I had two ideas of how to play this next chapter, but I decided for this one.
Inspired by Go Radio - Goodnight Moon.
My head is a complete mess.
What was I doing?
It was completely unlike me to kiss random men in bars, even though Ezra had been the perfect gentleman - I shouldn't of done this. I ended up pushing him away and telling him I couldn't do this, he was so sweet and spent the next half hour reassuring me that it was fine but I felt far too guilty for leading him on. He walked me to the car, gave me a hug and passed me his number so I could keep in touch. I took the number from him but I knew deep down that I wouldn't be using it. It wouldn't be fair on him if I allowed him to be a part of my chaotic life.
I sat in the car deciding what to do next; I didn't want to go home just yet - the whole thought scared me to death. My whole family system was breaking apart and after tonight I wouldn't blame my mother if she decided that enough was enough. No one in the whole entire world deserved to be cheated on and ripped apart. How could I look up to the man that was once the perfect role model the same way again? My poor mother having to deal with a situation that was completely out of her hands - knowing that the man she spent her life with just jumped so easily in to bed with another. No one deserves that.
The feelings I had suppressed over the last few weeks were finally fighting back to rise to the surface. I finally admitted defeat and let the hidden emotions take full control of me.
Now here I am at 11 o clock at night bawling my eyes out on a random car park. I didn't know what to do - I needed some kind of comfort. Someone just to tell me that everything would be okay. There was only one person in the world who would make me feel protected but she was acting strange around me.
But I needed her.
After I started up the car, I turned out of the car park and drove straight to the girl who would keep me safe.
Most people would be living the rock and roll life style on a Friday night, but not me. Here I am googling random facts about historical figures with a cup of coffee in my hand. All of my essays had been completed by 6 o clock, which was great because now I had this spare time to educate myself on history. Who would of thought that Hitler use to love Snow White? Not me, that's for sure. I was going to call Aria to see if she wanted to hang out but I felt too nervous. She tried to pry the truth from me this morning but I couldn't bring myself to do it; she seemed like she had a lot on her plate when I asked her about her family, I didn't want her to worry even further about me.
Last night had been truly amazing though; I got to hang out again with the three people that I held close to my heart - even though there had been distance between us all in the last year, that didn't matter now. At school today; Hanna, Emily and I had sat together for lunch - we hadn't done that for a while until today. And I also accidentally fell asleep at Aria's, which I'm entirely grateful for because there's nothing better than waking up next to the girl you've been missing all year.
I had no idea what I was going to do with the feelings that I had for Aria; it's not like I can express them freely. For starters I'm not even out to my parents or friends and secondly I couldn't just confess my feelings for her; I didn't want to lose her and I didn't want her to back away from our friendship. Not that I think Aria would do that - she had a heart of gold - but I still worry.
As Albert Einstein had once said: "Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them", I couldn't argue with a man with the intelligence that he had. I made a mental plan of trying to move on and ignore the feelings that I had for her. That plan was counteracted a few seconds after, when my mind had slipped into thinking about Aria again. Sorry, Albert, you may have a gift of being a genius, but Aria had the gift of stealing my thoughts - she would always win.
Glancing at the empty contexts of the cup in my hand, I decided that it was time for another coffee. I left the computer desk and made it downstairs to the kitchen area and switched on the coffee machine. There were some lights flashing through the windows - weird, I hadn't been expecting any one to be coming over tonight and my parents were away for the night for some social event. Who would be pulling up at 11:15 at night? I peaked through the blinds of the back door and registered in my head who the car belong to. Why was Aria here? not that I minded, but there had been no communication prior to her coming over. I opened the door and stood there, nervously tapping my fingers against the door frame.
She came into the view of the back door light and I could see clearly the girl in front of me; my heart shattering at the sight of her as my eyes wondered to her face where she had been crying.
"Aria?" I asked, concerned. She didn't speak, she just walked towards me and threw her arms around my waist, I could feel her body shake with each cry. I wrapped my arms around her and kept her tightly close to me, trying my hardest to keep her safe. She pulled away from the embrace and looked up at me, the tears were streaming down her face, the eye make up also leaving trails down to her jaw. The muscles of my heart tightening in my chest as I watched the most sweetest gift to ever walk this earth break down in front of me.
"I'm sorry for just turning up" she spoke softly, bringing up the sleeve of her jacket to wipe the tears away.
"Aria, don't apologize. You can come to me whenever." I replied, taking her hand and leading her to the living room. I ran over to the kitchen counter and poured a cup of coffee for her then I walked over to the sofa where she was sat looking down at her fingers on her lap. I've never seen this side of Aria before - the fragile and vulnerability of her was breaking my heart.
"Spencer, I don't know what to do" she spoke out ever so softly.
"What's happened?" I asked, putting my hand in her lap to interlock my fingers with hers.
"My parents. My mom-" she mumbled "my mom is heart broken because of my dad, he's cheated on her." the tears ran freely down her face again, she was shrieking out with each cry. I scooted closer to her and wrapped my one arm around her shoulder, laying my head on top of hers.
"I'm sorry, Ar." I whispered.
"It's not just that though. After I found out about the cheating.. I went to a bar and ended up kissing some guy I didn't know. My head is a mess, Spencer" she whimpered. My body froze up at the confession, trying to block out the images of some man kissing the lips that I longed to kiss. Control yourself, emotions. This isn't the right time to be jealous - she isn't even my girlfriend. So stop it.
"It's going to be okay, I will figure it out. Hey, do you want to stay here tonight?" I asked, she nodded slowly in response. I stood up and took her hand, leading her to the bedroom. I had an idea of what I could do to attempt to cheer up her: movies and my over sized hoodies that I kept especially for her. I raided my wardrobe to find my field hockey hoodie and some shorts for her to wear and handed them to her, she smiled weakly back at me then disappeared into the bathroom. I threw on a t-shirt and some shorts then walked over to my dvd collection trying to find the only black and white film that I owned - due to Aria's request. She had once spent the whole day trying to convince us to watch this particular black and white movie - so I went out to buy it that same day because of the pure love that glistened in her eyes when she told us about it.
She walked back in the room and jumped on my bed, crawling underneath the sheets. I turned round from the television to face her and held up the DVD case.
"Casablanca?" I asked, hopeful. And it was a winner: Aria's saddened facial expression changed into an excited smile. A smile she wore perfectly.
The movie started up on the television and I climbed underneath the sheets next to Aria. I propped myself up against the head board behind us thinking she would of wanted to use me as a leaning post like she normally does, but tonight was different - she pulled me back down to the bed. My heart skipped a beat as she lifted my arm up to shuffle closer to my body. She laid her head on my chest and wrapped an arm over my stomach - I hope she didn't hear the increase of my heart rapidly beating in my chest. I've only ever imagined this happening in my thoughts or dreams; the dreams didn't compare to the reality though. Reality was far better.
We laid there for hours, the only movements were our bodies rising up and down as we inhaled and exhaled air but we stayed connected in the same position. Not one word was spoken during the movie, in fact I'm pretty sure Aria had fell asleep as her breathing pattern had changed. I leaned over to turn off the light to the room and got back into the position that I was previously in. I wasn't trying to take advantage of the situation but I was cherishing every second of Aria being close to me.
If I could stop time whenever I wanted - I would for this exact moment and I would stay here forever.
"Goodnight sweet girl." I whispered, leaving a gentle kiss on the top of her head.