Thursday, 26 November 2015
Dr McKay had rung him and said four simple words. We can't calm him.
Cal had fallen out of his bed (...technically the on-call room bed when he shouldn't have been there, but who's talking about the technicalities) and haphazardly pulled on his trousers, still grappling with his phone. Then he'd remembered to reply to him. I'm coming. He pushed his phone into his pocket and basically crawled into his t-shirt (which he was sure was on the wrong way around) before rushing straight to ITU.
He managed to glance at the time on his phone before it went in his pocket, and was sure it wasn't his sleep-ridden mind making up that it was 6 am. 6 am.
He didn't even know what was wrong with his brother, only that he needed calming. Dr McKay had told him yesterday (after another seizure) that they would try to limit anything that may be stressful or anything else that could cause a fit today. Cal just wished they'd sort the damn thing out already, Ethan had enough to worry about without epilepsy getting in the way.
He muttered an apology to both the nurse and the cleaner as he bashed into them and one of the cleaners trolleys on his way, but didn't stop to help them. Nor did he bother knocking, instead rushing straight into his little brother's room.
He immediately hurried to Ethan, holding him close. Ethan's previously restrained arms (probably to stop them whacking against the bed, something Ethan often did when upset) held tightly, almost desperately to Cal, and his head into Cal's shoulder, sobbing.
Cal looked questioningly up at Dr McKay over Ethan's head.
"We think he had a nightmare," he muttered in response. "We'll give you some time."
Cal appreciated that he knew Ethan barely liked confiding in Cal without an audience, so with would be even worse. He nodded his thanks before the staff members filed out of the room.
Ethan was gripping tightly to Cal's back-to-front t-shirt, his tears soaking Cal's top. Cal was rubbing his back, letting Ethan cry but also letting him know that he was there and Ethan was okay with his brother.
Eventually, Ethan's crying diminished and his arms loosened their hold. Cal knew it was partly exhaustion and Ethan's physical state causing the change but couldn't bring himself to care when he was so worried about Ethan's mental state.
"A nightmare, huh?" he said quietly. Ethan nodded into him. "Want to talk about it?"
Ethan pulled away, nodding again, staring at Cal's face through tear-filled eyes and child-like innocence. He kept his hands around Cal's.
"H-he w-wen-t fr-ee. A-at th-e t-tria-l."
"The guy who attacked you?" Cal really should have seen this coming, he mentally kicked himself for not realising. "Oh, Ethan…"
His little brother hid his face in Cal's top. "T-the-n h-he ki-ll-lle-d y-you, C-Cal."
"Nibbles," Cal sighed.
"I-I wat-ch-ed y-you d-die, Cal!"
The sobbing began again. Cal made sure to hug Ethan tightly. "Hear that, Eth? My heart beating loud and clear. The guy won't go free, he can't. Not after what he did. And I am and will be okay."
"W-wi-ll y-you s-sta-y?"
"Of course, Nibbles."
And like that, with Ethan snuggled in Cal's now soft embrace, his hair being stroked gently and Cal's heartbeat in his ears, Ethan fell asleep.
Peacefully.
Ethan stared at Cal, whose head was resting on folded arms, on the side of his bed. Cal had come in early - too early - this morning, no thanks to Ethan, and Ethan had finally persuaded him to get some sleep. But Cal, being Cal, had refused to leave Ethan. And if he was honest, Ethan was glad Cal was sticking around even now. He had silently shifted over in his bed, making room for Cal to lean.
And now, Ethan was just lying on his side, gazing at a peacefully sleeping Cal. It was quite nice. Cal tried not to show it, but he often looked stressed or tired or worried. It was mixed in with happiness or pride or encouragement, but Ethan couldn't just rule out one because another showed. He noticed how, occasionally, Cal's eyes would betray his tiredness - and sometimes, his guilt.
It was a look he knew from Cal being Cal, when he'd forgotten to pay the bills or buy more food or he left cornflakes on the sofa. He'd look at him with that same guilty look (with a bit more mischief tangled in it). There was no mischief this time.
Ethan hated, hated that look. Cal had nothing to feel guilty for.
But it was okay because while Cal slept that was all gone. He was free to dream.
