It burns

Their smoldering sight singes her back. The flame of their eyes licked her frame. Every curve examined. Every pull of her muscles that lifted her feet and swung her arms; they scanned with reckless abandon. The Jasper could feel both set of eyes, as they judged her recreation. The agony of the silence washed over her. Her…lack of purpose coupled with her new since of self only revealed her long dormant self-consciousness. She was no longer a gem of war and vengeance, but a Jasper with a new loss to add to all the nothing and everything that was stolen from her.

Do not look back at them.

She would not acknowledge the tension in their footsteps. Each step rhythmic to her own calculated stride. The Diamond's Jasper would be satisfied with this outcome. By fear or control, the gems under her command would follow in tow, or be crushed in her palm. This Jasper however…this Jasper could still feel the minerals of gems beneath her fingernails; their phantom stains permanently soaked into her palms. Her hands swayed unabashed as she walked. She would not look back at them.

As she looked at the walls in the slowly withering crags, she could still in-vision the gems of the war. Those who rose only to be crushed seconds later. A rainbow of shards littered the battlefield of her memories. Each step trampled on the graves of the fallen. Should she feel remorse for those who never knew nothing but war? Should the orange gem feel remorse for those that died for a cause they would never see to fruition? Should the general of only two gems feel remorse for a Jasper who lost its purpose. She would not look back at them.

My now, their future

What was the now that Jasper was seeking? Her war was over. Her mission was over. Her now…her now was over, yet still she persists. Through the hard-rigid cliffs, the florals paths and artificial roads. The sun shifted in the sky as the moon soon took its place. As the cool air rubbed against her face; her feet stopped. The two pairs of steps quickly halted as well.

This is not their present

This was not the present for her engineer, who somehow managed to hobble behind her with no indication of hesitation. The technical adviser who managed to push her buttons for even the smallest of infractions was surprisingly quiet. No question Jasper was known to correct her green underling handily, but a pit inside her core began to grow since her reformation.

"Peridot, am I fit to lead?" The words seem to fall out her mouth in a whisper. For what she hoped was only loud enough for the Peridot to hear, but was evident that the blue traitor would also understand. She shut her eyes hard, waiting for the answer. She could feel her fist trembling; the fear of time began to return. This fear she felt at the bottom of the ocean. The fear of absolute timelessness shook her very essence. In the seconds it would take for the Peridot's answer; decades past in her mind.

"Jasper I…I take back what I said, but I do not understand our purpose. You said the mission was over, yet we are going after 'the Steven'. Surely in your condition…" Her words stopped as she became aware of what she said. The color draining from her face as her commander slowly started to turn towards her. "Jasper wait…I didn't mean…"

"Lapis…What will you do when we reach the Crystal Gems?" Jasper said, and swallowed a deep breath. A ball of emotions swelled in her when she waited for her answer. Hate, disgust, any feeling she allowed herself to feel she projected at the blue gem silently. She would not let her jailer have any more of her.

"I will…Do what I have to." The blue gem said looking down. Feeling the pressure of her words and the scolding eyes of the Green gem beside her. She knew the implications of her words. A subtlety that could only foster doubt and spite, but a truth that could never be denied.

Without a word, the Jasper began to walk again. Hearing the words of her comrades as they filled the silence in her mind. She focused on it; giving her something tangible to hold on to till the inevitable. The hard ground was soon replaced with sand. The sun as though expelled from the ocean, brought with it purples and orange to wash away the dark blue and twinkle of the stars. The breaking of the ocean waves shook The Jasper as she closed her eyes. Fear evident in her posture. Each step took all her strength to stay stable. To stay in command of herself, what little left there was.

"I…I can't let you hurt" She heard the Lapis say behind her back. Her voice trembling, as though battling herself. The Jasper could only smile. The blue gems fears seemed to calm her. Her thirst for subjugation and control seemed to manifest from her warden's trepidation. She could no longer hear the waves. The ocean was now under the control of Lapis.

Before she could turn around Jasper also heard the hum of Peridot's hand cannon. The digital fingers spinning as though charging up.

"You traitor! I knew we couldn't trust you!" The Peridot screamed. Her eyes opened wide as she felt an enormous hand gently push her weapon down.

