Chapter 11
In Johnny's Wake

Adrien

A lot of things happened fast—the kind of fast that made any in-the-moment analysis impossible. Dad followed Kate in, spotted the tree of us, and marched over to our side of the room.

"What is going on here?" he bellowed.

I was blindsided with the usual quagmire of emotions, but there wasn't time to sort through them just then. I knew that I was mad at Johnny, and Rachel, Scott, Jess, Don Bloody Yates. But more than anyone myself—yes, Johnny's party had been something I couldn't have stopped. But I shouldn't have been privy to it. I shouldn't have been there.

I wasn't mad at Kate, who hadn't had anything to do with any of this and who had, up till now, been staked out on the porch. My reflex was to protect her. "Kate had nothing to do with it," I said.

Johnny said, "Neither did Adrien." He had crossed his arms, set his jaw, taken his attack stance there beside me. I had told myself that I would be taking most of the blame for this, and initially I was almost resentful that Johnny wasn't letting me have it.

Mostly, however, I was confused.

The battle commenced between my brother and my father. Dad raged about Johnny's lack of responsibility. Johnny raged about Dad's despotism. I tuned them out and dismally surveyed the room. Rachel caught my eyes. It was the first time I'd really seen her that evening. She was magnificent, of course, and her expression was all apology.

But I was mad, and I coldly turned away.

"Kate," I said quietly. She was still standing beside me, looking increasing wearied as Johnny and Dad grew increasingly louder. "Help me start clearing people out."

Kate knew that I really just needed to distance myself from World War III, before someone asked me to take sides. She nodded, and we got to work.

Rachel was still watching me and quickly caught on to what we were doing now. She wordlessly started helping heard people out of the door and back to their vehicles. Yates and Manda and even Scott pitched in, and between the six of us we had the place empty by the time Dad go to his obligatory threat to cut Johnny completely out of his life.

"That would be a relief," Johnny snarled, and then he stomped out of the room. Dad glared briefly at the rest of us, then left in the other direction. We had all heard this argument before, all of us except for the Harringtons. Many times.

Kate looked at Yates. "You or me?" she asked. She meant: which one of them was going to go after Johnny?

I had a sudden impulse. "Me," I said, and before either of them had the chance to tell me that was probably not a good idea, I left.

Johnny was in the kitchen, toasting a bagel and generally looking as though the entire evening hadn't just happened. Johnny always had the amazing ability to be all fire one moment and completely calm the next. Still has that ability, and it still hasn't ceased to confound me.

He glanced around to see that it was me. Then he turned back to the toaster and said, "So. Using a four star rating system, how would you rank tonight's performance?"

I shook my head, but decided to play the game. "Two point five," I said. "It's getting a little predictable."

"Huh," Johnny said good-naturedly. "Well thank you for the constructive criticism. I'll remember to switch things up next time."

I watched him pop the bagel up and spread his cream cheese over it. His back was facing me. "So I guess you're as good as gone," I said.

Johnny nodded. Spreading that cream cheese was apparently an art, because he was still working at it. The silence was very loud. I could help suggesting it. "It would be switching things up if you actually stuck around," I said.

Johnny finally swung around to face me. "Sorry, little brother. Can't do that," he said. He bit not his bagel, chewed, and swallowed. Then he added, "It's a self-preservation thing."

"Isn't everything?" I sighed.

It had been an offhanded comment, and I wasn't aware that I'd hit upon anything particularly noteworthy. But Johnny seemed to think that I had. He nodded grimly, like we both understood something very important. "Yes," he said. "Everything is."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Scott

After we'd cleared everyone out—and after Johnny had quit yelling at Daddy Warbucks, which I must say was damn good entertainment—Rachel and I went back to the apartment, and I went into my room to wait.

Two hours later Jess opened the door, slipped inside, and quietly closed it behind her. I could tell just looking at her she hadn't wanted to come. But here she was anyway. I set down the book I had been reading to pass the time, and crossed my hands behind my head. I wanted to see where she was going with this.

