She wasn't bitter

How could she have the right to be? Her now is now the now of someone else. A new warden she must bow down to. No amount of will would release her this time; less her release be the same as anyone else who challenged her. What was this Jasper now? She was a failure of a General. Beaten by three defective gems. She was a slave to an upper class gem for…no she doesn't think about it.

Lesser gems felt that internal weakness, not a quartz. Not A Jasper; not THIS Jasper. She would never feel the torment of kneeling to a weak gem. She would never feel the crushing pain of an ocean on her back. She wouldn't lose her grasp on reality. She wouldn't be betrayed be the Peridot she…no she doesn't think about it.

This Jasper doesn't think when she retreats to her Gem. No reason to reflect on a failed mission. No need to uselessly change forms to suit this grim situation. Jaspers had no reason to change. To return to one's gem was only for extreme cases of extraction and with that came its own dangers. To be "poofed" was to be vulnerable and weak and the weak didn't last long. She would remember crushing other lesser gems in her hand when they failed and had retreated to their gems. It was an execution fit for gem kind. To Homework kind. They would die never having to witness their new form. Their new failure of a form.

Yet here she was, at the mercy of a Peridot. She could feel the prying fingers of the green engineer softly over the cracks in her gem. It was agonizing how gentle the feeling was. Something so weak shouldn't have the right to touch her gem, and yet it was, this was Jasper now.

I am afraid…I don't want to do this anymore…I want to just go…

"Shut up shut up SHUT UP!" the Jasper screamed inside her gem. Trapped with her weaker form. Her weak inner conflicts. Her weak emotions. A Jasper has no need for sympathy; Like she felt for the Peridot. A Jasper has no need for Revenge; like she did for the Crystal Defects. There was only the mission; that she outright ignored for a chance to fight the one that clouded her judgement.

I respected your armies Rose. You are a great warrior, one I wanted to…

The memories flooded into her mind. A battlefield fought on numerous times, and numerous failures. Time and time she fought the rogue general, and time and time again she fell to her knees. Always inches from being crushed, only to be let go. Only to be shamed on one battlefield to another. This Jasper was just like every other one, and with that she was headstrong, violent and imagined to be invincible. For every defeat Jasper felt the fear well inside her core. The uncertainty of being crushed by the Diamond she swore her undying loyalty to. That crushing fear would engulf her on the battlefield. Her knees would quake at the sight of the pink quartz.

I am afraid…I don't want to do this anymore…I want to just go…

"Want to join me?" She heard the large Pink Quartz say to her. Their fight left Jasper on her knees this time. Not even a skirmish worth acknowledgement, but rather a show Jasper put on. Every strike of her Axe was lackluster. Every punch, never meant to connect. Fear had destroyed her confidence, until Rose said those words.

What did Jasper…this Jasper feel? Did she feel regret for not joining her? Did she feel anger for the pity she knew Rose felt for her? Was it guilt that she felt as she watched other Jasper's crushed while she always was sent back out. Why was this Jasper feeling anything? Before she could answer she was pushed aside by another Jasper; it screamed and flailed its identical axe, punching its identical punches. What was Jasper now, but a crumbling shell of a gem, watching another Jasper, a better Jasper fight tooth and nail; something she could no longer accomplish.

As Rose easily dispatched the Jasper, This Jasper rose slowly. The invitation gone as Rose retreated with her army. Gems littered the battlefield, with only one Jasper; this Jasper remaining. She stared at the backs of the enemy army as they fled and she too turned to leave; this time without her war axe.

This Jasper would return to base defeated and alone as she did plenty of times before. Staring up at her Diamond; expecting to be crushed, but she never did. No in fact she never even looked down at the Jasper. She would flick her screen and a ship would arrive, more Jaspers pouring through. More Jaspers with war axes and their imagined Invincibility.

And then you felt something right. Remember that feeling that made you different.

This Jasper was different now. She was no longer a Jasper, but this Jasper. This Jasper knew the full extent to Rose's power and influence. This Jasper became smarter, stronger but…less than the others. No longer feeling comradery, as she watched Jaspers being crushed for their failures. These Jaspers were fodder, not good enough to be their own Jaspers. They were better off crushed. And crushing she did.

This Jasper was cold and calculating. No longer fighting a war, but battles. Battles she slowly started to win. Battle that had her fighting Rose on her terms, losing but now gaining ground. She continued to fight, pushing and pulling Rose's control of the battlefield. A dance that only they saw. A dance that only the two could ever do together…no against each other.

And then you felt something right. Remember that feeling that made you different.

This feeling of individuality that she felt while fighting the only Rose Quartz. It made her feel like the only Jasper. Only she had a right to fight Rose; Jasper and Jasper alone. Right as their danced hit their peak, when Jasper felt most alive she heard the call.

"I grow bored of this, we are done here." She heard from across the battlefield. In just like that, the war was over. So many gems, so much fighting, so many resources; none of it mattered. Rose; her Rose no longer mattered. This Jasper; a solitary Jasper on the battlefield no longer mattered.

I respected your armies…I am scared…you felt something to right? Rose…

"I can't do this anymore…" Jasper said within her Gem. Her voice no longer confident and no longer imposing. Just a simple voice. A simple Gems voice devoid all anger and justice, all loyalties and betrayals. The mission no longer mattered, nothing mattered.

Peridot watched as the Jaspers gem started to glow, quickly sitting it down inside their now disheveled base. "That was fast" the green gem said to herself before beginning to shake. The fear of Jasper's wrath now fully within her mind. Peridot knew she would be poofed or worse. She and Lapis were going to die here. She bit her lip, and clenched her digital fist, waiting for Jasper to reform; but that wasn't Jasper. Technically a Jasper but a Jasper she knew or thought she knew.

"Ja…Jasper…" Peridot said, shaking from the sight.

"Peridot, Lapis; the mission is over." This Jasper said, her hair flowing much shorter, less wild. "We find the Crystal Gems…now."

A/N

I really didn't know how I wanted to handle Jasper reflecting on herself without it sounding to redundant. Sorry if its hard to follow. Jasper this; This Jasper tha, my head hurts now lol. Beyond that I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter.