Shattered
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.
Author's notes: Hello all. Some of you might be thinking; "What just happened? Weren't we already up to chapter 5?" Well... you're right. I got a review with some constructive criticisms from Seeking Professional Help regarding my characterization of Gendo. If you would like to know what he said, please check out his reviews of chapters 2 & 3. I went back and read through the story, and especially the parts with Gendo, and I had to conclude that he was in fact right.
Basically, it seems I had turned Gendo into a bit of a cartoon villain, which wasn't really my intention but did nonetheless. Therefore I have made some small changes to the previous chapters where Gendo was involved, namely the attitude with which he handled the situation. I do suggest you skip through the previous chapters and reread the parts with Gendo at least to understand what I have done, although they don't affect the rest of the story in a significant way.
However, there is one reasonably significant change to Rei's memory of Gendo in the first chapter during the Angel's mindrape. I have replaced Gendo's monologue for something I think is a little less dramatic and... villainy (is that a word?).
Also, there is an altercation between Gendo and Ritsuko, and Gendo and Fuyutsuki in this chapter that has undergone a big change. Please reread these sections, because they are a significant change from the direction I went in previously. Also, I have decided to add the content of the fifth chapter to this one. Since it was so short I thought it better to consolidate them.
I'm sorry for not being more diligent in my writing and force this upon you, the reader. Basically I have been trying to push content out really fast and haven't checked my content well enough.
This also has a bit to do with not having a pre-reader, which I am still looking for. Someone to second-guess my assumptions and direction would be a great help to prevent getting lost in my own story, and the need I feel to push content more quickly. Please, if anyone is interested in pre-reading this let me know through a PM.
From now on I will at least take some more time rechecking chapters and hopefully spot these kinds of mischaracterizations. In other words, there will be some more time inbetween releases of chapters from now on.
Another small change was made to this chapter's last interaction between Rei and Shinji. I basically changed one bit to get rid of some WAFF. On second thought it seemed like a bit much and I chose to remove it and give their developing relationship a little more time.
Anyway, on with the story!
"Onemississipi"
– denotes speech
Twomississipi
– denotes thoughts
"Threemississipi"
– denotes projected speech, may be through a radio but also an alternate voice in a character's mind. Should be clear from context.
Part IV: The beauty in mending broken things
Asuka was walking through the city on her own. The day before she had run off to go over to Hikari's place, but that was not an option anymore she realized. When she had called the pony-tailed girl that she was coming over an uncomfortable conversation had followed. It appeared the young pilots were now personea non gratea with their classmates. "It's... just not the same anymore..." The girl had said, the words running through Asuka's mind. "To act like... like friends after all that's happened..."
She couldn't really blame the girl, but it had angered her nonetheless. Another person that had abandoned her. Another person to cross off the list. It hurt, she realized, to be shunned like this. Us pilots... so called 'saviors' of the world... She thought sourly. We're nothing but a burden to the people around us... dangerous to be around. She kicked an empty can as she walked along the sidewalk, face down at her feet.
I've always felt like I can only count on myself... but then why does it hurt so much? She thought as an empty pain stung her heart. Alone again.
She had wandered the city alone yesterday, just walking aimlessly to be anywhere else but in the apartment with Shinji, much like she was doing today. Shinji had left the apartment early and she had been alone in the house. "That idiot..." She muttered, but the words didn't really ring true. The truth was that she felt very much alone, and even if she sometimes couldn't stand Misato and Shinji, she had grown accustomed to their presence. Now, staying alone in the apartment only pained her more.
She had sat in front of the television set like she often did, but had not even picked up the remote to turn the thing on. All alone with her thoughts, painful memories that she had tried to bury were drifting to the surface. Mama... why'd you have to leave me alone.
A slight drizzle started falling and thunder rumbled in the distance. Finding a small overpass she hid underneath as the thunder increased in intensity, and the drizzle turned into a heavy downpour. She was standing in the dark underneath the bridge, shivering from the cold air that was blowing through the narrow streets. She hadn't really thougth of bringing a jacket or even an umbrella.
She looked up to the sky at the breaking clouds, past the traffic lights dangling from the overpass above. It silhouetted against the light coming from above when a bright flash of lightning and rocking clap of thunder made her jump. For a moment the dangling of the lights in the wind brought up a painful memory. Two feet. A nightgown. A figure hanging from the light fixture, swaying slightly.
No! She screamed internally as she mentally tried crushing the memory from her mind. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the shock, her heart pounding in her chest. Don't... "...think." She whispered to herself, clutching her head as she finished the thought verbally, the storm increasing in intensity while she remained where she stood.
She felt so alone, standing out here in the cold, pushed away from the ones she loved. Like then. She couldn't stop herself from going to that dark place. Like mommy... She sobbed as she collapsed onto her knees.
Shinji silently looked around the room as he sat on the bed next to a sleeping Rei. They had sat together in silence for a while when the girl had suddenly nodded off to sleep. She must've been very exhausted from the last few days, he realized when he heard her breath even out and deepen while the girl slumped against his side. Slowly he had guided her down onto the bed and let her rest while he looked over her.
His eyes caught sight of two ugly scars on the palms of her hands and he wondered how they had gotten there. He would have to bandage those and ask how she got them when the girl woke up, but for now he would let her rest.
Now he sat alone with his thoughts, thinking about what to do. The apartement was a mess and he felt a slight urge to clean up. He decided against it, however. It didn't feel right to clean the place up, really. It should be abandoned. This place was rotten and he had to get the girl out of here somehow.
He wondered if Misato would let her stay over at their place if he asked and explained. Leaving her on her own here was absolutely out of the question, he determined finally as he regarded her sleeping form. There was no way she could be left alone in this state, there was no telling what she might do to herself if left by herself.
Slowly he got up from where he was sitting and moved carefully around the room, avoiding the mess on the floor in order not to wake the girl with any unnecessary noise. A familiar item caught his attention between the broken pieces on the floor as he slowly bent down to inspect it. Carefully he picked up the broken pieces of glass, some stained with blood. That must be how she got the wounds on her hands. He realized as he gathered the larger pieces from the ground, making his way to the item that had first caught his attention.
Hesitantly he picked up the broken frame. It was one of the eyepieces of his father's glasses, broken at the bridge of the nose. The leg hung loosely from the hinge, barely connected by a small piece of metal that was bent out of shape. G. Ikari. He read as he had done months prior. She must've tried to break them with her hands. He realized as he inspected the piece, carefully avoiding the dried blood covering it. Does she hate father as well?
A soft mumble emanating from the bed pulled him out of his thoughts as he looked over his shoulder. Slowly he stood up, carefully cradling the broken pieces in the palm of his hand, and made his way over to the bed again. The girl regarded him through half closed eyes, her gaze falling to his hand. Slowly she sat up on the bed and looked back at the boy's eyes as he sat down next to her.
"I... I found this, Ayanami." The boy said, abandoning the familiarity with which he had adressed her earlier unconsciously. She breathed slowly as she kept her eyes on his, then finally looked back at the broken piece of eyewear. "Discard it." She whispered.
"Ayanami-..." He began, interrupted by the girl's hand reaching out tentatively to touch his forearm. "You..." She began with a low voice, then continued slightly louder. "You called my name, earlier." She said as she looked intently into his eyes. He nodded in understanding.
"Rei..." He said, swallowing momentarily. "We... we should get out of here. I... I don't think... I don't want you to stay here. Do you want to get out of here?" He looked at the girl expectantly, concern written over his face. The girl regarded him for a while, then nodded in affirmation.
He looked at the hand still cupping the broken glasses and slowly let the pieces fall from his fingers back onto the ground, the noise filling the silence in the room. When the pieces settled silence reigned again for a while until Shinji broke it. "Rei... do you have a first aid kit or something? We need to bandage your hands at least." The girl looked at the cuts on her hands and nodded. "In the bathroom..." She explained softly.
Shinji got up and walked into the bathroom to emerge with a small first aid kit he found in the medicin cabinet above the sink. Carefully he took her hands and applied the bandages, unconsciously reveling in the softness of the girl's hands as he held them gently. The girl looked intently at the boy as he worked with a serious look on his face. Why does he do this for me. She thought. He makes me feel... cared for. Less alone.
The boy looked up with a small smile on his face. "There, all better." He said, feeling slightly stupid for his somewhat childish comment. The feeling passed as he found the girl staring at his face intently, a look on hers that he couldn't readily identify.
Rei regarded the boy, looking at his soft eyes, past his nose and to his slightly parted lips. There was an urge to close the distance between them that caught her by surprise. Her heart fluttered for a moment when she looked back to his eyes and realized she was staring at him. She dismissed the urge and looked away, trying to hide the blush that was spreading on her cheeks.
