"Because what's worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?" – James Patterson, The Angel Experiment
Wakandan Institute of Science Cryogenics Department Building, Central Wakanda, Africa.
Steve didn't leave Bucky's side until the final stages of the procedure ended. Before he left, Steve literally 'did rounds' in the lab, all the while taking his sweet time to ask the doctor-in-charge questions regarding the procedure and also about the logistics of the lab. Ask? Pfft, he was pretty sure that was putting it mildly. More like subjected the poor doctor to some authentic Captain-America-style grilling. He might have also slipped in a threat or two about snapping the backs of anyone in the lab who turned out to be undercover HYDRA rats. The poor doctor was sweating bullets by the time Steve was done. In his defense, Steve was leaving the safety of his friend in the hands of these doctors, so he would damn well ensure that these doctors knew what they were doing, and that their intentions were pure and non-nefarious. Bucky had endured several lifetimes' worth of suffering already, and thus, Steve would do literally anything in his power to keep Bucky safe from HYDRA's grasps. Seriously, grilling a couple of scientists couldn't even hold a fucking candle to the things that he'd do to actual HYDRA bastards out there.
Steve exited the main lab via the same metal doors he had entered from, the ones which led to the main lobby. The main lobby of the Cryogenics Department Building had an artistic design, with large and triangular floor-to-ceiling windows stretching across its entire length. The fancy windows overlooked the picturesque scenery which surrounded the building. The moment Steve set foot on the lobby and spotted the fancy windows, he was enticed by Mother Nature's seductive beauty. Rays of white light shone through the tall windows, promising warmth, comfort and bliss; almost as if they were beckoning him towards the window; beckoning him to just lie down on the floor and bask in their warmth. So instead of taking the elevator down to the ground floor, Steve ambled towards the windows, and just…watched. What he saw was simply stunning. Laid before his eyes was the epitome of timeless natural beauty, an embodiment of paradise. Thick forests surrounded the building. The whole terrain was enwrapped in ghost-gray mists, giving off a mysterious and enigmatic vibe. The majestic statue of a Panther stood conspicuously near the edge of a cliff, a symbol of Wakanda's strength, valor and glory.
Steve's admiration of the scenery didn't last long as a sense of desolation invaded him.
All these beautiful sceneries, and yet I've got no one to share them with.
In an attempt to stave off the sense of forlornness prowling its way into his heart, Steve searched his memory frantically, trying to remember the last time he had a chance to watch a beautiful scenery with somebody he cared for deeply.
A certain redhead came to mind.
Big surprise there. She's all I can think about these days.
"There are worse ways to go…. where else am I gonna get a view like this?" He remembered Natasha's exact words to him when they were standing next to each other amid the total chaos of flying-city-turned-artificial-meteorite Novi Grad.
Back then, Steve agreed with Natasha, word for word, to the letter. Furthermore, those words were…comforting, at least for two people standing on a floating city that was about to take an apocalyptic plunge of death. Unbeknownst to Natasha, however, was the fact that Steve had been staring at her the whole time she was admiring the view; staring at her as he repeated her words in his own mind in an entirely different context, a context that had nothing to do with the scenery and everything to do with 'the view' of a certain woman standing beside him at that moment. How bad could it be, he figured, to have Natasha Romanoff's beautiful face being the last thing he saw before death engulfed his existence? He could certainly think of much, much, much, worse ways to go, really (like being trapped in some hermetic underground New Jersey bunker with an inbound missile flying straight at them for instance). Then again, if they were all to perish in the hands of Ultron that day, Steve's only regrets would be in not ever telling Natasha how he truly felt about her, and perhaps also in being unable to provide Natasha with the love which she so deserved.
Ahem. Steve Rogers had a confession to make. See, the truth was, Steve had come so close to pulling Natasha into a kiss that fateful day as they stood beside each other on that rock. And he would've indubitably done so, if Fury hadn't shown up with his goddamn Helicarriers. "Fury, you son of a bitch." That day, he had growled out those words in a fit of frustration, and in slight annoyance at Fury's untimely intrusion into their little (possibly one-sided) moment. There. He said it. Not that anyone would ever find out the real reason behind Captain America's filthy mouth that day anyway, pfft, bygones.
Nevertheless, Steve realized even back then, that he had truly lost his chance with Natasha. He had no claims over her whatsoever. Not when she clearly wanted somebody else. Not when her heart was already stolen by another man; a good, kind and intelligent man, who also happened to be a good friend. But to be honest, that cognizance had come to Steve like a sucker punch to the gut at first. Because Bruce Banner…. her thing, with Banner, was really something that Steve never saw coming, like, at all. Why? Well, because…because, Steve had always thought that… that maybe… he himself would one day be that man for Natasha Romanoff. Oh ya' know, 'the man', or the proverbial 'one' or whatever it was that people call it these days. Or perhaps one of those life-long-soulmate-partner thingies that people so often boasted about. At least that was what he hoped for to be the case. Though, in hindsight, Steve realized that it had all been nothing but a fool's hope.
Throughout their partnersip in SHIELD, Steve could have sworn that they had something together. Like there was this spark, or connection, or chemistry, between them. He felt it. And of course, he had thought, and hoped, that Natasha felt it too. He wasn't gonna lie, he was physically attracted to the spy at first sight, which straight man wouldn't be, anyway? Natasha was a stunningly gorgeous woman after all. But as they started working together as partners in SHIELD after the Battle of New York, what started out as mere physical attraction turned into something… more. Something so much deeper and yet so… fuzzy… and intangible and undefinable. Something, which he clearly hadn't been able to wrap his head around back then. Sadly though, before Steve even had the chance to find out more about what that 'something' really was? SHIELD came crashing down from the sky into the Potomac; and along with that came the mournful demise of their partnership, as each of them had entirely different versions of 'the aftermath' to deal with. For him, it had been to save the lost soul of his childhood friend. But for her? It had been to rebuild all her covers, to rebuild her entire life. What about the remains and remnants of their partnership, you might ask. Oh he'd tell you exactly what happened to the remains of their partnership - buried, and left to rot, at the cemetery which contained Nick Fury's empty casket.
Even while deeply engrossed in his hunt for Bucky, Steve couldn't stop thinking about Natasha, couldn't stop wondering about the prospect of building something more with her, he wanted a definition for them, a definition that went way beyond just a close friendship, a definition that meant something much more intimate. And his mind, constantly brimming with memories of her; her smiles, her smirks, her relentless teasing and grandad jokes, her company. And boy, did he miss her company like fuck. He missed their partnership, their banters, their… Oh God, he missed everything about her didn't he?
