-Chapter 14: Adapt or Die-

"What am I going to do with you?" I said to myself.

I took a step forward and Jessica quivered in fear, looking like she wanted to take a step backward and move away from me, but wasn't able to. Jessica's eyes flickered behind me and her eyes widened as she took in a deep breath – she looked relieved. I turned my head forty-five degrees and realized she must have just now heard the approaching police sirens and thought they would be able to help.

Were it so easy.

I examined Jessica's face intently, debating with myself. Should I kill her? Should I let her go? If I let her go, will she tell anyone what she saw?

Of course she would.

My teeth ground together. I didn't want to have to kill Jessica. I felt bad for killing Paul, and he was trying to murder me; gutting a classmate just seemed so…cold. I expected the part of me that hated Bella's compassion and kindness to rear up and demand I kill her just because I cared, but no such feeling came to be. I felt…drained and worn down, even with my sizable meal. I didn't have to prove I wasn't the real Bella Swan by killing Jessica – I had already done that by eating Paul.

My shoulders bunched and my muscles locked as the siren grew dangerously close; it was just around the bend. I couldn't make a decision, but I was out of time and I had to act fast. My mass gathered in my legs and I crouched, springing swiftly toward Jessica with hurtling speed. The girl sucked air down her throat to scream, but my shoulder knocked into her chest as I picked her up in a running tackle.

The noise that came out of her sounded more like a choke than a scream as she hung over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I cut across the highway and sprinted into the woods as fast as I could, trying to distance myself enough from the crime scene that nobody would hear Jessica calling for help.

She fought against my grip the whole way, beating my back with clenched fists and kicking my thighs; she had even resorted to hair-pulling. Once we were a safe-enough distance away from the crash, I stopped and set Jessica down next to a wide tree that provided cover from the rain. She shivered as she crab-walked away from me, dirtying her soaked clothing with mud.

"W-w-what…" Jessica stuttered, flinching as her back hit against the bark of the tree. She was breathing hard, borderline hyperventilating. "B-Bella?"

The rage and confusion from Carlisle's reveal began to shrink and I was able to think more rationally. My palms planted themselves inside my eye sockets and I let out a groan, falling to my knees in the wet, sloppy mud. I drug my fingers down my face, digging the tips into my skin and wishing halfheartedly that it was my claws slicing into my head.

I had acted like a child throwing a temper tantrum. The poor family I had killed hadn't deserved what had happened to them, no, but that was only a fraction of the damage I had caused. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

It was unlikely the crash could be linked to the virus – to me – but it would definitely cause waves in the small town of Forks. Focus would be placed here now, on figuring out exactly how a vehicle was t-boned on a straight highway. It was impossible to tell if the scientist types looking into the attack in Tacoma would take the logical leap that whatever killed those people came here, but it was a distinct possibility – even though I really wasn't responsible for those murders.

And now I was missing – or would be going missing. The daughter of the police chief doesn't go missing without serious inquiries being made. That would mean flyers and possibly news coverage, compounding the spotlight onto Forks. People would wonder, and I could almost imagine the whispers among them.

"Bella disappeared at the same time those poor people were killed; isn't that odd?" It would be odd and circumstantial, but the schizophrenic part of me feared that the government would know. I was afraid they would come here and pull up my life – prod Charlie for information.

A shiver went down my spine.

If they questioned my father at all – if they even looked at our history – they would know it was me. They would know I was living in Phoenix when the virus touched down. They would know I was missing for months. And they would know I came here, to Washington, the same place another apparent viral attack happened.

Anger replaced the cold fear and I growled low in my chest. I loathed the damn mutated freak that had decided to nest in Washington along with me. In that moment it didn't matter that it was my mistake that would draw the public's eye to Forks; I hated whoever released the virus – released me!

Another shiver went down my spine, but this one was hot and sharp instead of clammy. My muscles locked and my back arched, out of my control, and a grunt escaped my mouth at the frightening sensation. Out of the corner of my eye I could still see a frightened and confused Jessica, her back plastered to the tree with her arms wrapped around her legs.

My focus dissolved as liquid pain flowed through my body, my insides popping and fizzing as they writhed. I let out a strangled shriek as my vision blurred and the sounds and smells of the forest dampened like I was under water. My equilibrium failed and the ground was suddenly meeting my face; my face rubbed into the mud as I struggled against the fire in my veins.