The sight was endearing as Shinji felt his own cheeks warm, vaguely coming to an understanding of the look she had just given him. Butterflies occupied his stomach for a moment, tickling his insides, but the feeling felt out of place somehow. He pushed the thought and feeling away to the back of his mind. I... I can't think this right now. The girl still sat facing her head away from him in embarressment. It would feel like... like taking advantage of-... He caught himself mid thought. Wait what am I thinking? He kept his eyes on her nonetheless, the faint blush and the gentle light from outside playing with her features giving her an ethereal look. She's... she's very beautiful though...
He sighed and discarded the thought as he stood. Not now... "Rei... let's go." She looked up at him as the blush slowly faded from her cheeks and nodded once before she got up to her feet. Carefully he grasped her bandaged hand as they walked towards the exit and out the door.
The rain had stopped and Asuka had pulled herself together somewhat. Thankfully no one had seen her in the shadows of the underpass. Even though she had promised never to cry again, she had been unable to stop herself. Why the memories had come to her at this time she didn't know, but she felt incredibly alone.
She had stepped into the slight drizzle after she had picked herself off the dirty street, letting the rain flush away the tears from her eyes. It had felt somewhat cleansing to have allowed the feelings to pass, but she felt drained at the same time. How am I supposed to pilot like this. She thought despondently.
That boy is already here to replace me. She thought in error. At the moment she was really still a viable pilot as far as NERV was concerned, but she didn't know that, and the feeling wasn't based just on what the organization thought of her performance. She herself could feel her control of the Eva slipping. Her synchronisation felt dull, the movements of her Eva, even in the last battle, had felt lethargic. She was still in control, but she couldn't feel the connection as she had once had.
She didn't understand Eva at all, she realized. She had thought herself the elite, trained to perfection, but none of that seemed to matter anymore. It was as if the thing had a mind of its' own. And now she was slipping, both in performance and mentally. Building walls around herself for all her life, now she was dependent on others, and that was a tough pill to swallow.
She was violently pulled from her thoughts as she only barely managed to jump out of the way of a honking car barrelling her way. In her trancelike state she had wandered off the sidewalk and onto the road it appeared. Jesus Christ... that was close. She thought as her heart raced. It was yet another reminder of her slipping concentration. She was always lucid and ready, not disconnected like she felt now. She stopped for a moment to look up at the sky as she felt her skin warm. The sun had come out from behind the clouds for a moment, she noticed, only to be blocked quickly once again.
She sighed and continued walking, finding that she was thirsty and hadn't actually eaten a thing today. Shinji always made breakfast, but in her attempts to ignore him she hadn't responded to his calls that morning. Her stomach grumbled and she winced uncomfortably. Seeing a vending machine in the distance she quickly ran over, searching around her pocked for some loose change. Finding some, she inserted some coins into the machine and picked a snack.
The retainer slowly turned to release the packet of crisps it held, only to get caught at the last half-inch. Verdammt. She cursed mentally in her mother-tongue. With a fist she slammed against the window, her food only a half a foot away, yet out reach. She planted her hands firmly on each side of the machine and pushed with all her strenght. It budged, tilting backwards slightly then falling forward again, a move that Asuka hoped would dislodge the snack from it's stuck position. It didn't help. Another try. Again, no movement. Anger was boiling up in frustration now. Du... Du...! "Verfickte Arschloch!" She screamed at the machine as she started kicking it violently. Yet another machine unresponsive to her inputs.
Kaworu let the warm water pass over him as he stood motionless under the shower, letting the soothing stream rush over his face and body as he held his head up to it in thought. The first synchronisation test had, as he expected, been a major failure. Sitting in the entry plug he had felt the empty core pulling at his soul. Even for him it had taken great effort to prevent being swallowed whole by the blue mecha. He was exhausted, something he hadn't felt ever. And so early in the day still too...
When stepping into the thing he hadn't decided what course of action to take. He could've let himself be absorbed and used the body of the Eva to smash his way to the being sat deep below. There would've been nothing they could've done about it had he chosen to do it. But really it wouldn't have been necessary. He could activate any Eva housing a soul with ease with a little bit of tinkering if he thought he needed to. The only one he had doubts about would have been Unit-01. The soul residing within it was strong and aware, but the red Evangelion surely would've come along. It's soul was shattered and weak in its' current state, and its' pilot unaware of her true potential. Perhaps he should seek her out as well someday.
His mind shifted from Asuka to Rei. He had just encountered the blue-haired girl after her 'failed' attempt and nudged her along her path to self actualization. He was keen to see what had come of his meddling, what path she would take. He hoped he hadn't pushed her too far. He would make a point of visiting the girl today, to see what have become of her.
He sighed as he enjoyed the warm shower a bit longer and finally stepped out. After drying himself off he sniffed his arm. The smell of LCL still lingered, but he didn't care. He stretched and groaned a little, trying to expel the tiredness from his muscles, then relaxed again. Slowly he dressed into the school uniform and started making his way towards the surface.
He had been dismissed for the day. The NERV crew, the blonde doctor especially, would have their hands full explaining what happened. His carefree smile once again graced his features as he made his way through the corridors of headquarters, a small spring in his step as he made his way up. He stepped outside into the wet streets of Tokyo III. Grey clouds were slowly drifting by, making way for the blue skies in the distance, the sun still hiding behind them.
By now the city had settled into it's busy daily routine. Cars sped by and the air carried forth the sounds of the intricate rail system that networked the city. Yet the city seemed empty for its' size. The people were terrified and abandoning the city for less chaotic and dangerous living arrangements. Not many remained that were not connected to the organization that occupied the massive underground base below.
He revelled in all the exciting things he was learning about human beings. Just seeing them going about their daily routines was something soothing to him. He was deeply in thought, his feet carrying him automatically, no particular direction in mind.
Suddenly he found himself in the center of Tokyo III's commercial district when a familiar voice caught his attention. The pilot of Unit-02 violently kicked a vending machine that had apparently swallowed her small change when trying to buy a drink or snack. He didn't understand German, but it couldn't have been anything pleasant judging by her tone. For a moment their eyes met, and a look of shock crossed the half German girl's face. He smiled broadly and she averted her eyes, acting as if she hadn't recognized him at all. She sped off in the opposite direction away from him, the owner of the shop calling after her in anger to the destruction of his vending machine to no avail.
Funny. He thought. That my feet would carry me to her. Whether it was coincidence or fate he wasn't sure, but he liked a gamble and let his feet carry him further as he lost himself in thought once again.
Even from the short meeting he had with the redhead before, he knew that she was rejecting the true connection that was possible with the soul residing in her Eva. If only she would find a place for them, truly incorporate all that was in her heart instead of repressing her emotions and memories.
It was a strange thing to the silver-haired boy, the way humans acted on their innermost feelings. Some ran away from them, some acted out in defiance of them, like the pilot of Unit-02, and some chose to meet them head on. But one thing was universal in the Lilin's handling of their mortal souls. They all feared rejection. They all wanted desperately to be closer, but so often pushed away the very ones they wanted to connect with.
Yet it gives them such strenght when they do act in accordance with their feelings. The young boy ruminated. Love and compassion, but also hate and fear of others could push humans to such lenghts. Capable of great evil, but also incredible good. Why should they choose to abandon it all? How would wiping humanity off the face of the earth do anyone any good? How would it make this world any better?
He himself was blessed with a consciousness not unlike that of the Lilin, though definately not the same. But he could see the beauty in humanity and their creations. Emotion, if channeled correctly, could create beautifully profound things like music, art, even new technologies that bettered the lives of them all. Angels weren't capable of such things. Yes, they were blessed with the fruit of life, incredibly powerful and almost godlike, but what did they live for? Just to live? To exist? What use is that with no greater purpose, nothing to strive for? What would be the point?
What made the committee think that the original heirs of this planet, the Angels that they were fighting, were any better. If that is truly what they believe. Kaworu added suspiciously. It didn't matter, he wasn't planning on acting on the committee's plan just yet if at all.
He found his feet had carried him to a nearby park when his surroundings lit up as the clouds above covering the city made way for the sun. He looked up and let it warm his face as he faced up with closed eyes. It was still cooler than when he had made his way to NERV that morning, but the sun would take care of that. For a moment he enjoyed the smell of wet grass that permeated the air. When he opened his eyes he was met by the sight of two familiar figures in the distance. Interesting...
