Chapter 16
Shaking It Up

Kate

I didn't even tell Johnny about my birthday party. I figured he wouldn't come if I did tell him, and I hated to beg. Also, I wasn't completely sure I wanted him. I'd managed to be vague about Scott in our emails and during our phone conversations, but I knew if Johnny were to come, there would be no hiding how far things had actually gotten. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he would think about that.

The part itself wasn't all that exciting. It was mostly people I didn't know, mostly twenty years older than me, mostly there to take advantage of the free alcohol and mill about and gossip. Of course, I appreciated the gesture. I was certainly officially a Mansfield now. Cinderella no more.

Before Johnny arrived, Adrien and Rachel and Scott and I had formed our own little group near the front wall—out of the way but where I was, as Rachel felt was important, in everyone's line of sight. We were an easy group now. Adrien had drifted back to Rachel. And, feeling sure of him again, she had reestablished her quest to befriend me. Scott was doing his best to make us all forget he had been sleeping with Jess. Even Adrien said he was beginning to like him.

As for me, I was living in a happy sort of denial. I'd given up on pretending Scott wanted nothing from me beyond friendship. I was attracted to him because he was attracted to me. And though I hadn't entirely let down my guard—I was still holding Scott at arms length—my guard was admittedly very weak. You see, I was very self-deceived about Scott. Though I'd known at first that he was only playing a part, by this point I had convinced myself that he wasn't.

So the four of were there in our corner. I was facing Rachel and Adrien, my back to the room. Rachel and I were laughing at something Scott had said, when I glanced at Adrien and noticed that his attention had drifted away from the conversation. He was looking past me, and he smiled very slightly and tipped his head forward as if to acknowledge someone behind me. I wasn't interested enough to turn around and see who it was until I heard a voice.

"So you're all one big happy family now. That's interesting."

I whirled around to find myself facing Johnny. And that quickly, I was absolutely positive that I did want him there. In fact, I was sure I'd never been happier to see him. I needed someone to just tell me what to do.

"Johnny! Oh my God!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms around his neck.

"Now see,' he said, as I unwrapped myself from him. "That is the kind of reception I was looking for last time."

"Nice shirt," Rachel said dryly, from behind me. I looked down to observe what Johnny's attire. He was wearing a white T-shirt with slightly crooked iron-on lettering. It read, "TEAM KATE." I did my best not to laugh out loud. Instead, I caught Johnny's eyes and rolled mine. He grinned and then turned to Rachel and said, "I thought you'd particularly appreciate it."

I reflexively looked to Adrien for a reaction, but he didn't look back at me. Instead, it was Scott who gently placed a hand my arm and leaned in to ask, "Okay, so what's with the shirt?"

"A reference to the conversation you caught me overhearing," I said. I was still getting used to being conspiratorial with Scott. It was weird—exchanging glances with him at moments like these instead of with Adrien like I had for so many years.

"Huh." I could see Scott was interested in hearing more.

"I'll tell you later," I said impatiently. Then I turned back to Johnny with a question that had been nagging my mind. "How did you know to come anyway?" I asked. "I didn't tell you about this."

Johnny glanced quickly at Adrien as I asked the question, and Adrien almost imperceptibly shook his head. The whole exchange happened so fast that if I hadn't been watching so closely I might have missed it entirely. But I didn't miss it, and I knew my answer. I was filled for a moment with an incredible ache. And I knew, in a rare moment of perception, that Scott, all of his charming speeches aside, was still not what I really wanted. You want to know why I loved Adrien. Well, there it was: he had asked Johnny to come.

Johnny said, "Well I'll tell you one thing. I wasn't officially invited by my father. Speaking of whom, I've a sudden inspiration to let him know I'm here anyway, despite his best efforts." With that, he turned and wandered on into the crowd. I knew I was expected to follow him, and I fully indeed to do so. But first I crossed over to Adrien.

"Thank you," I said.

"It isn't much to thank me for," Adrien shrugged. I knew better—that it was a lot to thank him for—but Adrien always thought he did less than he did.

"Adrien," I sighed. I didn't know what else I wanted to say, but I felt there was something. Maybe too much. It seemed these days that there was so much just bellow the surface, so much that Adrien and I weren't saying to each other, that I almost didn't know how to talk to him anymore.

"Hey," he said, with a smile. "I know you don't really want to stand around here talking to me. Go find Johnny."

