Wednesday, 25 November 2015
"Is that all?" Cal asked, trying not to sound rude or impatient.
The police officer only smiled, seemingly not as stiff as Cal first thought. "Yes, it is. Of course we'll be in contact, but for now that's it."
"All right, thanks." Cal politely shook his hand but didn't pay attention to him as he left. Instead he focused on Ethan, who was looking far, far from relaxed. "Ethan?" Cal asked tentatively as he moved his chair as far as he could towards Ethan's bed.
Ethan turned his pale face towards Cal and he could see that Ethan's eyes were filled with tears, threatening to pour down his face in a never ending stream.
"Eth, buddy? Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."
Ethan was fidgeting nervously, his hands restless in his lap. "I-I c-can-'t…"
He placed his hands over Ethan's cool ones, holding them still. "Can't tell me?" he said gently.
Ethan shook his head. "C-can-'t d-do it-t."
"Eth… I'm sorry, Nibbles. Can't do what?"
Cal knew this was making Ethan frustrated. A lot of the time (although encouraged not to) he avoided certain words or long sentences. But now, today, he was avoiding saying a lot at all. And unfortunately, Cal could not read his mind.
"S-sspe-ak."
Cal squeezed his hands supportively. "Yes, you can, Ethan. I know it's not like it used to be, but you're speech is getting better."
Ethan pulled his hands away from Cal, wringing them again. "N-no. T-the t-tri-al."
Oh. Now Cal knew what was going on. "You can't speak in the trial?"
Ethan nodded, the point got across. And it meant Ethan's tears weren't just in his eyes anymore.
Cal didn't waste any time holding him and trying to calm him. He hated it was such a common gesture now but at least it went some way to calming him down.
"S-scar-ed-d," Ethan muttered into Cal's shoulder.
They'd been told the trial date by the police officer as it had finally been confirmed. It meant that Ethan's attacker might finally get what he deserved after all this time, but it also meant that Ethan had to give his account of what happened that day. And that involved the one thing Ethan was severely against: speaking in front of people. A room full of people, listening, waiting. And sometimes Ethan didn't even want to speak to his brother.
Cal rubbed his back, "it's okay, Ethan. It's okay to be scared. But you have to use that to your advantage." It was something their mother had taught them when they were young. If they were afraid, they had to harness that feeling, use it to be stronger, better. And for Ethan, it was used in the same context as now, to help him get over his stutter. Cal hoped it had the same effect on Ethan as an adult.
Ethan slowly pulled away, staring at Cal. "I-I do-n't k-no-w h-how."
Instead of letting his hands fall away, Cal put them on Ethan's shoulders. He told himself Ethan needed the physical contact, but in reality, Cal still couldn't believe he still had Ethan with him. Sometimes he thought he would wake up and it would all have been a dream. Ethan would be dead. But it wasn't. He was here. He was alive…
…and he was scared.
"Being scared can be a good thing. It can make you more wary of things. Protect you. But sometimes, like now for instance, that wariness is trying to protect you from something you Don't Need Protecting From." Cal knew Ethan was listening, trying to absorb everything he was saying. It was unlike Ethan to hang from his every word, but then again, now it was Ethan. And strangely, Cal didn't mind. "Look, Nibbles. You're going to speak in a room of people about the day you nearly died. And out of those two things, the priority isn't that there are people, it's that you nearly died because of that man. You need to look him right in the eye. He needs to see what he did."
Ethan looked away, cheeks burning red. "T-th-at I c-can-'t sp-eak. O-or s-stan-d. O-or d-o a-any-th-ing."
Cal huffed out what might have been a laugh and gently turned Ethan's face towards him. "No, Ethan," he said forcefully, but without any hint of aggression. "He needs to see that he didn't succeed. That he didn't kill you. That you won. You need to show him that you came out on top, that he lost. And he's going to lose a lot more."
Ethan looked down. "H-he's al-read-y lo-st h-is fam-ily…"
Cal nodded slowly. "I know and I feel sorry for him. But, but Ethan… I nearly lost my family. My only family left."
His little brother looked up at him.