Shinji and Rei slowly walked through the city. Rei let herself be led by the boy, who in turn was taking his time getting to the apartment. He wasn't sure if Asuka was home, and how she would react if he came home with Rei in tow. And what would Misato think if they did? Should he call her and ask for permission or something? He wasn't sure of what to do, but for now he would stall. That was something he was quite good at and he couldn't really scold himself for doing it now too much.
In fact, he was slightly pleased with himself. It took courage, he realized, to do what he did today. He looked at the girl by his side that was staying close to him. Their hands had never released, neither he nor the girl seemed intent on doing so, and that was fine by Shinji.
Meanwhile, Rei had also noticed the gentle graps their hands still held. Her heart had been beating quite fast at first, but she was getting used to the sensation, enjoyed it actually. There was something comforting about it, and she held on to that feeling for dear life at the moment. She looked to her side and found Shinji looking at her, again that kind smile on his face that seemed to tug at her heart.
Slightly embarressed for being caught looking at him she returned her gaze forward once more. The cool breeze ruffled her hair and dress. She was noticing the slightest things now. How the wind actually tickled her eyelashes slightly, the scent of wet grass filling her nostrils, the warmth of the sun on her skin. It was something she was quite unused to, but was already fond of. All of this... She realized slowly. I could've... missed all of this.
They found themselves in a small park and stopped in their tracks for a moment. Rei closed her eyes and inhaled the scent of flowers, not sure what kind it should be. As she opened them again, she found a small bench a few meters away. Stealing a look at Shinji beside her, she found herself drawn to the seat and decided to pull the boy gently towards it. Realizing where she was taking him he slowly led himself be led, and sat down beside her when she did.
Neither teen spoke for a while as they sat silently, comfortably, their hands never leaving their careful embrace. This is nice. Shinji realized as he looked at the girl at his side, eyes closed, a relaxed look on her face. She's... she's so beautiful. He couldn't help but stare at her and take in her features. There were many things that he had never truly noticed before, usually too nervous around her to fully take them in. It occured to him that her brows and eyelashes were actually blue like her hair, that her fair skin was entirely clear of blemishes, her lips the faintest shade of pink, and that her nose had the slightest upward curve. Cute...
She opened her eyes and looked at him curiously, as if she had somehow noticed that he had been staring at her behind closed eyes. Both averted their now wide eyes and blushed, though curiously returned their gaze. Now there was no discomfort between them as the explored eachothers appearance.
Rei looked at the boy's cobalt blue eyes. It was a color she liked, she realized. They were calm, soothing, like water. He has kind eyes. She noticed, not for the first time. His face was thin, but handsome. Her eyes fell on his lips like they had before, and that same feeling rushed through her heart. Before she could think any further, a shadow blocked the sun.
It was Nagisa. "You..." Shinji said, but Rei stopped him, sensing his apprehension at the boy's presense, laying her hand atop his over their still clasped hands. He looked over at her curiously.
"Nagisa-kun." Rei said softly.
"Ayanami. Ikari." The boy said formally. Silence fell over the trio for a moment.
"T-thank you." The blue-haired girl said simply.
Kaworu smiled kindly at the two. "I'm glad." He said finally, nodding. He opened his mouth again to say something, his lips smacking a little bit as he did, then closed them again as he looked at Shinji.
Something had calmed the brown-haired boy, and suddenly he felt like he couldn't dislike the strange grey-haired teen anymore. He had seen him exit the changing room earlier that day, just before Rei had come out as well. He hadn't said anything to him, but Kaworu had given him a warm smile as he walked out and had said four simple words as he walked off. "Take care of her..."
"Nagisa-kun..." He said finally, sensing that the boy had something to do with everything that had happened today. The boy simply shook his head at him, smile still radiating on his face. Before Shinji could say anything the boy walked off, simply repeating what he had earlier. "I'm glad..."
Rei and Shinji sat in silence as they watched the boy walk off and out of sight. He looked at her, and she met his gaze. "Let's go home." He said simply as they rose to their feet together. Whatever happened, whether Asuka was home or not and however she or Misato would react, he didn't care. He would explain, and it would be alright.
Misato followed the blonde doctor closely. The synchronisation tests had been failures and the experiment was abandoned. She was out to grill the doctor for her behaviour today and in days past. Finally the two reached the doctor's office and walked in, closing the door behind her, Ritsuko spoke up. "What's on your mind, Major?"
Standing by the door, Misato crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at the doctor standing before her with her back to her. "What is up with you Ritsu?"
She tried feigning innocence even though she was sure it would not work on her old friend. "What are you talking about Misato?" She said as she turned to face the dark-haired woman.
Where to start. She thought as she straightened her pose and inhaled sharply. "Yesterday, what the hell were you doing? Why did you leave Rei alone?"
Ritsuko was feeling the stress of all the lies piling up. She didn't feel like having this conversation much, and she couldn't help herself from bluntly adressing this issue with the Major. "She's used to it." She sighed exasperatedly. "They're all used to it, and if they're not they should get used to it!" She snapped at Misato. "This isn´t some fucking daycare center if you haven´t realized. We are fighting a powerful enemy, we´re fighting for survival here!"
Misato was taken aback by the reaction, even though she had been half expecting it. "They're children, they're more fragile than you think, Ritsu!" Whatever her friend was going through, it was no excuse to put the children through the grinder for. "We're having a hard time keeping them together as it is and you go around putting them through hell! What kind of fucking doctor are you?!" That was more harsh than she intended, but she felt compelled to reflect the doctor's attitude.
The women scowled openly at her now, teeth clenched and her own arms crossing in front of her chest as she mirrored the Major before her. "The children have a duty, and if they can't perform their duty they're replaced. Just like you'll be replaced for someone more competent if you fail to deliver! Remember that, Major."
Ignoring the comment about herself Misato continued grilling the doctor before her, trying to get some sense of caring from the woman. "And what good will they be when they feel abandoned by the people that are supposed to take care of them? They're not robots!"
"Oh spare me a lecture, you know exactly jack-shit about Rei. You don't know what that blue-haired harlot is capable of!"
Harlot? What the fuck is this about Ritsu? She thought as she dropped her crossed arms from her chest and spread them in an exasperated manner. "She's fourteen years old Ritsuko! What could she possibly be capable of doing?!"
"You don't know the half of it, Misato! You're too close to the children! You can't keep your feelings separated from the gravity of the situation we're dealing with here! You're too damned attached to them!"
"They're fucking kids! They need our attention, they're not goddamned automotons!"
"You don't know enought about Rei or the Evangelions to be the judge of that."
This was not going as she had planned, not that she had fully thought out how to go about this. "That's because you won't tell me anything!"
"Do you understand the nature of this organisation? Information is distributed on a need-to-know basis." The blonde said matter-of-factly before continuing, leaning back slightly in her pose as she ran her tongue across her teeth behind her lips. "Besides, you're not trustworthy..."
"Untrustworthy? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" She had meant herself to calm down a bit, hoping to get the doctor to do the same, but now she was on edge again.
"You let a known spy rummage around unheeded! Spreading your legs for him no less!"
That bitch! Her mind yelled as all thoughts of a tactful approach went out the window. "Fuck you!" She yelled as she stepped closer to the woman. "You know as well as I do that there was nothing I could pin on him. Besides, he was working for your precious fucking Commander. Don't talk to me like I'm some floosy. Don't you think I don't know about you and him." Again she stepped forward, getting up in the doctor's face.
That seemed to hit the mark. Ritsuko's face filled up bright red as she stammered for words. Misato continued, the women before her unable to get a word out. "Who knows what kind of sinister shit you two are up to! You two and your fucking secretive bullshit!"
Ritsuko was visibily fuming, fists clenched at her sided, shaking in place. Unable to contain herself Misato continued on. It was brutal, but the tension built up between her and her old friend had reached a boiling point. She was going to give her a piece of her mind. "What do you see in him anyway? He must be a great lay because that man is as dark as they fucking come, but I guess only a cold hearted bitch like you could appreciate that!"
Finally Ritsuko broke as she stomped her foot on the ground as hard as she could trying to stop the raven-haired woman's verbal barrage. "Fuck you!" She yelled as she swung her arm to slap her old friend in the face. Misato caught the blow and slapped the blonde across the face instead.
Ritsuko stood with her face scrunched up in anger, still fuming, hand on the red mark on her cheek. She spoke through grit teeth with a low voice as she took a step back and tried to regain her composure. "Just remember that you're the one responsible for the children's performance. If you'd have done a better job this might've never happened. Now get the fuck out!"
"Already on my way!" Misato yelled as she stomped off and out the door.
She marched through the hallways on her way out. Any onlooker might've imagined smoke emanating from the woman's head so furious was she. She didn't noticed the grey haired man as she passed along an intersection in the corridors.
