Chapter 25
I Am an Island
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To: Jess Mansfield
From: Amanda Mansfield
Subject: Just a Note
You do realize that Johnny might, like, die?
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To: Amanda Mansfield
From: Jess Mansfield
Subject: Re: Just a Note
God, you're so annoying. He's not going to die.
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Adrien
The two days before I left to get Kate were awful, especially the first when no one was in the house but Rachel and me. That first day I spent mostly in shock. Rachel tried to talk to me, but I didn't feel like talking about it. Didn't feel like explaining my severe reaction to Johnny's accident. I wanted someone around who just understood.
When Manda arrived on the second day, the first thing she'd said to me was, "How is he?"
I told her.
The second thing she said was, "What about Kate?"
I shook my head. Kate didn't even know yet. How could I tell her this over the phone? Manda frowned, examining me. And then, as she somehow realized what I was planning on doing, her frown disappeared and she nodded.
"You're going to get her," she said, approval in her voice. I didn't know how it was Manda could read me like that. Of all of my siblings, I felt I knew her the least. Yet somehow she knew me.
"You're going to get her?" Rachel echoed, unable to hide her surprise.
Rachel and I were already on rocky ground. She didn't understand why Johnny was all I could think about, why I had to drive six hours and bring Kate back with me, why it was Kate I needed now. The problem was that Rachel didn't understand my relationship with Johnny or Kate's relationship with Johnny—how pivotal a thing it was for both of us. How could she understand? I knew I should be gracious toward her, cut her some slack. But still, I couldn't help resenting her when she said, "I don't see why you can't just call her."
After I got Kate, things were still awful, but a little less so. It was comforting just to be with her, because I didn't have to explain for her to know how I was feeling about the whole ordeal.
At the same time, I felt that there was something between us. Something big she wasn't telling me. It was making her withdraw into herself—she was even quieter than I remembered her, and particularly quiet with me. I recalled how suddenly she'd stopped talking to me a week before, how little she'd communicated since then. I wondered why again. What had happened to changed things? I felt separated from Kate.
I felt separated from everyone.
I blamed myself for what had happened to Johnny. I didn't make any sense. But it felt like there was so much else to blame myself for, I might as well add that to the list. I blamed myself for the fight, for Johnny leaving to never come back, for not doing something sooner to resolve things between us.
"He wouldn't have let you talk to him, even if you'd tried," Kate said. "You know how stubborn Johnny is."
Maybe she was right. But maybe I should've tried anyway. I hadn't done all that I could've.
That same night Scott came back from where ever it was he had gone. And I realized then that whatever Kate wasn't telling me had something to do with him.
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Scott
Here is something that no one knows. The day after I broke it off with Kate, I changed my mind again. I called her five time; she never answered. I didn't know what had happened. I didn't know that Johnny was in a coma, or that she was already driving back to the Mansfield's. To me, she just wasn't answering. And so I gave up. I gave up for good and I left.
I did not plan to stick around at the Mansfield's. I planed to get my things, pack up, and go. But when I arrived, I got the biggest surprise of my life. Kate was already there.
Here is how it happened: when I got back, Rachel was not at the apartment and so I walked across the street and knocked on the Mansfield's door. No one answered quickly enough, and I was impatient, and I figured Rachel already had her foot in the door anyway. So hell, why not? I let myself in.
The moment after I'd done so, she appeared in the foyer and stopped at looked at me. I looked at her. I thought, for a moment, that she must be an apparition. I couldn't figure out how this was happening. Someone had to be punishing me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Johnny's in a coma," Kate said, herself still looking like a deer in the headlights. "What are you—" She stopped herself. "I mean, of course you're back. I don't know where I expected you to be."
I nodded.
She was so awkward. "Do you want?—" She didn't finish the question.
"I was looking for my sister," I explained, helping us both out.
"Right." Kate turned around and started down the hall. I followed her. It was an amazing weird situation. I was almost in awe.
"What happened?" I asked.
Kate was keeping her answers to a minimum. "Car crash."
"Was he coming—"
"Yes," she cut in. We were both quiet for a moment, both presumably thinking the same thing. And so I said it.
"Kind of makes it my fault."
Kate shrugged. We turned the corner into the kitchen, where Rachel and Adrien were. "Yours, mine, ours," she said to me—if there was blame to be had, willing to take her share of it. To Rachel she said, "Your brother."
Rachel did not look happy to see me. Adrien look confused. Kate walked over to where there were largely untouched leftovers on the counter and began putting them into containers. Adrien followed her. I sat down with Rachel at the table.
"What now?" Rachel asked, clearly annoyed and pissing me off now too. What, did she think I'd planned this or something? I didn't answer
She continued. "I assumed when Adrien brought her back without you, that meant you were done with that."
"I am," I said definitely. And I was. I'd given up, remember. My mind was set, this time for the last time. This didn't mean I was happy about the current situation. I added, "God. Like I knew she was here. She's supposed to be at college."
"Indeed," Rachel grunted her agreement. Kate was not supposed to be here.
At the counter, Adrien was trying to talk to Kate, probably asking if she was okay. And she was nodding—yes, yes, she was fine. Clearly, she was not fine. Adrien kept glancing at me, trying to figure out what was going on, what it was that Kate wasn't telling him. Poor sucker, I thought, he doesn't know anything.