I sighed again. A level of honest had been lost between Adrien and I. We were lying to each other, which made me suddenly think that we must have also been lying to ourselves. But I did as he suggested, and went to find his older brother.

I found Johnny and we commandeered the window seat in the corner of the room.

"So where's Yates?" I asked after we'd settled down.

Johnny frowned. "He says you'll forgive his absence. Apparently he's very busy these days and couldn't make it."

I blinked. "Yates is busy?"

"So he claims. But obviously that's complete crap." After a moment of contemplation, Johnny continued. "I think it's a girl. And whoever she is, I'm think he's getting serious about her."

It was awkward knowing the girl was Manda and not being allowed to tell Johnny. I bit my lip and hoped I didn't look too uncomfortable with the subject. But Johnny was too good at reading me.

"You know something, don't you?" he asked suspiciously. I shrugged. "God Kate, you know everything!" he said, exasperated. I was afraid he was going to ask me to tell him what I knew. But instead he said, "Well, don't give me any hints. I'm going to figure it out on my own. Besides, I'm guessing you're sworn to secrecy."

"Yep," I said.

"Hmmm," Johnny grunted. We fell silent then, and my eyes drifted out across the room, until they finally locked with Scott's. He was standing where I'd left him, and when he found me meeting his gaze, he held up the glass in his hands in a mock toast. I smiled at him and shook my had and thought to myself that he was adorable and that I did like him.

"Kate, you can't be serious." Johnny's voice broke into my reverie. I turned my head to look at him. He looked very concerned.

I turned my whole body around completely in my chair to face him. "Why not?" I asked, honestly looking for an answer.

Johnny thought I was joking. When he finally realized that I was completely serious, he said, "Scott Harrington? You can't do better than that? The guy who was sleeping with Jess?"

"You said I should marry him," I shrugged, remember our conversation on the kitchen floor the night he'd gotten here last time.

"I say a lot of things. What about Adrien?"

"He's dating Rachel." It was still hard for me to say that without sounding bitter.

"Officially?"

"Essentially."

"Then come with me," Johnny said. I knew full well that that offer was still standing, but I still knew that I couldn't do that. Even if I'd given up on Adrien, and even if Scott didn't turn out to be the answer either. I couldn't go.

"I need to make my own life," I said.

"Fine," Johnny replied. "Then make it. Don't just accept the first thing that's thrown at you."

I glanced over at Scott again. He was saying something to his sister. I did like him, I thought, in a way. "He treats me like an adult," I said.

Frustration was edging into Johnny's voice and face. "You are an adult. That's not much of a credit to him."

"Let's talk about something else," I said. I wasn't quite ready to give Scott up. Without him, it seemed I'd be left with nothing at all.

------

Scott

While Johnny was talking to Kate, I was talking to Rachel. Adrien had wandered off somewhere, but she and I were sill lingering along the edge of the room, in a position that afforded us an excellent view of the prodigal son and the birthday girl. Rachel was particularly watching them.

"It's a nice shirt," I offered ironically, referring to Johnny.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Entirely for my benefit," she said, and returned to watching the pair, eyes slightly narrowed. After a moment she added, "I wish I knew why he came."

Rachel's never-ending conquest for Adrien was honestly beginning to annoy me. The frequent reoccurrence of the same problems seemed ample proof that it just wasn't going to work "Maybe he's just here for Kate," I suggested.

Rachel looked at me like I was stupid. "Of course he's here for Kate," she said. "That's the point. What wrong with you?"

I didn't know.

I looked across the room to where Kate was sitting with Johnny. She was hot tonight, in this little black dress with her hair straight and a little bit of mascara. And I knew I wasn't getting any of that, not tonight or anytime soon for that matter, which was a little irritating. But at the same time, I almost didn't mind. Recently Rachel had been telling me that I was going soft, and I was suddenly struck with the terrifying possibility that she might be right.

Just then Kate looked up at me, to find me watching her. I was holding a drink in my hand, and I raised it to her. She smiled at the gesture and shook her head in this you're-too-much way. I knew that she was starting to like me. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with that yet.

Johnny recalled Kate's attention then, and she turned around to talk to him. Still watching them, I said to Rachel, "I wish I'd thought of it."

"Hmm?" Rachel asked, lost in her own thoughts.

"Johnny," I clarified. "I wish I'd thought to get him here. Adrien definitely won that round."