And then I grew.

It happened with a quiet, wet, slopping sound, like a drenched shirt flopping against bare skin. I think I must have moaned or yelled, but I wasn't able to hear my own voice over my insides shifting and pulling apart. Parts of me elongated while others changed positions, morphing me haphazardly into something I wasn't sure I would recognize if I could see what was happening.

I wasn't in control of what happened next, nor did I completely understand it. The pain faded suddenly and my body lunged forward, a shrill scream rang out, and warm blood splashed across my face and body. My jaws moved apart and clenched shut over and over, crunching and tearing as I felt my body fill up with warmth. Tendrils latched on and pulled tissue back to me and a strange sort of hacking, rumbling sound came out of my throat.

The fog receded from my mind and I scrambled back away from the bloody pulp splattered across the tree bark and muddy ground. I tried to let out a gasp, but instead it came out as a screech. Nothing seemed right; I was too high up and I felt strange. Movement caught my eye as I backed up further, drawing my gaze downward and forcing another screech to scratch its way out of my throat.

I didn't have any hands.

It was more startling than it should have been, considering I spent a great deal of time with my arms morphed one way or another, but it shocked me nonetheless. Stubby claws rested on the ground in place of my normal hands – not nearly as sharp or intimidating as my usual sort of claws. I flexed them experimentally, disappointed in the limited range of movement I was able to get out of them.

It was at this moment that I realized two things.

One: I was on all fours, though I was slightly taller than I was in my normal form. I flexed what my brain mapped as my toes and was rewarded with a familiar, inhibited flexing of what I understood to be my back claws.

Two: I had some sort of snout. It was distracting once I noticed it, and seemed to be much larger than it probably was. It was black, like my claws were, and seemed misshapen and haggard; somehow not completely formed.

I thought back to consuming Paul and immediately considered the fact that I was a werewolf now. It was an anomaly, though; I had never lost control and transformed after eating someone. My claws had evolved after eating one of the mutants in Phoenix – the ones I had described to the Cullens – but the transformation wasn't so severe.

But perhaps that was because the two of us – the mutant and me – were so biologically similar? Maybe this is what it was like to gain attributes from something that wasn't infected? It seemed a good hypothesis, but I shook my head as another observation came to light.

My skin and features – the ones I could see, anyway – weren't like Paul's wolf form at all. Yes, I was on all fours and had a snout, but even that wasn't wolf-like; it was more stout than long, and didn't appear to have any fur on it. In fact, I couldn't see fur anywhere. My muscular front legs and claws were a rough black color that was similar to my other transformations.

So what was I, then? What had I transformed into if not a werewolf? My head swiveled as I searched for a reflective surface and I glanced at the bloodied tree, my mouth parting as I finally recognized what all the blood and gore that covered the bottom of the tree meant. I had…killed Jessica and I hadn't even realized it.

I was running before I knew it, sprinting away from what was left of my classmate. A whining screech bubbled out of my maw as I considered how I had lost control and killed Jessica. There was no conscious awareness to it when it happened; there was only the feeling of satisfaction and wholeness as I broke her body down into pieces and ate her.

I didn't need a shrink to draw the parallels; I understood how similar Renee and Jessica's deaths were, though I wished I could just forget. Almost as though my own mind was taunting me, Jessica's last thoughts and feelings popped into my head and played like a movie reel. Disbelief, desperation, and petrifying fear wove in and out of the memory of her watching me.

I tried to rationalize her death. Logically, killing her was the only thing that made sense. Jessica saw everything. Not only did she see me, but she saw Paul in his wolf form. She would have told someone what she saw – Me, Bella Swan, fighting a gigantic wolf with her bare hands before I ate it. Nothing good would have come of it.

Nothing good at all.

And that's what I told myself; I repeated the mantra in my head and remembered it wasn't only my secret that was exposed when she saw what she saw. I would forget, like I had so many times, that I had killed a human being and enjoyed it. Nothing good. Nothing good at all.

I'm really running fast.

My footsteps faltered at the thought, but I recovered quickly and continued sprinting through the sea of trees. I was higher up and was running on all fours, but even with those differences the velocity I was running at was apparent. My stride was strong and even, and I felt just as comfortable at this higher speed as I did on two legs; there was no exhaustion or breathlessness – no fatigue at all.