As great of a partner as Sam was, Sam wasn't her. And…well, everything just wasn't the same without her. Steve swore, nothing felt the same without her. Not even food tasted the same anymore. God, after she left, he swore he couldn't even take a bite without feeling this emptiness inside him. Indeed, he could no longer enjoy food like he used to, not when every spoonful he took reminded him of all the times he had takeout in the living room of his D.C. apartment, with Natasha legs resting comfortably in his lap while she shared with him tidbits about modern pop culture. Christ. It was like there was this empty void in his chest that could only be filled by her presence. Sometimes when he was out on the streets with Sam, chasing down leads on Bucky, he would almost always find himself turning his head at the sight of any women with red hair, he'd literally just stand still and stare after them, praying that it was her that he had seen in the middle of some street somewhere in Europe. Heck, there was even this one time where he had nearly blown his cover wide open by chasing after a redheaded Natasha-doppelganger into some dark alley. Thank Heavens for Sam who had pulled him back just in time before he did something incredibly stupid, such as being arrested by the local cops for attempting a sexual assault on a redheaded woman in some dark alley. Captain America facing a sexual assault charge…just imagine the field day that the gossip columns would be having if Sam hadn't held him back in time. Yikes. God bless Sam Wilson.
Admittedly, when Steve answered his phone one night (he and Sam were somewhere in Europe at that time; the trail on Bucky went cold, so they were lodging at one of Sam's properties in Hungary, catching a break) with Tony's boisterous voice blaring through the receiver, Steve was beyond overjoyed. Quite uncharacteristic of a behavior for Steve if you ask me, I mean… since Tony Stark's voice hadn't brought much delight to Steve Rogers' life in like, ever. Annoyance maybe, but certainly not joy. But that night, it miraculously did.
As it turned out, Tony called that night to inform him of the Avengers' impending reassembling.
'Fora couple of joy rides' was what Tony told Steve regarding the reason for the team's reunion…
Yes! Exactly! The team's reunion.
That, was what had gotten Steve all cheery and jovial, not Tony's voice, for Christ's sake.
Jovial would be an understatement, because in truth, Steve had been absolutely thrilled upon receiving Tony's call that night. In fact, he was inordinately hopeful too, because the news of the Avengers' reassembling meant that he could finally see Natasha again after so many excruciating months of pining, of longing. And it also meant that maybe, just maybe, he could finally act on his feelings for the lady. Heck, Steve had even packed up and left Hungary for New York the very next day after the call, hoping to arrive at the Avengers' Tower in 2 days' time.
By the time Steve arrived at the Avengers' Tower, everyone had been present and apparently, had all been awaiting the arrival of their Captain for at least 3 days. Pleasantries were kept short as Steve wanted to get straight down to business, well, because he was Captain America, and Captain America was almost always business. To Steve, it was always the mission first, and other stuff later, just like the obedient soldier he was. Besides, he figured that his personal matters could wait for another extra couple of hours. Plus, it wasn't like Natasha would just run off again and suddenly disappear to God-knows-where, so it wasn't like they didn't have time, right? They had plenty of time. They had all the time in the world, really. Nobody was gonna come between them ever again. For once in his life, Steve Rogers hadn't waited too long. For once in his life, Steve Rogers had the right timing. For once in his life, Steve Rogers gets the dame of his dreams. Right?
Yeah right.
After some meagre pleasantries, Steve had quickly gathered the team at the tower's main conference room whereupon Maria Hill brought the team up to speed with some new intel regarding Loki's scepter and the HYDRA base ran by Strucker. And almost immediately, Steve began noticing this…strange and…inexplicable…vibe… surrounding Natasha and Bruce. The first thing that caught Steve's attention was how closely they were seated together. Very close. Dangerously close. Well, for one, instead of taking those single swivel chairs tucked all over the edge of the conference table (which, by the way, came in great abundance in the room that day, thank you very much), Bruce and Natasha had opted to settle themselves on the massive love seat couch situated just beside the conference table. And hey, with a couch that big (Steve was pretty sure that the couch could fit 4 Thors on it), one would've thought that there would have to be at least a decent amount of spacing in between its occupants, right? But no. NO. Despite the couch's generous size, Natasha and Bruce were still seated so goddamn close to each other that their thighs were practically touching, and that their faces were in such proximity to the point where they were literally sharing breaths. And goddamnit, why were they talking so much to each other back then? Heck, the last time Steve remembered, they weren't even that close with each other to begin with! So what the hell was the deal with all the constant whisperings and the…the… giggling anyway? Didn't they know anything about professionalism or workplace etiquette or some shit? They were in the middle of a highly-classified team briefing, for Pete's sake, one which concerned global security, mind them. Hell, Steve could even have sworn that he saw Natasha smiling sweetly at something Bruce had murmured into her ear (yes, their faces were just that close to each other) that day. And yeah, exactly, how on Great Mother Earth would people even be capable of smiling in the middle of a meeting where alien technologies and global domination issues were hotly discussed? But still…those smiles of hers though…damn. They were by no means her teasing smirks (the ones which Steve usually wind up being at the receiving end of), no, no, no, those were genuine smiles; they were sincere, and real, and beautiful; that much Steve could tell from the extra light in her eyes whenever she did those smiles. The way her eyes would light up whenever she looked at Bruce…the way she'd smiled that sweet smile of hers. That smile, which she reserved only for Bruce…
And at that precise moment, Steve realized that Natasha looked happy; in fact, it was the happiest that she had ever been, as far as Steve could tell. The only misgiving that Steve might have had, was that he couldn't be the one to put that kind of smile on her face.
Oh, and that was only the start, by the way.
After a week or so of the team's reassembling, they were finally closing in on HYDRA, intel-wise. And as a result, the team began working more closely together on a daily basis. Most of the time, they never left the tower, hell, they were practically all living at the tower at that point. Well, it was also around then that Steve began to really notice the escalated intimacy between Natasha and Bruce. Subtle glances and sweet smiles here and there (and just to be clear, by 'here and there', he actually meant 'all the fucking time'); the lingering, gooey, heart-eyes they threw each other (sometimes even from way across the room); the way their eyes would always light up the moment they were in each other's presence…
And THEN came the innumerable physical contacts: The casual brushes of hands whenever they passed things to each other; the way their shoulders invariably brushed against each other whenever they walked side by side (and pfft, don't even get him started on how those two always seemed to be walking next to each other, like they were practically joined at the hips); the way her hands would always linger on Bruce's arms when she laughed at one of his jokes; the fact that they were always seated side by side during meals…. It was usually Steve's place by her side (Clint had the other side covered) during team meals thank you very much, but then it seemed that Bruce Banner had become her de facto replace-Steve-Rogers guy. So yeah, just fucking peachy.
