Bella

"That won't matter much if you are willing to go through all those hardships for people you love or a cause you believe in." Bella found herself saying, as she thought over some half-remembered memory of something she had read. Was it from a book? A newspaper? She gave a little start when she felt a hand covering her own, She looked up in time to see Meg smile warmly at her, with a quick little understanding nod, as she gave the hand a quick little squeeze.

"When will he come home, Marmee?"Beth asked from the other side of the room. There was a noticeable quiver in her voice.

"Not for many months, dear, unless he is sick or wounded. He will stay and do his work faithfully as long as he can, and we won't ask for him back a minute sooner than he can be spared. Now, come hear the letter."

Bella watched as Marmee reclaimed the big chair. Jo wandered over to lean on the back with an expression that seemed both eager and pensive at the same time. Amy sat on one of the arms of the chair, Meg leaned on the other arm. Beth quickly moved her little chair closer to Marmee's feet, her large, bright eyes looking up eagerly, like an alert little mouse. Ella, on orders, returned to the couch. Bella quickly walked to her side and tucked the throw about her. Then she returned to the little piano bench.

Marmee waited until they all got settled. Then she began to read. The letter was long and full of news. most of it was lively and interesting, full of news of army life, the food they ate, the training the soldiers went through, the marches from place to place, the people they met daily. There was plans and ideas for what would be, once the war was over, and advice and suggestions from what was obviously written to him earlier. Near the end, the tone changed, and some of the homesickness and longing for home and loved ones shown through the man's penned words.

"Give them all my dear love and a kiss. Tell them I think of them by day, pray for them by night, and find my best comfort in their affections at all times. A year seemed a long time to wait before I see them, but remind them that while we wait, we may all work so that these hard days need not be wasted. I know they will do their duty faithfully, fight their bosom enemies bravely, and conquer themselves so beautifully that when I come bak to them I will be prouder and fonder than ever of my little women."

Everyone sniffed when they came to that part. Still, it startled Bella, who was deep in thought in the silence that fell after the last words were read, when Amy snuggled at Marmee's side and hid her face in her shoulder with a sob. "I am a selfish girl! But I'll try to be better so he mayn't be disappointed in me by and by!"

Meg cleared her throat and rubbed her eyes before adding determinedly. "We all will. I think too much of my looks and hate to work, but won't anymore if I can help it."

"I'll try to be what he loves to call me, a little woman, and not be rough and wild but do my duty here instead of wanting to be somewhere else."

Bella felt more and more troubled as she listened to each confession. She felt as though she should say something but hadn't a clue what that something should be. Ella seemed upset as well, and as lost. She sat up, as the letter was read, looking deeply interested. But her expression gradually grew dim, as they got to the end of the letter. And it seemed to get more down, with each sister's little speech. A little silence fell again, as Bella watched the other two silent sisters, with a thoughtful expression of her own, wondering if she should say something and if she did, what?

Beth seemed untroubled by any need to say anything. She wiped the tears off her face with the sock she was knitting, then worked away at it with all her might. It seemed like, instead of talking, she would immediately take her absent father's words to heart by finishing the first task she found to do.

Then Ella choked, and buried her face with a sob, making Bella jump again, and the others to turn to look at her with startled expressions. Bella hurried to her and tried to comfort her, but Ella continued to sob and said in a choked voice. "I'm so bad! I don't know what to focus on first. Tell me, and I'll try to do better!"

Bella sighed and rubbed her back in an effort to sooth her. "I am a proud little bluestocking." She found herself saying, and the shock of those words almost made her stop. The gaze of the others, save Ella who was too busy crying to pay attention to anyone else, so full of varying degrees of respect and curiosity, confused her even more, and she continued speaking despite herself. "I really am. What a clever, industrious, studious girl I am Always poking my nose in my books, and showing off what I know. Never doing more chores than I have to, in order to spend more time to study. If I knew how to do better, I would start at once."

Where did all that come from, she mentally asked herself. She didn't remember any of her past, yet the words poured out like she knew exactly what she was talking about. Like some part of her did remember and acted on what it knew.

