I used a term/phrase that may be an anachronism but perhaps Adam would have used it. It seemed to fit the situation anyway

7

I put as much distance as I could between us and Jawbone and it was long dark before I felt comfortable enough to stop in an opening next to the side of a rocky rise. The last thing I wanted was to be snuck-up on or be surprised in any way; I don't like surprises – good, bad – I just don't care to be surprised. I jumped down from the seat and stretched; tension had made my back tight and it ached. I was trying to decide if I should disturb the women and was fighting my urge to see Wu Lien's pale face, when Ju flung open the door of the wagon, pushed out the attached steps and bellowed to me as she descended, "Mistah Adam Cartwright no get chicken! Him say he get chicken but not get!"

I swear, I wanted to shove my bandana down Ju's throat to shut her up. "No, Mister Adam Cartwright did not get chicken. Mister Adam Cartwright was lucky not to've been handed his own ass by those miners! Now if you don't shut the hell up…" I jabbed my finger at her, knowing full well that to do so was highly insulting in Chinese culture. But I had more important things to concern me such as making certain the two women were safe and that we hadn't been followed. And Wu Lien's beauty. That had concerned me the most. But it wasn't just her beauty, it was….it was the way she had looked at me with that almost imperceptible smile and the way she smelled of flowers. But mainly, the way she had felt in my arms when I held her, and I kept envisioning her lying underneath me and me, pressing my mouth onto hers while she wrapped herself about me.

I was furious and it wasn't at Ju, it was with myself, but she seemed a fair scapegoat.

"I'm going to gather firewood. If you need to take care of your 'matters,' do it now and don't go far; it's late and there are animals out there. As for chickens, Unfortunately, there aren't 'wild' chickens roaming around so looks like dinner'll be rice, and if you want some, dried beef. And…" I was going to tell Ju that I was going to make two fires – one for them and their rice and tea, and one for me and my coffee but never did. Ju didn't need to know anyway that I planned to keep watch all night and would need more than one pot of coffee to stay awake. As I said, I was going to tell Ju that, when Wu Lien peeked out of the wagon door and then I couldn't think of anything else but her.

It's impossible for me to describe Wu Lien's beauty. All I can say is that compared to her, every other woman I had ever met up to that point seemed almost mannish. She was, in my mind, the epitome of all that was female, all that any man would ever want in a woman.

I remember when I was a boy and hung around the kitchen while Hop Sing cooked, listening to his tales of China and Chinese beliefs and customs. I always had questions – endless questions - and Hop Sing would laugh and say there were too many things filling my head now and that soon, they would spill out my ears. But he would always answer me and talk about China and how he often longed for it. To appease his desire for home, he would say with a smile, he was bringing China here, sending money for one 'cousin' after another to join him.

Anyway, one story he told was about the lotus flower and Kwan Yin, the goddess of mercy. Kwan Yin stood on the lotus, often holding one in her hands of compassion, as it was the symbol of perfection and purity and feminine beauty. The lotus rose from out of the muck and mud and turned its perfect face up to the sun. And that was Wu Lien's face – perfect and pure.

But in my late 20's, once greater numbers of Chinese settled in Virginia City, I ordered a book from a publishing house in New York, about Chinese symbols and beliefs. It was there that I read the lotus represents the privates of a woman, how they bloom open for her master, welcoming him. I could see how all aspects of the lotus flower applied to the beautiful Wu Lien and if she would 'bloom' for me...well, the idea was intriguing – and arousing.

That night I ate about 10 yards from the women, sitting near my own fire. I didn't even taste the jerky and hard tack. After a dinner of plain, boiled rice. Ju and Wu Lien sat huddled together, whispering, nodding, and drinking their tea. I noticed Wu Lien's small, delicate fingers as she held the handle-less cup while Ju kept it constantly filled. Wu Lien's hair was pulled back and tied at the nape of her elegant neck and I kept glancing at her – couldn't keep my eyes from her. She would look across at me and then drop her eyes. Were I a young man sitting in church and a sweet young thing had kept looking at me like that, I would've hung around after services and asked to walk her home. I might even have tried to steal a sweet kiss. But this wasn't mere flirtation, at least not on my part; I wanted more than a kiss and it actually scared me a bit, that the urge might overwhelm me.

