Chapter 8

Thursday 21stAugust 2014

I'm startled awake by my phone alarm in my ear. Sitting up, it takes me a moment to remember why the hell I set an alarm in the first place. As the fog lifts from my brain, I just about fall out of bed in my hurry to get up.

I had set my alarm in a very strategic manner, giving myself all of fifteen minutes to get ready, knowing that if I was left waiting around for too long I would begin to fret and self-doubt.

Dressed, hair tamed by an elastic band, suitcase near the front door, I go to wake Mom as she requested.

Walking into her room is almost like walking into my own. While she hasn't totally finished unpacking, the things that are set up neatly include the family photos, hand-made pottery she hasn't sold at markets, and a collection of paintings I did ages ago and gave to her as my 'biggest fan'.

Tousled blonde hair spread out over her jade green sheets (a Christmas present from me), she looks like a forest nymph. Her skin is pale, and her slightly puffy eyes suggest she'd cried herself to sleep. It tugs at my heart, knowing she stilled misses Dad, and being back here in the house they lived in together, must be harder on her than she lets on.

"Mom," I say softly, leaning over to shake her shoulder.

Her eyes open almost immediately, and for a second I think maybe she had already been awake, but then remember she told me once about how she's always been a light sleeper.

"Serenity," she says, her eyes focusing on my face. She looks kind of dazed.

"You asked me to wake you up when I left," I remind her, not at all surprised she doesn't remember. I doubt she'd gotten more than three or four hours' sleep.

Her expression clears. "Oh yeah, sorry." She sits up and I try not to notice the fact that her ribs stand out against the slim-fit t-shirt she wore to bed. It worries me that she obviously isn't eating properly, but I know once we settle in she'll get back to normal.

"Cloud will be here any minute to pick me up," I say, trying not to stare at her super-skinny frame. It makes her look so fragile, and I'm used to my strong, courageous mother who isn't afraid to voice her opinion.

I hope this change in her isn't going to be permanent.

"That's good, I assume you have everything ready?"

"Yep, suitcase is next to the front door," I say. My phone buzzes with a text from Cloud, saying he's outside. "Looks like he's here."

Mom hugs me tightly. "Behave yourself. If anything happens or you want to come home, call me immediately. Text me every morning to let me know you're okay."

I doubt there will be much cell service near the lake – I'm surprised it even worked in town – but I agree with her anyway.

Collecting my suitcase, I open the front door to find Cloud there, about to knock. I'm stunned for a moment, both at the surprise and at how breath-taking he looks in the early-morning light.

He recovers quickly. "Morning," he says cheerfully. "Here, let me take that." He takes the suitcase from my hands, lifting it like it's a feather, and carries it to the car.

His car, I note with happiness, is a faded red Camaro. I have no idea what year it is or any of the technicalities, but it's an amazing looking car. "Hey," I say, and even I'm not sure if I'm answering him, or talking to the car.

Noticing where my attention is fixed, Cloud chuckles as he loads my suitcase into the backseat. "It's not as clean as I would like, but it took me four summers' worth of work at the mechanic's to be able to get this baby fixed," he tells me, proudly patting the hood.

"There's nothing wrong with that," I say, coming to stand beside him.

"Are you a big car fan?" he asks, genuinely interested.

I laugh. "I wouldn't know the difference between a piston and a sparkplug."

"Just the fact that you know that those are parts of a car gives me hope," he says, grinning. I find myself lost in his eyes. They were such an intriguing shade of green that I find myself trying to work out what colors I would have to mix together to be able to paint them.

Suddenly his phone rings and he steps away to answer it.

A moment later he's back. "We'd best get going. The others are all waiting around the corner." He hesitates for a minute before seeming to make a decision and walks over to open the passenger side door. Smiling, he beckons me to hop in.

I'm shell shocked as I thank him and slide in, making sure the long strap of my handbag is clear of the door as he shuts it behind me. Did he seriously just open the door for me to get in? After taking care of my suitcase for me, too. I bite my lip to suppress a happy giggle. Who would have thought there would be such a gentleman behind his aloof expression and polite conversation?

Cloud climbs in next to me and starts up the car. The sound of it is exactly how I remember from seeing these cars driving in Santa Monica. I grin up at him, and he answers with a smile just as wide.

"Seatbelt," he reminds me and I comply. I don't see why he isn't happy with the car; I couldn't see anything wrong with it aside from the faded paint. There are probably things below the surface that aren't quite so fixed. That thought makes me think of Mom, but I push it to the back of my mind: I don't want to put a damper on today.

We pull out of the driveway and I find myself wondering if Cloud would let me drive it myself one day.

Around the corner are three other cars, parked but still idling. I recognize Mason's car, although I can only see him and Victorie in it this time. Luca's Jeep is there as well, with Jesse, Avery and Mai on board. A truck I don't recognize – a black Chevy – has Reina behind the wheel and Kailya in the seat next to her, so I figure it must belong to one of them.