Marmee smiled as though an idea came to her. "Do you girls remember how you used to play Pilgrim's Progress when you were little things? Nothing delighted you more than to have me tie my piece-bags on your backs for burdens, give you hats and sticks and rolls of paper and let you travel through the house from the cellar, which was the City of Destruction, up, up, to the housetop and there you had all the lovely things you could collect to make a celestial city."

"What fun that was!" Cried Jo rapturously. "Especially going by the lions and fighting Apollon and passing through the valley where the hobgoblins lived."

"I liked the place where the bundles fell off and tumbled down the stairs." Said Meg.

"My favorite part was where we came out on the flat roof where our flowers and arbors and pretty things were and we just stood and there in the sunshine and sang for joy." Said Beth, smiling as though she was reliving the pleasant memory.

Bella shrugged as though she didn't wish to speak of it. Truthfully, she only could recall a few vague, shadowy images that rose from the various descriptions. She noted, however, that Ella's sobs had faded during the talk to mere sniffles and hiccups. She was glancing out from under her hair, with very red eyes, mutely listening with a pathetic sniff or hiccup now and then.

"I don't remember much about it, except that I was afraid of the cellar and the dark entry and always liked the cake and milk we had at the top. If I wasn't too old for such things, I'll rather like to play it over again."

Bella laughed at that and looked at Amy in quiet wonder. "Amy, what do you mean too old? You're twelve."

"I am almost a teen." Amy retaliated with a frown, and a disdainful toss of her curls. "Besides, you are only two years older than me, so you have no need to be so conocedating."

"Consenting, Goosey." Laughed Jo.

"And we are never too old for this, my dears," Marmee added, skillfully defusing the situation before it got out of hand, by redirecting the girls' attention back to the main focus she was trying to tell them. "It is a play that we are playing all the time, in one way or another. Our burdens are before us, and the longing for goodness and happiness is the guide that leads us through many troubles and mistakes to the true Celestrial City. Now, my little pilgrims," She added, with a glance full of the sweetest confidence, love and sympathy, "Suppose you began again, not in play, but in earnest, and see how far on you can get before Father comes home."

"Really, Mother? Where are our bundles?" Asked Amy with a puzzled frown.

"Each of you told what your burden is, but Beth. I rather think she hadn't got any." Marmee began, but Beth interrupted hesitantly. "Yes, I have. Mine is dishes and dusters and envying girls with nice pianos and not getting music lessons, and being afraid of people and...and everything."

Bella had to bite her lip to keep from laughing, and noticed that the others were struggling similarly not to laugh at Beth's funny burden. But clearly, nobody wanted to hurt her feelings.

"Ella wasn't very clear about what her burden was," Meg said, with a slight frown, after a moment's thought.

"Yeah, come on Ella. Fess." Jo added, with a teasing grin.

Ella sighed and sat up with a dejected expression. "I meant what I said. I got so many things wrong with me, that I don't know where to start. I'm lazy, and love fun and don't want to be serious. How do I fix that?"

"There is nothing wrong with wanting to have fun," Marmee said with a compassionate expression on her kind face. "I think what you best need is to learn how to balance duty and pleasure."

"Okay. I'll try." Ella said meekly. "I don't want to be worthless anymore."

"You're not worthless," Meg interjected. "I thin Marmee is right. You just need direction."

"All of you are off to a fine start. After all, knowing where you are weakest is a good step toward self-discovery and self-improvement."

"Let's do it," Meg said thoughtfully. "It is only another name for trying to be good, and the story may help us for though we do want to be good, it's hard work and we forget and don't do our best."

"We were in the Slough of Despond tonight, and Mother came and pulled us out like Help did in the book. We ought to have our roll of directions like Christian. What shall we do about that?" Asked Jo, looking delighted and amused by the prospect, as though the fancy tickled her immensely.

"Look under your pillow, Christmas morning, and you will find your guidebooks." Replied Marmee mysteriously.