It's official. Tony hates women. If it was not for the fact that you have to have female anatomy to birth a child, and that something decided that they had to be different from men, he would be loving them. Searching Youtube came up with videos of cheery ladies explaining what to do. He was about to create a virus to damn the whole website at this point.
Apparently magic thought it had to be a male to birth. The very magic that had bloomed inside of him simply to tolerate the not so natural pregnancy. The very magic that just took his man bits away without so much as a chance to say goodbye. Tony was pissed and snarling. Not only was he in pain and cranky, the very manly thing he had, mind you he hadn't seen a long time, had disappeared out of the blue and a not so manly scream left him. Tony didn't even want to look down there. Could things get any- yes. Yes, they can.
As soon as that thought process had passed, Tony knew he had just jinxed himself. He had just minutes ago slipped into one of Thor's supersized t-shirts and a pair of his own most unloved shorts and curled into the very comfy couch in his lab and tried not to think of how his thighs touch in ways they shouldn't. He knew he had a while till his new anatomy was put to work by the amount of time between each wave of unbelievable pain. Sympathetically, he rubbed across the arch that now currently occupied his chest as it seemed to pulse with his heart beat. The thing was not meant to do that. He sighed and grimaced as a twang vibrated from down there.
He rubbed the scar that permanently marred his cheek. Tracing the thick indents and the cracks that existed. Maybe that was the reason Thor had continued to avoid him? Had he realized that he would never have the skin he once had?
He missed the beard he had developed back in the cell. It had been groomed by the bathers. Tony knew he would be growing most of it out again. He didn't have fondness for the same style as before but he would keep the same shape. Maybe grow it out a little bit thicker and have it extend up the sides of his cheeks. It wouldn't hide the scar one bit. His long hair would be trimmed and styled at some overpriced salon and make sure it comes with a neck rub. His hair now was getting too long.
He reasoned this all. He had let his self grooming fall as a result of the stress that had continuously plagued him since things had gone south and he deserved a pampering after all this. He did bathe like crazy despite the momentary fear he received at view of a full tub of water. Something he had not see in awhile. Despite that small amount of self-care, hair had grown even longer and definitely occupied a hair tie with his front flailing as it pleased. The pained man's beard had just been shaved off completely as it was low maintenance versus the hour or so he used to pour into it before his kidnapping. It also made life easier. Tony just didn't look like himself and gained the epiphany that his team had ,without realizing, appointed his health to his old self.
He looked slightly more self absorbed and selfish-ish self. He huffed at his little quip to his old self before bracing on the pillow as he quaked with trembles from the pain. A sobbed moan escaped as it vibrated up his spine slightly.
He also knew he should tell Bruce or Thor soon but he didn't want them to look at him weird. Hell, he was looking at himself weirdly. Plus, he knew no matter how hard he tried, Thor would not be found unless Thor sought him. Not that the man would care he would be pushing a watermelon through holes he should not have. Knowing the man, some official would need Thor to put him to bed and then he would be back to put his own freshly birth child to bed as well.
This thought made him tear up hormonally and his mood to drop. Butterfingers whirred and brought an appropriately fluffy blanket he used to sleep with and curled into it. U assisted by bring a well used pillow he had stashed here when Pepper would kick him out of his own bed. Sniffing he smiled and pet his constant companions. He loved them all, including Dum-E who was cleaning up his slippery accident. Suddenly, his lower belly cringed together again and contracted. He groaned into his pillow as he felt his hip flare unkindly and waves of muscle spasms happened. He tried not to weep at the thought of suffering this for a few more hours. The Avengers alarm sounded and Tony groaned as his contraction ended in that moment. Missions took hours, especially if it was freaking San Francisco again. God, he hoped he wasn't going to have to resort to putting his genius brain to work to have himself give birth. Darn it.
"Jar, update me." He weakly said out loud in a raspy voice from clenching his jaw and throat tightly. He hadn't felt this bad in a while. The tired superhero felt alert and wide eyed as he focused for the sake of his team. It was a hefty reminder of his cell when the guards would shift and interrupt his sleep. He just hoped PTSD wouldn't kick in and have him flashback while having contractions, alone, on a couch, in his lab, with his bots who can't catch a ball let alone a baby.
"Sir, it seems that Odin's sent out a scouting army." JARVIS quietly informed his creator who grimaced as he felt a hint of a contraction warming up. "May I suggest sitting and resting against the table?"