"Major Katsuragi."
"For fuck sake, what?!" She snapped as she spun around on her heel. "Oh..." The Sub-Commander regarded her with a raised eyebrow, hands in his sides. Shit... Misato thought as she straigthened out and stood at attention. "I'm sorry, sir!" She apologized. "I... I didn't realize... I just... I'm just having a bad day, sir. I understand if this requires disciplinary action, sir."
The man sighed. "That's quite alright, Major. I think we are all a little on edge lately, with things as strenuous as they are. Don't you think?" His pose was surprisingly relaxed.
"Ah... Yes, sir, thank you, sir. Again, I'm sorry, sir." She stammered as she blushed profusely, hardly believing that the man was staying so calm over her unprofessional outburst.
A small grin formed on the man's lips. "You're starting to sound like Shinji, Major."
"Uh..." She wasn't sure what to say to the grey-haired man as he stood patiently.
"That was a joke, Katsuragi. Calm down." The grin turned into a warm semi-smile.
"Ah... haha... yes, sir." She laughed uncomfortably at the man's gentle comment and open posture. What the hell...
The man gave her a pensive look and tilted his head slightly to the side, pocketing his hands in his uniform jacket. "Are you alright, Major?"
"Uhm... yes... I... no... I don't know, sir." She stammered, unsure of what to do or say. "It just... it seems I am at a loss sir. Tensions, as you said, are running high and I'm starting to realize that..." She wasn't sure if she should follow up with what she was about to say, but the man's friendly attitude helped her along. "...that I don't know very much about this organisation, sir."
His eyebrows raised slightly. "Is that so?"
"Yes, sir. I'm no less resolved, mind you, but..." She wasn't sure where this was going.
He finished for her. "But you can't help but doubt..."
"Ah... yes, sir." She admitted uncomfortably.
"Major... I understand how you feel. There is a lot I do know and understand..." He said cryptically. "...but I too have my doubts."
"Is that so, sir?" She frowned slightly in surprise at the man's admission. What... what is he on about? She had never talked to the man so openly. In fact, she could count the number of conversations she had had with the man on one hand, and now he seemed to be reaching out to her for something.
"Very much so, Katsuragi." A serious look crossed his face as he tilted his head slightly away from hers yet kept eye contact.
There was an uncomfortable silence between the two, mostly felt by Misato, intimidated by the man, him being her superior after all. It was as if he was trying to tell her something. There was a hint in his posture that was inviting her, as if he was open to questions that she felt needed answering. "...Sir."
"Follow me, Major." He said as he turned and started walking without waiting for her to reply.
Quickly she followed in his stride, trying to keep up with the tall man's gait, replying as she did. "Yes, Sir."
They walked in silence until they reached his office and stepped inside. He walked over to his desk and stood beside it as the Major walked up to it and stood rigid in anticipation, unsure what this was going to be about.
The man noticed her stiff posture. "You can dispense with the usual dignitaries for now, Katsuragi. We're in private." He said, hoping to relieve some of the woman's apprehension.
She relaxed in place as the man walked around his desk and sat down in his seat while she replied. "Yes, sir... ah... sorry, force of habit. I'm not sure if I can help it..."
"It's quite alright." He said, as he gestured her to sit down on the seat across from him.
Slowly she sat down and leaned back trying to relax herself a bit under the man's gaze. "Wh... what did you want to talk to me about, sir?" She said finally as she shifted in her seat.
The man stayed silent for a moment, as if unsure of what to say or how to begin. He took a deep breath and sighed audibly. "I..." He started, but halted himself. "Let me start with a story." He said finally. "You said you don't know very much about NERV." He began as he put his elbows on his desk, fingers intertwining much like the Commander would. "I think you have a lot of information already, just not the overarching narrative to tie it all together."
"...Ok." She said softly, unsure of how to respond. His pose made her a little uncomfortable, but her interest was piqued.
Noticing her lack of comfort and realizing his own pose might be the cause he relaxed back in his seat, resting his arms across his waist as he pulled them away from the desk. "In the 1990's an artifact is found in the Antarctic." The woman across from him nodded in understanding, but an unsure look remained. "A research team is sent to investigate, and finds an extraterrestial hidden in the ice cap within a giant egg shaped vessel."
He paused for a moment to regard the woman across from him. She waited intently for him to continue. "It turns out that it is an ancient being, foretold about in what we now know as the Dead Sea Scrolls. The Scrolls are held by a secretive organization that releases information bit by bit, revealing what they see necessary to forward their own goals."
"SEELE..." Misato whispered in understanding.
Without acknowledging her statement he continued on. "It turns out the being in the Antarctic is of godlike powers unlike any humanity has ever seen. In it's arrogance, man tries to harness that power, and pays the concequences. Three billion people die."
The woman nodded in acknowledgment of what his words entailed. The giant being of light... Second Impact... father... what were you involved in? She thought, but let the man continue. "What many don't know, is that a similar vessel is found underneath the surface of what we now call Tokyo III. Within it, a similar being is held."
"Adam..."
"No... not Adam, Katsuragi."
"..." The surprise was evident in her face.
"You see what they found is what is called a 'Seed of Life'. There was meant to be only one on this planet, namely the one in Antarctica. These beings are supposed to spring life to whichever planet they are sent to. Adam was meant to spring life to earth, but through some accident another does instead. This being is called Lilith..."
"...The LCL plant."
"Very good." The man nodded, then continued. "Lilith is our... all earth's life... most distant ancestor. She is the mother that sparked life to earth in place of Adam. You see, there are, as far as we know, two kinds of 'Seeds of Life'... One that gifts its' offspring with the Fruit of Life, and the other the Fruit of Knowledge."
She looked at him expectantly, just waiting for him to continue.
"The organisation called SEELE, which is ancient and occult, has steered the course of humanity for centuries, millenia perhaps. It is an elite and secretive bunch that wishes to steer humanity in its' next step of evolution. They wish to unify all into a singular being with them at the helm. But for this, they need both Lilith and Adam. Through their forbidden fusion they wish to become gods themselves."
Misato leaned forward in her chair. "But... what do the Angels have to do with this, sir?"
"The Angels were awakened by the expedition's attempt to reset Adam into his fetal form as a way to better control it. Thought they succeeded, in a way, they created the world we know today."
She couldn't contain the question that had bubbled up in her mind earlier. "My... my father... did he know about this?"
"No... I'm sorry to say he was but a pawn." The relief in the Major's face was apparent. "Not many of the research team were privy to all the information necessary to foresee the consequences. Like I said, SEELE merely provided the information necessary to further their own goals." He turned his seat slightly to face away from the Major. "But some of the expedition did."
"And... and you? How do you know all this?"
"I found out through my own research, and more later through our dealings with SEELE through GEHIRN and later NERV."
"And why didn't you stop them or... or reveal it?"
"Sadly I'm but one man... and although I tried once to reveal all this... I failed... and even still it wouldn't have mattered."
"I see..."
"There was a woman... a very brilliant and talented woman. She knew as well, and she wanted to stop this, like I did. She was very well connected, some say that she is the child of one of the members of SEELE, but I've never been able to find out... even though I was once very close to her." There was a sense of pain and loss apparent in the man's face, one that she recognized all too well.
"You... loved her..." She said emphatically.
"Yes." He sighed as he closed his eyes for a moment. "Anyway, she was good." He opened his eyes again and turned towards her once more. "She wanted to prevent SEELE from achieving their goals but there was no way she could then."
"..."
"But along came a spider... a man that knew of SEELE and its' power. He wanted to be a part of that group, and through her he would be able to."
"...T-the Commander?"
He nodded. "But, he fell madly in love with this woman, and she with him. She turned him, she changed him forever. They tried together to steer GEHIRN into a righteous direction, but SEELE was too powerful. You see... an organisation as powerful as GEHIRN, and ultimately beholden to SEELE, will attract both brilliant and coldly ambitious minds..."
"..."
"Once she found out that the roots ran too deep to be upturned she sacrificed herself. She sacrificed herself in order to be able to protect her son."
"...Shinji"
"Yes..."
"Shinji's mother... Yui? She's... she's in Eva?"
"Yes..."
"And the Commander? Does he know?"
"He knows that Yui is in Unit-01. But he wasn't part of Yui's plan. When she decided to let herself absorb into the core he changed drastically. He is so madly in love with her that he will do anything... anything to be reunited with her."
"And... and the other Eva's?"
The man stayed silent for a while as he looked at his hands in his lap. Slowly he unfolded them and moved to grab something from his pocket. Slowly he brought his hand out and dropped a small picture on the desk and slid it towards Misato.
