaimed, not bothering to hide his agitation. "All I've done is wander around London searching for you people!"
Suddenly, Amy remembered something. "Doctor, the pickpocket! The one we targeted with a water balloon. Could he have been a Slitheen in one of those skin-suit things?"
Eleven fiddled with his fingers, thinking. "He was a bit on the short side, but was definitely thick enough…"
Amy turned, grabbing Jack's arm. "Jack, did a short man run into you on the sidewalk earlier today?"
Jack's eyes widened. "Come to think of it, yeah. Some guy ran right into me. I would've fallen on my face if he hadn't caught me…" He trailed off with a curse. "Damn Slitheen pick-pocketed me!"
Ten had already taken off running. "We have to get back to my TARDIS before they figure out how to take off!"
Donna heaved a sigh and took up the rear. "And back to running."
"No, no, nononononono!" Ten lengthened his stride as a familiar wheezing sound echoed across the alleyway. As the TARDIS's shape began to dematerialize, Ten lunged for the door in a last-ditch attempt to save it.
However, he was a second too late. His fingers barely managed to brush the wood before it disappeared completely, and his momentum carried him straight into the brick wall. He groaned and rubbed his head, turning his back to the wall as he slowly sunk to the ground.
Jack rounded the final corner, with Eleven, Amy, and Donna not far behind. They stopped short at the sight of Ten sitting dejectedly against the wall, raking his fingers through his sweaty hair. "She's gone," he announced in defeat. "They have her."
"So, now what?" Donna asked, panting heavily. "Is there some way to track it?"
"How can the Slitheen drive a TARDIS to begin with?" Jack questioned.
"Margaret the Slitheen knew quite a bit about the TARDIS back in the day," Eleven pointed out.
"The Slitheen's name was Margaret?" Amy asked in disbelief.
As the three of them debated the complexities of alien naming rituals, Donna made her way over to Ten. He had made no attempt to get up or join the unfolding conversation, rather, he had been staring into space with a look of intense concentration.
"Oi, spaceman," she called, extending a hand. Warmth, not venom, flavored her tone. Ten's concentration broke, and his gaze rose to meet hers.
"You alright?" She asked. She already knew the answer—a blind man could see that he was far from okay. But the question had become somewhat of a comfort between the two of them, and sure enough, he took her proffered hand and allowed her to hoist him to his feet.
"I'm always alright," he answered predictably, attempting a smile. It turned out as more of a grimace.
"Hey," Donna softened her tone even further. "It's going to be alright. The other Doctor is here too; I'm sure that between the two of you—"
"OH!" Ten exclaimed with a sudden intensity that forced Donna to jump back. Gone was the motionless dejection, in its place was a whirlwind. "I am thick! Thickity-think-thick…"
Ten's sudden rejuvenation caught everyone's attention. He wheeled on Donna. "You!"
Donna's eyes were wide. "What did I do?"
"Back when we had just met this lot, you pointed out that there should be a massive paradox effect going on, right? Two Doctors, and now Jack, so even more so! But! There isn't."
"Of course!" Eleven exclaimed just as Amy asked, "there isn't what?"
"The universe, the universe needs two Doctors, of course!" Eleven rambled, obviously catching Ten's drift.
"Hey! Doctors, speak English," Jack reminded, clearly bemused.
"Two Doctors," Ten started.
"Two TARDISes," Eleven finished.
"The Slitheen were always going to steal my TARDIS. That's a fixed point—apparently."
"But the universe is clever—so clever, in fact, that it created a way for us to stop them. The paradox that allowed Amy and I to show up at the same time as Skinny Boy and Donna also meant that we'd have an extra TARDIS on hand. We simply hop into my TARDIS and land her in his TARDIS, and then defeat the Slitheen from the inside out!"
"Molto bene!"
The three non-doctors blinked in varying degrees of confusion.
"So, we are going to take the paradox that is causing us all to meet…and make it bigger," Jack finally summarized.
"Well," Ten started.
"Exactly," Eleven interjected.
"My brain hurts," Amy moaned.
-TBC-