I turned and headed back in the other direction once I realized if I kept heading in a straight line I would quickly run out of land to cover. I was thankful for the distraction from thoughts of murder, and considered if this new speed was fast enough to keep up with a vampire – was I faster? I didn't have a frame of reference to measure with, but it felt like I was traveling fast enough to keep up with one of the Cullens.

I caught the scent of fresh water and slowed down to a trot. The rain had stopped sometime during my escape, but trickles of water still spilled off the tops of the trees in a pitter-patter rhythm. The sky was still a perpetual grey color, though it had lightened as the rainfall waned.

My claw-paws rested on the bank of the spring my nose had led me toward, digging an inch into the sand-mud mixture and creating mini-pools of ice-cold spring water in the indentations. I sniffed again and took several steps forward, submerging my legs halfway in. Inky clouds of dirty water floated away from my legs as I gazed down into the rippling water.

I had been right: I was no werewolf. My transformed self looked…monstrous. Black seemed to be the primary color, but along my stubby muzzle and back along my sides were rivers of burned crimson, like exposed veins. It was a very gory look – the veins made my black flesh look like it was skinned and burned to a crisp.

My mouth bore razor-sharp, stark-white teeth. I pulled back the charred gums of my new face and sneered at my distorted reflection. They were haggard and abominable as well – looking more like a shark's mouth than a wolf's. There were no identifiable canine fangs; they all had roughly the same dagger-like appearance.

I shivered at my eyes as my reflection analyzed me. They were a glowing, demonic red color. There were no irises or pupils, just two solid red orbs that darted inside large white sclera. I closed my eyes and concentrated, allowing my quadrupedal body to pull apart and weave back into my human appearance.

The face I had always believed belonged to me stared back up from the water as I opened my eyes. The gentle bubbling of the spring and the smell of the forest were both dampened now, but still soothing. I cocked my head to the side as I stood in the water, considering my new 'quirk' and the apparent super-senses it gave me. I knew vampires had a greater sense of smell and a larger range of hearing than I did, but the idea that the wolves would have those evolved senses had eluded me.

A gentle prodding stroked the back of my mind like a half-forgotten thought. I turned around in the spring, sloshing the shin-deep water around, and frowned, trying to remember whatever it was that I had forgotten. My back straightened and I took a step out of the spring as the deadline popped back into my head.

I remembered I needed to hurry to Port Angeles for my mom. The packages she had ordered last minute had arrived at Walmart and she was too busy working to pick them up. It was raining hard so I wasn't able to go as fast as I usually would, but hopefully the rain would let up before I made the trip home. I didn't really understand why mom couldn't have mailed the packages to…to…

My legs buckled and I fell to my hands and knees in the ice water, my fingers clenching a handful of muddy sand as I shivered from the alien thought. Black ink leaked from my eyes and dripped into the clear water, dissipating quickly.

Tendrils writhed as my body shifted again, my reflection in the water smoothing away into the face of Jessica Stanley. Her reflection – my reflection, now – stared up at me with haunted eyes and a black-streaked face from the viral tears running down her nose. I clenched my eyes shut and reabsorbed the liquid that clung to my face, opening my eyes to a physically pristine reflection of Jessica.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. I flicked my hand across the surface of the water to ruin the image and sighed into the cool water. "I'm sorry."

My truck was sitting in the driveway when I got home after a few more hours at the spring. Charlie's cruiser was missing and the lights were out in the house, despite the late hour. I pulled the key ring out of the truck's ignition and unlocked the front door, taking a moment to stand in the doorway and peer into the living room. I took a forced step inside and closed the door behind me.

Making the decision to come home wasn't an easy one, but even with all the horrible things I had just done, I couldn't just disappear and draw more attention to Charlie. I might not technically be his daughter, but it still felt that way. It was difficult not to let the truth of my existence be compressed and hidden away in denial and continue on masquerading as Isabella Swan.

There weren't any notes on the refrigerator or the cork board near the new telephone, so Charlie was probably working late. My head dipped as I recognized I was most likely the cause of the overtime. I ascended the stairs swiftly and switched on my bedroom light – I didn't need it on to see, but I knew it would give Charlie peace of mind to see that I was home when he pulled up.