Rachel stared at me for a couple seconds, eyes big and round. Then she said, "Oh my God. You like her. You like Kate."

"Shit, Rachel. I do not," I growled. I was frightened and a little disgusted by the idea. Kate wasn't my style. If I liked her, it would definitely mean some significant, potentially life-altering. And I had not intention of altering my life.

Rachel must not have understood all the implications of me liking Kate, because she seemed delighted by the idea. Or at least by my discomfort. "Yes you do. You like her," she repeated, dropping the wounded soldier act for the first time since Johnny had showed up.

"No I don't," I insisted. She was pissing me off, and I was going to leave her alone. But before I went, I added, "But if I did, it would be your fault. You started this."

The rest of the evening passed almost unremarkably. Rachel was predictably mostly with Adrien. But Kate, surprisingly, split her time almost evenly between Johnny and me. I was gratified by this. Johnny, on the other hand, got quieter and darker as the evening progressed. He didn't like me, that was for sure. He probably had some legitimate concerns.

There was one more incident I suppose I should mention. At one point in the evening, after wandering around the room by myself, I ran into Kate by herself. She was standing next to the wall, half-obscured by some sort of large plant.

"Hey," I said, sliding up beside her, but before I could say anything else she shushed me with a finger to her lips. I listened.

"Look," a voice from the other side of the plant was saying, "I told you Adrien was fair game. I personally don't approve of you as my future sister-in-law, and I doubt that either of you will be ultimately happy. But if you want to go for it, that's your prerogative. But I'm warning you, Rachel Harrinton. Leave Kate out of it."

It was Johnny and Rachel again. And from the look on Kate's face, I knew that even Johnny didn't know that she was eavesdropping this time.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rachel said.

"You don't know what I'm talking about," Johnny repeated sarcastically. "Cut the shit, Rachel. You sent him after her."

"Kate," I whispered desperately. I wanted her to not be hearing this conversation so bad that suddenly I knew there was no denying it. I liked her. Or at least, I was well on my way to liking her.

"Shut up," she hissed. Her face was white and frozen. We both waited, petrified and helpless, for Rachel's reply.

"I do what I have to," Rachel said. I felt that I was going to be sick.

"I'm telling you. You won't even be happy with him," Johnny replied.

Rachel countered with, "You want to make me a better offer?"

Johnny ignored the suggestiveness of her question. "My offer is this: you call off your brother, I won't tell mine what you're playing at."

Rachel said, "It's too late for that. Scott likes her. Nothing you can do to stop it now." I had never loved my sister more than I loved her for saying this. Here was finally something for me to work. A beacon of hope.

Johnny was silent for a second, and Kate took the opportunity to glance sideways at me. I shook my head and put on my earnest face. "Kate. I am so sorry," I whispered. She opened her mouth as if to reply, but the Johnny was talking again.

"You are not going to pull this off," Johnny said clearly to my sister.

"Yes I am," Rachel retorted. "Watch me."

That was the end of their conversation, but Kate and I stood stunned for another minute after they'd drifted away. "Kate," I said, after a moment.

"Don't," she replied. "Look, I've got to… do something," she trailed off. And then she took off. I didn't see her for the rest of the night.

- - - - - - -

Adrien

For me, the party passed too easily. When I'd emailed Johnny about coming, I'd done it entirely for Kate. I expected that his presence at the event was hardly going to enhance my enjoyment of it. In fact, it expected it would have the opposite effect. But as long as the party was happening, Johnny left me alone. I understood that there was some drama going on, but it seemed to mostly have to with Scott, not me. I began to feel like I had dodged a bullet.

But then, after the party, things went miserably wrong.

Johnny and I found each other in the kitchen, which was starting to sort of become our territory. It seemed to be the one place where we could talk with relative frankness, and recently even with a feeling of goodwill. Tonight, however, that feeling was in short supply.

Looking back, it's easy to see how Johnny and I both went into this conversation with good intentions. He was concerned for Kate and looking for an ally. I was concerned for Kate as well, and an ally would've been nice. But above and beyond that, I was, as always, looking for a brother. And I just could not understand Johnny's way of being one.

At any rate, we started out okay. "So thanks for coming," I said. "Kate really appreciated it."

Johnny leaned back against the counter, balancing his weight on his arms. "Actually, little brother, I'm not sure that's true," he replied.