A knock on the door made him turn to look from Cal for the first time in 20 minutes. He quietly uttered for the person to come in, careful not to disturb Cal (though how the knock already didn't, Ethan suspected had something to do with how much of a deep sleeper Cal could be when he was really tired).
What he wasn't expecting, however, was Connie Beauchamp to appear. She smiled when she saw him, her eyes soft. She glanced at the sleeping Cal and bit her lip to stop her chuckling.
Ethan had decided, 10 minutes ago, to ignore the tiny dribble of saliva coming out of Cal's open and softly snoring mouth (it was teasing material for later, anyway).
She went around to the other side of the bed and Ethan slowly turned his body so he could face her.
"How are you?" she said in a hushed tone.
"O-oka-y," was all he said, but when Connie said nothing, Ethan continued. "G-g-good. Wa-lke-d a b-bit yes-ster-d-day."
Her eyes lit up with what could only be described as pride. "Glad to hear it."
A silence settled between them, the sound of Cal snoring, diminishing.
Ethan looked down at his hands, fidgeting nervously. He wasn't used to such silence with his boss, well, probably former boss now.
As if reading his mind, Connie started to speak again. "Cal tells me you're concerned about your job."
Ethan stayed looking at his hands. "C-Cal t-talk-s too m-mu-ch," he muttered.
"Hey!"
Ethan's head snapped up to see Cal grinning at him, his hand wiping at his chin (and then on his trousers, which Ethan would usually scold him for but couldn't really be bothered to right now).
"I do not talk too much," he protested, though he was still smiling. Ethan, however, glared at him, trying to convey how annoyed he was that Cal told Connie.
Cal subtly shrugged, his grin turning into more of a grimace.
Staring at his own hands again, Ethan said, "I-it do-esn-'t-t ma-tt-er."
"I think it does, Dr Hardy."
He chanced a look at her.
"You still have a job in the ED."
Do not cry. Do not cry.
He felt a tear snake down his cheek despite his hopes and let his chin fall to his chest, one of his hands wiping away his tear. "Cha-anc-es o-of a fu-full r-rec-ove-ry…"
"Look, Ethan, don't base your hope or anger or fear or anything on chances. Chances don't mean a thing. You just need to focus on getting better. Got that? Focus on getting better." He looked up at her and watched as she smiled. "Then you can get back to work."
Knowing nothing else to say, he came out with a meek thank you.
She said nothing more, keeping her smile, glancing at Cal and then back at Ethan, and then walking out the room.
"So…"
"S-shu-t u-up, C-al-eb."
Cal shrugged, shaking his head. "It just came out, okay? She was asking about you and it just… slipped out. But it's a good thing! You still have a job there!"
Ethan tried to stop smiling, he really did. But he had to admit that Cal was right.
"See, you love me really."
Ethan chuckled, looking at Cal properly. "Y-yeah… I d-do."
casualtyfics111: Honestly thank you so much, that means a lot to me! I love writing Ethan and Cal together haha! Thank you for your review!
casslourocks: Cal really is caring and loving on the inside, but we didn't see it a lot in Casualty… so I'm making the most of this story! Awh I'm so glad you loved it! I fell bad for having Ethan miserable a lot, had to make him happy some of the time :D. hahahahahha, whoops! yeahahhh so I became unexpectedly busy and I wanted to get up to a certain chapter on this before continuing Shattered, which also means there's like... maybe another week maximum? (I say that, but you know me xD) Honestly, I'm just glad you like both stories! Thank you for your review!
Guest: Funnily enough I had this Connie and Ethan scene planned out about 10 chapters ago, and so I laughed when I read your review because it was already partially written and I knew it was coming in this chapter. Right on time for you, I hope you liked it! Thank you for your review!
Bonnie Sveen Fan: I'm glad he's happy too, makes a change haha! He better do… Thank you for your review!
Panic-at-casualty: Yeah Cal is doing well, I like it! I have all the excuse in the world for this story to make them really loving and caring towards one another and I'm using it to its full advantage. Aww, I'm glad it's lovely to read!I think Cal's definitely the pillar for Ethan (as Ethan is for Cal) so I love writing that! Hahaha, definitely a rocky ride. Thank you for your review! PS: this was the chapter I lost last night… hope it's not too shabby, the first version was better but DAMN GOOGLE DOCS ugh… xD