Thursday, 10 September 2015
Cal groaned as the sunlight came through his window. He'd forgotten to shut his curtains the night before and now he was feeling the effects of it. His head throbbed and through his spinning vision, he noticed the beer bottles on the floor. Surely he hadn't drunk that much?
His head disagreed, his stomach not far behind. As soon as his feet touched the floor (he would usually call in sick, but Cal needed to go into work and stop patients ending up like Ethan) bile rose in his throat. He couldn't quite remember the journey to the bathroom, but he certainly remembered the way his stomach cramped and his throat burned.
Rule one of drinking: don't do it on an empty stomach. And what did Cal do?
Ugh, you idiot, he scolded himself, resting his head on the tiled wall. You absolute idiot.
Cal tried to be discreet as he entered the ED, but just as he entered the staffroom Connie's voice came from behind him."Dr Knight."
Cal prepared himself for the lecture. He didn't realise how slowly he was getting ready until he happened to glance at the clock and realise that he was fifteen minutes late. And that was before he'd showered.
"How are you this morning?"
Taken aback at her suddenly different tone (was it caring?), he took a moment to answer. When he finally recovered the power of speech, he said, "I'm good." It wasn't that much of a lie. If he ignored his sickness, his (slowly receding thanks to the paracetamol) headache and the constant hurting of his heart when he thought of Ethan, he was good.
"Okay. You're on minors again today with Lily."
Cal started to protest. "I'd rather take resus."
He could see the cogs turning in her head as she tried to think of a response that wouldn't hurt him. "You don't look too well, it would be best for you to take cubicles."
"Please, Mrs Beauchamp. I really would like to take resus."
Connie shook her head. "Cubicles, Dr Knight." She walked out, leaving Cal standing there, frustrated (and a little nauseous).
Cal couldn't stop watching, in much the same way you couldn't not watch something horrific. He didn't know why he was still stood there watching it unfold, but he was. He had no need to be there. He'd discharged his patient ten minutes ago and only brought him to resus to see his brother.
Cal stood watching through the resus window. Hunter - the older of the two - was whispering rather than talking. Cal had discovered that he had suffered rather bad smoke inhalation and could see by the way his burns were wrapped up how bad they were. Hugo - the younger by three years - only had minor burns and so was treated by Cal and a (very concerned) Lofty, who'd not kept quiet about Cal looking ill - though Cal knew that Lofty wasn't stupid and realised that he was hungover.
Cal didn't have to stay after taking Hugo to Hunter, but he couldn't walk away. Maybe it was because their interaction reminded him of Ethan. Reminded him of how they used to talk to each other. It filled him up with jealousy and would give anything for them to be in Hugo's and Hunter's positions. With him lying on the resus bed, of course, because be would run into a burning building 100 times for Ethan.
So when Hunter went into cardiac arrest, Cal found himself frozen in place, watching a distraught Hugo get dragged out of resus and watching his colleagues try to save Hunter's life.
He didn't know how long he was stood there for until the team stopped. "It's been 36 minutes. I think we should call it," floated to his ears. And so did the time of death.
He didn't feel so jealous anymore, at least Ethan was alive.
Mind made up as he watched a Hugo break down inside resus, he strode to the lift and pressed the control hard. Too impatient, after only a couple of seconds, he took the stairs two at a time. The first flight didn't tire him, the second barely made a dent. But then as he stopped on the third to catch his breath, he had time to think.
He saw what he saw yesterday, Ethan sleeping soundly. But his mind twisted and changed it and he saw Ethan struggling. He saw Ethan unable to do anything, scared and ill. He saw Ethan hate him and then he saw something worse, Ethan's brain being damaged to the point that he couldn't recognise Cal.
He turned and ran back down the stairs.
Sunday, 13 September 2015
The last two shifts flew by in a haze for Cal. He knew he wasn't focused enough to work in a busy ED, so he did the sensible thing and hid in the staffroom for most of his shifts, and the less-than-sensible thing and came home and had a couple of beer bottles to calm him and help him ease off the stress and memories.
And now, he planned to spend his day off in bed. He had forgotten to switch his alarm off (but thankfully had shut the curtains) and tried to go back to sleep. There were so many things spinning around in his mind though (a few being his little brother and also how he needed to get a new car thanks to smashing up his old one) that he couldn't fall back to sleep.
So he dragged himself out of bed and to the kitchen to get the bottle opener and allowed himself some more beer. At least it had worked so far in getting him to fall asleep. And if he was drunk, maybe it would help his hangover.
The good mood didn't last long in Ethan Hardy's ICU room. Dr McKay had been feeling positive this morning. Yesterday had not been such a good day with Ethan growing frustrated very quickly. Today was another day and he wanted to get Ethan better.
It hurt him, usually, to see patients like this, but he had learned to step back emotionally. But he knew Ethan as a doctor prior to the attack on him and he found it more difficult not to be emotionally involved.
But today, he had made progress with him, getting him to respond to more commands. Ethan looked less tired when he woke up and looked more alert. Things were okay.
But then unexpectedly, one of the worst things happened and Ethan started fitting.
Wednesday, 16 September 2015
"You shouldn't have burst into resus like that, Cal."
"What was I supposed to do?" Cal shouted. "That woman was dying!"
Connie, despite watching Cal fall apart in front of her, managed to stay relatively calm. "She had a team around her, helping her."
"But I had to save her!" he said. He had been confined to cubicles for the past three days, almost as if he was in a prison cell. When senior members weren't around, he did sneak into resus to help those patients. He couldn't let people go through what he has been and is going through. He couldn't let another Hunter-Hugo situation happen.
"She was being saved, Cal."
Cal threw his hands in the air in annoyance. "But they can't do it!"
"And you can?"
"Yes! No-one else gets what happens if you miss something; if you're too slow; if you give up."
Connie stared at him for a long moment. "Go home, Caleb. I shouldn't have asked you to come into work this soon."
"No, Mrs Beauchamp... I can be here, I can work."
Connie sighed and sat behind her desk, motioning for Cal to sit as well. "Have you been to see Ethan recently?"
Cal squared his jaw. "Yes, actually."
"When, might I ask?"
"Does that matter?" he asked angrily.
Connie hesitated, her speaking tone turning solemn. "Dr McKay has been trying to get in touch with you."
Cal felt his heart rate pick up. "What's wrong? What's happened?"
"You really should go and see Ethan, Cal."
"He's not... got worse or anything, right? Oh God, please no." Cal wrung his hands in his lap anxiously.
"You need to see him. I won't expect you in work for a while, okay Cal?"
"I can work, Connie."
"No, Cal. You can't. You need to support your brother, he needs you. And, and you need him."
Cal's helpless eyes met her face. "Please tell me what's happened," he said quietly.
She seemed to consider Cal's request, but Cal kept silently pleading with her. She took a deep breath in. "Ethan's had another seizure."
Cal felt his stomach churn, and not as a result of the alcohol he'd had last night.
"They think he might have developed epilepsy as a result of his head injury."
Panic-at-casualty: Don't worry about it! Yeah, drinking probably isn't the best plan of action... but it's all Cal knows in times like this (not that there's ever been a time like this). They will reunite though, I don't think I could write the entire story with Cal avoiding Ethan, my heart won't let me! Unfortunately, with Ethan's injuries, the outcome can vary massively. He might not even recognise Cal... or he might. We'll see! Thank you for your review :).