Day by day, Steve had to watch the woman of his dreams slowly slip away from his reach, and into the arms of another man. He was dying inside, no doubt. The only reason Steve was able to endure that far, and the only thing which made it all just a tad bit more bearable, was because he saw how happy Natasha was. Truly, Bruce made her happy.
Then one day, Steve came to a decision. He acted. He did something that any selfless-honorabletoafault-heroic-masochistic good guy would do in his situation: he pulled away graciously and never said a goddamn word to Natasha about his own feelings. He began distancing himself from her, altogether reverting their previous camaraderie back to a purely professional relationship. All of a sudden, she was 'Romanoff' to him once again. He would never hold a conversation with her for longer than 5 minutes, and even if they did talk to each other at some point, it was all business. Every time she tried to set him up on dates with God-knows-her-name from Stark Industries, he'd just walk away. Like, literally just turning around and walk away. Heavens forgive him for being so impolite, but he only did it because he had to. Because, he was sure he'd just shatter into a million pieces right there in front of her if he hadn't walked away. Because it was just too fucking painful, goddamnit. She had no idea how those silly matchmakings of hers were tearing him apart inside, no idea. If nothing else, her matchmakings only reminded him of why she was setting him up on these stupid dates in the first place: it was because she didn't want him. She didn't want him, and that was why she would so willingly push him away to some other women whose name he could barely remember (despite the fact that he had an eidetic memory).
Some might call him a coward for pulling away, but Steve, however, argued otherwise. To Steve, pulling away was an act of courage, of sacrifice. Pulling away meant having the courage to put his own happiness on the line for a good cause: which was to ensure Natasha's happiness, be it with Banner or anyone else. He'd rather sacrifice his own heart if it meant Natasha could finally be happy with someone. Even if that someone couldn't be him.
But how then, could he be so sure that Bruce was indeed the solution to Natasha's happiness? A fair question, but with no easy answer. Well, truthfully, Steve didn't really know per se whether she thought that Bruce was the proverbial 'one' for her, or whether she was hundred percent happy with Bruce. Steve really had no idea of what Natasha's own thoughts were. But for the little part that he did know, Steve had surmised and inferred from the interactions between Natasha and Bruce. It didn't escape him how open Natasha was around Bruce. Yes, folks, the most private person in the world had been completely, utterly, thoroughly, downright and fucking open, whenever she was around the oh-so-special Doctor Banner. Not only that, Steve also noticed the sheer amount of time she had willingly spent with Bruce; no obligations, no Avenging involved, just two people hanging out with each other for the sake of… well, hanging out. And Natasha, again, being an extremely private person, almost never does casual hang outs. Yet, more often than not, Steve would see the two them seated together with ear buds in their ears, completely engaged in deep discussions about calming Russian lullabies or yoga routines or just some…random chitchat.
Yes. The Black Widow. Engaging in random chitchat.
Can you believe that? Random chitchat. For all the times Steve knew Natasha, she had been nothing but reserved. Random chitchat had always been a foreign concept in Natasha's life. As a matter of fact, Steve didn't think that random chitchat even existed in Natasha Romanoff's book. But more and more, Steve became convinced that maybe it was just because she hadn't found the right person for 'random chitchat' yet. Huh. Interesting. She hadn't found the right person, despite the fact that Steve had been there by her side for almost 2 years…
Ouch. Fucking ouch.
Well, so much heartbreak Steve had seen and endured, but none of them were anything close to the deathblow. Yeah. That's right. There was a deathblow. A jackhammer to his heart.
The incident happened one early morning (roughly a month after the team reassembled), when Steve discovered, by accident, what Bruce and Natasha had been up to during those long hours they spent with each other. Obviously, everyone had been living at the Avengers Tower for quite some time by then, for convenience, since they were closing in on HYDRA at the time. It was certainly no surprise, that Captain America was a morning person. Okay, a dawn person. And that morning, Steve was up at 4 AM for his workout routine; a good hour ahead of his usual schedule. That morning, Steve had been walking along the hallway when he heard soft voices, whispers really, coming from the tower's common room. Through his enhanced hearing senses, Steve easily identified the voices as belonging to Bruce and Natasha (aka 'the couple of the century'). Of course, Steve knew that he shouldn't be eavesdropping, but as usual, when things involved Natasha, he just couldn't help his curiosity. Pfft, like as if he ever stood a chance, one mention of her name, and Steve would've been a goner. Shamelessly indulging his curiosity, Steve paused in the hallway and just listened, trying to figure out what their hushed conversations were all about. And come to think of, thank Heavens for JARVIS not calling out on him that morning. Anyway, it was roughly five seconds into his eavesdropping when Steve figured out the theme of their conversation that morning.
It was about Natasha's past. They were talking about Natasha's horrid past. Correction. Natasha, was doing most of the talking, with Bruce only occasionally humming his acknowledgements, sympathy, empathy and whatnot.
Frankly, Steve was shocked that Natasha would actually talk about her past to anyone on the team at all, because Steve knew how private of a person she was, and how protective she was of all her secrets, especially those secrets that involved her past. After all, even throughout the entire time of their partnership in SHIELD, Steve had failed, repeatedly, to learn any personal details about her, no matter how hard he had tried to. And trust him, he fucking tried. But despite his painstaking (understatement of the millennium, I mean have you ever tried coaxing personal information out of the woman? Jesus) efforts, not once did she let slip any forms of personal detail about herself to him; be it her past, her personal goals, things that drove her, what her life was like prior to SHIELD, anything. No matter how hard he tried, she gave him nothing. Sometimes, when Steve finally gathered enough courage to forgo any gimmickry and just ask those personal questions directly to her face, she would just clam up, or more often than not, deflect all his questions with that sarcastic wit of hers. For the most part, Steve respected that. He respected her need for privacy, and especially so, considering her line of work where entrusting secrets to the wrong people could very well get herself, or other people, killed. Steve understood that, he really did. But the problem was, Steve also wanted to be more than just a work partner to her. He wanted to be that person whom she could trust and rely on – be it with her life or her heart. He wanted to be her rock. He wanted to help her and to support her in any way he could. He wanted to be that special man in her life. If she would just let him in. And the fact that Steve possessed this insatiable, and undying curiosity about the woman only made matters worse for him. She really intrigued him like nobody else. She made him want to know more about her. Damn, because for the first time ever since he was thawed, Steve Rogers wanted something, and it was all because of her. Natasha Romanoff made him feel things goddamnit! Things that he hadn't felt ever since Peggy, God rest her soul. Thus, for nearly 2 years, Steve found himself entrapped in this frustrating situation, this… rut, I mean, Jesus, imagine wanting so much to know about a person yet having no way of actually knowing (because she just wouldn't fucking tell him no matter how hard he tried to ask). Eventually, his curiosity about Natasha intensified to the point that he just had to know at least something about her past. He just couldn't help it. But at the same time he also realized that if he were to know anything about Natasha at all, he was just gonna have to find it all out on his own.