Obviously having cars at a young age is pretty standard in this town. And clearly when there is a fleet of them like this it would usually be pretty noticeable, but most people we passed just smiled and continued with whatever they were doing.

It's a forty minute drive to the lodges, as Cloud helpfully informs me, as well as apologizing because his stereo isn't working yet. I say I don't mind, it's just nice to watch the scenery go past.

I have no idea what he thought of that, but he's a good companion. We talk occasionally when one of us thinks of something interesting to say, but mostly it's just a comfortable silence, even if my attraction to him is slightly embarrassing for me.

The sun is only just clearing the tops of the trees when we reach the top of a rise, and before us is a great mass of shimmering water. I'm in awe, face almost pressed to the window to take it all in. The trees thin out and disappear completely as the road flattens out again, the road veering to the right about a mile from the water's edge, taking us along the tree line and westward.

With the trees on my side, I have to peer around Cloud to continue staring out at the glistening lake, the morning sun reflecting off it and fracturing into a million different colors.

"It's so beautiful," I whisper.

"Yeah, it is," Cloud agrees, although he keeps his eyes on the bumpy road.

"You're so lucky to have grown up in a place like this." I'm humbled by what I'm seeing, watching the ripples across the surface of the lake as fish come up for air or small birds fly down to catch insects off the water.

"It's even better just around this corner," he replies, and I get the hint to sit back in my seat and watch the road.

The lake curves around, but when the road turns right again through the trees, we lose sight of it. I'm just happy knowing we will be swimming in it soon enough. It looks like it would be heaven.

Suddenly the trees disappear again and I only notice we had slowed right down when we drive into a clearing and right in front of us again is the water. A small wood and concrete jetty juts out from the beach, obviously a man-made structure I'm not sure I would trust standing on.

To the left of the clearing is a small iron shed with a padlocked door, and a larger wooden building that Cloud tells me was the toilets and showers.

Glad that there's plumbing, but unsure how one or two showers and toilets was going to be enough for ten of us, I focus my attention to the right as we park. More wooden buildings – seemingly made from whole tree logs – are clustered there, stone pathways linking them to each other and to the parking area.

There isn't any asphalt here, only gravel and dirt, and the idea that something as hideous as tar hadn't made its way to this quiet place was heartwarming.

I clamber out of the car as soon as Cloud kills the engine, keen to see more.

There are four buildings in all, all of them complete with large square windows and stone chimneys. It's like something out of a movie, and as unfamiliar to this place as I am, I feel completely at home.

My fingers itch to draw everything, but I know that I'll just have to wait, although I did bring my sketch pad and pencils.

"I'm glad to see that you're impressed," a deep voice says from behind me. I jump and turn to find Luca standing there. How did such a big guy always seem to move around without making any sound? "I was starting to think that you had a talent for taking everything in stride without blinking."

I smile sheepishly. "This is definitely not going to ever cease to amaze me; I can guarantee you that now."

"Good to know," he grins at me before setting off towards the cabins, Jesse and Avery in tow.

"I'm so happy you could make it," Mai says as she bounces up to me. I can tell she wants to hug me, but was reigning herself in. I don't know if I'm glad or not; I'm not really much for showing affection.

"I almost thought Mom was going to say no, but I think she feels bad about springing boarding school on me on top of moving," I say. I spot Cloud unloading my suitcase from his car and excuse myself from Mai to rush over.

"Sorry, I should have done that. I'm just so overwhelmed. This place is amazing."

His lips twitch with a smile, and for some reason he seems a little more guarded than he had before. "That's okay, it's a lot to take in I'm sure."

"Thank you for the great ride, though," I say, secretly hoping it won't be the last time. He has obviously spent a lot of time and money on it, and it really shows through.

"Anytime," he says, pulling his own duffel bag out of the trunk. When he turns to smile at me, I could have sworn he winked. I blush, totally unsure what to say after that, so just collect my suitcase and drag it back to Mai.

I'm glad to see that she had a giant rucksack full of her stuff, and I notice Cloud hadn't been exaggerating yesterday when he said how much stuff Victorie tended to bring. Mason was still helping her unload it all from his car.

"So what's first?" I ask.

"First, I show you where we'll be sleeping for the next few days," she replies, already setting off up the path. Grass grew everywhere there wasn't gravel or dirt, and it looks damp after the mornings' dew.

I follow her, making sure not to step on the grass so my canvas shoes don't get wet.

Out of the four log buildings, there's one that's noticeably bigger and looks a lot newer than the others. "That one has the kitchen and sitting area in it, with a couple of rooms. Luca and Mason sleep in there," Mai tells me as she points to it.

We pass between two of the smaller cabins, and ponder whether there are spiders around here. I hate spiders with an immense passion.

"The one on the left is for the guys. Jesse, Avery and Cloud sleep in there. Victorie, Kailya and Reina sleep in the other. And this," we stop in front of the last and smallest cabin, "is ours. Because we're the youngest here." She wrinkles her nose and I wonder if she had had to sleep in here by herself before I came along.