"Well, shit. Not right now, Jar. I want to sleep while I can. Then I am going to soak in a tub and stick there till this spawn is released from m-ahh." Tony whimpered as a harder and sharper pain rolled into him like a train. "JARVIS please note the time and date and this recording. I want myself to see the pain that comes with making a human mini-me when I feel like murdering Lucy over something stupid he did." Tony snapped before finishing it with a groan as his muscles spasmed around his son who decided to move at that very moment.
"Remind me also to ground Lucy as soon as he can understand why I am doing it."
"Done, Sir." JARVIS quipped with what Tony knew was a sound of amusement.
Tony extended his middle finger to the nearest sensor camera. He tried not to feel upset at the fact that no one had come to check in on him. Not even Thor. He felt slightly abandoned despite knowing the responsibilities the team had. That he once had. He knew they had work and he had become a burden as well as regained a civilian status and not the near military status he had.
Had Pepper felt this way when he left for missions? Jeez, this made him feel like a jerk. He curled into himself on the overly plush couch. He looked around at his tech. The posters, paintings, shiny furniture, and machines that he had acquired. This all once satisfied him but now it made him wry and upset. This screamed bachler not male-mother person. This was just boast arrogance that he had left instead of a man who wants to better the world. Maybe this was a problem he had to face. Too bad he came to this realization around the time he couldn't move to change things around.
The famous man behind Iron Man reflected on this even through the various pains that plague him as they grew smaller in between. As they reached the single digits, Tony had his bots support him as he lugged his painful belly and numbing legs to the bath he knew he tried to avoid. He took one arm and swung it over the mechanical arm of each bot and trembled as he stood and stepped forward with his head held high into the bathroom. Even had the audacity to give Jar a thumbs up to reassure the AI.
Not having any help he was forced to take the strongest pain killers he kept and therapeutic rubbing lotion he stashed to alleviate the tenacious pain when his Arc used to act up. The steaming bath seemed to help greatly as he sank into it and rested his protesting lower back and very much swollen feet. If the internet was anywhere near correct he had an estimated few more torture rounds before he finally met the son that had lodged itself inside him like some free loading teenager he would be in the future. At that response he felt a shift from the infant and laughed.
He did not know what was keeping the team but it had been about 7 hours of walking and sitting in water. He had expect twice the amount of time, but he almost praised magic for propelling his labor.
He was finally pushing or more like he couldn't help himself.
He had turned his swollen middle to the side the tub and braced himself on the ledge as he put weight on his knees and rotated his aching hips into position. He had just finished walking out of the tub, sitting in a chair, squatting, and even doing ridiculous breathing exercises before he began to curse Loki a storm. He was tired of the pain and was dangerously close to giving in and breaking down (not that he wasn't close before). But he drew strength. He had been almost killed for this very action and he began to think of all the women who had been. He began to think of he could create an organization to locate such women and help them.
He found solace in the fact that he was here in his home versus in some observatory where he knew if he would birth Lucien would be murdered. Here, he could crawl, wiggle, and drag himself to the medic bay, and take care of the little one.
Except that would be then, first, he was going to do this by himself. Tony might as well be back in that forsaken cell where at least the walls don't mock him of what he should have beside him. Tony reached between his legs and resisted the urge to scream, gag, and overall freak out. Instead he felt air escape his lungs.
That was definitely hair and I can't close my legs. This is happening. MygoshwhereisthorIcantdothismygoshmygosh.
The main man behind Stark Enterprises began to see spots as he couldn't breathe.
"Sir! Sir!" JARVIS raised his own volume so Anthony could hear him. Tony immediately got a hold of himself and found the air that had escaped his lungs. Only to lose it as he felt himself push during a contraction. He bit right into the joint between thumb and index finger. He spat out the blood and winced as he felt it sting when sweat from his brow landed on the open wound that grew deeper and deeper with each need to bite on the hand.
The lone man then burst into tears and sobs. Strong sobs that rattled his frame and made his face pinch unattractively. He moved himself into a deeper squatting position, ignoring how every move jarred his dislocated bones and expanded and sweat poured into the tub as the swollen man screamed through the next and the next pushes. Having nothing to grab on but the side of a very slick tub, most of his fingers had blisters from rubbing and some bleeding from the constant friction of the action of grabbing as he expanded and fisted them repeatedly against the tile. He knew that if he bit his hand anymore he would create permanent damage. He began on his arms as he couldn't reach any articles of clothing and the bots were sent to set up the medic bay. Of course the water did not rise above his hips but it pruned his skin heavily by now from the continuous exposure to it. Tony had refused to be updated on the situation outside his lab but he regretted it as he desired to know how soon till Thor got home or anyone at this point.