Jess crossed her arms over her chest. The gesture was defensive and protective. She chewed on her bottom lip for minute, and then she said, "So I was a bitch at the party tonight. Sorry about that." She spit the apology out so harshly that it almost wasn't an apology anymore. But I still didn't like it. It made it seem like I owed her something.

I didn't like feeling obligated. It made me meaner. I think that if she hadn't apologized, I wouldn't have been so brutal with Jess. I would have let her down easy. But who knows. Maybe that's just something I like to tell myself now.

At any rate, I was brutal. I let her cross the room and sit down on the bed beside me. I let her turn her body towards me and pull off her coat. I let her lean in to kiss me. Then I said indifferently, "You're brother knows, by the way."

She leaned back and wrinkled her nose, "What's Johnny going to care?" she asked, and leaned in again. This time I let her kiss me. I kissed her back. I let my hands slip under her shirt, but when she started to unbutton mine I pushed away from her again. I stood up, and walked over to my closet.

"What are you doing?" Jess asked.

It was particular stroke of brilliance that I'd just remembered she'd left a sweater here. I pulled it out of the closet and turned around, tossing the sweater onto the bed beside her. Jess looked at the sweater and looked at me. "You are so not breaking up with me," she said.

"Breaking up?" I laughed. "There's nothing to break up, Jess. There's nothing. This is nothing."

I expected her to argue, but she didn't. Jess just sat there and stared at me, her face pale, more fragile than I'd ever seen her.

"It's over," I added, pushing the knife a little deeper.

Her expression finally began to harden, which made me feel better about both of us. "I thought you said it was nothing," she snapped.

She had a point, but I waved her off. "Then nothing is over," I said dismissively. Jess expression was unreadable now. She swung off the bed, grabbed her jacket and headed for my bedroom door. I stopped her with a sentence. "Besides I didn't mean Johnny," I said. "I meant Adrien. Adrien knows."

She halted, then slowly turned back around. "So 'nothing' is ending because Adrien found out?" she asked.

I shrugged, because it was basically true. She stood there and regarded me. I knew what she was trying to figure out. She wanted to know if breaking it off because of Adrien was something I was doing for her, or something I was doing for me. But I didn't give her any clues. I was going to make her ask.

Of course, Jess was smarter than that. After she studied me for a while, she simply said, "You're all about you, aren't you?"

For the first time during our conversation, I felt a wave of sympathy for Jess. She was in over her head with me, and she knew it. This is the one part of that night that I can be proud of. That I tried, at the end, to make things easier for her.

"I am," I said. "So you'd better get out now, while you can."

Her face morphed into that familiar mask of indifference and she shrugged. "Get out of what?" she asked. "Like you said, it's nothing."

And then she was gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kate

"Kate!" someone hissed.

I woke up with a strange sense of déjà vu, but this time I was quicker to realize that it was Johnny leaning over my bed again. I sat up. Johnny dangled my glasses in front of me. I took them, put them on, and the room came into focus.

"What time is it?" I asked, not that it really mattered.

"Three thirty," Johnny said. I pulled my legs up Indian-style and he sat down on the end of my bed.

"I take it you're leaving," I said.

"Damn straight," Johnny answered. I made a noncommittal grunt and started fiddling with the edge of my bedspread. Johnny watched me.

"You talk to Adrien?" I asked.

He nodded. "Briefly, but congenially. We're ending on a surprisingly good note."

"Good."

Johnny continued to watch me. Suddenly he said, "Kate, you've got to get out of here." His tone was very serious, especially for Johnny. Almost reverent.

But where was I supposed to go? I laughed and said lightly, "Yes. Because I've got all these options."

It was intended as a joke. But Johnny replied, "You could hang out with me for a while. I do have an air mattress." And then it wasn't a joke anymore. Johnny was telling me, as kindly as he could, that he didn't think it was ever going to happen with Adrien, and so I'd might as well cut my losses and get out now. For a moment I believed he was right. I rose out of bed and crossed the room to my dresser, as if to start packing.

I suppose I could've gone and it would have been okay. It wasn't my Plan A, but it was a pretty good Plan B. Johnny would've taken care of me. Don and I got along alright. But leaving with Johnny would've been officially closing the door on Adrien. I realized when I got to the dresser that I wasn't ready to do that. Not yet. I turned around.

