Chapter 19
Forward Motion

Kate

In a way, it was nice to have the thing with Scott finally over and done with. It was a week until I was leaving, and having Scott officially call things off gave me one less thing to be leaving behind.

On the other hand, there were definitely some downsides. For one thing, I didn't like the way things had ended, the way Scott had handled it. It made everyone right about him but me—Johnny was particularly I-told-you-so about it when I told him over the phone. But I forgave him for his insensitivity since he was obviously just still upset about Adrien.

Also, I had actually liked Scott, in one way or another. And when he'd said take it or leave it, there was a part of me that had just wanted to take it. So that, in itself, was a blow.

But mostly, without Scott to distract me, there was only one thing for me to think about as I prepared to leave. And yes, that was Adrien. He was the reason I was going and also the reason I almost didn't want to.

Adrien and Rachel had somehow become official in the wake of his fight with Johnny. I had to admit, Rachel had earned it—being so sweet and supportive—and as Scott had pointed out, I had basically let it happen. At any rate, I'd accepted Adrien as a lost cause, and that is why I was going.

Instead of an explanation, let me show you why I sometimes wanted to stay.

Four days before I was going to leave Adrien and I were in the basement, watching random reality television shows. I don't know where the Harringtons were, but they weren't with us which was good—Adrien and I were both glad for an evening to ourselves, especially with my departure so imminent. We needed a moment to digest it all.

Packing had been keeping me busy since Scott had dumped me. Right now was no exception. I was sitting on the floor trying to find the best way to organize my albeit small collection of shoes into a box. Adrien was behind me, on the couch.

"Kate," he said.

I mumbled some kind of non-response and continued with the box.

"I'm watching some knock-off Survivor thing because you told me to keep it on and you aren't even paying attention."

"Background noise," I explained.

He threw a pillow at the back of my head, which bounced off and onto the floor behind me. So I laid back and looked at him upside-down from there. He said, "You've got three more days to pack. Come enjoy our moment of solitude."

"Fine," I said, laughing because I couldn't tell if he was completely serious or being deliberately melodramatic. I pushed myself up and back onto the couch beside him. He turned the volume down on the TV so that now it really was just background noise.

"So when are we leaving?" he asked. "Friday morning?"

I'd picked a school that was far enough away—a seven hour drive—because I wanted to make sure I would really be gone. It was normal enough for Adrien to assume he would be driving me down. I hadn't told him yet that he wouldn't. Johnny, actually was insisting on driving me now I was (his words) "finally breaking free from my shackles." And Johnny was a touchy subject.

I was watching the television, but Adrien must have been watching me. He could tell from my face that something was up.

"What?" he asked suspiciously.

"Actually…" I drew out the word, wanting to put off the Johnny conversation for just that much longer if I could.

"Harrington's driving you?" Adrien guessed.

I laughed because I couldn't help it. It was funny, in a sad way, how rarely Adrien and I talked anymore. "Are you serious?" I asked. "You really haven't noticed that Scott and I are like not talking?"

"Well, I have," he shrugged, a little sheepishly. "But I don't know anything." There was a pause. Adrien asked, "So are you okay?"

Wasn't that the million dollar question?

"About being over with Scott?" I shrugged. "I'm alright. I mean, it was inevitable." I smiled to myself before I added, with an almost undetectable note of bitterness, "Johnny's thrilled, anyway."

Adrien didn't pick up on the bitterness, but he did pick up on the mention of his brother—as if he could miss that. Still, nothing perceptibly changed in his expression, and so I bravely forged ahead.

"Since we're on the subject, he's actually driving me. Johnny is."

I wasn't brave enough to keep my eyes on Adrien when I said that, so I didn't see his facial reaction to that. But he just said, "Oh," flatly, which didn't seem like a good sign.

"It's just that—" I began, as if to explain, although I didn't know exactly where I was going with this. Fortunately, Adrien broke in.