"Is there anyone you recognize in this photograph, Major?" He said as he looked the woman straight into her eyes. Slowly Misato leaned forward and took the picture from the desk, eyes not leaving the man's until she had the picture in her grasp. The hand holding the picture shook slightly in recognition, the other coming up to cover her mouth. Her eyes found Fuyutsuki's again as she spoke from behind her hand. "This... woman looks like Asuka, and..."
Before she could continue the grey-haired man spoke again. "Kyoko Sohryu was psychologically damaged from a similar experiment as that of Yui Ikari's. A part of her soul is captured inside Unit-02." He said with a low voice, explaining.
Misato looked at the picture again. "Y-yes... but... this woman... she... she looks like... Rei."
The man across from her nodded. "Rei... was created from Yui and Lilith. In his grief Gendo tried to regain his wife from the paltry remains in the Entry Plug used during the contact experiment." He said as he leaned back again in his seat.
"So... so Rei's a... clone? A clone of Shinji's mother?" She said, shocked to the bone.
"In a sense... yes. Like I said, there was so little of her left that she's more Lilith than Yui. It is an abomination, I know..." He said as he looked for a reaction from Misato.
"Oh my... my god... that poor girl." She said as she felt bile rising in her stomach. "I... I think I'm going to be sick..." She said finally, her world spinning in front of her eyes.
The words from the Major echoed in his ears. "My god... that poor girl." He hadn't thought about it that way, he realized. Yes, he had wanted to stop the doctor from getting rid of the girl to prevent more bloodshed, but the idea that maybe Rei herself was just a victim in all this hadn't even crossed his mind. That poor girl... He thought, the words now his own in his thoughts. Indeed. He concluded. What must all this be like for Rei.
"Misato..." Fuyutsuki said, snapping the woman out of her daze. "I have told you much more than I originally intended. If the doctor or Commander were to find out about this, neither of us will live to see another day... do you understand?"
"Yes, sir."
"The nature of this information is very sensitive, and for now we have our roles to play. The Angels are not dealt with yet, and we don't want to do anything rash, now do we?"
"No, sir. B-but... the children... they need to know." She said as the gravity of all that had just been revealed to her was starting to fall into place.
"In due time, Misato... For now, keep this quiet. Shinji, Asuka, Rei... they might not be able to handle this." He said as he shook his head, hoping to reach the woman.
She nodded in understanding as she looked at the man once again. Another question came to her mind. "Why tell all this to me now? What can we do about it? Is there anyway to stop all this?" She blurted in quick succession.
"I don't know..." He replied honestly, his eyes falling to his desk yet focused somewhere else entirely. "Sir, why tell me this?" She asked again, snapping the man out of his disconnected state immediatly.
"Look at me Major." He said sternly as he waved one of his hands over his chest, indicating himself for inspection. "I'm an old man. My time is running out, and I'm finding that I have not done a decent thing in a decade." He said honestly as his hand dropped to his side, looking away. "I don't much believe in an afterlife, but I do believe in decency and honor... And I am not an honorable person."
The man found her eyes again as she adressed him. "Sir... F-Fuyutsuki..." She reached out and laid the picture back on the desk, her hand covering it and staying in place for the moment. With a compassionate look she continued. "She must've thought you were, if she entrusted you with all this."
"Perhaps..." He looked away again, shame in his eyes. Her hand left the picture and the desk as she put it on the armrest of the chair. Another question came to mind. "Does... does Ritsuko know?"
He sighed as he kept his eyes away from hers, watering at the corners. "Yes... Let's find another moment to talk further, Misato... I'm sure you have alot to think about." Slowly she stood from the chair, hands pushing her up from the armrests. "Y-yes, sir..."
She walked up towards the door of the office and held for a moment before she turned back to look at the Sub-Commander still sitting silently in his chair, his back now turned towards her. "Sir... thank you."
Bespectacled eyes scrutinized the blonde doctor from the darkness. The man stood behind his desk, his outstretched arms supporting him, fists on the tabletop as he looked at her. He spoke with a commanding voice. "What happened during the synchronisation test, Ritsuko?"
Ritsuko felt the intensity of his gaze, even through the tinted glasses he was wearing. She shuffled nervously in place. "Rei was not able to synchronize..." She began, trying to remain calm. "...but there was something else that happened today."
"Explain..." He said simply as he took his hands from the desk and pocketted then in his uniform jacket while standing up straight. This would further complicate his scenario, she knew. If he was looking to determine whether to replace the girl or not, this was surely a reason. "It seems that she absorbed and integrated what was inside the core of Unit-00."
A look of deliberation crossed the man before her. He had made his intentions clear earlier that day, but it did not please him to be resorted to this choice. "Meaning?"
"The core is empty. Unit-00 is imobile, Gendo. As a result, the Fifth was not able to synchronize." She swallowed as her heart starting pounding in her ears. Despite how much her feelings for the man had changed as of late, she still feared displeasing the man with this kind of information. She had been the cause. Had she halted the process they would not have been in this situation, but she had been left with little choice if she wanted to prevent too much suspicion.
"You let the Fifth attempt synchronisation with the Eva despite the empty core?" There it was, she had hurt his confidence in her. She could tell by the tone of his voice. Why it mattered to her still she wasn't sure. Why do I still care for his approval? She thought as she awaited further questioning. None would follow. The man simply turned from her sideways. His lips compressed into a thin line, left with no choice now.
She took a deep breath but did so quietly as if trying to prevent breaking the man from his thoughts. After a moment of silence she tried to explain. "I'm sorry Gendo. I had to take the risk. Considering the circumstances-..." He interrupted her before she could continue.
"Circumstances? How would any circumstances allow such a risk?" He demanded, some anger seeping into his voice as he stood upright and took his hands from his pockets, clasping them together behind his back. She wasn't often the center of his discontent. All she could do was answer truthfully, there was nothing to hide. "Sir... I am beyond doubt that cutting the procedure short would've raised more than one eyebrow."
Nothing but a grunt emanated from the man. He seemed to settle a little bit. He straightening out his pose, chin slightly lifted as he spoke. "This is unfortunate." Slowly he started making his way around the desk towards her. She stiffened and backed up at the man's approach. She managed to keep her gaze level, wondering what he expected of her.
He sighed, stepping closer still. He was now mere feet away from her. She supressed a shiver as she tried looking for what was behind his tinted glasses and finding nothing truly kind. Her chin quivered as he reached out slowly and touched her neck beneath the high collar of her labcoat.
"This has all been very unfortunate, Akagi." He repeated, keeping his voice level and his face an even calm as he guided her face closer to his. She raised her head as she closed her previously slightly opened lips, swallowing as she did.
His lips touched hers, but there were no sparks, Ritsuko noticed. Not like before. She was fully aware of the man's attempt at manipulation. Instead of being warmed by the kiss, the closeness she longed for from the man, she felt cold. She cringed inside and she had to stop herself from pushing away the man. He does not love me... She reminded herself with an aching heart.
He broke the kiss and she moved her head back, trying to regain some, any distance, from the man. His fingers on the back of her neck prevented any further backtracking.
"...and Rei?"
She was back to reality, suddenly moreso aware of the power the man had held over her. She was disgusted now. Any attention will do. She thought looking away as she relaxed even though the man kept close. "I wasn't able to... do it."
He held his hand on her as he spoke but allowed her to regain some space. He spoke with his voice low, again with that calm demeanor aimed at her. "We will figure out how to get the core operational. Either way we will need her soul. Get to her apartment tonight and do it." The hair on the back of her neck stood up straight as he tugged at her slightly at those last words for emphasis.
She backpeddled as he released her, staggering on her feet for a second before regaining her balance. Without another word she walked off and out of the cavernous office, not daring to look behind her. Finally outside she collapsed against the wall, her body shuddering in relief.
Misato sat in the car and sped along the highway towards home. She couldn't stay at NERV any longer today, or she would go insane. Everything that the Sub-Commander had told her was running through her head. She couldn't concentrate anyway, and if anything really important was up they would call her back in, she determined. She had some freedom to come and go if her duties allowed it, and she would use that freedom today.
The scenery sped by as she drove onto the mountain pass towards the outskirts where her apartment lay. She liked driving down this road, and she knew it well. She pushed the gas down further and felt herself get pushed back in her seat. In control. She thought, enjoying the feeling of the gentle vibrations coursing through her cherished Renault Alpine provided by the engine's horsepower. She liked being in control. Something she surely wasn't back at work at the moment.
She was starting to understand what Ritsuko was on about earlier today. If Rei was cloned from Shinji's mother Yui, and if Ritsuko was in love with Gendo, then that must put her in an awfully complicated position. What she saw in the man she couldn't understand, but she felt sorry for the woman. She hadn't treated her too kindly today, and although she deserved it for what she had done, it did give all of it some perspective.