"So yep, poor him, he lost his family. But he shouldn't have gone after you. At all! He could have killed you, Eth! He nearly did. So you need to show him, you need to show him that you're alive and kicking. Okay, Ethan? You need to do this. For yourself and-and for me."
A spark lit in Ethan's eyes, determination over his face. "I-I'll do i-it."
Ethan let his head fall back onto the pillow. "D-do I-I h-have t-to?" he moaned.
"I'm afraid you do, Nibbles. Come on."
He groaned but did as he was told anyway. It was time to try walking again. Time to fall again. Olivia was, as ever, standing there with her smile. Cal was looking positive. Ethan, on the other hand, was just counting the seconds until the inevitable happened.
And in the same position he'd been in many times before, Ethan was sat on the side of his bed, his arms supporting himself either side of his chest. He shut his eyes briefly, breathing in deeply, readying himself.
I can do this. Of course I can. I can. Cal says I can so I can… I can.
A hand clapped his shoulder, "ready Ethan?"
Ethan nodded once, opening his eyes.
This was it. He was going to do it. Of course he was. Completely focused, he started the process. Shakily standing up. Trying not to let his knees collapse beneath him. Hearing both Olivia and Cal trying to give him hope, encouraging, but for once Ethan didn't draw his hope from them. He drew it from himself.
And finally, both of his hands were on either side of the frame. He surprised himself when he found he wasn't looking at it in disgust today. It was something good, something very good.
"One step forward, Ethan," Olivia said to his left.
One step forward. I can do that. It's just one step. One small little…
One step forward, and he hadn't fallen yet. He could see Cal's pride out of the corner of his eye but he didn't allow himself to feel happy. Not yet. It was too soon.
"Try another one now. Nice and slowly. Don't put too much pressure on your hands."
Right. Come on, Ethan. Another step. It's not that hard. Just lift your foot and place it down again, but slightly in front. Come on.
Slowly and steadily, he lifted his right foot and placed it down in front of him. But he'd done this before (barely). He had to do more.
"Okay, Ethan. Now I want you to try and move the frame forward. It doesn't have to be by a lot." Her hands ghosted his waist. "You won't fall."
No, I won't. I'm going to do this. I can do this.
He didn't lift it off the ground completely, the right side stayed on the floor. The left side, well, he lifted it up ever so slightly. The frame moved. Without prompting, he lifted his left foot and placed it down in front. And then did the same with his right. Then he moved the frame again.
He was walking.
"Oh my God!" Cal exclaimed, making Ethan laugh slightly.
Now I can be happy.
"Well done, Ethan!" Olivia said. "Do you want to sit down for a bit?"
It didn't need much consideration. He was tired. He only nodded, letting himself be supported back onto the side of his bed.
Cal knelt down in front of him, placing a hand on his knee. "I'm so, so proud of you, Ethan." He smile beamed. "You are happy, right?"
Ethan smiled widely, grabbing Cal's hand. "Y-yea-h. I-'m h-hap-py."
Jynx999: Hahaha, indeed I do! Wasn't sure when I was editing to leave it in but I couldn't resist. Thank you, and sorry the regular updates stopped for a little bit - I got kind of busy. Thank you for your review!
heggyy: Poor Ethan, definitely! (Gosh I torture him too much.) Thank you for your review!
Bonnie Sveen Fan: I kind of feel bad for him, even though I'm writing it that way haha! I couldn't resist adding that last bit in, some relief was needed I think. Thank you for your review!
Panic-at-casualty: Unfortunately that is a side effect, but yes, he has Cal! (And I'm never going to split them up again I love them too much!) Cal has grown up a bit more, and it's what Ethan needs. And it's what Cal needs to be honest. I like Cal's reaction too haha! Yay, I'm glad you liked the end bit! Yeeahh… I like writing them… not my fault! They're easier than happy chapters! (But you'd know all about that xD)! Thank you for your review!
casslourocks: Yay I'm so glad you liked it! Phew, glad it came across like that, was worried it was awfully written and didn't make much sense in that way. Don't worry about it, I don't mind! Thank you for your review!