"I need to stick out the summer," I said.

Johnny nodded sadly, but like he understood. He finished my thought. "Or else you'll always be wondering what if you had."

I smiled, because I suddenly felt like crying and I didn't want to do that. "But don't get rid of that air mattress, okay? I might need it someday."

Johnny got up and came to me. He kissed my forehead and then he said, "Come on. You've got to come see us off."

I pulled on a sweatshirt and followed him out to the driveway. Yates was already there. So was the car. "Don, you just got here. Leaving so soon?" I joked, as I wrapped my arms around my stomach.

"As soon as this one finishes putting his crap in the trunk," Yates answered, pointing to Johnny and then to baggage lying beside the car.

"What? You mean you sole purpose for existing isn't to be my personal slave?" Johnny asked.

"No. Apparently it's to be your personal getaway driver."

"Excellent point," Johnny conceded.

I shook my head at both of them. "So I take it the fair lady won't be joining us," Yates said, observing my attire and lack of luggage.

I shook my head again and Johnny grunted, "Nope." He had begun trying to find a way to fit all of his stuff into his trunk. "The fair lady still has it bad for my little brother."

"Adrien gets all the women," Yates quipped.

"When you're both so much more appealing. Just doesn't add up, does it?" I teased. Johnny grunted again. Yates seized the opportunity to pull me aside for "a little chat."

"Can you keep a secret?" he asked.

I didn't know where he was going with this. "I don't know," I said carefully. I wasn't sure that I wanted to hear what he wanted to tell me. Secrets were burdens, and burdens were something I didn't need any more of right now. "Maybe let's not find out."

He ignored the protest. "Tell Manda I'm sorry," he said.

"That's not a secret. That's a message," I said, because now I wanted a little more than that. I narrowed my eyes. "What are you sorry for anyway? What have you done?"

He raised his eyebrows, then spun around and marched back over to the car. "I hope you know you've just committed yourself to a life of harassment!" I said, tailing after him. "Because I will continue to harass you via email until you tell me the whole story!"

"What is she yelling about?" Johnny asked Yates, as he had heard only the tail-end of our conversation.

"Who knows," Yates shrugged. "Crazy bitch."

"Hey," Johnny said, "Watch who you call a bitch, or I'll have Adrien cancel your credit card." He slammed the trunk shut and added, "Well, that's it. We'd better take off before the good brother wakes up."

I hugged them both. "You two take care of yourselves," I said.

"And you take care of Adrien," Johnny said. "Lord knows the kid can't take care of himself."

I said that I would, hugged Johnny one more time, and made him swear to communicate with me on a regular basis. Then they got in their car and left.

I went back to my room, but I couldn't sleep. So I lay in bed until the clock said 5:45 and then I padded down to the kitchen.

Adrien was up. He took one look at me and read the situation. "Johnny left," he said. I nodded and blinked back the tears that were rapidly resurfacing. I was suddenly felt particularly abandoned. Johnny left. Johnny left me.

Adrien quickly closed the gap between us and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my head in his chest and finally let a few of those tears silently fall. "You're going to be okay, Kate," Adrien said. His voice was close to my ear.

"Am I?" I asked.

Adrien kissed the top of my head, and let me go so that he could look me in the eyes. "Yes," he said. "You are."

I still wasn't sure, so I made him promise.

-- - - - - - - -

A/N: Review!

Huntress of the Stars: I just re-watched the movie myself and I know what you mean. Henry is actually a lot more sincere in the movie than he is in the book. I even start shipping Henry/Fanny a little when I'm watching the movie, lol.

