More Than Our Captain – Aramis
By Rowana Silverwind
Spoilers: This story is a missing scene that takes place towards the end of "Trail and Punishment" in Season 2 and contains spoilers.
M.M.M.M
The fighting was over, but the hardest part was still to come.
The Palace had turned into organized chaos after the Musketeers' return and Rochefort's fall. Treville, still Captain in all but name, had sent for the rest of the Musketeer guard to clear the bodies, secure Vargas, and protect the royals. No one trusted any of the Red Guard to preform the tasks until they had been thoroughly investigated. The Queen's rescuers had been sent back to the garrison to see to their wounds, which were thankfully minor. Aramis had wanted to stay, to assure himself that Anne and the Dauphin were indeed safe, but to do so would only have encouraged suspicion. Too much truth had been included with the lies for them to risk it.
So they had returned with the Queen's more than heartfelt thanks and the King's invitation to return the next morning for a private audience. Louis had declared he desired time with his wife and son before he addressed them and no one was in any position to deny him. Truthfully they were all exhausted by recent events and soft beds and sleep were more than welcome.
For all but one.
Aramis lay awake long after his brothers had drifted to slumber. Though his body ached with all he'd been through, between prison and the rescue, his mind was too active for sleep. He was a mess of emotions and thoughts. He was overjoyed that those he considered as close as family were alive and safe. He was relieved that the traitor Rochefort was dead and his accusations and plots with him. He aught to be able to rest peacefully in the knowledge that tomorrow would be a brighter day.
Yet he could not. He was plagued by the choice now before him. He could not deny the promise he had made: to devote his life to God in return for the safety of his love and his son. It had been the promise of a desperate man, but he had meant every word. He would have given his own life for them and was still amazed that it hadn't come to that. It seemed God wasn't through with him after all. It seemed only fitting that he return the favor. Somehow he doubted Athos, Porthos and d'Artagnan would see it that way.
Realizing it was nearly past midnight and he still hadn't slept, Aramis gave up. He rose and crossed to a small desk. It didn't take long to write what he intended and make his way to the garrison office. He moved with quiet grace, not wanting to wake any of the others. No need for them to have their restful sleep disturbed. He would tell them soon enough.
Apparently he wasn't the only one still awake though. There was a soft light in the office when he arrived. Tapping lightly on the door, he opened in slowly to see a familiar sight. Aramis couldn't help but smile. "I thought you weren't our Captain anymore," he said with a hint of humor.
Treville looked up from the desk where he'd been reading papers and snorted. "Someone has to keep this mess in order." He set aside a document and leaned back. "And I seem to recall you were ordered to rest."
"As were you," Aramis pointed out with a smirk.
Treville sighed and ran a hand down his face. The lines of weariness in his body were clear. Rochefort may be gone, but there was still Vargas and Spain to be dealt with. Rest for the Musketeers was always short lived.
"Somehow I doubt you came here to tuck me in," Treville pointed out, eyeing him suspiciously. "What is it?"
Aramis shrugged and gave a disarming smile. He came forward and handed Treville the paper in his hand, trying to ignore small shake of his hand as he did so. The former Captain took it, clearly seeing the hesitation. Then he unfolded it and read, his face still and unreadable. Aramis could feel his breath still in his throat. He was sure the man had had time to read it at least three times now.
Finally Treville looked up. "Why are you giving his to me?" he asked simply. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking, a trait that Aramis had always found a bit unnerving. To think that Treville didn't believe he would be good at politics. With a look like that, he could stand with the best of them.
"Because you're my Captain," Aramis admitted firmly.
"I was your Captain." Treville shook his head at the repeated argument. "The King might appoint someone else."
"But you would still be my Captain." Aramis' tone was calm and perfectly serious. It didn't matter what the King or anyone else said. Treville would always be their Captain.
Treville nodded slowly in acceptance. He glanced down at the paper again. "This is sudden. How much time did you take to think about this?"
"Enough."
The look in Treville's eyes was skeptical. He folded the paper slowly. "This is not necessary."
"It is for me." Aramis squared his shoulders with determination, but his eyes betrayed the doubt in his heart. He knew he had to do this. He had never been more sure of something in his life. That didn't mean it wasn't one of the hardest choices he had ever made.
Treville met his eyes for a long moment. "The King has no cause to suspect you," he reminded quietly. "You don't have to do this."
Aramis shook his head, his look one of resigned resolution. "Yes, I do," he declared.
"If this is some way to punish yourself..."