"Oh, don't apologize. I'm glad that you're talking to him. Really. It makes him seem less lost forever. And besides, even if I wasn't glad, you'd be well in your rights to talk to him. You and Johnny have always been…"

He paused, staring vacantly at the TV. He was quiet for what seemed like such a long time that I actually began to wonder if he was going to finish that statement. But then he suddenly did. "Friends," he said, and rushed right into his next sentence. "I suppose that means he's going to be back then. Here."

I couldn't tell if there was a question hidden in there or not. "I suppose it does," I repeated, just to be safe.

Adrien nodded and we both fell silent. On the television, an annoyingly perky commercial for allergy medicine was rolling. Adrien nudged my foot with his. I looked at him.

"I don't like that you're leaving," he said.

For a moment, was terrified that he, like Scott, was going to ask me to stay. And I wasn't sure that I would be able to stand up to that. My expression must have become panic-stricken, because Adrien frowned, confused.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said quickly, remembering that this was Adrien, not Scott. And that, unlike Scott, Adrien had my best interest at heart.

And that he would never ask me to stay.

There was obviously something I wasn't saying, but Adrien graciously ignored it. "All I'm saying," he explained, "is that I'll miss you. You're my best friend, Kate."

He shrugged then, almost like he was embarrassed, and averted his eyes back to the TV. God, he was adorable.

And, God. Do you see why I sometimes wanted to stay?

- - - - - - - - -

Adrien

So Kate was leaving. Johnny was coming back, briefly, and then going again. Jess and her new husband, along with Manda, were soon returning from the European Tour. Scott was sticking around until they got back—in order, Rachel was sure, to see Jess's marital misery first hand. Then he was taking off too. And my father was also leaving again.

In short—the whole world seemed to be in motion. The whole word, that is, but me.

I was stuck. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant, or what I was stuck in, but I was sure that it was true. Even Kate was finally taking charge of her life, and I was filled with the overwhelming sense that there was something I should be doing too. Everyone else was making things happen. I wasn't. I was letting things happen to me. I mean, yes, I was with Rachel now. But even that seemed to be more her doing than mine.

But I didn't know how to change things. And so I did what I always did. I kept myself busy. I found ways to fill up my time. There were plenty of things to worry about, especially with Kate going. For instance: we would probably need to think about hiring someone to keep the house in order. And how much should we pay them for that? For that matter, how much should we have been paying Kate all these years?

I asked her about that and she answered drolly, "Pay me a laptop."

I said, "Okay."

Kate stopped what she was doing—we were folding laundry for Aunt Lucy—and looked at me. "I was kidding, Adrien."

I knew that, but it didn't seem like a bad idea. I figured she deserved it—it could be, in a small way, recompense for all the years she'd had to suffer through our family drama. I said, "Yeah, but you probably need one anyway. I mean you're going to college. And how are you going to keep up with Johnny without a computer?"

Kate shook her head, smiling, returning to our pile of clean clothes. "How am I going to keep up with you?" she asked. A good question. I thought she was relenting already, but she added, "You still can't just buy me a laptop."

I didn't see why not.

"It's too weird," she explained, handing me a T-shirt to fold.

"No it's not," I said. "From what I can make of the credit card bills, I bought Don Yates plane ticket to Europe a couple weeks back. That's weird."

Kate laughed. I continued, "Besides, it's really not me who's buying the computer. It's Dad. And since you're a Mansfield now, that's completely not weird."

And so that's what we did. After we were done with the laundry, we took ourselves to Best Buy and bought the completely-not-weird computer.

It was weird, though. Everything was weird with me and Kate these days.

Rachel, in the meantime, was willing to sit on the sidelines while I spent my time helping Kate prepare for her departure. After all, with Kate leaving so imminently, Rachel could have hardly felt threatened by her anymore. She hung out with her brother a lot, which was actually incredibly helpful since he and Kate weren't talking anymore. Kate wouldn't tell me what exactly had gone down between them, or maybe she just didn't say because I didn't ask. Either way, I could tell that it hadn't been good and that she was uncomfortable with the whole situation. So it was good of Rachel to keep Scott out of the way.

