10
The gods smiled on me – at least Wu Lien's Chinese gods. I was unsure why she had wanted me to follow her into the wagon. For a few seconds, I considered perhaps Ju was ill but there was no urgency about Wu Lien's actions. I stepped inside, ducking slightly, and was surprised at how neat and clean and pleasant the interior was; lanterns hung from the pegs, throwing a soft light about, and the place smelled of flowers. Flower-patterned embroidered quilts and pillows lay on two matching mattresses, one of each side under the windows, allowing a narrow aisle between. I wondered if this was how the interior of a Chinese brothel looked. But my thoughts were interrupted by Wu Lien, taking off my jacket.
I glanced at Ju who sat cross-legged on her 'bed', looking disgruntled. It was obvious she disapproved of my being there.
"Look, I don't think my being here is a good idea," I said to Wu Lien who basically overrode my protests by pulling my sleeves off my arms; she spoke in a smooth, sing-song voice, reassuring me. I thought of the boy tied-up outside. Could he hear what we were saying? And if so, would he remember, only to repeat our conversation to his father?
Wu Lien was determined. After she had removed my shirt, she had me lie down on her bed; I should have refused right then and there and gone back outside to the cold and my thin blanket on the hard ground. There I could wait to be bitten by mosquitoes, a spider or some wayward scorpion. But I laid down as Wu Lien insisted, and the softness of the padding, the seductiveness of the warmth kept me there as well as Wu Lien's gentle hands and beautiful face. Smiling, she kneeled beside me and laved my forehead with cool, scented water. Ju mumbled under her breath in English, not looking at us, but wanting me to know her opinion of Wu Lien's ministrations.
"Pah! Not worth water! Not worth time! Him not husband, him not nothing - only bok gwai. Why her want him, Ju not know? Her not wise. Her waste self on him. Pah!"
Wu Lien wiped my chest with the cool water, drying my skin quickly after so I wouldn't be chilled. And the whole time she spoke softly to me. I watched her face the while and I was still in awe of her perfection. I couldn't help but echo Ju's thoughts. Why had Wu Lien wanted me? I stank most of the time, had stubble on my cheeks and chin, wasn't anything that a Chinese woman of good breeding – any Chinese woman actually - would even look at twice. And yet she had thrown herself at me, eagerly let me deflower her and now was tending to me – willingly. I didn't deserve it.
I could understand the power of passion. I felt desire toward her but I would never have touched Wu Lien, never have even dared to kiss her mouth and yet she desired me. My mind went in a circle trying to understand what attraction I held for her. But she began to sing to me and I felt my body relax. I was no one but a bok gwai – a white ghost.
Wu Lien moved around to the bottom of the mattress and began to pull off my boots. Suddenly I became self-conscious. Granted, I wasn't like Hoss who could clear out the Ponderosa when he pulled off his boots but I had been wearing them with the same pair of socks for two days straight.
"No, no," I said sitting up. "It's all right. You don't have to take off my boots. It's all right."
Wu Lien calmly leaned over me and gently placed her hands on my shoulders, pushing me back onto the mattress, and the scent of her hair as it swung down made me dizzy with desire. Everything about her filled me with pleasure and yearning. So, I lay back down as she wanted, and Wu Lien pulled off my boots and socks. She said something to Ju who, with sounds of disapproval, brought the basin of water and a fresh cloth and then propped up my ankles on pillows. For some reason, and I still find it embarrassing, Wu Lien tenderly washed my feet. I wondered if her plans were to wash all of me, to pull down my trousers and use the cloth to wipe my crotch – and the whole time, with Ju watching and disparaging my manhood and hairiness. But she didn't though. Never before had I had such care taken of me, had I so passively allowed such gentle ministrations.
"Why is she doing this?" I asked Ju.
"Her say…her tell me she want be wife for you tonight. Her say you her husband in heart."