"It's not."
Treville sighed, leaning forward on the desk. "Aramis. No one wants you to give up your commission. Not even the King. "
"You think this is for his benefit?" He knew his words were close to treason, but he was beyond caring. He had already leapt over that line with both feet. He was starting to become irritated with Treville's insistence on questioning his decision. He had thought the Captain of all people would see the wisdom in this. Experience had already shown he could not be trusted around the palace. It was better that he was as far away as possible, fulfilling his pledge to God as he intended.
"This is my decision. I didn't come here for a debate." He turned to leave the room as his temper mounted.
Treville stood, eyes flashing. "I never took you for one to hide from your problems," he accused.
Aramis froze half way to the door. He whirled around, jabbing a finger at Treville. "You think I'm a coward who can't face the truth? That I would run away rather than face it? I was willing to die for that sin! But I almost..." He lowered his voice and clenched his fists, unable to meet his Captain's eyes. "I almost let the rest of you die for it. Anne. Constance. And Marguerite..." He closed his eyes, unable to finish the sentence.
Treville took the younger man's arm. "No one blames you for any of that," he reminded with firm conviction. He pulled Aramis over to a chair. "Sit," he ordered.
Aramis sat automatically. He leaned with his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair. He wished he could believe those words were true. Even if his comrades and his Captain no longer blamed him, he stilled blamed himself. His actions had started it all and his recklessness had let it come to light. And Marguerite... He had used her. Taken advantage of her love and affection just to get close to his son. She hadn't deserved the shame and death he had brought upon her.
Something with a sharp smell appeared in front of his nose.
"Drink," Treville advised. He leaned back against the desk, taking a sip of his own glass.
Aramis sat up, staring at the glass for a moment. Then he downed it all in one go. It was probably an affront to good wine, but he didn't care. It felt good to indulge just for a moment. Treville refilled his glass and he sipped this one slower, lost in thought.
After a long, contemplative silence, Treville finally spoke up. "Where will you go?"
Aramis ran a hand through his hair again. "Douai. To the monastery."
Treville raised an eyebrow. "So you'll become a monk," he asked slowly, sounding a little amused.
"The irony is not lost on me either," Aramis admitted, with a small smile. He sighed, setting the wine glass back on the desk. "I'm not running away," he explained, meeting Treville's eyes squarely, hoping to convey his conviction. "This is something I need to do. Alone."
Treville nodded slowly. "Alright. I believe you." He set aside his glass as well and straightened. "Take time, but know that so long as I have a say, you will always have a place here. Should you choose to return."
Aramis nodded. He swallowed thickly, unable to form the words of gratitude that were on his heart. He wasn't sure he would ever return, but it meant a great deal to know he had a home here. Maybe fate would lead him back to it one day.
"Now. Have you told the others?"
Looking truly sad, Aramis shook his head. "Not yet. They would only stop me." He wasn't looking forward to that conversation. He could only imagine what they would say. Porthos would probably even tie him down to keep him from leaving.
"Just promise me you will tell them," Treville requested with a note of sympathy.
Aramis smirked. "Afraid I'll sneak out the window in the middle of the night?" he asked lightly. Truthfully he had almost been tempted to sneak off without a word, but he couldn't do that to his brothers. They would never forgive him. He wasn't sure they would forgive him as it was.
Treville raised an eyebrow and sat back at his desk. "Just get out of my office," he suggested to hide his amusement.
"I thought it wasn't your office?" Aramis's eyes twinkled, unable to resist the perk reply.
Treville raised his eyes heavenward, but Aramis was gone when he looked back. He shook his head at the young man's cheek and glanced again at the folded piece of paper. Sighing, he took it and carefully set it in the back of one of his locked drawers. As far as he was concerned, Aramis was still a Musketeer. He just needed time to sort himself out. Until then, he would hold onto the letter so he would always have a home.
"It was Treville who always believed in us." - Aramis, We are the Garrison
M.M.M.M
Author's Note: Special thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter! This was another scene that I really wanted to write though it was a bit trickier to put down. It occurred to me that we never see these two talk about his leaving and Aramis is recommissioned rather easily later, so that's where some of the inspiration for this came from. As always reviews, suggestions, and critiques are welcome!
A little note I forgot to add to the first chapter was that I got the name of d'Artagnan's horse from a number of other fics on this site. It seemed appropriate, so I went with it.
It may be a bit longer wait for the next chapter as I haven't finished writing it yet. Who it is depends largely on who I finish first!