The day before Kate was leaving, though, it was Rachel who helped me move Kate's boxes to the foyer, where we stacked them by the front door.

"So she's really leaving," Rachel said after we'd stacked the last box. We were leaning against the opposite wall, looking at the pile. Rachel said that as if she hadn't believed it till now.

"Sure," I said.

"Weird timing," she said. "How are you going to do with this?"

I just raised my eyebrows. How was I going to do with what?

"I'm just saying," Rachel continued. "I guess I don't see why she has to leave so quickly. Summer session and all. You'd think she would stick out the summer, with the whole Johnny thing having just gone down."

It was affirming, in a way, how Rachel made things all about me, even things that really weren't about me at all. Still, I just said, "I'm just glad that she's getting a chance to get out of here."

Rachel laughed. I didn't understand why, and then she explained. "It's just cute, the way you always feel the right thing. You're so noble."

"I am noble," I agreed. It felt good to not be serious.

"You make me feel bad all the time." Rachel folded her arms and turned her head to look up at me. "If I were you—God. I'd be pissed at Kate. She's abandoning you in your hour of need."

I shrugged. Maybe I should've been, but I wasn't pissed at Kate at all. This was, of course, because I loved her. But I didn't understand that back then. I only knew that I didn't feel mad. I just felt incredibly lost.

- - - - - - - -

Friday morning, Kate and I were in the kitchen together for the last time. We were nervous, the both of us, talking randomly about nothing significant, glancing constantly at the window and pretending that we weren't. We both saw Johnny's car pull up at the same time. We looked out the window. We looked at each other.

"He's here," Kate said, although of course I had seen for myself. I nodded.

"Are you ready?" I asked.

"Are you?" she returned. We were talking about differing things. I was talking about college; she was talking about Johnny.

"No," I shrugged. "Come on." I put a hand on her back and ushered her out of the kitchen. When I touched her, I felt something I couldn't identify. But there wasn't time to think about it. In a moment we were in the hall. And so was Johnny.

He was standing slouched sideways, one shoulder leaning against the wall, arms crossed. He looked exactly the same as he'd looked three weeks ago when he'd left the house allegedly for good—jeans, sneakers, even wearing the "Team Kate" T-shirt again. It did not comfort me that he was back. I knew once Kate was gone, he wouldn't be back again. What reason would he have to come?

Johnny did not acknowledge me. His expressing only registered complete indifference as his gaze passed over me and onto Kate. I was filled with an intense urge to say I was sorry, right then, just blurt it out. But then Johnny was talking to Kate and it felt like I had missed the chance. Maybe forever.

"Hey Beautiful," Johnny said, giving Kate a hug. She smiled, obviously happy to see him. I stood to the side, watching them. Generally feeling like a jerk.

"This is your stuff?" Johnny asked her, motioning to the boxes Rachel had set in the hall the day before.

"Yeah," Kate nodded, glancing anxiously at me. I tried to do the encouraging it's-all-good smile thing. I'm not sure how convincing it was.

"Okay," Johnny said and grabbed one of the boxes and headed out the door.

Kate paused before following to ask, "You coming?"

I just nodded and grabbed a box. This wasn't fair. There was too much going on at once.

Johnny and I filled his car without talking to each other, excepting when he broke the silence to say, "Maybe you should put that one there," because I had apparently put a box in the wrong spot. Rachel emerged from the apartment sometime during this process. Scott did not come with her, although I don't think any of us were surprised by this.

When we were done, Johnny went in the house without an explanation as to why. Rachel waited a second then followed him in, which seemed like she was trying to give Kate and me one last moment alone. Kate was sitting in the front seat of Johnny car at this point, with the door open. I walked over to her and squatted in front of the open door.

"How you doing?" I asked.

She raked a hand through her short hair. "I'm a little freaked out," she admitted.

I smiled. "You're going to be great," I told her.

She laughed and shook her head. "Yeah? And how do you know that?"

"I just know."