I couldn't say anything after that – nothing would be adequate. And I felt my throat almost close with emotion. No one before had ever cared for me so much. Was that what love was? I didn't know. I thought I knew the emotion, had read poetry and sung love songs to girls on their front porches, read novels and watched grand operas, but I realized I didn't know. Love wasn't only to be expressed by laying with a person – that was secondary. I realized that love was caring more for another than oneself, of being willing to serve another selflessly. But why Wu Lien would love me, I didn't know. Maybe she didn't know any better, I decided. Perhaps I was the first man she actually had physical contact with and she mistook it for love. But I didn't really care. As long as I was with her, I was happy; I didn't need to understand why.
Wu lien massaged my feet, kneaded them, applying pressure with her thumbs and I felt the pain recede – it flowed from me. I felt my neck and back relax - my hands fell open. My eyes were heavy and I knew I was about to succumb to sleep when my feet were covered by a silken cloth that was pulled up to my neck. I wanted to open my eyes, to thank Wu Lien but found I couldn't – my eyelids were like lead. And then the flute music started with its eerie, mystical sound. I knew it was Wu Lien playing and that she was playing for me and I wanted to thank her but it was useless. And then I must have fallen asleep.
I had no idea what time it was, if the sun was close to rising or anything else, just that Wu Lien's slim body moved against me. Her slight weight was on top if me, and I could feel the brush of her hair on my shoulders as it swung back and forth. "Wo ài nĭ," she softly crooned. Then her hair fell across me and I could feel her gasping breath on my cheek. Suddenly, almost as in a dream, I felt a flood of pleasure, and was soon asleep again, aware of nothing.
~ 0 ~
I jerked awake and sat up, my heart thumping. It took a few seconds for me to know where I was – inside the wagon. The sun was streaming through the wagon's east window. It was about almost ten in the morning. I looked around; my boots were standing, waiting for me, and my clothes, neatly folded on top of my jacket. I think, had there been time, they would have been washed and my boots spit-polished.
I quickly dressed and was almost outside when Wu Lien came into the wagon. She was wearing a veil; she took it off and I was again struck at the perfection of her face, the large, luminous eyes, the sweet, plum mouth, and the glossy, black hair bound again with silk ribbons. Obviously, she had washed as her skin glistened with dampness. She smiled when she saw me and curtsied in a way, bending at her knees, dropping her head.
"No," I said, taking her by the upper arms; there was no reason she should submit to me, to bow, I said. I should grovel at her feet, thank her for touching me, caring for me – perhaps even for loving me, I explained. She looked at me again, puzzled, and I took her into my arms, holding her, smelling her hair and feeling her smallness. She spoke again, pulling away and said something, miming eating and drinking. Then she beckoned for me to follow her outside.
Ju was crouching by the fire, sipping tea. The young boy was still bound to the wagon wheel and the rest of the camp looked the same as it had last night. My rifle and gun were still beside my bedroll blanket.
Wu Lien spoke harshly to Ju and reluctantly, Ju brought me a cup of tea. I wanted coffee but I couldn't refuse. It was good tea as far as that went, and I had graciously taken it and drank while Wu Lien smiled. Ju brought my breakfast to me as well, a bowl of rice and from the way she glared at me, I wouldn't have been surprised if it had been poisoned.
I did notice the boy eyeing the food hungrily. "Ju," I asked, "has he been fed." I motioned toward the prisoner.
"Not waste food on him. Him starve dead – Ju happy then."
"Let him have some rice and a little tea. He's just a boy." I released his hands and Ju begrudgingly took him a small bowl of rice. The boy used his fingers to push the sticky rice into his mouth and then he greedily slurped down the tea, probably even swallowing the tea leaves on the bottom.
And then I took Wu Lien and Ju aside; I didn't want the boy to hear.
"We'll be in Virginia City before dinner. I…Ju, I need you to tell Wu Lien some things. Tell her what I'm saying."
"No. Ju not say anything Mistah Adam Cartwright want. Need to make Wu Lien ready for jie xin ren – to give bride from parents to husband."
"Please, Ju, I need you to tell her that she doesn't have to marry Fang Zhen. Tell her that no one can force her. She's in America now and Chinese laws don't apply."