"I've got to get out of here," I said out loud.
"You can't," Rachel said. I looked at her. What did she mean I couldn't? I could do whatever I damn well pleased.
"This whole Johnny mess, Kate being back—something's going down," she continued. "You have to stay. I'm asking you to stay."
I wouldn't have stayed just because she asked me to, but I guess I figured why not. I had to admit, I had some kind of morbid curiosity to see how things would all play out. Besides that, if Adrien and Rachel were going to go the way that Kate and I had, I kind of wanted to be there for that to. Misery loving company and all.
"Whatever." I sighed, and shrugged my shoulders. "But for the record, I hate you."
"I hate her," Rachel said, looking directly at Kate.
And though I'd done it all to myself, I kind of did too.
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Adrien
When Manda got home later that evening, she found me in my room. I didn't realize back then where it was Manda went all the time—that she was, of course, trying to take care of Yates too. I didn't even really wonder where she was going. I just figured she needed to get out of the house, and I didn't blame her. I'd begun to believe that Manda was the least dysfunctional of all of us. She seemed to be handling the crisis the best.
"Jess is flying in tomorrow," she said.
"It's a three hour drive," I said blankly.
Manda sat down on the bed beside me, leaning back against the wall. "She hates driving and she's crazy rich now, so…" She trailed off and shrugged. "I can go get her at the airport."
No, I will," I said. It would give me something to do other than think. I wanted anything to do that would keep me from thinking.
"Scott's back, you know," I added, after a moment.
Manda wrinkled her nose. "I saw. Like a bad penny."
I almost smiled. Then we were both quiet. Suddenly I said what I couldn't stop mulling over. "I think something is going on with him and Kate. Or went on. I'm not sure."
Manda raised her eyebrows, which seemed like encouragement to continue.
"She basically stopped talking to me a week ago." I sighed. "She's still not talking to me."
"So talk to her," Manda shrugged. As if this, the most basic of suggestions, was so obviously my answer, she didn't understand why I couldn't have figured it out myself.
"I am talking to her." Kate was the one talking back.
Manda looked at me like she doubted that. But really, to me it seemed true. What did I really have to say anyway? To Manda I asked, "Do you think maybe she's in love with him or something?"
"Okay," Manda said in a reprimanding tone. She began to push herself up from the bed. "If you're just going to be ridiculous, I'm going to go find something worthwhile to do."
"I don't think I'm being ridiculous," I grumbled. And I didn't. It was the only thing I could come up with to make the pieces I had fit together. The problem was, I didn't know the multitude of pieces I was missing. At any rate, though, I thought I might be on to something. And it really bothered me to think of Kate even hypothetically being in love with Scott. But I figured that was just protectiveness for Kate. I mean, we all knew by now that Scott wasn't exactly one of those first-rate guys.
Manda rolled her eyes. "I'm so leaving now."
When she was halfway out of my door, I stopped her. "Hey Manda?"
She turned around.
"Do you think he'll be okay?"
She smiled, a little wearily. "Yeah," she said. "He's Johnny, right? He comes through everything okay."
I smiled a little myself. "Thanks."
She shrugged again. "He's my brother too."
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Scott
When I saw Manda coming down the hall toward me, I knew exactly what was to brace myself for.
"Oh Lord, here it comes," I muttered, but loud enough for her to hear since I was saying it mostly for her benefit.
"Why don't you just go back to where ever you came from?" she asked, stalking up to me and stopping there, directly in my path. Her hands were on her hips. She was in attack mode.
"How would that be fun?" I asked, and she scowled at me.
"My brother very well might die," she stated bluntly. "It's not fun anymore."
I did feel bad about her brother—the one that was possibly going to die at least. But it still didn't stop me from retorting, "Well, for you anyway." Once a heartless jerk, always a heartless jerk. That's what I figured.
But truth be told, I did feel overwhelming guilty just about saying that, which made me mad at myself and at Kate and at Adrien and at everyone else in this whole horrible world. This was the problem. Apart from the initial shock, Kate had seemed unfazed by me being back. Or at least she was to involved with Adrien to take much notice of my general presence one way or the other. It bothered me. Because here I was feeling guilty about saying mean things to Manda. It wasn't fair that she had affected me so much, and I apparently hadn't affected her at all.
Manda blinked, and decided not to bother responding to that asshole comment. "So here's the thing," she said, moving things along. "Jess is coming back tomorrow."
"What are you telling me for?" I asked, as if we both were stupid.
"Just stay out of it," Manda said, and then she stepped out of my way and right past me down the hall.
But we all knew it: I never stayed out of anything. Especially not when I was pissed.
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A/N: Speed demon! I know I promised reviewer responses this time, but again I'm in a mega hurry. Next time, really. Thanksgiving, for those who didn't know, is a week from this Thursday. And hopefully I will get another chapter up before them, but we'll see. And sorry for the mega typo last chapter that pretty much all of y'all caught. I will be more careful. Anyways, please keep reviewing despite the delinquency of my responses these days. Reviews equal love. And there aren't that many chapters left to this thing, so you've gotta show me your love now while you can ;o) Thank you to all of my faithful reviewer, new reviewers, and lurkers alike who reviewed the last chapter. And to all of my faithful reviewers who haven't reviewed the last chapter yet, I know that's just because you expect me to take over a month in between posts :oD Cheers!