I'll have to talk to her for real, soon. She thought. There must be something she could say to the woman to help her sort things out. She was her friend after all, and she didn't want to see her hurting like she was. I guess I was so overwhelmed by everything in my own life I didn't have time to think about how she might be doing.
The apartement blocks were coming up in the distance and the mountain road was slowly winding down into back into the orderly patterns of the cityscape. I wonder how Shinji and Asuka are doing. Things aren't easy for them either... or Rei. She thought, finishing with the blue-haired girl.
Slowly she pulled into her apartement block's parking lot and expertly placed it in one of the parking spots. For all the jokes people made about Misato's driving, she was very skilled behind the wheel. I will have to talk to that girl too... She thought as she stepped out of the car and popped the door closed. But what do you say to such a girl... what does she even know of all this...?
She pushed the button to call the elevator, but when the doors didn't immediatly open she simply started up the steps. As she reached her floor suddenly a thought occured to her. If... if Asuka's mom is inside Unit-02. She keyed the lock to the door and opened it and stepped inside. And if Shinji's mom is inside 01... She kicked off her shoes, hung her jacket and beret from a hook, and proceeded further into her home. And if Rei is a clone, then... Before she could finish the thought she was greeted by the sight of that very blue-haired girl sitting at the dining table, cup of tea in hand, and Shinji standing over the stove.
Her train of thought had been completely derailed, not expecting two of the three children that had occupied her mind just a second ago to now sit before her in the kitchen. Flabbergasted, she announced her presence. "Uhm... I'm... home."
Rei looked up from the cup of tea she cradled between her hands, and Shinji turned to look at his guardian from his place at the kitchen counter. "Oh... welcome home Misato-san. You're back early..." He said holding the steaming kettle in one hand and a small cup in the other.
She regained her senses somewhat as she digested the strangely homely scene before her. "Uh... yeah I was done for the day." She said somewhat hesitantly. They seemed a little like a couple, comfortably silent in eachother's presence. There really was something about these two children that shared an odd familiarity with eachother. Or is it just a sort of brotherly, sisterly thing...? She thought as she tried to reconcile the new knowledge she had gained with the image in her mind that she had of the children beforehand.
She had always known the two children were attracted to eachother, having become friends over the last year as they grew closer. She had silently believed the two would maybe become more than just friends. Now she was confused of just what to think of the them. Shinji broke her out of her thoughts again. "You... look a little surprised to see us."
She shook her head for a moment as she decided to ponder these particular thoughts at a later time, then responded. "Yeah well... no not really. Actually, yes. I was just... nevermind." She stammered as she tentatively made her way over to the dining table and sat down across from Rei, absentmindedly noticing the bandages on the girl's hands.
Shinji finished filling his cup with some tea and sat down beside Rei who took a careful sip of the warm liquid. They exchanged a look that caught Misato's attention. Something's going on between them or something. After a moment of silence she decided to see what this was about.
She slowly reached out and gently laid her hand on the blue-haired girl's wrist. "How are you holding up, Rei?" She said with a caring voice. She seems... different somehow.
"I am... well." She responded simply but hesitantly. Misato didn't really buy into her response but was interrupted by Shinji before she could continue. "Uhm... Misato? Can I... maybe ask you something? A favor?" A pleading look crossed his face.
Her attention turned to the boy who was giving her an unsure look. Whatever he was about to ask was big in his mind, she could see. He didn't often ask for favors of her so she gave him a reassuring smile. "Sure... what's this about, Shinji? Why are you two here?"
Unsure of how to proceed the boy started stammering, finding himself unprepared even though he knew this was coming up. "Ah... well... that is... You see... I... I found Rei in her apartment. Walked her there rather after... well... just after." After the synchronisation test. Misato added mentally. Something happened. She nodded in understanding, her eyes widening in anticipation, pushing the boy along to ask his favor with a glance.
He looked at Rei as if seeking permission to speak for her. She didn't look away from the cup or otherwise protest or indicate him to stop so he continued. "Rei... she's not doing well." Rei looked up from the cup of tea to the Major with a somewhat guilty look on her face. The boy continued. "She is now... but... I went up to her apartment and... I err... her home... it's a mess. I... I don't think we can let her stay on her own there..."
"What happened, Rei?" Her hand still laid on the girl's. She gave a soft reassuring squeeze.
"I..." The girl began, but stopped. She looked at Shinji who in turn looked at her for a sign of how to continue. There was a pained look on the blue-haired girl's face that made him feel like she was asking him to tread around the subject carefully. He didn't feel entirely comfortable with sharing all the exact details so he generalized instead. "She... she... tried to... hurt herself."
The Angel... the failed test... The raven-haired woman looked at the bandages again, reading the wrong conclusion from them, but coming to understand the situation nonetheless. "Is this true, Rei?" She inquired softly. Again she was met with that guilty look by the girl who responded with a whisper, eyes averting from hers. "Yes, ma'am."
"Misato... can she stay here? At least for a while?" The boy pleaded again.
She sighed. She had somehow expected this to be the question by now. No! She screamed internally. God, no! No, no, no, nonononono! I can't handle another one... why god, why do you do this to me? She released her hand from Rei's but kept her arm stretched out across the table as her head dropped to the table in exasperation. I can hardly take care of myself. She sobbed internally, her gut clenching at the thought of another disfunctional child in her home. What the hell kind of day is this? What cruel alternate reality have I entered?
"Please..." Shinji pleaded once more as Misato bumped her head on the top of the wooden piece of furniture a couple of times. Rei looked at the scene dumbfounded but otherwise kept out of the conversation. "She's-" The raven-haired woman interrupted the boy, never raising her head from where it lay, her voice muffled by the position she was in. "Yes... Ok... yes, sure. Why not." Fuck! FUCK!
"Really?!" Shinji exclaimed excitedly, beaming a warm smile at the woman as she finally raised her head to regard the two teens. "Thanks Misato..." Misato groaned audibly as she sat back in the chair, pulling her arms back and crossing them over her chest. She let out another defeated sigh before she spoke. "Does she... need anything from her apartment?"
Finally Rei spoke up. "There is... nothing worth retrieving."
"Ok... what about toiletries? I mean... I probably have a spare toothbrush somewhere, but clothes maybe?" She said as she let her head hang backward as she looked at the ceiling. The one favor he asks... and there's no way I can tell him no on this now can I?
There was no response, giving her some time to ponder her situation when finally a thought occured to her. "You know what... why don't I take you out shopping tomorrow? We'll buy some clothes and whatever else you need. We could make a day out of it!" Might as well make the best of this. Maybe talk to her a bit.
Rei looked at the Shinji, unsure of the Major's proposal, but was met by Shinji's warm and reasuring smile. He responded excitedly, a great load taken off his mind at Misato's acceptance. "Ah yeah sure. That's a great idea actually. Thanks Misato..."
"Rei?" Misato said as she rose from her seat and walked over to the fridge to retrieve a beer, receiving only an unsure nod from the blue-haired girl as she walked passed her. "It's settled then. We're going out shopping. If you're going to be staying here you'll need some of your own stuff." She said as the girl returned her gaze to her hands.
"You'll have to get something else to wear than those horrid school uniforms. If you live in this house you'll have to get at least some revealing clothing. How else are we gonna keep Shin-chan on his toes, huh?" She looked at the boy with a devious grin, having reverted to her excited and teasing self in an instant.
"Misato!?" Likewise, the boy had reverted to his bashful self as he looked at her, eyes wide as saucers at her embarrassing comment and a bright red blush on his cheeks. The girl didn't entirely understand their interaction, but greatly relieved by her superior's acceptance she simply replied in agreement, only embarrassing the boy more in the process. "Yes ma'am."
"That's the spirit." Misato said as she beamed a smile at the girl, giving her blue hair a quick rustle before popping the tab on the cold beer in her hand. Just a little more teasing and she would be good to go. "Show a little leg and he'll be dancing to your tunes in no-time, Rei. Trust me." She took a big swig from her Yebishu and nearly blew it out through her nose when she saw Shinji's tomato-red appearance.
"Ah... I... gosh Misato!"
Too easy... another girl to tease him with. Maybe this won't be so bad.
"Why don't you get started on dinner, Shin-chan?" Misato said as she let her amusement fade and took another drink from her beer. Shinji was all too happy to change the subject and jumped up from his seat, the redness slowly fading from his face. "Ah yeah... yeah I'll do that."