It felt strange being in my room now; almost like I was intruding. I ignored the queasy feeling I had and lied down on my bed, watching the wire inside the light bulb as it glowed inside the glass outside.

I wasn't quite sure how long I stayed there on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, but an indeterminate amount of time later there was a rushing sound – like passing wind – and the tree outside creaked and groaned. My head tilted and I gazed out of the window, pursing my lips as Alice's worried face peered in at me. I turned away and resumed my light bulb gazing.

It was no surprise at all when I heard the sound of the window sliding open, creaking as it went. Quiet footsteps danced over to me and I caught the outline of Alice's face out of the corner of my eye. An arm extended halfway and her body shifted back and forth, as though she was unsure where to place herself. I let out a sigh and decided to end her awkwardness.

"What are you doing here, Alice?"

"Carlisle was worried about you," she said quietly. "I was worried about you." I turned my head to look at her as she leaned against my bedroom wall. She wore a frown on her face as she stared at me. "Are you OK, Bella?"

"Don't you know?" I scoffed, pushing myself up into a sitting position with my back against the headboard of my bed. Alice shook her head, her frown deepening.

"No, that's why I asked," Alice drawled dryly. After a moment a look of comprehension came over her face. "Was it the test results?" My eyebrows rose.

"I thought you said you didn't know."

"I don't," Alice let out an exasperated sigh. "Carlisle takes confidentiality very seriously, Bella; he wouldn't tell us even if we asked him to." Her face contorted in a sympathetic wince. "Bad news, I take it?"

"The worst sort," I barked a short, try laugh.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alice asked, moving to the foot of my bed. She gestured to it and I nodded, folding up my legs to give her space to sit down.

"I'm not sure how talking would help," I mumbled as she sat down. My eyes traced the individual strands that made up the comforter we were sitting on. I could make out bits of dirt and discolored strands from stains not completely removed. My eyes traveled back up and locked with Alice's golden irises.

"You might be surprised, Bella," Alice gave me a look of understanding. I looked back down.

"I killed Jessica," I blurted out, tucking my chin even farther into my chest. "And Paul." And a van-full of people, I added silently, though I didn't even know their names.

"I know," Alice said. My head snapped up to look at her. She still wore the same serene look on her face; not a single ounce of judgment anywhere.

"You know?" I asked. She nodded her head and put her hands in her lap. "How? I thought you couldn't see – you didn't have a vision of it happening, did you?"

"I had a vision of the search party being put together to look for Jessica," she explained. "I followed you scent from our house and found…" She trailed off and I nodded my head and looked away.

"I didn't mean for Jessica to be killed," I sighed. "I didn't even know what I was doing."

"You sort of just tune out," Alice spoke up. "You're still aware of everything that's happening, but in that moment it seems so far away compared to the kill that's right in front of you." My face must have been something strange, but Alice only pursed her lips and let out a breath. "It's happened to all of us, Bella – even Esme."

"It shouldn't have happened at all," I clenched my fists. "I didn't just lose control – It wasn't a slip – I was just stupid and pissed off. I shouldn't have taken it out on those people." A cold hand lightly touched my fists.

"What happened?" Alice asked. "What's wrong?" I looked at her intently, warring with myself over what to tell her. Her expression was sincere and focused, though the set of her eyebrows displayed a sort of hesitance.

"I don't know who I am," I admitted, enunciating each word slowly, the inner struggle I had been wrestling with seemed to bubble out of me of its own accord. "I'm not the person I thought I was." A microscopic wince flew across Alice's features so fast, if I hadn't been watching her the entire time I would have surely missed it. Her features set in a determined expression.

"You're Bella," she said with confidence. My head was shaking before she even completed my name. "You are Bella." She repeated. She cocked her head to the side and gave me a long look before the corners of her mouth turned upward into a bright smile. "Come on," she said, grabbing my hand and tugging me off the bed.

"Alice, what the hell are you doing?" I complained, but allowed her to tow me toward the window.

"Sitting in here isn't going to help you," she explained quickly. "And I owe you a piggy back ride." I tried to tell her no and shrug her off, but she was a hardheaded little thing and wouldn't accept my disapproval.

