Chapter 28

At (Long) Last

Adrien

The world slowed down again after Johnny was okay. I slowed down. So much, in fact, that in the end it took all three of my siblings to move me back into action.

First, Jess, who called me the day after Johnny woke up. It was the first any of us heard from her since she'd left with Scott, and the last any of us heard from her for a long time. When I answered my cell phone and she was on the other end, I have to say I was surprised.

"Johnny's okay," I told her.

"Good," she said.

And then there was a silence. I've always considered silences on the phone the worst kind. In order to say something, I began to ask how she was. She interrupted, "Cut the crap, Adrien. Why don't you just yell at me like you really want to?"

Actually, I didn't really want to yell at her. It all seemed like water under the bridge, way under a bridge by now. It wasn't in me to judge her. But suddenly recalling a conversation we'd had the day she'd told me she wanted to marry Matthew White after all, I said, "You said if you were married, it wouldn't have happened."

She sighed. "No, I said if I were married, it wouldn't have started." She paused. "It was already started."

"So what now?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said, regaining her Jess tone, a tone like there was nothing the world could ever bother or interest her.

"You think you'll be okay?"

"God," she said. I could practically see the incredulous expression on her face. "I am always okay. You're the one who's never okay. So worry about yourself, huh? Still marrying Rachel?"

"No," I said.

She snorted. "Let me guess, the Attic Ghost made a last minute comeback." There was some serious derision in her voice.

"You know—"

"Don't worry about it," she cut in. "We were never going to like each other's marriage choices. I'm okay with that."

I thought about it for a second. "Me too," I agreed.

"Good," she said, and after a few more brief exchanges we hung up.

- - - - - - -

Then things started to happen again.

One afternoon before they'd released Johnny, we all found ourselves in his hospital room. Manda and Yates told him that they were dating. Johnny said the level of secrecy that went on in this family was appalling. Then he gave them his blessing. Yates said they weren't really asking for it. Johnny shrugged and said, "Well, you should be."

He wanted to know, though, why he was the last person to find out about this. After all, even I knew.

"Manda only told me while you were in a coma," I said.

"And on accident," Manda added.

"You knew all along," Johnny said to Kate.

Kate was flipping through a magazine and not paying complete attention to the conversation. And still, without so much as looking up, she knew that Johnny was talking to her now. "I know everything," she said drolly, still reading.

"Traitor," Johnny said.

Kate closed the magazine, but with her finger holding her place. "I distinctly remember you saying: 'don't tell me who Yates is seeing because I'm going to figure it out myself.' Don't blame me if you couldn't." Her last sentence was muttered as she opened the magazine back up.

I watched her with a profound sense of hurt. It wasn't anything she'd said in particular. But almost always when I was with her now I felt a deep, quiet ache.

She was going to leave again.

She'd been talking to her college friend on the phone, and talking Yates into driving her back, and talking to Johnny about course loads. She wasn't talking directly to me, but I was always around when these conversations happened. The point was made clear: she was leaving soon.

I didn't understand her sudden remoteness, and I didn't understand her urgency. It didn't make sense for her to leave now; she had missed too much of her summer session classes to ever get credit, so why go back to sit in her dorm room until the fall semester started?

That afternoon, when I went outside of Johnny's hospital room toward the water fountain, Manda followed me out and down the hall.

"So," she said.

"So," I agreed.

She leaned against the wall while I leaned over to take a drink. "So everything's good."

I hesitated. Yes, everything was good for her. I wasn't sure the same went for me. But I knew what she meant: Johnny was fine. And we were all getting along better than we had since grade school. I smiled weakly and agreed again, "Yes, everything is good."

"Except for that Jess won't take my calls, or answer my emails." Manda got broody for a moment as she said that, and though she perked back up almost instantly I realized how hard it must be on her.

"Manda—" I tried to begin, but she broke in immediately, looking at me directly again.