"Her do need marry Fang Zhen. Many people wait for her. Much money paid for her."
Wu Lien looked at me, desperately trying to comprehend what I was saying. I spoke to her, held on to her trying to make myself understood.
"You and I, Wu Lien, we can marry, become husband and wife – not here in Nevada, but somewhere. We can go to another state to be married or to Mexico or Canada. I have money of my own and I'll keep you with me at the Ponderosa until we can leave for somewhere else. Wu Lien, I'll be a good husband to you and make certain you have whatever you want and everything you could ever need. I love you so. Please. Tell me you'll stay with me, that you'll marry me." Wu Lien didn't understand a word I said but she did understand the emotion and clung to me, beginning to softly weep. "Please, Ju, tell her what I said. Please."
Ju frowned. I could tell she was struggling with her decision. She deeply sighed and then, in Chinese, hopefully conveyed what I said. I couldn't be sure but I believe it was a true translation because Wu Lien, reached up to my face and touched my cheek, tears on her cheeks. And she shook her head, no, as she said something to me.
"What did she say?" I asked Ju.
"Her say that duty comes before all."
Wu Lien pulled away from me and hurried into the wagon. I stared after her, not knowing what to do while Ju, hesitating at first, left me to clean up the dishes. I headed to the wagon – I had to make Wu Lien understand - but Ju shouted, "No! Mistah Adam Cartwright! It not easy for Wu Lien. When she say, 'wo ài nĭ,' that mean she love you but her also say that it wrong for her – for you. Her do what must do now. You not stop Wu Lien. You not shame her respected ancestors."
"What the hell have they to do with anything?" I spat out. But I knew they had to do with everything. Many times, I had listened to – smirking – Hop Sing talk about his revered ancestors, how he had to make offerings of rice and cakes to them on special days, burn incense to them, honoring them as if they were gods. Everything good was smiled upon by one's ancestors—one was credit and honor to them - and everything bad was their shame as well as one's own.
I refrained from attempting to persuade Wu Lien to marry me. But I felt lost. Lost and heart-broken.
~ 0 ~
We were two hours or so to Virginia City when we met up with Hoss and Joe.
"You two the welcoming committee?" I asked, holding the reins.
"No, Pa done sent us out to track you down. We was gonna go all the way to San Francisco iffen needed."
"Yeah. You never wired home. He's been waiting for a telegram and all that came was some garbled shit from a place called Jawbone. Pa wired back, asking for clarification but nothing else ever came. I told him not to worry but he said…"
"Why we goddamn stop?" Ju stuck her head out one of the side windows.
"What the hell…?" Hoss said, craning his neck. "Who's that?"
"My conscience." Joe giggled and Hoss grinned. I shouted to Ju, "I've met up with my brothers; that's all. We'll start up again in a goddamn minute." I shook my head in disgust. "Do me a favor, would you?"
"Gag her?" Joe offered.
"That would be a big favor but…"
"What is it?" Hoss asked.
"Fang Shan is dead. I shot him. He's tied over one of the horses."
"Damn, Adam. Why'd you kill 'im?"
"It's a long story and I…his younger brother, Fang Millard is on the other horse – his hands are tied so he can't ride away. Both he and Fang Shen tried to…harm their father's new bride – disfigure her. They had hoods on and a knife… Just take them in to Roy Coffee, would you? I'll press charges later. I have to deliver…the new consort to Fang Zhen."
Hoss and Joe looked at one another. The didn't know what to make of things.
"Fang Shen dead, huh?" Joe said. "You know there's going to be trouble."
"There's already been trouble and I don't think it's over yet. Just take them in to town, would you?"
"Shouldn't we take Fang Shen to his father instead?" Joe asked.
"Wait a minute, Joe," Hoss said. "Adam, if Fang Zhen sent his sons to hurt that woman, why you taking her to him? Ain't that kinda mixed-up?"
"For two reasons. It seems that it's Fang Zhen's wives who wanted the new wife's face cut up. And second, because she wants me to."