A short chapter because I'm baby sitting and also don't feel well. So probably won't be updating this for the next few days.
Cape May had so far been more perfect than I ever imagined.
I wanted this trip to be for Aria; a hope of trying to cheer her up but I'm pretty sure each of us benefited from this - me included. Each one of us had a smile on our faces as we enjoyed sharing memories from our lives and reminisced on the day we had all met - Alison had wanted us all to meet each other and we were thankful ever since. We spoke about the things that Alison use to do when we lived here and what she would be like now. My eyes glanced over to the swimmer who is now looking away, her facial expression looking sad. I once knew how it felt when Aria had moved to another country; the missing and pining became unbearable some times. I wish I could bring back Alison just for Emily's sake - so she could once again feel complete by having her blonde side kick by her side again.
By 12 at night there were light snoring sounds coming from Hanna and Emily's bed, they had not long passed out - I think when I had woken them up early prior that morning had taken it's toll on them. I wasn't ready to let the tiredness defeat me yet; I wanted more time awake to cherish the mini vacation and judging by Aria's request of wanting to take a stroll on the beach; she wasn't ready to sleep either.
We were both took by surprise as we stepped out of the hotel heat in to the cold temperature of the outside, neither one of us thinking logically about grabbing some kind of warmer clothing before we left but we didn't go back, we just let our feet march us forward and sink into the sand. There was a peaceful atmosphere out here tonight; there were no other person out in sight and the waves were just pressing against the sand ever so gently with the wind whirling softly in the air. Aria found a spot where a previous bonfire had been lit on the beach; she sat down on the man made seats and watched the remainder of the fire cackle out. The fire itself wasn't enough to keep us warm though - I could hear the shivers coming from the smaller girl and I decided to shuffle closer to provide some of my warmth to her which she used to her advantage as she linked her arm in between mine. This would of been the most perfect romantic setting but the sad reality of truth was far from it; just two friends who wanted to avoid sleeping a little longer.
"You know I've really missed you" I spoke out, breaking the silence between us, Aria's gaze that had once been on the fire in front of us was now upon me.
"I've missed you, too, S. But where did that come from?" she replies, a tug of a smile forming.
"I've just been thinking about how bad I feel for Emily having to deal without Alison around. Then I reflected on what it was like not having you here. And it was hard, Ar, so fucking hard. Next time your family decide to go to another country make sure you take me with you." I let out, finally admitting how I truly felt - well not all of it, obviously.
"Got it, S. But I'm not going any where, well a part from college in the next few years - which by the way, I'll let you know about so you can apply too" she replied playfully with a smirk on her face.
"Make sure it's an excellent school though that my parents can approve of" I replied back with a wink. She let out a slight giggle in response. And I'm now swooning internally on the spot. I wish I could have more confidence to admit how I truly felt for her - this would of been the perfect setting to do it in but I couldn't do it. I wouldn't want to ruin such a wonderful friendship for the sake of me opening up that way.
Even though the first week at home hadn't been the greatest, this weekend however was everything that I didn't know I needed. I got some comfort knowing that my mother was spending time with friends instead of sitting at home with a broken heart and I got to spend the weekend with the three people that I've missed most. I was so thankful for Spencer for going out of her way to make this weekend happen; I would have to find an impressive way to say thank you to her.
Everything may of changed this last year; some of them being absolutely the worst of changes but some - some were interesting to say the least. Being completely oblivious was honestly one of my weak points but these past few days I was getting a different sort of impression from Spencer - she was still my best friend, but do best friends get close as much as we do? I admit deep down that the night I had arrived at her house and we stayed cuddled in to each other; I may of felt more at home than I had for a long while. Then the morning after; I may of felt a bit disappointed when I woke up to find the arms that sheltered me throughout the night were no longer wrapped around me and Spencer was no where to be seen.
And last night where we stood watching the sunset; I wanted nothing more than for her to close the space between us so we could of been connected to watch the beautiful sight in front of us. But that closeness that I had longed for actually happened when we were sat watching the bonfire come to an end but that wasn't the end of our night though - we found comfort between the sheets once more as I turned my back to her and her arms found a place around my body as she closed the gap between us and held me tightly as she drifted off to sleep.
And now. Now my eyes kept flickering over to the girl beside me who's just doing nothing but eat the breakfast she ordered us all. But I can't stop my eyes from tracing up to her face, watching in amazement at how beautiful this human being is. How can someone make the most simplest of tasks look so beautiful? She pushed aside the bowl to the night stand beside her and stood up from the bed to let out a stretch; her t-shirt also pulling up as her body fixed up straight. My eyes now wandering to the skin that had been exposed - I'm strumming my teeth along my bottom lip..
Holy fuck. What the fuck am I doing?
Am I seriously checking out my best friend?
I let out a groan in response, startling the other girls inside of the room who are now looking at me concerned.
"I'm just thinking about how school is starting again next week" I replied. Nice work, Aria. Pat yourself on the back for that.
"I can't wait for you to come back to school, Ar." Spencer replies back, with the biggest grin on her face. I reply back with a smile and then awkwardly lower my eyes to my breakfast, hiding the fact that my cheeks are now burnt up from blushing. Hanna and Emily had diverted the conversation and began talking about how great it's going to be with us all sitting together for lunch again.
Holy. Fuck. I am so screwed.
With everything being so complicated in my life; there was her - the only thing that wasn't chaotic. The only thing in my life that actually felt stable was becoming a cluster fuck of thoughts inside my head. I can't believe I just checked out my best friend - the girl who's done nothing but be sweet. The girl who's been my saviour from the chaotic mess around me.
Even though a part of me knew this was so wrong and dangerous - another part of my mind was fighting to think about all the possibilities of Spencer that I've never seen. My day dream had taken full control - the reality began to become a blurry vision and now all my eyes can see is Spencer..
The thoughts of kissing her had taken over my mind completely.
Shit, what was I going to do?