And, well, Alexander Pierce's files which were leaked into the Internet turned out to be the very thing that Steve needed on that front.
Unbeknownst to everyone else, Bucky wasn't the only person he had been searching for after SHIELD fell. Truth was, Steve had been looking for Natasha too. Well, not physically, of course, because he knew that the spy would be impossible to track if she had no desire to be found. But he was looking for her, her as in the Natasha Romanoff from the past. He was looking for Natalia Romanova. While travelling and chasing down cold leads with Sam, Steve had spent countless nights awake, studying the SHIELD files which Natasha had released onto the Internet. Not some random HYDRA shit, obviously, because those files were heavily encrypted, but specifically her file. Most of the time, he and Sam would crash at some squalid third rate motel after a long day of fruitless hunt. He would then wait until Sam was asleep (it didn't usually take long) before sneaking into the bathroom or somewhere private where he could work. Then he would fire up his computer and spend hours on end, just losing himself in her files, pouring over information after information about Natasha's life prior to SHIELD.
Admittedly, a lot of manly tears were shed during those nights when he studied her files; tears of anguish and of sadness over everything that she had been through; tears of relief that she had made it out of her past alive and in one piece; tears of gratitude, to Clint who had found her and pulled her out alive, and to Fury too who was kind enough to give her a second chance; and then there were also the tears of admiration, as Steve finally began to see how strong and amazing of a woman Natasha Romanoff really was. He had read every single bit of content in those documents, never missing a single line or a single fact. And later on, Steve would actually find himself being overwhelmed with feelings of gratification and of satisfaction, because he had finally learnt everything there was to know about Natasha Romanoff's past. At long last, Steve Rogers knew Natasha Romanoff's secrets. When the years of yearning for knowledge about her was finally satisfied, he truly felt like the king of the world, like he had unlocked some sort of big cosmic secret. That feeling of misplaced satisfaction lasted all the while until he stumbled across Natasha's private conversation with Bruce that morning at the tower.
Yeah. That morning. The morning that changed everything.
At any rate, going back to that morning of Steve's eavesdropping where this supposed 'deathblow' was delivered. Anyways, Steve had remained rooted on his spot in the hallway even after figuring out the theme of their conversation (took him only 5 seconds to figure out the theme). Steve knew that their conversation was a very private one, well, obviously, since it was Natasha's secrets being the center of discussion. In fact, that could even explain why JARVIS hadn't been around to call him out for his snooping, right? Because Natasha had probably dismissed the AI in order to keep her conversation with Bruce off any forms of records. Those facts alone were enough for Steve to know just how private the conversation was… But still…
"Maybe just for a couple more minutes…" Steve had told himself that morning when he convinced himself to remain hidden in the hallway to continue his snooping.
Granted, he wasn't particularly proud of that little domestic espionage stunt he had pulled back then, but in his defense, Steve genuinely thought that he had known everything there was to know about Natasha's past at the time (from reading Pierce's files), so he figured that technically, listening in to something that he already knew wouldn't be that bad? Right?
Right.
Steve ended up standing in the hallway for about another minute or so. And it was probably about that time that the sirens started blaring in his head like a wacko on drugs. Because by then, he detected a sudden shift in the cadence of Natasha's voice as she whispered something to Bruce. Her voice had been uncharacteristically tender, soft, gentle, sincere and vulnerable. Her tone was something that Steve had never ever heard Natasha used before. Never, not even after the 4 years of their friendship and the 2 years of their close-knit partnership, had Steve ever experienced such blatant vulnerability from Natasha Romanoff. Damn, what a shocker that was, to think that Natasha could allow herself to speak in such vulnerable a manner.
And then, Steve began to hear all these names coming out of her mouth in soft whispers; names of places, names of the people from her past, NONE of which rang any bells in Steve's eidetic mind. But how could that be? Steve had read everything from Natasha's files, and Steve Rogers had a mind that never forgets. So how could those names she mentioned not ring any bells at all? It made no sense. It was nonsensical. Preposterous. Cockamamie. A complete absurdity. But, wait, maybe it did make sense. Hell, the implication was crystal clear, wasn't it? It had been so obvious. Natasha was sharing with Bruce the things about her past life that were kept outside her files. She was telling Bruce things about herself that she had probably told no one before.
Steve wouldn't lie. That really did hurt. First of all, it hurt like a son of a bitch that Bruce had the privilege to know things about Natasha straight from her mouth instead of through some goddamn file. It really fucking hurt that Bruce seemed to (so effortlessly) achieve the very thing that Steve Rogers had been trying oh-so-damn-hard to achieve for years: which was in getting Natasha Romanoff to talk, to share, and to open up. Heck, it had even occurred to Steve that if it wasn't for pure chance, if it wasn't for his dumb luck, then he probably wouldn't even have found out anything at all about Natasha's life beyond her files' contents. Such a sad truth, wasn't it? To realize that his overhearing of Natasha's conversation that morning was nothing but a stroke of luck, a happenstance, a random event on some random morning. Think about it, folks. Pure chance. A random, unintended occurrence. Yeah, that fucking stung.
Now. Ready for that jackhammerin' deathblow? Okay, then. Brace yourselves.
A simple 5-word phrase: "Even Clint doesn't know this…"
There.
THAT, was the deathblow.
The moment Steve heard Natasha whispering those 5 words to Bruce, he felt his heart plummet through the center of the Earth. He had decided to stop listening right at that precise moment, because there really wasn't much point in listening further. Steve already had his answer, and the answer was painfully clear: Natasha trusted Bruce more than anybody else. More than himself, and hell, possibly even more than Clint.
Yeah folks, you've heard right. More than Clint. Clint, the person whom she had the longest history with. Clint, who had saved her life from the jaws of the KGB. Clint, who had helped her obtain a new life among the good guys (sort of, I mean, it's what SHIELD stood for that counts). Clint, who had brought her over to the side of the light.
Steve had always thought that there was nobody else that Natasha Romanoff would trust more than Clint Barton.
Steve was wrong.
Dead wrong.