That night, while the two women slept in the wagon, I sat awake cradling my rifle, my back against the outcrop of rocks, thinking. I wondered how Wu Lien looked as she slept, what her flawless face was like in repose. And why did I find her so irresistible? Had she bewitched me? Had the two women worked a spell with herbs and magic incantations?

Of course, I knew the idea was ridiculous and I didn't believe it, but it would have been a convenient excuse for how I felt. Just the memory of Wu Lien made my blood heat. It was absurd. As soon as I had finished with this cursed errand, I would go to the Bucket of Blood, drink too much and then seek out the warmth of a "professional" woman. That would wipe all thoughts of Wu Lien out of my mind. I was sure of it.

I must have drifted off at some time because I jerked awake at a noise, my gun at the ready. It was Ju starting up a fire.

"You should've said something. I almost shot you," I said, standing up and trying to unkink my back. I felt as if I had wrestled a bear, my low back, aching. I expected a response, Ju shouting that I needed to start a fire or to get chickens, something. But she just glanced up at me and squatting, slowly stirred up the embers. A pot of water was waiting to put on the fire and I saw a bowl of rice beside it.

The sun was rising. I slid my rifle back into the scabbard and then told Ju to make a quick breakfast; we needed to set out. She nodded without looking up, and I went about watering the horses and hitching them up to the traces. I also saddled my own horse; I didn't know if I would need to ride off after someone but the thought occurred to me. If Wu Lien stayed in the minds of the men of Jawbone, if she stirred them as she did me, they might still come for her. I guess you can tell I was on edge. But I also worked slowly, hoping to see Wu Lien. But after their breakfast of tea and rice, Ju and Wu Lien left the wagon to take care of their needs with Wu Lien wearing her veil to protect her from the sun.

I finished my coffee and the rest of the rice in the pot, longing for the bacon I never bought at the Blue Copper Company Store. And then I waited until they returned. The sun was high by then and it was becoming hot. And I watched Wu Lien as she managed to walk on her absurdly small feet, her hips swaying in the swathing of silk, embroidered robes. And I thought of what Ju had told me about Wu Lien never being able to play and run as a child, never allowed in the sun. And still she wasn't allowed to let the sun shine on her skin. She was like a porcelain doll – as beautiful and as fragile.

We traveled for about 6 hours before stopping to eat. Not once, in all that time, had Ju shouted at me to stop. She had been quiet and it disturbed me even more than her yelling. Something had shifted, had changed and I realized that Ju hadn't actually spoken to me the whole day. Apparently, it had happened overnight – something had.

I could see a lake in the distance, The sparkling water barely visible in the distance through the trees. I pulled up close to it, within walking distance, and waited but neither woman came out of the wagon. Then I began to unhitch the horses, deciding we had put enough distance between us and the miners and if any of them had the idea to follow us and cause trouble, they probably would have by now. I was unsaddling my horse when Ju came quietly out of the wagon, stepping onto the ground and looked at me.

"We stop now? Eat?" Her tone was low, as if she regretted even having to speak to me.

"Yes. You can fix your supper. We traveled quite a way over a rough stretch and I want to rest the horses. I think…" I stopped what I was doing, paused, and finally asked what had been concerning me. "Is Wu Lien ill? Was she hurt yesterday?"

For some reason my question angered Ju. She began yelling and rudely jabbing her finger at me while her brows furrowed. "You no ask of her! Her not your business! Mistah Adam Cartwright stay away Wu Lien. Him is…Pah!" She spat on the ground. "Wu Lien, Fang Zhen – them are 'he tiang ming'! Heaven choose joining! You stay away Wu Lien!"