I had only said thanks-for-coming as a passing comment. But when Johnny answered me the way he did, I moved around to the table and sat down. I knew we were going to have discussion.

"I mean, I'm sure she appreciated you asking me, if that's what you were going for," Johnny added. It was as if he couldn't resist antagonizing me.

"That's not what I was going for," I said impassively.

"'Course not."

We were both silent for a moment. Then Johnny spoke again. "So why are you letting Scott mess with her?" he asked.

I was taken aback. "Why am I what?" How had Kate and Scott suddenly become my fault? Honestly, I didn't like him hanging so much with her any better than Johnny did. But it was Kate's life. And I was practically with Rachel. So what right did I have to care or to intrude or to be secretly devastatingly jealous? I was doing the best I could with the situation. I was just trying to believe that Scott really wasn't so bad at his core.

"Oh come on, Adrien." There was a definite edge in Johnny's voice now. "You honestly think he's for real? It's like I'm the only one who remembers that he screwed Jess in multiple ways!"

"You're the only one who remembers? What, because you're so involved in all of our lives?" I was barely restrained at this point. It was if a lifetime's worth of abandonment and resentment was boiling to my surface right now.

Johnny crossed his arms. "I wouldn't talk about involvement if I were you. Why aren't you doing anything about Kate?"

"What am I supposed to do?" I exploded. "It isn't my job to run everybody's else's lives!"

"No," Johnny said, his tone still level and even. "But it is your job to do what you can for Kate, when it matters."

I didn't see how he had a right to talk.

"And how do you know it matters? How do you know it's not all just going to blow over in a week or two?" I'd regained enough of my composure to put the question to him calmly.

"Has it blown over yet?" he asked. Since he had a point, I didn't reply and instead waited for him to continue. "I'm just saying, I know people that are like him, and—" He had more to say, but I interrupted.

"You know people like him," I repeated, in an acidic tone that surprised both of us. Johnny, for once, was too startled to come up with one of his quick retorts.

"Well. Yeah," he stumbled. He didn't know where I was going with this.

"That's not good enough," I said.

Johnny narrowed his eyes and leaned forward a little. "What?" he asked crisply.

"It's not good enough," I repeated, my voice rising again. "You think you can waltz in here on your three-times-a-year visits and tell me how to handle Scott because you, what, know someone like him? You don't know him, Johnny! You don't know any of us!"

"Look," Johnny said. He was on edge now to. Any minute and this was going to erupt into an all-out war. "You've got a problem with me, that's fine. You don't want to hear responsibility speeches from the guy who never sticks around? It's understandable. But I'm not asking you to do me any favors. I'm talking about Kate. She needs someone looking out for her right now."

"Yeah?" I asked. "And where do you get off making that call? You're never around. You have no idea what's really going on here."

Johnny lost it. "You think I don't know what's going on?" he yelled. "You think I don't know your Rachel bitch set her brother loose on Kate to get her out of her way? You're the one who can't figure these things out, not me!"

I didn't believe a word he'd just said. I probably should've, but I didn't. "You have to be kidding me," I raged. "You're really going to stoop that low? Drag Rachel into it, maybe kill two birds with one stone?"

"Adrien—" Johnny tried to begin, but I cut him off, on a role now.

"You know, I get it. You like coming around here every once in a while. You like seeing how you can shake things up."

Johnny's expression fell completely blank. "You really think that's why I come around?" he asked evenly.

"You're going to tell me it's not?" I challenged. And then I suddenly had a terrible feeling in my gut. I didn't want to be right about this one. I didn't want that to be the reason Johnny still showed up sometimes. I waited anxiously for him to tell me I was wrong.

Johnny didn't say a word.

"Than maybe you should just stop coming," I said. The words rolled out of my mouth and hit the kitchen floor with a thud. We both heard the finality in them. That was it. It was over. The ragged relationship with my brother that I'd been so desperately trying to hold on to for so many years had finally come to its heartbreaking end. Oh God. What had I done?

"Yeah," he agreed. There was more hostility in his voice than I'd ever heard before, even when he talked to dad. "That's great. I'm out." With that he turned left them room. I was struck by the terrible thought that I might never see him again.

Kate entered the room just as Johnny was leaving it. She must have heard us arguing. We had been getting loud towards the end. "What's going on?" she asked. Her face was all concern.

I couldn't tell her what had happened. Instead, I slumped forward in my chair, face down on the table.