Radiant: Sorry! I've turned into a terrible updater. I'm going to try to get the next chapter up with relative timeliness, really I am. Lol. The reason I picked the name Christian way back when was because I've been in love with the name ever since the Moulin Rouge (Mmm. Ewan McGreggor). Adrien was kind of random. I'm glad you like them despite their names :o)

fyre-angel: Yeah, he does get sick. I'm going to try to keep Johnny and Kate going strong through emails, etc., even though he had to leave. But he'll be back eventually

shokolade: I'm so excited that you're feeling the Adrien-Johnny relationship. Those dynamics are some of my favorites in the story. I'm like itching to start writing the Kate-Scott stuff, but it'll be a couple more chapters before they happen. I'd love you to read the Lost fics, but I don't want you to feel like you have to (but there are loverly review-a-thons, courtesy of Jill). I don't know how much they'll make sense without watching the show… Jill read them without watching the show and I guess she got them alright. Either way, I love you! Thanks for reviewing!

BreezyGirl: It's going to be forever. Lol. At least for Adrien, but we all know he's kind of dense. Poor clueless Adrien.

NotreDamegirlie: No worries. You might be right about the party. I included a line or two in this chapter of Adrien's angst over the party ("I shouldn't have been there." yadda, yadda) And there will be more on that in the Chapter 12. Look for more Manda development in Chapter 13. Unfortunately Yates just left with Johnny, but eventually I would like to develop him too. Haish! I feel like I've committed myself to developing too many characters in this story! Lol.

ubi gaius: Glad that Adrien is growing on you. He seems to be growing on everyone… kind of like mold.

BeyondtheSea: No worries. I know how hectic goes. :o)

Jill: What is this—my review of your review of my review of your review? Something like that. You figure it out. Anyway, on with the requisite Ranny debate! JediJeremy: "Would we stop with all the hooks up! If you recall, coupledum leads to nothing more that "broken hearts and fatherless babies."" Becka: "Are the quotation marks really necessary when you're quoting yourself?" Shannon: "Now children, let's Play Nice." Christian: "Oh, now please don't go telling her about Embracing Humanity Through Lesbianism. What worked for you isn't necessarily right for everyone." Sawyer: "Did somebody say Embracing Humanity Through Lesbianism?" Shannon: "For the last time: THERE WILL BE NO MUD WRESTLING!" Anyways, the point is that Johnny Ledger has still (musical notes) …got a lot of leaving left to do… (more musical notes – yeah, it's a country song. You probably don't know it.) I've talked it over with him, and he's just not ready to settle down. Besides, Johnny is not going to be miserable! He gets to reconcile with Adrien. Come on, brotherly love! It'll be like when Seth and Ryan were reunited in the season premier of season two (Hey, you talk about Dawson's Creek, I'm allowed to insert random O.C. comparisons) And everyone will be so happy that Johnny is alive that they won't even think to yell at me for not giving him a woman. Mwahahaha! It's all part of my evil plan. And furthermore, I really see the Harringtons (both of them) as sort of a force that drifted into the Mansfield's lives, screwed everything around, and then drifted back out again. I don't see them (either of them) as a lasting presence. Anyway, all I'll promise for now is that Johnny and Rachel will have another conversation when Johnny returns for Kate's birthday (gaah! giving away not-very-pivotal plot developments! Oh well) I'm actually much closer to embracing the Shawnon than I am to embracing the Ranny. Not that I'm saying I'm entirely read to jump on board with that one yet either, but I'm closer. All that said, let's talk about Johnny and Adrien in this chapter. I rather enjoyed writing that scene, so I have to thank you for making me. I actually think that self-preservation is something of a theme in Mansfield Park. Everybody just doing what they can to come out with the least damage to themselves possible. As for Yates, his accent is a little trick I like to call Cementing The Reviews Love Without Actually Having to Develop Him. No seriously, I was writing that last chapter and suddenly I was like, "Hey! If I give Yates a hot accent, everyone will love him instantly and I won't have to work so hard to win them over to him." I'm so lazy. It's terrible. And I hope you don't mind, but I'm borrowing an idea of yours (from the Caleb/Phoenix/Mason triangle) for the Adrien/Kate/Rachel triangle and making it more of a tug-of-war between Kate and Rachel than it is in the book. A lot more flip-flopping from good ol' Adrien and all that good stuff. Shannon is still thinking about what songs she would like, but I'm sure she'll let you know when she figures it out.

Cookies to everyone else: embracing, slam a revolving door, Elwen, HolmesIsMyHomie. You're all wonderful.