"And you," she said, "are so in love with Kate."

With that she turned and flounced back down the hall. Slowly I followed her, broody myself now. Yes, I was in love with Kate, and what good was it doing me? I wanted her and she just wanted out.

- - - - - -

Kate

I hadn't wanted to leave before Johnny got released from the hospital. But it was taking too long and I just needed to go. I talked to Yates. He said he could drive me the very next day.

I spent my last evening at the Mansfield's not at the Mansfield's at all. Instead, I was sitting on a chair by Johnny's bed in an almost fetal position, my knees tucked into my chest and my arms around them.

Johnny was in lecture mode.

"I don't understand your new passive approach here," he said. "What happened to Kate the fighter? I mean, you've already kicked Rachel's ass. How hard could it be to close the deal?"

That was actually sort of a difficult question to answer. My only justification for giving up now was that I was sure, so very sure, that it was just never going to happen with Adrien. It was just one of those things. So I was being practical by cutting my loses now.

I gave Johnny my one reason. "It's just not going to happen."

Of course, that was a reason he wasn't going to accept. "Well, not if you're just going to mope around here."

Becka had been similarly disapproving when I'd called her to tell her I was coming back to school. "What for?" she'd asked.

"They don't need me here anymore," I'd said.

"Yeah, but what about that guy Adrien?" she'd asked.

I'd told her the same thing I'd just told Johnny. "We've known each other all our lives. If it was going to happen by now, it would've. So it's just not."

She countered with: "Hey, I knew Christian in second grade and we didn't happen till last year. Besides, that Adrien guy was way too hot to pass up with out an effort."

Everybody seemed to want me to just keep trying forever. But I'd just been trying long enough.

- - - - - -

Adrien

The night before she was going to leave, Kate disappeared all evening to the hospital. She came home late, in my car, probably when she thought that everyone would already be asleep. I wasn't though. The insomnia and kicked back in. I watched her come in the front door from my window.

I didn't know what to do about the whole Kate situation. And it hit me that if anyone could just tell me what to do, it would probably be Johnny. So the next morning I followed Kate's lead and headed to his hospital room.

I brought Starbucks with me as a peace offering or a bribe or something. "I had to sneak past two nurse and your resident," I told him, entering the room and handing him the coffee.

"So be grateful, huh?" he mused dryly.

I shrugged and sat down. An awkward silence ensued, which neither of us did anything about. We were still getting used to being brothers.

Then I said, "Kate's leaving today."

"Yeah," Johnny said, setting down the coffee. "I was wondering which one of us was going to bring that up first."

I grunted and shifted my gaze to the floor tiles. It all seemed pretty hopeless to me.

"Don't take this the wrong way, little brother," Johnny began again, and I was sure he was going to say something that could only be taken the wrong way. "But what the hell are you doing here?"

Probably, that was a good question. "What am I supposed to do?" I asked.

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Well, doing something for a change might be nice. You can't seriously be stupid enough not to know she love you back. So I don't see what the problem is"

Of course he didn't understand what the real problem was. I hadn't understood it myself until right then. But suddenly I saw: I wasn't really worried about how Kate felt about me or why she was leaving. That was all a mask for something else.

And realizing that, I kind of exploded a little. "You don't get it, do you? Nobody gets it. It's not that I don't know I'm in love with her, and it's not that I can't do something if I wanted to but it's just—" I paused, struggling to explain. Johnny, surprised by my sudden fervor, didn't even interject.

"It's just," I restarted. 'It's Kate, Johnny. Kate. It's a lot to risk, you know? What am I going to do when it doesn't work out? You can't go back."

Another silence. I looked and Johnny and he looked at me. "Okay, so you have a point," he admitted.

"Thank you," I began, but he did cut me off this time.

"But you're still being a pansy ass. Of course it's a risk, but the whole point of life is risks. Besides, Kate's been pining over you for like the last millennium. So grow some balls, because you owe it to her to do something." He finished grumbling, "Sometimes I can't believe you're my brother."