"Adrien, what's going on?" she repeated. I only shook my head, as if to say she didn't want to know.

Kate gave up on me and headed out the door after Johnny.

"Johnny," I heard her say while the door was still closing.

"You know what? Fuck him," came Johnny's voice.

And then the door swung shut.

- - - - - -

A/N: Oh man. All the angst. Don't worry guys, good times are going to come… eventually. Thanks for all the loverly reviews, guys. I promise next time to be back with reviewer response for all of y'all (I'm in a bit of a hurry – if I don't get this posted tonight it won't get posted for another week). I also promise that the next update will be much faster… if you review!

Jill: When I got your review the other morning I realized I had committed myself to finishing the chapter this week, and thus I have. But let me tell you, it took some considerable effort. After reconsidering the last chapter (and, well, this one too) I've decided that Kate needs to be A Little Less Mental Monologue And A Lot More Action. But anyway, good talkers are the most dangerous things in the world, aren't they? Suddenly you're saying all sorts of things that you didn't mean to say to these people and, well, it's all downhill from there. And speaking of sordid pasts, my Great Tragic Love Story seems to be somewhat similar to yours. Minus the gay thing (that would be my sisters Great Tragic Love Story). I guess what I mean is that they seemed to have ended similarly: with the clinging too hard. Incidentally, I met my Great Tragic Love because he was hard in love with my best friend, who happened to have a boyfriend, and Mr. Great Tragic Love happened to need a confident which led to me spending inappropriate amounts of time with him and everyone thinking he was dating me. At any rate, I lasted through that crush of his and several successive other crushes as "the friend girl," until I ultimately pushed a little too hard and then that was it. I mean, we're still friends in the I'll-wave-to-you-when-we-pass-on-campus way. And I still haven't been able to bring myself to delete his number from my cell phone. Because you never know when he might, you know, break up with his girlfriend, realize I was the best thing he never had, and come knocking down my dorm room door. I mean, I'm all moved on. But you've got to leave your options open. But I digress. Where was I? A yes, in the midst of Kate's endless mental monologues. In the real book, I'm not sure that Fanny Price ever even really likes the Crawford guy. But what fun would that be here? Thus, I was once again forced to create a motive for these motiveless characters. She likes him cuz she wants to save him. Yay for Kate. As we move into the next Kate-Scott scene, I'll take the opportunity to say that most of the time when I'm writing these stories I have kind of a basic idea of how things are going to go in my head, but specific scenes and conversations usually come to me as I go along. But there are certain scenes that are in my head from the start, and this was one of them. For some reason I just knew Scott and Kate were going to talk about her liking Adrien. But anyway, as for the a-lot-of-girls-would've-gone-for-Johnny being a subtle dig at the Johnny Love… well, we'll just see how the Johnny love is doing after this chapter. It's not that I want everyone to hate my beloved Johnny Ledger or anything, but he is the bad brother, the Brother With Problems. Doesn't anybody get that but me? Haish. Girl, count all the shout outs you want. I think there were a couple in this chapter too (most notably the screwing-with-jess-in-multiple-ways-has-every-one-forgotten-this-but-me part, which I basically lifted from your review-a-thon. Shameless, I know). By the way, my favorite line of dialogue during this whole Kate-Scott saga was "That depends on your belief system." Doesn't this guy need reforming? Hell, I'd give it a try! I'm glad to here, at any rate, that Shithead Scott is already making you SLIGHTLY swoony. I trust that things will only get swoony-er has Shithead Scott get more reformed and more sincere (until he ultimately out-shithead's himself and head back down his path of darkness). The Adrien Kate silence was TOTALLY a shout out to you, and to Mason, who I miss ALMOST as much as Caleb (who am I kidding? I don't miss anyone as much as Caleb.) Seriously though, with you and Phoenix-Talon both on temporary hiatus, I'm getting a little depressed. (But remember – I love you more!) FYI, Alex Karev owns my soul (and whoever plays him) because he is HOT. Meredith is a bitch. I can't believe she's going to sleep with George. And as for Adrien's email, there is apparently no end to the bitterness there. See the current chapter for further details. Speaking of the current chapter, what are your thoughts? You know what to do: Review! OTI! Let go of the RANNY, and the SKATE story while you're at it (some how I don't think this is going to happen). FF reviews and More Shayidnon to come as soon as soon as possible.