He could not do this alone, but he had a hard time trusting outside of those he lived with.
He pushed and he felt it.
He turned his back to the side of the tub with the last of his strength and pulled the wrinkled thing to his chest and patted the back while he struggle to clear the child's airway. Then he heard it a strong wail. He ignored his tears as his arms fell into the position he had memorized weeks ago and shush the infant. He groaned and cried through the afterbirth. He rocked the child and hush his little boy. The newest Stark member heard his voice and quieted and listened as Tony rambled. The man was in love as soon as he went to rubbed the grime covered cheek and had a finger held in a tight fist that couldn't cover the whole digit. The former weapons dealer now had a child to care for.
"Lucien. You're here. Your home. My little man." He continued as he noticed the water getting darker. He was hemorrhaging probably. Crap.
He noticed himself beginning to hyperventilate and how it caused Lucien to get restless from the calm position he was in and forced himself to calm as he fought against his need to pass out and sleep. Pushing himself out the tub with his new child secure in his arms, he made his way to the medic bay with the help of his companions. He swayed his way down the corridor and into the elevator before reaching his destination. He was pretty sure he had broken his hips.
He did everything one should do as soon as the child was brought into the world. Washed, weighed, fed, and dressed. Before he gave himself shots he knew would help himself clot and some antibiotics on top of that. He had JARVIS update him immediately as he rest on a bed. He knew full well that walking had ruined his chances to stop whatever internal wounds from clotting, but he had to completely clear his son's airways and keep him warm and away from where he could drop him into water from weakness in his arms. He dropped into the bed and held his son as a bot rushed over with the medication he ordered and soon administered.
"The team has just finish the battle in San Francisco,-"
"San Fran needs to get a permanent team there, this is ridiculous seeing to how I am paying for the fuel every single time we go there to save that location!" Tony huffed as he smiled as he noticed the corresponding meow from little Lucy.
"It seems that greater numbers than they believed arrived. A standstill had ensued before a treaty was signed. One of the generals of Asgard has agreed to fight alongside Thor." Tony nodded weakly as he stroked the face of his offspring. Memorizing the miracle before him. He knew the child's eyes were to be a deep shade of green like the apparitions his child's magic had showed him. His hair the same shade as Tony's with it natural tame cowlicks all over the place. He was surprised to note that much of Lucien's eyebrow and eye shape belonged to Thor. Subconscious magic? Could he shapeshift already? Grinning he faced a camera and ordered a photograph he noted might be the last he would have with Lucien.
"Aye, Dum-E, bring that bottle over here, don't drop it you bucket of bolts. JARVIS, ETA?"
"An hour, sir." Was the emotionless and misleading response. Tony knew they were two hours away. He felt the snail slow trickle of blood that had slowed but not stopped since his departure of the tub. It had begun to slow the bleeding rate, but not before he had lost so much from moving his body that what he would have if he had remained in the bloody tub. "Sir, do you wish for me to inform the team of your situation?" Tony nodded. He tried to pay attention to his AI. He then saw black for a while.
Wearly, the inventor opened his eyes. His vision cloudy and limbs heavy. He noticed he wasn't bleeding but he knew he had lost too much if he was struggling to remain awake.
"Sir?"
"Jar?" A thin exhausted voice responded as a cry reached his ears. He adjust Lucien on his chest with great difficulty and grabbed a bottle he had prepared. The little reincarnation took his second feeding in stride.
"Sir. It is a relief to hear to hear response. Thor has desired to contact you. Your state had prevented it. He sends assistance from our alliance your way. They are to arrive in ten minutes." Tony smiled sadly at the thought of Thor freaking out and nodded as he peered down at the little being feeding on his chest.
The little child could be held on his forearm. The little green onesie with chibi snakes made him snort weakly as he rubbed the back of his squirming child. He drew the blanket draped on his legs around himself and Lucy as he felt colder than ever. His arms could only pull them to cover Lucy mostly. Satisfied he laid back when the shadows began to welcome him home once again. He hoped he would wake up again.
"At the sign of my deterioration, send the videos to Pepper and the team with instructions. And whatever they would inherit from me after the will has been opened. Act good for the team Jar. Make sure my boys are taken care of." A voice so small and slow rattled dryly. His eyes closed slowly as he didn't resist the urge to remain awake.
A/N 2: Edited.