Gendo looked at his old sensei standing before him through tinted glasses. It appeared he had been right about the man's change from his usual complacency. He had noticed slight hints in his reactions and general attitude lately that indicated to him that Fuyutsuki was having second thoughts.
His eyes dropped to the small photograph that laid before him, then looked back to the old man. "Where did you get this?" He demanded. Fuyutsuki reveled somewhat in the surprised tone of the man. He didn't even try to hide his discontent at seeing the picture. He inhaled deeply, and confessed. "Yui gave it to me a long time ago."
A narrowing of the eyes, an intake of breath, and a slight tightening of the intertwined fingers of the bespectacled man's tented hands. "Is that so?"
"Yes..." He answered. "In fact I came here to tell you what she told me... The hope she held for you." Gendo's brows furrowed at the comment. "What she confided in me for, then." He said with some satisfaction, then continued under the Commander's intense stare. "What she asked me to tell you when the time was right."
The Commander's eyebrows raised slightly behind the tinted glasses as he shifted back into the seat. His hands unclasped and he tapped his fingers one by one in quick succession on the edge the desk for a moment. "Continue..."
The grey-haired man was slightly annoyed by the light manner in which Gendo was taking all this. "She planned it... Gendo... She planned it all."
His head tilted at the familiar way in which Fuyutsuki adressed him. It didn't bother him, but it was unusual. Many things had been unusual about the man lately. He was not his complacent self. No passive agressiveness today, he had something to share. He allowed himself a slight tug at the corner of his mouth as he let the man continue.
"She let her self be contained in the core of the prototype..."
Fuyutsuki remained quiet for a moment, undoubtedly to let what he said sink in. It didn´t surprise him all that much honestly. He had come to that conclusion some time ago, but waited for the man to continue anyway.
Noticing the lack of interruption, Kozo continued. "In order to protect Shinji... because she didn't trust you. Not like she trusted me." The satisfaction in the old man's voice started to bother Gendo a little. "And this should matter to me how exactly?" He responded with some annoyance making itself known in his voice.
The old man was taken aback by his old student's easy acceptance of what he had just said. He cleared his throat for a moment as he regarded the man for any other reaction he might be able to read. Nothing... "Doesn't this give you pause at all Ikari?"
"None whatsoever. The scenario is-..."
"You and your damned scenario!" The man interrupted him angrily. "What makes you think Yui will want to see you again? What makes you think she would want to spend an eternity with the man that discarded her son, that clones her and casually decides to dispose of the girl that trusted him like a father?!"
He waited for the old man to finish, and to calm down before continuing with what he was going to say. "...The scenario is too far along. There is nothing casual about my decision, Kozo." He said with some anger. "But Rei has always been a means to an end. Even if I did have a change of heart, how do you presume we stop SEELE?"
"...We could find a way!"
"Nonsense..." Was his curt reply. "You know this. Yui knew it." He waited a moment to let his words sink in with his old friend. "She trusted me enough to let me continue on my own. When the time is right we will be together once again. You will get to be with her once again. All this suffering will end, Kozo. Mine, yours, Shinji's, Rei's..."
He had to bite his lip to keep himself from jumping across the desk to grab the man by the throat. These are the rationaliziations of a tyrant, a dictator. He thought as he looked at the undaunted man before him. Only a few bodies more and there will be paradise. "A necessary sacrifice..." He spoke the words low and full of cynicism through grit teeth.
The cynicism seemed to be lost on the man before him but he was sure he heard it. "Yes. It doesn't matter either way." Surprise was evident on the old man's face as he spoke. "What do you mean?"
"Ritsuko left an hour ago to finish it."
"No..."
"Indeed..."
The man turned on his heel and sped off towards the door. Gendo stood from his seat as he spoke as loudly as he could without yelling outright. He had not convinced the man it appeared. "What do you intend to do, Sensei?" Fuyutsuki yelled back without stopping or looking back. "To stop her... to stop you!"
Gendo was left alone in his office, mumbling a single word to himself as the door closed behind the man. "Fine..." His eyes dropped as he looked at his desk where the picture still lay untouched. He picked up the photograph and set it aside, resting his fingers on it as he cast a glance on the Section 2 report that had been delivered just minutes ago laying beneath it. It had gone unnoticed by the old man.
It wouldn't matter if Kozo was in time or not to stop Ritsuko. The apartement was empty. Rei appeared now to be in the care of the Major. It seems fate has intervened to give you what you want anyway, old friend. He mused, smiling despite the obvious complications to his plan. This had just become a lot more interesting.
"There's no one here..." Ritsuko spoke as she heard the door fall shut behind her in the hallway. She turned around and found herself somewhat unsurprised to see the Sub-Commander stand at the entrance to the living compartment of the small house. His breathing was laboured but he held his composure nonetheless. Calm always seemed to exude from the man, no matter what. Had she known what had just happened at NERV between the old man and her lover she might have thought differently.
"Would you have done it?" Kozo asked as he regained his breath realizing what she had just said. He stepped deeper into the room and absentmindedly noticed the state of it. He had never been here before, was appalled at the delapitated and barren state the house was in. It was horrid even disregarding the broken mess on the floor. Is this how she lived all this time? Shame filled him as he realized he had never inquired into the girl's living arrangements in all these years.
Ritsuko stayed quiet for a while as she pondered the question. "I... I don't know." Yes. She answered mentally. I would have done it... for him. She felt relieved that she did not have to do it now, however. Her heart clenched up at the thought of the lenghts she would go to, even knowing that the man she did it for would never regard her as she did him.
A sob filled the barren room, and more sobs quickly followed as Ritsuko covered her mouth in shame, tears streaming down her face as she was once again reminded of her broken mind, reminded of her wretched state of being. She fell to her knees as the man closed the distance to her and stood over her, concern but also judgement written on his face. Judgement for what he knew she would have done, had the girl been here.
"Why..." The blonde sobbed as she covered her eyes with her hands, tears seeping through her fingers and onto the dirty floor. "Why do I do this for him?" The grey-haired man bent down and took a knee beside her, laying a consoling hand on her shoulder as she wept. "Why won't he love me?" He gently rubbed her shoulder, not sure of what to say to the crying doctor. She continued. "Why do I go through this for him? I could stand any humiliation... as long as I thought there was hope..." She cried openly now as she stabilized herself with her palms to the floor, wailing in agony over her broken heart. She only barely managed a whimper in between. "Now I don't even have that..."
"Doctor Akagi..." The man said soothingly. "You've come this far, perhaps on bad judgement..." He said truthfully. "As have I..." She looked at him at his last statement, confused and still full of sorrow. "It's not too late..." They looked at eachother for a while, both staying silent. She wasn't sure if she believed the man, but it helped. The tears faded, and she nodded slowly in understanding as she got up on her feet again. She wiped at her face turning from the man and walked around the room as she regained her composure, halting at the sliding door as she looked out at the moon.
"What... what do you suppose happened?" She said as she sniffed and turned back towards the Kozo again, spreading her arms to indicate the state the apartement was in. She got no response, and spotted the broken glasses on the floor by the bed. She knelt down momentarily to pick it up, then stood again. She read the inscription on the broken leg as Fuyutsuki stepped closer, recognizing the glasses as Ikari's. Ritsuko handed it over as she sniffed away another stray tear.
"She... she kept his glasses?" She said as the man inspected the thing between his fingers. He grunted then looked back at the woman. "It appears so. She must've held onto it after the failed reactivation test..." He paused for a moment as Ritsuko nodded at him in understanding. "But if she broke it... she must've... come to distrust him after all this time."
Ritsuko looked around the room again. "It would explain... all this." She said simply, her eyes sweeping across the floor. "What do you suggest we do?" The man looked at her pensively, then around the room again. Did he know she wouldn't be here? He considered. Why else would he have let me run off to try and stop this.
"I don't know..." He said honestly. "He let me chase after you. I told him I would try to stop this..." The woman looked at him with slight confusion. "Perhaps he's changed his mind." That seemed unlikely to the woman. He didn't often change his mind on something, but for Rei? Perhaps. That thought depressed her even more, and she willed it from her mind. She still despised the clone.
He sighed as he rolled the broken piece of eyewear between his fingers by the leg absentmindedly as he looked at them. Why didn't he stop me. He could've done it then and there if he wanted to. Gendo, what's going on in your head? He sighed as he dropped the broken spectacles to the floor and let his arm fall to his side. "Let's get out of here."
Asuka rummaged around the dark supply room she was in, hoping to find something to eat.. She had broken open the back door of an abandoned movie theatre and made her way inside to get away from the cold outside. The rain had turned the city cooler than the usually warm eternal-summernights would be. Generally one could sleep outside without problems, but she had picked the wrong time to run away from home.