I blinked. I said, "I'm glad we had this talk."

"I meant that all in the best possible way," Johnny replied.

"Of course."

He shrugged. "So what are you still doing here?"

- - - - - -

Kate

Manda, Yates and I were sitting in the kitchen, intermittently glancing at the clock and each other and the clock again. I was packed and ready to go. But we were waiting, although none of us had acknowledged it yet, for Adrien. None of us knew where he was, but he wasn't here.

Finally, during a moment of eye contact with Yates I said, "Well?" A question and suggestion all in one.

His eyes shot to Manda before answering, "Shall we then?" But he didn't move to get up and neither did I.

After another moment of silence, Manda blurted from her regular seat on the counter, "You can't leave before Adrien gets here."

And that was it. "Let's go," I said, immediately standing and waiting for Yates to follow my lead, which he did with some obvious reluctance. I headed for the front door; Yates followed; Manda followed him, intoning somewhat plaintively, "Kate, come on."

"He can call me later," I dismissed. I wasn't going to come on. The whole story of my whole life was so perfectly condensed into this moment: Adrien was just not where I was. Only now, I was done waiting. I was done.

Of course, when we got just outside of the house there he was, pulling up the driveway in his car. Manda gave me an I-told-you-so look, which I could only respond to by helplessly throwing my hands in the air. Then Manda grabbed her boyfriends arm and the two of them, with amazing speed, disappeared back inside.

Adrien, by now, had parked the car, climbed out of the front seat, and had one hand awkwardly shoved into his pocket. The other was scratching the back of his neck, and his posture was ducked a little. I didn't miss these signs of discomfort.

"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?" he asked, trying to joke and almost succeeding.

"No," I lied.

"Right," he said, this time achieving the perfect blend of lighthearted sarcasm and suspicion. I thought: that's it then. That's all he's got to say.

I turned sharply. "I should get Yates," I said, starting toward the front door. But Adrien stopped me with his voice.

"Kate." He said my name with almost desperation.

I shut my eyes tightly for a second, and then I slowly turned around. My heart was pounding in my ears.

"Why are you leaving?" he asked, taking a step toward me. "Why are you leaving now?"

I was disappointed, but almost relieved. Here was a question I was getting used to answering. "Why not?" I asked. "Nobody needs me here anymore. Johnny fine. You two are getting along fantastically."

Another step. "You're never going to make up all the classes you missed, you know. You're not going to get credit for this summer session if you go back now."

I wasn't sure I understood why Adrien was outlining the situation for me, but I felt vaguely apprehensive again. "I know, but—" I began.

Adrien interrupted. "So stay," he said. One last step, which closed the gap between up.

I opened my mouth and shut it again. I wasn't sure what was happening was happening.

"Kate, I'm asking you to stay," Adrien repeated, his voice calm and serious.

"Why?" I challenged, looking him straight in the eye.

He returned my look with surprising steadiness. "Because I'm in love with you," he said.

Something burst inside of me, and the whole world opened up before me, bright and new and wonderful.

"Stay," he repeated, taking my face in his hands and kissing my forehead and my cheek and then kissing me, kissing me, kissing me. "Stay."

And I knew that my life was right here, right now.

- - - - - -

A/N: Well, that took way longer than I expect it to. It was a really hard chapter to write. The good news is: I've decided that it wasn't the last chapter! Jane Austen always has a sort of wrapping-it-all-up chapter after the big emotional climax, and I've decided I need one too, so y'all have one more chapter to look forward to, which will hopefully be up a lot quicker than this one. In the meantime… review! Because you've only got two more chances! And reviews love. Oh, and also I'm still debating what my next project is going to be, so if anyone has any suggestions let me know.

PS: I promise to respond to everyone next time, but I kind of wanted to get this up since it's already been a month or so… but LOVE to all of you!