"With pleasure," I said, making an exaggerated bow. I swept my saddlebag off the ground and walked away.

"Where you go?" Ju asked, following me.

"Away from you." I slung my saddlebags over my shoulder and headed for the lake. I intended to wash myself, wash my clothes, and shave. I figured it was time. Had I been alone or in the company of other hairy, stinking men, it wouldn't have mattered, but after being so close to Wu Lien, it made me aware of why the Chinese might justifiably refer to whites as barbarians. My people referred to the Chinese as barbarians because of their pagan beliefs, their clothes and customs. But who was really the unwashed, vulgar barbarian?

I knew that once darkness fell, the chill would return to the air. But it would be hot for at least another hour or so, the sun beating down. So, tossing my hat, saddlebags and gun belt on a rock, and finally pulling off my boots, I went swimming with my clothes on. The movement would serve to wash the filth away. Once back on shore, I wrung out my clothes and threw them, long johns and all, over a few tree branches to dry.

It really was a lovely spot, the lake bordered by a few residual boulders and trees. The grass was lush and I thought of the horses and how they could fill up. I pulled out my razor and bar of soap and scooping up some water in a tin cup, made a lather. I sat on one of the larger rocks, gingerly so as not to burn my backside on the sun-heated surface, and proceeded to shave, holding up a small mirror. I was almost finished when I heard a sound behind me. I jumped off the boulder and grabbing my gun belt, pulled out the gun, pointing it in the direction of the noise.

Ju was standing with two pots and a few pieces of linen. Seeing me, she pointed and laughed –practically hooting. Wu Lien, wearing a thin, gauzy veil over her face, stood beside Ju and when I looked to her, she dropped her eyes and covered her mouth, hiding any amusement she may have enjoyed.

"See, Wu Lien! Him look like big, hairy bear! Hair all over!" Ju laughed even more. "Him ugly! Him like beast in forest!"

Wu Lien turned and as quickly as she could without falling, she headed back to the camp. Snorting with disgust, Ju headed to the water's edge, glancing at me while I pulled on my damp trousers and shirt; my long underwear was still too wet to put on. Ju, glancing at me, talked to herself in Chinese while she washed out the pots, the linens in a small pile beside her; I could see they were probably undergarments. But I left, grabbing my belongings. I just wanted to get away from Ju. And I had horses to water and a camp to secure.

If Wu Lien was back at camp when I arrived, she was in the wagon. I was tempted to call to her, to make certain she was safe inside but I couldn't. I realized I was embarrassed and surprisingly ashamed of being so hirsute. But at least I was now clean and shaven. At least until tomorrow.

The women ate their dinner inside the wagon. Ju had apparently gathered some cattails while down at the lake and sliced the root bulb, frying them and spooning them over the rice. I was sitting, drinking coffee while she cooked over a small fire and Ju never looked my way or spoke to me. She made it a point to keep her back to me but after she finished with the cattails, she looked over her shoulder at me and smiling, she tossed the cattail brushes over her shoulder my way. "You eat," she said. "Food for you not fit for Wu Lien."

I felt like a mongrel dog being tossed scraps. It was all I could do not to respond and had Ju been a man, I never would have tolerated being insulted like that. But what could I say or do? Her sense of superiority annoyed me. I had let a woman who only came to my waist, embarrass me, humiliate me, and make me feel inferior. I had never been in a situation like that before and was at a loss. That alone angered me, more at myself than Ju. But I said nothing, just drank my coffee, ate my jerky and hard tack and sat alone.

That night, while I tried to sleep, I kept reliving the scene at the lake. It wasn't my nakedness that bothered me – but their reaction to it – particularly Ju's. And then it hit me. Wu Lien, to my knowledge, didn't understand English. All of Ju's insults had been in English, were for me to hear, for me to know what she would later say to Wu Lien. But why? Why did Ju feel it was necessary to point out the differences between white men and Chinese men and denigrate me? What threat did I pose to the status quo?