To Steve, that was enough proof that Natasha wanted Bruce. Yeah. Natasha wanted Bruce, and not just as a close friend/brother like with Clint; and most definitely not as a puny, insignificant work partner like with Steve himself. She wanted Bruce as a lover. Other than that, Steve really couldn't think of any other reasons to explain what he had discovered through his eavesdropping that morning. Clearly, Bruce had invoked a desire for intimacy within Natasha that made her so willing to share things about herself. Bruce had successfully gotten her to let him in, to let him into her heart. And through that intimacy, they somehow forged a bond so strong that it transcended any bonds of friendship Natasha had ever had. What else could that be if not romantic love? Why else would she have granted Bruce (a man whom she had barely known for 5 years) the privilege to know things about herself that were unknown even to Clint (her savior, the person whom she had had more than a fucking decade of history with)?
It had to be romantic love, right? What else could it be?
After recovering from the initial shock due to his discovery that morning, Steve had put on his de minimis fake smile, made some shuffling noise with his feet, cleared his throat a few times and maybe sniffed loudly for a bit in an attempt to alert the duo of his presence in the hallway. He at least had the decency to wait for their voices to cease before he made his entrance into the common room. He greeted them both with forced exuberance and noticed that they were both dressed in their work clothes from the prior day. That's right, not sleep wear, but work clothes. Which could only mean one thing: they never went to bed, they had talked straight through the entire night. Bruce politely greeted him back, but Natasha just sort of… stared at him. He really wondered if she had already figured out his little act back then, but at that point, he was honestly too hurt to care. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and left quickly for the gym.
Oh, and by the way, Steve had also managed to set a new record for himself at the gym that morning. Because he got his fist stuck within a punching bag for the first time in his near 100 years of natural existence, by punching through it. And boy, did he get an earful from Stark for that stunt.
Still, Steve was a gentleman. He couldn't really hold it against Natasha for pursuing her own happiness. So he gave her his silent blessings and tried to be happy for her instead. Okay, maybe he wasn't really happy per se, but he supposed he could live with seeing her happy?
Even if it was with another man…another man, who was also his friend…
Oh balls, he honestly had no fucking clue if he could even live through that. He'd be lying if he said that he wasn't hurt or heartbroken. He was in love with the lady, for heavens' sake, how the hell was he supposed to be okay with seeing her loving another man? Maybe he should just shave his head and become a monk. He had heard great claims about the 'way of the monk' being the surest path towards inner peace. Perhaps that could help him get over his feelings of heartbreak or longing or whatever. Or perhaps he could even take up a sworn oath of lifelong celibacy, dedicate his life to the job and see how that goes.
The sound of birds pecking against the glass of the tall windows pulled Steve out from his thoughts. All of a sudden, Steve snapped out of his reminiscences and descended back into reality. He glanced around him, taking note of his surroundings, trying to remember where he was and what he had been doing before. Wakandan Institute of Science. Cryogenics Department. Bucky's procedure. Right. He had been standing at the lobby for… probably a long time. Just to be clear, it wasn't often that he'd lose his bearings like this, it usually occurred when he was hungry or, apparently, when he was lovesick.
Great, I'm lovesick now. Not even the serum stood a chance against that sickness.
The mist got thicker as the afternoon stretched on. A heavy sigh escaped his lips as Steve continued to stare out the window from the Institute of Science building. Steve wondered how Bucky must be feeling right then. Was he in peace? Was he dreaming? Would the dreams be nice? Would the dreams involve the life that he might have led? Or would the dreams involve the horrors of his life as a HYDRA assassin? Steve briefly considered the possibility of asking T'Challa for a second cryochamber, this time so that he himself could be put on ice. Perhaps he could finally find peace in the stagnation? After all, Captain America was just a supersoldier. As long as there weren't any threats, the world would have no real need for Steve Rogers, right? And besides, the whole world kinda hated him after everything with the Accords. So it wasn't like he'd be missed if he went back under. But he suppose he would never be able to see Natasha again if he truly chose to go back under. That would be a huge bummer, wouldn't it? Then again, would it matter? Would it make a difference to her at all? Would she even miss him if he was gone? That last question was a dangerous one, Steve realized. It was those kind of questions whose answers you both wanna know and don't wanna know at the same time.
Bit by bit, the growing mist engulfed the head of the Panther statue, obscuring it from Steve's view. How the hell should he spend his remaining time here in Wakanda? It was a beautiful nation with so much to be explored. But he wasn't sure if he was even ready to explore anything at the moment. After the fight in Siberia, he still felt kinda strung out, and skittish; definitely not the right conditions to do the beautiful Wakandan sights any justice. Then again, perhaps exploring the nation could help calm his nerves a little bit, and perhaps help him get back his bearings? After everything that happened, he could surely do some calm, especially if he was planning to execute an intricate rescue mission which involved breaking into the world's most secure underwater prison facility.
Well, he supposed that the top of that gigantic Panther statue could be a pretty nice spot for some calming meditation, if he was indeed serious about taking up that monk thing.
Ugh.
Monk? Now where the hell did THAT even come from? Steve shuddered at the thought of him…Captain America… with his shield, standing bald. What an uncanny sight. Besides, the serum would regenerate his hair within days and he'd have to shave again, imagine how troublesome that'd be.
Still ruminating over his afternoon plans, Steve let out another heavy sigh, this time causing the glass in front of him to fog up slightly. He supposed he could go back to his suite and get some shut eye? Or maybe he could take a stroll around Central Wakanda? Maybe grab a bite or two?
Or… he could keep staring out of the window and just…zone out?
Well, it was a pretty nice view, and the lobby was all quiet and peaceful… and tranquil…
Just a while longer. Steve decided. Honestly, he just needed a moment of peace, to clear his head. The lobby seemed like the perfect place with the perfect view.
And soon enough, Steve was lost in his thoughts once again.
This time, Steve's thoughts went back to the conversation he had with Bucky in the lab just moments ago before Bucky went under. Somewhere along playing the love guru, Bucky apprised him that his feelings for Natasha might not be unrequited after all, as inconceivable as that sounded. Okay, well, Steve supposed that there was, indeed, a plus side to that, since Bucky was usually spot on when it came to these kinds of things. It certainly did made Steve feel better, knowing that Bucky could 'see' (God knows how Bucky did it) Natasha's alleged 'feelings' for him. But that was it. Other than that Steve remain completely unconvinced that Natasha ever saw him as more than just a platonic work partner. Like, come on, seriously, what else was he supposed to think? Try as he might, Steve just couldn't see that Natasha wanted him the way he wanted her. He just couldn't. And besides, they had been working side by side every day back at the compound after Ultron's defeat, and yet Natasha never said anything or showed any signs of interest in him. Never even gave him so much as a goddamn hint to show that she might be in the slightest bit interested.
Perhaps he was just too blind to notice the hints?
Natasha was one of the best spies in the world, so maybe she was just good at hiding it?