"Peridot… this will be my last order to you. I expect you to fulfill it unquestionably." Jasper said with a firm finality. It was clear that Jasper was not asking this time and Peridot could only nod her head. Even the ocean stopped its stirring as Lapis seemed to listen as well.

"Jasper!"

She could feel the vitriol in the fusion's lips followed by the sound of running. She closed her eyes and listened as wings fluttered behind her. Eight legs she counted; which means all the crystal gems were there. The fall of water sprinkled on her face as she imagined the ocean becoming a fist to pull her back in.

"Peridot." The Jasper said softly, or rather solemnly. Her voice in one word she hoped would take away the pressure in her chest. In her voice, she hoped to convey every apology she could to her only subordinate. In her voice, she wanted the order to be heard, to be felt as it left her lips. The spinning of Peridots fingers once more could be heard. Feeling the gust of wind on her back, the sound slowly dissipating. She would not look back at her.

My Now

The Jasper was happy. In a quick flash of light her helmet formed on her head. She could feel the cold of the ocean began to wrap around her, tightening around her wrist and ankles. The old Jasper would remember the fear she felt of the ocean. The fear she felt of being a prisoner. But the new Jasper; This Jasper would not acknowledge such triviality. She began to move forward. The water pulling at her body, desperately trying to put her to her knees; her hands to the sand. She didn't acknowledge the pain as she pulled forward.

Days…seconds...mon…

"No!" She yelled out as she began to move faster. The water crushing her wrist and ankles. The weight a relic of the old Jasper's misery. Harder she persists as the water envelops her torso.

Years…decades…cen…

"No!" She screamed louder as she finally could run. Her torso feeling the crushing weight, pressing her chest into itself. The pain from her torso began to sting her throat. Her yell making it harder to function. Each burst of speed from running crushed her chest harder. Harder she persists as the water envelops her legs.

I will never let you…

"No!" Escaped her battered frame. Pain sealing the decimals. A hiss of pain following her rebellion. Her focus challenged more and more, with agony in tow behind it. As she breathed in again to let out another scream, another behind her could be heard. The Lapis must be at her limit Jasper thought as she used that breath to pull harder. Each step she felt the restraints loosen. With one last heave the water fell, drenching the sand beneath. As the water fell, so did the sound of a body. She would not look back at her.

Before should could recover a gauntlet crashed into her core. The very air she used to sustain the water was expelled by the fist. The Jasper felt her body crumble into the fist as her eyes focused on the combatant in-front of her. The Visor of the Fusion reflected Jasper's face back at her. A large crack running down her face. She could feel the gauntlet loosen in her chest as it trembles. The impact all but gone. With a simple twist of the Fusions arm; she tumbles a few yards away from her.

The broken pearl and overcooked Amethyst looked in horror at the Jasper. Her breath not catching up to her as quick as she wanted.

"You're hurt" She heard from Rose. As Jasper fell to one knee she watched as the large pink haired woman slowly moved closer to her. The war around her seemed pop in an out of existence. She tried to reach for her War Axe but even that would flutter in and out of sight.

Why

The Jasper felt the words fall from her lips as she slowly stood. One last grasp to her War Axe, again to avail, but it didn't matter. She threw a punch at Rose, but easily she side stepped it and didn't fight back.

Why!

The Jasper smashed her helmet down at Rose, but again she dodged her. Jasper stumbling forward before falling to her knees. She could feel Roses gaze on her. Her hand slowly reaching down to her. Rose's words were nothing, but inaudible sound at Jasper rose to her feet.

Why!

She clenched her eyes hard, yelling as charged forward. Her legs slowly giving out as she finally fell to the soft sand under her. "Why" She said softly as she saw Steven looking down at her. The war, their fight, their dance all a lie. Her purpose, her self, her now, all a lie.

"Why what?" She heard a tiny voice say to her. Her eyes drifted from Steven to the sky. The vast nothing of blue. No space or stars to be seen no matter how hard she tried. She could feel cracks opening all around her body. If there was pain she didn't comprehend it, nor did it matter.

"Why Rose." She said as her voice wheezed through her strained throat. "Why did you move on…without me."

A/N

Jeez I rewrote the chapter so many times. Sorry for the disgusting amount of time it took to get out. I haven't forgotten about it; just hard to work up the motivation when life stuff happens. Enough of my whining however; I hope you guys like it