She moved slowly around the largely empty storage, mobile phone in hand, shedding light on her surroundings with the now quite useful flashlight app. It was considerably more comfortable here than outside she realized absentmindedly as she shone her light on the empty racking. "Nothing again, damnit." She muttered as she picked up an empty cardboard box from the floor for the fourth time.
Pathetic. She thought as she pondered her current situation. Elite, my ass. For all that she had considered herself to be in the last 10 years of her life, being a vagrant was not one of them. Here I am, sneaking around like a crook... like some fucking hobo.
She stumbled over another box which seemed to contain something as it was heavier than the others she had kicked aside easily. She knelt down and went through the contents. Nothing but popcorn kernels. She picked up one of the bags nonetheless. Better than nothing at all...
The redhead passed another empty rack when her flashlight revealed a stack of boxes at the end. Something better be in there... it's the only place I haven't looked yet. She had some luck left it appeared, there were some soda cans and some bags of crisps but not much else. She took some of them and went on.
Slowly she pushed through another door and followed the corridor down to one of the auditoriums. She let her light pass over the seats in the large room, her phone's app not strong enough to reveal the entire room, though still reaching far enough to get a sense of the size. Seeing no one she made her way over to the second isle and sat down halfway down along the row of seats. Her stomach growled loudly in disagreement at the lack of a proper meal for the past day. She popped open the soda and the bag of chips and munched away.
She would have to go home soon, she realized. She couldn't keep this up for another day, she knew. She looked at the small touchscreen of her phone as she switched off the flashlight app, seeing the message from Misato she had ignored earlier that afternoon. She took a handful of the salty crisps and stuffed them in her mouth. Her guardian would probably send Section 2 after her if she didn't show her face at the apartement tomorrow. She sighed loudly through the mouthful of chips, sending pieces flying across the seats in front of her.
I can't face them yet. She thought as she considered the option of heading back to the apartment and sneaking in during the night. Tomorrow... I'll go home tomorrow. She concluded, admitting to herself that she couldn't keep running forever. Like that idiot... how disgusting.
She finished the bag of chips and the soda quickly, hungry as she was, then curled herself into a ball as best she could in the cinema's seat. She felt alone, not for the first time that day. Despite her uncomfortable position, the exhaustion of the day was taking a grip of her. I'm sorry mother... I'm sorry for being such a dissapointment. She squeezed her eyes shut and drifted off to sleep.
Dinner had gone by reasonably quietly. Shinji had cleaned out the table and Rei had followed in his example. Misato had retreated to her room cradling a tower of sixpacks in her arms. She needed some relaxation after a day like today. They in turn had silently but comfortably done the dishes. There was something pleasant about their interaction, neither feeling the need to speak, silent as both children tended to be anyway.
That was how most of the rest of the evening had been spent, which had been quite short to be fair. Both exhausted from the both physically and emotionally draining day, they retreated to Shinji's room. Shinji had meant to ask Misato if it was Ok if they shared the same room tonight, but as he looked through the crack in her room's door he could see she had already passed out over a pile of empty beer cans.
He offered his bed to the girl and pulled out his futon from the corner before laying it across the floor next to the bed. Rei had protested, feeling like she should take the futon instead, but Shinji insisted. Shinji looked on embarrased as the girl stripped down to her panties and the plain white schoolshirt. She seemed unashamed, and he had caught himself staring on as she did, never actually looking away. She graced him with a small smile, noticing the blush on the boy's face, but not realizing exactly why.
He retreated to the supply closet and retrieved a spare toothbrush for the girl, handing it to her as he guided her to the bathroom, taking the temporary solitude of his own room to quickly change into the blue shirt and black shorts that he usually slept in. They brushed their teeth together and finally went to bed.
Shinji awoke from a shallow slumber by a whisper carried through the air. He wasn't sure, but it was as if someone had called his name. A quick glance to the clock on his wall revealed that he mustn't have been asleep for too long. He turned from his back to his side only to see two pale legs being swung over the edge of the bed in a careful manner. The girl they belonged to stood up, and stepped towards the boy, dragging the sheets in her wake.
Rei gently sat down next to the boy, reacting with mild shock when he turned out to be awake, looking at her with wide but sleepy eyes. Both teens recovered and she continued to lay down when Shinji scooted over to provide her some room on the futon. Pulling the sheet over herself she turned to her side to face the young man, her arm laying loosely in between them, palm up, hand just beside her face.
"Y-you can't sleep?" The boy whispered softly. She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. She breathed carefully, considering whether to voice what was on her mind. "I am..." No, that wasn't exactly right. "I... feel alone..." She said finally.
Gently Shinji moved his own hand from where he had tucked it underneath his chest to her arm. He tentatively, though deliberately, ran his fingers up the length of her forearm, gently intertwining his fingers with hers as he reached her hand. It immediately relaxed the girl, her shoulders losing some tension, and her eyes falling shut.
The physical contact between the two had become a normal thing over the past few days, neither of the teens feeling elated or uncomfortable in initiating it any longer. A boundary had seemingly been crossed and a need for closeness fullfilled for both of them. There was something about the careful touches they shared that soothed them, an energy that flowed between them, giving them strenght and comfort.
Looking worriedly at Rei, Shinji couldn't help but feel somewhat awestruck at the change in the girl's attitude. It was like she was offering herself to him, laying her heart in his hands to do with as he saw fit. It was endearing, but also frightening. There was something brewing beneath the surface between them, and within the girl herself. He still hadn't found out what it was that she seemed unwilling to reveal to him.
He would have to ask her soon, he decided. He didn't want to distrust the girl, and although he didn't now, the fact that she thought he might reject her for whatever was on her mind still left a nagging doubt. For now, he would enjoy her closeness. Her eyes drifted shut as he regarded her and her breathing became deep and even. He ran his hand across her cheek one last time and closed his eyes falling asleep soon after.
Author's notes: So, there you have it. I hope you find the changes to be for the better as well. I certainly do. Not much else to say except that I have altered the below responses to reviews a little bit. I still wanted to adress the reviews I got previously and not just discard the ending notes. I responded to Seeling Professional Help's review through a PM which I have pasted below because... well because I'm lazy. So sue me :P
Seeking Professional Help: Hej man, thx for the honest review. It's exactly the kind of constructive criticism I was looking for. I'm considering changing some of the lines thanks to it actually; reading back I can see what you mean and honestly a two-dimensional villain type Gendo is not really what I'm going for. Having said that, it seems I've stumbled into that very characterization of him again in chapter four. Not having a pre-reader to second guess what I'm writing has resulted in my succumbing to tunnel-vision it appears. I'm so focused on pushing out more content that I neglected to consider taking some more time on what I'm actually trying to convey.
As to the question of his relationship with Rei. Yes and no. I can agree with you up to a point in that he cares for Rei, but it is (in my opinion) mostly care for a tool that he has a use for and for the memory of his wife. He doesn't seem like he cares for her for who she is or for her circumstances at all; i.e. the shabby apartment, using her to get rid of Naoko Akagi (my interpretation of what happened anyway - perhaps you have a different view of this?), and bringing her back from death even though it damages her and her psyche.
Thanks again. I'll be sure to mention your contribution in the next chapter. I hope you'll stick around to keep reading this.
Nerf585: Thanks so much for your review. It feels good to have a dedicated reader that leaves a message every chapter! Don't feel like you're obligated or anything though, but really thanks a bunch!
Lord Razer: Thank you for another review. Yes, indeed Gendo is a selfish bastard, no argument there, haha. I hope you liked the fact that Ritsuko got some resolution in this chapter. I also felt sorry for her in the anime and manga. It remains to be seen how she will act from now on in this fic though. That is for me to know and for you to find out in the coming chapters ;)
It's good to know that I haven't crossed the line of blatent OOC behaviour in your opinion. I think I'm just on the edge while still keeping it believable. Like you said, she lacks experience dealing with her feelings and I'm trying to poke and prod her to get some of that out.
About Gendo; yes he definately is the bastard king, and will remain so for the time being. I'm not sure how to handle him entirely yet, though I can tell you I'm not going for a 180 on his part in terms of behaviour (as you can probably tell from this chapter).
He is, however, just as tragic a character as any other in Evangelion. I doubt Yui was such a bad judge of character that she completely overlooked the darker parts of his persona. I think that he's a very lonely man, and when he found someone that filled that gap to then subsequently lose her drove him to despair. The manga sort of confirms that in the last volumes. I need to handle his development with care, to be sure.
Well, that's it for now. Please leave a review, it encourages me greatly when you do and might actually help me change story for the better. Hope to see you all next time!