Johnny had reemerged from the house, with Rachel behind him. I stood up as he approached the car and looked down at Kate. "Ready or not," I said.

"Call me," she instructed.

I nodded and shut her door and looked across the car at Johnny. And for the first time today, he finally looked back at me. "I'll see you, little brother," he said. Before I could reply, he had slid into the driver's seat and shut his door. That was it. But it was something.

I stood back at watched them drive away. Rachel came up beside me, but I didn't say anything for a long time. Finally she broke the silence and said, as if annoyed, "Okay, you're acting way to tragic, hun. It's not like she won't ever be back."

"I know," I said. "But I'm not sure Johnny will."

Rachel did not know what to say to that.

- - - - - - - - - -

A/N: Well, school's out so hopefully I'll be getting some quicker updates up now. Although sometimes I do get lazy during the summer. But I shall try. Wow! So many reviews! I'm excited!

Rapsody's song: OMG, you're review made me laugh so hard. Adrien's a pansy. LOL. You sound exactly like my brother. He thinks everyone is a pansy. That's probably why I thought it was so funny. Yep, we will see about Scott.

embracing: Wow, it's been a long time since I read Mansfield Park straight through. I've just been kinda skimming as I'm writing this. I think it was good, though. If you read Jane Austen and you like her you'll probably like it cuz they're all similar-ish. The movie is good, though, so if you don't have time to read you can at least watch :o)

slam a revolving door: Lol. Adrien is on everyone's nerves right now. But if he wasn't so oblivious, there would be no story. Scott will be caring soon. I promise.

fruit-filled: Why thank you! And thank you for reviewing! Dude, I'm totally gonna steal the phrase "wreaks of awesomeness" because that's just a cool phrase.

cookie: To be honest, I'm wondering how I'm going to incorporate the college thing in here myself. In Mansfield Park, she's supposed to go home, but since I made her an orphan that couldn't really happen. Guess we'll se how it goes.

jayley: Glad you liked the emails. I was feeling the need for some fluff in there.

Nnichollaa: Hurray! Another person on Team Adrien! You are wonderful.

Lucy Gwendolyn: Thank you so much for reviewing. You don't know how happy reviews make me. I'm glad you're still reading and still liking it.

elwen: Thanks for reviewing! Scott is actually my favorite perspective to write. It's just so much fun, even though he's a jerk. Or maybe because he's a jerk.

WhiteCamellia: Dude, I haven't watched The Sound of Music in forever either. Now I'm kind of in the mood for it. Alright, I think I'm going to have to go get it. Glad you liked the chapter.

Kate: I know. Usually I'm completely team badass, but since I'm required to end this thing the same way Jane Austen does, I'm trying to get people to root for Adrien. Lol.

Alex: Glad you like the story. You may be right about Ewan McGreggor, I have no idea. Thanks for reviewing.

BeyondtheSea: Lol. Evil glint in Rachel's eye. If only Adrien would realize a lot of things, this story could probably be a lot shorter :o)

a: Typically, I just want to hit Scott with things too and I'm the one making him such a jerk. Lol. As for Johnny and Rachel… you never know. Jill (the Review-a-Thon reviewing) is majorly campaigning for them to get together, and I'm starting to relent, although I fear there may be some kind of revolt among my other reviewers if I do so. So any Johnny-Rachel-ness may be subtle. But I'm glad I have your support ;o) GO TEAM ADRIEN!