At that thought, Steve snorted.
Yeah, right. Keep dreaming, Rogers. Why would she hide it if she really was interested, you moron? It's not like she was hiding it with Bruce either. Just get over it, pal. She ain't interested in you. You're way out of her league... And she probably doesn't even see you as a man, Rogers. Yeah…just some old relic out of time maybe, or just some dude on super steroids, but definitely not as a man she desires.
Or maybe…
Hell, Peggy had been right all along, he really didn't know a bloody thing about women in general. Let alone Natasha, who was truly the most maddening, enigmatic, challenging, complicated and frustrating woman he had ever known. Yes, indeed he had reconnected with Natasha after Bruce left. Rebuilt their bond, so to speak. It just sort of… happened, naturally, the very moment they were both thrown into the task of co-leading the New Avengers. Things were pretty good, like they were back on first name basis again, or that they had re-established their repartee and all that. But even with all that, so what? A bond could also be purely platonic, right? Just like her bond with Clint, close friends who did what they did without being romantically involved; Steve remembered a term for that in modern colloquialism… what was it again? Right. The 'Friend-Zone'. Funny thing though, it was Natasha who had introduced him to that term when they were still partners in SHIELD (getting Captain America acquainted with modern pop-culture had been Fury's first assignment for the Black Widow after the Battle of New York). Was she subtly giving him a hint back then? That she was 'Friend-zoning' him? And come to think of, she was super keen on setting him up with other women back in DC wasn't she? Did she already noticed his feelings for her back then? Did she set him up on dates because she didn't feel the same way? Whatever. Not like any of that made a goddamn difference anymore.
Well, guess what, even after they had reconnected during the time they co-led the new Avengers, Steve never did ask Natasha out on an official date in fear of upsetting their status quo. Plus, he didn't even know back then whether she had completely gotten over her feelings for Bruce. The last thing that Steve's already mutilated heart needed was to hear Natasha say, "Oh, I'm sorry, Steve. But I'm still in love with Bruce. It wouldn't be fair to you…" or "Oh, I'm sorry, Steve. I just don't see you that way", and then the next thing he knew, she would try to distant herself away from him after rejecting his love confession because things got too, ya' know? Awkward.
So, no. No widow-dates for Captain America.
Still, that didn't mean that Steve hadn't the desire to go out with her. In fact, he did. All the time. It just couldn't be an official date was all. So anyway, whenever Steve felt like spending time with her outside the job, he would always guise their 'dates' as team bonding sessions, never 1 on 1. And, ahem, he might have shamelessly used his position as team leader to incorporate these so-called team bonding activities into the team's monthly agenda, not that anyone would ever know.
Most of the time, these 'dates' were fun.
Most of the time.
He could never ever forget that one humiliating incident where he broke a beer bottle with his grip in a fit of jealousy after seeing two guys who had the balls to flirt with her right under his nose. No, actually, that wasn't quite accurate. He had a feeling that the beer bottle's unfortunate demise had absolutely nothing to do with the two dudes' attempts to flirt with her. Rather, he was pre-tty sure it was the fact that she had reciprocated the flirting which brought out this…this… Cro-Magnon, side of him. In hindsight, maybe it was a good thing that the beer bottle broke, because if it hadn't, let's just say that those two guys would be using wheelchairs for the rest of their lives. Imagine that.
But here's the funny thing about Steve Rogers. Despite experiencing these…heartfelt bouts of jealousy every time he saw Natasha flirting with another guy, the ultimate reason which had Steve believing that Natasha wasn't interested in him romantically was also the fact that Natasha was 'flirty' with him. Yeah, that's right, Natasha flirted with him too, the kind of playful and meaningless flirting, exactly like the way she'd flirt with any other average Joe who had enough balls to approach her. But therein lies the problem, you see. It made Steve feel as though that to Natasha, he was just another guy she flirted with, like he was no better than the average Joe. However, with Bruce, she was completely… different. Her interactions with Bruce weren't just 'friendly', per se; they weren't just playful or sarcastic like with everybody else. With Bruce, she had shown a completely different side of herself, a side which was much more serious and intense. There were also strong signs of intimacy and fondness in the way she behaved around Bruce. And then there was also this look that she had, the special look that was reserved only for Bruce. It was this soft look of adoration that she gave Bruce every time she looked at Bruce and only Bruce. And needless to say, there was also that little discovery from Steve's little domestic espionage stunt, which was the fact that Natasha was willing to share with Bruce her dark secrets. Secrets, which were unknown even to Clint. Ha. Ha. Ha. Like as if some dumb Brooklyn punk on self-replicating steroids could possibly top that.
Eventually, the Wakandan tropical fog had thicken to the point that the entire upper half of the Panther Statue was blotted out of Steve's view, mirroring the melancholia that had penetrated Steve's mental fortress and that had slowly began to gain control over his mood. With another long sigh of despair, Steve continued to mull and reflect over his relationship (or lack thereof) with the illustrious and beautiful Natasha Romanoff.
Believe it or not, Steve actually had the opportunity to turn the tides in his favor, an opportunity that he never took. That night during Stark's party to revel the acquisition of Loki's scepter, Steve's eyes never left the bar Natasha was tending. Why she was bartending Steve really had no clue. But she was there, looking as beautiful, elegant, sophisticated and classy as ever. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the party, or maybe it was the way Natasha's curvy figure leaned against the bar top, or maybe it was that Asgardian mead Thor had fed him, but something about that night had Steve feeling… bold. After downing that Asgardian mead, Steve strode towards Natasha like a man on a mission. His mission? To confront Natasha about her 'relationship' with Bruce, such as whether or not she had made things official with Bruce, or perhaps to obtain some form of emotional closure for himself – such as whether he still stood a goddamn chance with her or whether Natasha ever saw him in a non-platonic way. Point was, Steve Rogers wanted answers. But apparently, the Universe hated Steve's plan. Because just when Steve was about 20 feet away from that bar Natasha was tending… yep, you've guessed it – Bruce got to her first. So in the end, Steve just stood back and watched the drama unfold right before his eyes. Gotta hand it to Steve though, he watched the entire scene that night without breaking anything. Good thing he wasn't holding any bottles or glasses or anything back then. He didn't break anything. Hah! What a miraculous occurrence. He probably deserved a medal of honor for the exhibition of such a supreme form of self-control. From 20 feet away, Steve watched and heard Natasha slowly worked Bruce up, her voice flirtatious but also with a touch of sincerity. A lot of sincerity, in fact. To Steve, the way she had communicated with Bruce across the bar that night showed the depths of her feelings for the man. And her facial expression, God, was that the proverbial 'come-hither' look he had seen on her face that night? Boy, what a sight. Steve had never ever seen Natasha looking like how she did with Bruce that night, so open and so… whipped. Heck, he'd never even thought that Natasha was capable of being that open with anyone.