"Alright, just hold on," I pulled her back in through the window she was already halfway out of. "Fine; I'll go. I need to leave a note for Charlie first, so he doesn't –" I took a step back as Alice flitted out of my room and downstairs, returning less than two seconds later and throwing me over her short back.

"All taken care of," Alice chimed and leaped out my second story window. I ducked my head out of instinct, afraid that the awkward grapple Alice had me in would cause one of us to hit the wood panel, but somehow we managed to contort our way through without a scrape.

The next few minutes were a strange sort of tranquil excitement as Alice carried me at speeds I had only tapped in my new quadruped form. A smile stretched across my face as we cut through the wind like a knife, the air blowing past almost whistling.

The smooth ride rapidly turned rugged as Alice began to ascend the curving landscape. The trees started to thin slightly as we rose higher and my head tilted up, gazing at the snow-capped mountain that had somehow snuck up on us. The temperature dropped and the cloud of fog cleared as we went higher and higher.

The incline quickly grew too steep even for a vampire to run across. With a jolting lunge, Alice catapulted us up and began to crawl up the sheer rock like Spider-Man, her tiny fingers leaving indentions where they gripped. She gave a final thrust upward and we sailed up onto a rock formation that jutted out of the nearly-vertical slope like a shoulder.

I dropped down off her back and took a few steps until I was at the edge of the rock. My smile didn't leave my face as I looked down at the sea of fog that covered the deep green below it like a skin. The moon could be seen more clearly here, but it was still slightly filtered by the higher-up clouds that made the sky in between seem endless.

Alice stepped up to my side and took a seat, hanging her feet over the rock. I copied her and sat down, watching the strange effects weak moonlight had on her skin. It wasn't anything like seeing her in the sun – it was far less dramatic. She almost seemed to glow in the dark, the way the light reflected off of her – I had a feeling that even if I was human I wouldn't have a problem seeing her in the dark.

"Alice isn't my real name, you know," she said, looking out into the sea of fog. "I was born in 1901 as Mary Alice Brandon in Biloxi, Mississippi. I had a younger sister, Cynthia; her daughter is still alive today. My parents institutionalized because I had visions of the future. I was changed into a vampire by one of the staff there to keep another vampire from hunting me."

I didn't say anything to her. I wasn't sure what to say, much less why she was telling me the abridged version of her human life. Alice looked back at me and caught my eye, smiling sadly and looking back at the swimming cloud banks.

"I can tell you all that, but I don't remember any of it," she sighed and folded her legs up underneath her, turning to look at me. "All I remember is my life as a vampire; I've had to piece together the details of my former life."

"I'm sorry, Alice," I frowned at her. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me; I'm actually trying to make a point."

"Could you retard it down a few levels for me, then?" I winced. "I'm not sure I exactly get what you're trying to say." Alice chuckled under her breath.

"You told me you weren't the person you thought you were, but that doesn't matter, Bella," Alice gave me a small smile. "You don't need your past to define your future. I have no idea who I was as a human – maybe I was the same as I am now, but then again, maybe I was more like Rosalie. The point is: I don't let who I might have been affect who I am, and you shouldn't either."

"Hmm," I hummed and turned back to look at the sky, thinking over her advice.

Truth be told, I wasn't entirely convinced Alice's advice was applicable to me, since she was always Alice and didn't eat and replace her like I did to Bella. I began to imagine what a human Alice might have looked and acted like, though all I could see in my head was her as she was now – a vampire.

But she wasn't always a vampire. She had had an entire life that she couldn't even remember. I could remember most things about my childhood, though it was difficult to differentiate Renee's memories from my own.

I was confused. Alice's advice was beginning to make sense to me, but I wasn't sure I would ever reconcile who Bella was and who – what – I am. It was a step forward from hate and self-loathing, though. I turned halfway back to Alice, who was watching the sky with me.

"Thanks, Alice."

"You're welcome, Bella."

End notes: So, three weeks, huh? That sort of sucks. I hope you haven't died of old age waiting for this update (JOKE).

I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge Stormcrow, who was crazy awesome enough to go through each chapter and leave a small review. I literally received a notification every five minutes or so and there was an entire wall of "you have a new review" messages in my inbox.

Stay classy (but not too classy; save some for the next update so you can be classy then as well).