Jill: Incidentally, I have never seen Grease 2, mainly because I have a massive fear of sequels in general which I attribute to their general horribleness (the only exception I can think of at the moment being Toy Story 2). I'm glad you are not emotionally scared. I think I went through enough emotional scarring for the both of us at the Epic Wedding Event. Anyways, yes. Scott and his emotional detachment. Personally, I relate to Scott response to the Jadrien divorce. I mean, I'll all for Brotherly Love, and Jack-Sawyer bonding, and that sort of thing. But if I was anyone other than Johnny or Adrien, I would definitely think they were making way too big of a deal out of everything, and I would be sarcastic. Adrien and Johnny are really just being melodramatic. (So I'm guessing if I have Adrien finally admit his feelings for Kate with an ever-so-articulate "I love, I love, I love you," you won't be a fan of that? Heh.) I don't know that Scott assumes Johnny is insignificant so much as he's just annoyed that he is significant. Also, Scott works so hard to maintain his emotional detachment and to not let anyone be important to him, that he doesn't understand why Johnny is so apparently important to Kate and Adrien. Anyway, that's my analysis. He can't relate. And yes, Scott does so want to be the center of attention. NOOO! The possibility of Scott ever caring about Kate has not been obliterated! He already cares about her. He's just not admitting it yet. Arg. You are impossible. I do, however, agree that Scott is a self-esteem rapist. Yes indeed. He certainly has/will have that effect on our poor beloved Jess. But come on! Stop being so hard on him. See? He does care about Kate. He wants her to reconcile with Adrien. That's kind of reminiscent of how Alex told Izzie that Denny loved her at the end of the Grey's finale despite the fact that he'd been complaining all episode that he owed her nothing. And yes, that was just a desperate attempt on my part to earn Scott some brownie points by comparing him to Alex Karev. Anyways, hurray! A Rachel-Scott scene, because you know those are my favorites. By the way, you have another reviewing rooting for Ranny now, thanks to Scotts "But I still thought she ought to just sleep with Johnny and get it over with", which I DID put in there just for you (as basically anything Ranny-ish in this story I put in there just for you.) In retrospect, maybe Scott should've bellowed, "YOU CAN'T 'RELEASE' WHAT YOU DON'T OWN, BITCH." Generally, I just think someone should call Rachel "bitch" by the end of this story, because as much as you love her, that's really what she is. I'm just not sure who that someone should be. It doesn't seem particularly in character for anyone, so it may just never happen. Unless Manda gets her hard-ass on at some point. Okay, and I really don't appreciate you turning the chandelier campaign around on Scott. Will I never convince you to love him? My dream is that someday when you're overlooking this fic you'll learn to love him like you've learned to love Becka and her RAGE! so just let me know when that happens. Okay, so I wasn't sure how I felt about completely leaving out the whole Papa Moneybags Talks To Kate and Kate Says She Wants To Go To College scene, but I really felt the majority of this chapter needed to be Scott's perspective and not Kate's, and I didn't want to break up the chapter with a perspective switch. And so that scene got left in the dust, even though it was one of those scenes I had planed out from the beginning. Oh well. Things change. Maybe I'll write the scene sometime and send it to you. I DID like Adrien being the one to tell Scott that Kate was leaving. Mwhahaha! My God! You're so cynical! Would you just let Scott like Kate? Maybe he wants to be in control of the situation a little, but he really does like her! I swear! Despite our eternal war about whether or not Scott is worthy of grace, this line really cracked me up: "In the beginning, there was a piano room. And, Scott was a prick. In the end, there is a piano room, and Scott has evolved into an even more loathsome prick." And you talk about MY oneliners. That's just gold. Lol. The Middle East line actually came from a poem I was trying to write once and abandoned because it sucked. But I liked the line, and so I had to get it into something. Oh and here's another brilliant moment by you: "I could make the argument that Scott is once again employing his honesty-that-reeks-of-desperation tactic." Honest that reeks of desperation? Dude, I think you've got Scott down. He does seem to play the honestly card only when he's got nothing left to play. As for the remainder of the Kate-Scott scene, I must admit that I am rather attached to it, mostly because it was a damn pain to write and I think it turned out alright in the end. It's hard to make Scott vulnerable and in-character at the same time, dammit! And then the fluff. Yates and Manda are my heroes. I'm getting so tired of all the angst. Alright, I think that about does it now. I'll email you sometime in the vaguely near future to complain about why is OTI always being postponed? I freaking miss Caleb. Until then: what did you make of my proposal to have Kate run into a few select My Own Mr. Knightly character while at college? Good idea, bad idea? You tell me.