"But never say never…" Steve repeated Natasha's own words in a painful whisper that night as he observed their entire exchange from 20 feet away. And oh by the way, did he mention that he didn't break anything that night at the party? Yeah? Well, he wanna take that back, since that wasn't quite the truth. Because the truth was, he did actually break something that night. He broke his heart.
The inevitable conclusion which came to Steve's mind that night was that Natasha was in love. With Bruce. Not that Steve hadn't had suspicions about that little fact before that night at the party. Pfft, okay, honestly, what Steve saw that night was merely a corroboration to an obvious truth which he had, until then, been too afraid to accept. The fact was that Steve knew, logically, that Natasha had every reason to fall for a man like Bruce Banner. Jesus, just count the number of qualities that the man had. Intelligent, brilliant, a freaking genius for Heaven's sake, handsome, kind, classy and etcetera, etcetera. In other words, Bruce Banner was everything that a dumb punk from Brooklyn wasn't. Bruce Banner had attractive qualities that didn't come out of a fucking test tube.
That night at the party, Steve truly felt like a goddamn fool for even thinking that he ever stood a chance with Natasha. He felt like a fool, for getting all excited and beatific when Tony called him back to the tower. He truly felt like the biggest, legitimate fool in the world. Heck, believe it or not, Steve even had a goddamn speech written down the night before he left Hungary for New York, yeah, that's right, a long, lame, cheesy speech written down in some cheap yellow pad to finally tell Natasha about his feelings. And God, that wasn't even the worst. Here's the saddest part: Steve had even been presumptuously, and pathetically, planning for his first date with Natasha while he was riding his bike to the Tower for the team's reassembling (he thought of taking her to that little place where he knew had the best milkshake in the world).
First date plans, the fucking speech, the thoughts of their first real kiss, his own naiveté, his stupid hopes and whatnot, all of them were crushed into a gazillion pieces the moment he arrived at the tower to see Natasha cozying up to one Bruce Banner.
Yeah, he was a fool. A fucking foolish fool.
Pragmatically speaking, Bruce's reluctance in taking the next step with Natasha was Steve's chance to turn the tides. He could have walked up to Bruce that night and spout all sort of crap about how Bruce should stay the hell away from Natasha, or about the Hulk being a threat to Natasha's personal safety. The gentleman in Steve, however, disagreed. After witnessing Natasha's little I'm-so-in-love-with-you-that-I'm-completely-open-when-I'm-with-you show that night? Steve had thrown in the towel right away. As much as it pained him, he could never ever allow himself to get in the way of Natasha's happiness. Clearly Bruce made Natasha happy, extremely, happy. And Natasha deserved all the happiness in the world, so Steve wouldn't allow himself to stand in the way. Therefore, he activated his self-sacrificial mode and did the honorable thing. He gave Bruce the push and tried to dwindle Bruce's reluctance in taking the next step with Natasha.
"You both deserve a win", Steve had told Bruce that night, officially giving Bruce his blessings, all the while trying his damnest to keep a straight face. Undoubtedly, that selfless act had left Steve's heart completely mutilated, a pain that transcended even the Super Soldier Serum's healing capacity.
Surprising?
Well. Not really. Putting himself on the line so that others could be happy? Hello? That literally had Steve Rogers written all over it.
Steve Rogers the sacrificial martyr.
Steve Rogers the hero.
God's Righteous Man.
That's Steve Rogers for you, folks. The guy who would lay down on the wire and let the other guy (quite literally in this case) crawl over him. The man who would always put other people's needs before his own. The man who was literally the bane of the concept known as quid pro quo. The man who would sacrifice his own happiness for the happiness of others. The selfless guy who left the first woman he loved behind and plunged a plane into the ocean to save an entire city. The selfless guy who silently pushed the second woman he loved into the arms of another man just so she could be happy. It didn't matter that it was all at his expense, and it didn't matter that he himself was hurting, because he would always find a way to complete the mission somehow like a good soldier. As long as the people he cared about were happy and safe, he would consider his duty done, mission accomplished. Even though it was all at his fucking expense.
The man who sacrificed EVERYTHING…
The good man, that Abraham Erskine had wanted him to become. At least he got this part right.
At least I've kept my promise to Dr. Erskine so far. Being a good man, doing the right thing and all. Cheers to me. Steve thought wryly to himself as he continued his incessant staring out of the fancy windows at the lobby. His gaze remained fixated on the Panther statue, mainly because the statue was then the only object visible amidst the thick fog. His eyes was really beginning to hurt due to all his staring – he wasn't even sure when the last time he blinked was – but he didn't care.
The mist cleared away slightly to reveal the Panther's head once more. The mid-section of the statue, however, remained obscured; like an object missing its core; like a man, stripped of his heart and soul.
Like the current Steve Rogers.
Steve's melancholic reminiscence ended when he picked up the sound of footsteps from behind him. He made no effort to turn around but straightened his posture nonetheless. Always ready for a fight, like a good soldier. Using the reflections on the window, Steve saw that the person approaching him was none other than his host, King T'Challa. T'Challa stopped on Steve's left and they both shared a moment of silence.
"Thank you for this, Your Highness. What you did to help Bucky… that's very kind and honorable of you, despite everything that happened…" Steve said, still staring out of the window.
"Your friend and my father… They were both victims. If I can help one of them find peace…then I will. Consider it my way of honoring them." said the King.
Another moment of silence passed before Steve spoke again, "You know if they find out that he's here…they'll come for him. HYDRA, the government… everyone."
King T'Challa, unfazed by the warning, merely took a step forward and declared, "Let them try… and if they do, rest assured that they will have the full wrath of the Black Panther awaiting them behind the walls of Wakanda."
Steve stood in awe of T'Challa's bravery, and had obviously refrained himself from commenting about how HYDRA wasn't a force to be trifled with and that HYDRA had every capability to infiltrate any nation, vibranium-rich or not.
At Steve's silence, T'Challa continued, "Justice, is Wakanda's code. It is what our nation represents; just like how America represents freedom and liberty. The moment I assumed the mantle of the Black Panther, I had taken an oath to uphold the very same code which had guided my forefathers for so many generations. And therefore, let it be my first decree as the King of Wakanda that your friend be granted liberation and protection from all the injustice and sufferings he had endured hitherto. Mark my words as I say it, Captain. I will protect your friend. No harm would come to your friend as long as I live. That is my promise to you as both warrior and king."
Just like that, Steve's respect for the young ruler of Wakanda proliferated.
"You would make a great king, Your Highness. In fact, I think that you already are." Steve said with unmasked respect and admiration for the new King of Wakanda.
"Thank you, Captain."
"I mean no disrespect, Your Highness, but I gotta ask. How did you know that we were in Siberia?"
"I followed Stark. I knew that he would lead me to you." T'Challa replied tersely.
Steve nodded.
"Zemo. Where is he now?" asked Steve.
"I handed him over to the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre (JCTC). Stark and I personally escorted him into his holding cell at the Raft prison." T'Challa said.
"What about Stark? Is he okay?" Steve asked.
"Yes, he is. Physically, he seemed fine to me. He returned to the compound after the escort. I didn't reveal your location to him."
Steve nodded in gratitude, "Thank you, Your Highness."
Another stretch of silence passed before Steve broke it, "How much does Ross know?"
"Everything. Including Miss Romanoff's actions at the hangar…" T'Challa said ruefully.
Steve visibly tensed, "Is she alright? They didn't catch her, did they?" God, please… not her too…please no…
"No. Ross hasn't found her yet. They raided the compound, but she was long gone. And there were neither physical nor digital traces of her. She's very good." T'Challa said approvingly, clearly impressed by Natasha's adept in espionage.
Steve felt waves of relief spread through his body instantly, but schooled his expressions nonetheless lest he reveal to T'Challa the romantic feelings he still felt for Natasha.
"I'm sorry, Captain. It was I who told Ross about Miss Romanoff's actions. But that was before I found out the truth about what happened." T'Challa explained.
"It's not your fault, Your Highness. You were only doing what you believed was right. That's all any of us can do." Steve said.
T'Challa nodded his approval at Steve's worldview.
Suddenly piqued by the events that occurred in Siberia, Steve asked, "Do you know what happened to Zemo after the fighting started? In Siberia, I mean."
"Yes, I do. I was hiding in the shadows, listening. After I learnt about Zemo's orchestration of everything that happened, I followed him. When the 3 of you took your fight away from the lab, I saw the 5 Cryochambers blow up. Zemo probably planted explosives in the chambers before you three had even arrived and then most likely triggered the explosives when you guys weren't looking. Afterwards, he had attempted to flee the facility. I ambushed him outside and subdued him. He even tried to take his own life when I subdued him, had a cyanide pill in his tooth, but I managed to prevent it." T'Challa explained.
"He blew the chambers? Why?" Steve asked, puzzled.
"I don't know. I asked him, but he kept quiet. Never said a single word the entire journey to his prison cell." T'Challa explained.
"I don't like this. If it was just revenge he was after, why bother destroying the bodies? There wouldn't be much point in that unless there were something in the bodies that he wanted to conceal." Steve reasoned.
"I checked the bodies. They were destroyed, completely. I took the remaining ashes that I could salvage and passed them to my scientists. Nothing could be learned from them, unfortunately. Not even a DNA test could be done." T'Challa said.
"I see. Can you keep an eye on Zemo? Something fishy is going on here and I don't like the idea of us not keeping tabs on him. This guy planned the whole thing and played every single one of us like pawns in his game. Also, start digging into his past. Maybe he has allies, friends, people who shared his cause, anything. Find out what he was trying to hide. We don't know what else he's got under his sleeves. Until we do, he remains a threat." Steve said gravely.
"Yes I will. Stark and I agreed on that. We will both keep an eye on Zemo. But for now, worry not Captain. Even if there was something bigger going on, I highly doubt that Zemo had anything to do with it. Because why would he attempt suicide if his plans were still unfinished?" T'Challa reasoned.
Steve nodded in understanding and decided to put his worries aside. Temporarily, anyway.
"How are your injuries? Here in Wakanda, we provide top notch medical facilities. Do feel free to take advantage of our facilities and tend to your injuries, Captain. I assure you, they can be very helpful." T'Challa said.
Steve politely declined, "Thank you, Your Highness. I appreciate the offer, but I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome, I have troubled you enough already. Besides, I heal fast. Surface wounds would heal in another hour. And the few broken ribs would heal by the end of tomorrow."
"I see. But the offer still stands in case you change your mind. And for the record, you are always welcomed here, Captain." T'Challa said.
Steve nodded gratefully "I appreciate it, Your Highness."
"Alright, Captain. I do hope that you have an enjoyable stay in Wakanda." T'Challa said before turning to leave.
After a few steps, T'Challa halted and said, "For what it's worth, Captain. I'm deeply sorry about what happened to you and your allies. And do know that if the circumstances were different, I myself would have done things differently. "
A sad smile formed on the Captain's features, "Well, Your Highness. Sometimes, you either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become a villain."
"Captain," said the King of Wakanda, his voice stern, "allow me to say this, from one warrior to another. You were never a villain, not to me, and certainly not to your allies who fought by your side. You are an honorable soldier, a great warrior and most importantly, a good man. The world might be blind to it, but the lives and cities that you had saved speak for themselves. A man's worth is determined not by the amount of public recognition he receives, but by his actions and intentions. Just because the world failed to recognize your worth doesn't mean that you aren't worthy, Captain. Remember, it often takes another warrior to recognize the true worth of a warrior. Take your allies who stood by you throughout this ordeal, for instance. What I saw, was that you have a team of brave and honorable warriors who willingly sacrificed their freedom to aid your cause and follow you into battle. They did it because they recognized your worth. And as a final piece of advice. Do not be swayed by your doubts, Captain. Stay true to what you stand for, and keep fighting. Prove the world wrong."
T'Challa started to walk away again only to be interrupted by Steve's voice, "Your Highness."
T'Challa paused in his strides and turned around to face Steve, "Yes, Captain?"
"Thank you, for your encouraging words. I really appreciate it…" Steve paused, seemingly hesitating, "… but can I ask you for another favor?" Steve asked.
"Of course."
Steve was pleading.
"If Romanoff ever contacts you… can you…can you keep her safe for me? I mean, if she needs a place to hide, that is…" Steve sighed, "I know that this is a lot to ask for, but Romanoff… she's… she's a good person who's had a very tough life. She's very important to me, to us – the team. And now, she got caught up in this mess, and I just…" Steve stood up straighter, "We can't lose her, Your Highness. We can't." Steve spoke earnestly, hoping to gain T'Challa's understanding.
"Consider it done." T'Challa left the lobby and headed straight for the Cryogenics Lab.
Author's notes:
Okay. That was tedious as hell. I don't think I have the energy to do this anymore.
If you are interested, you are welcome to follow this story on AO3. Just search for the story name on AO3 and you should be able to find it.
Thank you for reading.