The door opens easily and we step through; obviously these get used regularly. There are four singles beds in all, each one in a different corner of the room and made neatly with sheets and quilted blankets. What looks like handmade wooden night stands are placed next to a couple of the beds, with wooden crates next to the others.

"We'll take these ones," Mai says, pointing out a blue-quilted bed for me as she dumps her bag onto the pink-quilted one. They happen to be the ones with the night stands. "These are the most comfortable."

"You know this is the first time I've ever slept away from home for this long before," I tell her, lifting my suitcase onto my new bed. It seems sturdy enough, considering the wooden frame looks handmade.

"Really?" She looks surprised. "This is only my second year coming out here with everyone, but before that I used to come out here with my family to go swimming and stuff. I guess it'll be hard for you once school starts in a couple weeks."

I think about it for a minute. Sure I'll miss everyone, but it seems like this will be a good chance to figure out the person I want to be without Mom hovering over my shoulder and telling me how she thought I should behave. She's an amazing person and the best Mom, but sometimes she needs to know when to step back and let me work things out for myself.

"I'll miss Mom and Sky, and Saraiyu too, but I'm actually really excited about it," I say honestly.

"Yeah, I get that. I started there last year and I was so scared to be leaving," she says, smiling sympathetically.

I'm really starting to feel as though Mai and I are becoming friends, and the warm feeling in my heart because of that makes any uneasiness I feel around the others totally worth it.

"Okay, first order of business is to unpack the essentials, in case we're in a hurry to grab something and don't have the time to dig through a bag." She's reciting it like she's a tour guide or Girl Scouts leader and she'd memorized the whole manual.

There are a couple of chests of drawers at the end of each bed (again handmade) which we begin unpacking our stuff into. I notice Mai looking at what stuff I brought and nodding with approval. Obviously Cloud had steered me on the right track with what to bring.

All together it isn't a whole lot. Three t-shirts, one hoodie, one pair of sweatpants, two pairs of jeans, two pairs of cut-off denim shorts, three bikinis (just because I couldn't decide between them), a hat, flip flops and enough underwear and socks for the three days. I had kept the toiletries to a minimum, thanking God a million times that it wasn't that time of month, and hoping that I brought enough sunscreen.

Oh, and a pillow. That had been another suggestion of Cloud's, because he said the ones kept here were often lumpy and flat.

"I don't know which bikini I want to wear… will we be swimming today?" I'm not sure if anyone had actually specifically said what we would be doing today.

"Yeah, usually we all go for a swim once we get here and the guys try to catch some fish for lunch while we hang out on the beach and sunbathe," Mai says as she finishes putting her stuff away. "And I would definitely go for the blue set, they totally suit your skin tone."

She begins pulling off her own clothes in order to change into her bikini, and I'm left with a dilemma. Clearly I'm going to have to either strip in front of her or walk all the way back across the parking area to the shower building just to get changed. By the time I did that everyone would already be in the water.

Guess it's time to just get over my self-esteem issues, I think, mentally gritting my teeth.

Making sure that Mai isn't looking directly at me, I quickly change my bottoms first, using my shirt to kind of hide my nether regions. That done, I turn around to take my top and bra off, the whole time so conscious about Mai standing behind me that I literally feel my skin twitching with unease. I pull the bikini top on and thankfully all I have to do is slip the halter strap over my head and clip the rest together behind my back.

I pull my shirt back on over the top, still not comfortable enough to walk around without it, but I do leave my shorts off. I had made sure that every square inch of my legs was shaved last night, and I have no problem showing them off.

"All done?" Mai asks, and there isn't even a hint of judgment in her tone. I feel relieved knowing that either she understands why I'm still wearing the shirt or is at least polite enough not to show how weird she thought it was.

"Yep," I reply, trying so hard not to show how jealous I am of her amazing figure. In her lime green bikini, her creamy skin looks perfect, and definitely shows off all the important parts. I secretly wonder if there was one of the guys she's trying to impress.

Two seconds out the door, however, I think otherwise. Victorie, Kailya and Reina are dressed exactly the same and I come to the immediate conclusion that this is normal and I'm going to have to get used to it.

Victorie's bright pink bikini looks like it would scare away any of the fish the guys might be hoping to catch, but I keep that thought to myself. Her pale blonde hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail that looks way too painful to put up with just because of the style points.

Kailya's crimson red one-piece looks like fresh blood against her ivory skin and I would have thought it would clash with her bronze-red hair, but it actually seems to bring out the golden high-lights in it.

While their bikinis were so colorful it was almost blinding, Reina's was contrasting in a lacy white set that looks great against her lightly tanned skin with her long auburn curls.

They're all standing on the grass outside their cabin, smiling at something that Jesse and Mason were doing. Never in my life have I felt as self-conscious as what I do walking down to meet them.

Having Mai beside me doesn't even help because she looks as breath-taking as they do. I feel like I've been pulled out of a regular old photoshoot and plopped down in the middle of a Victoria's Secret one.

"Nice legs, Serenity," Victorie says as we reach them. I can see her piercing blue-grey eyes assessing every inch of exposed skin. "What's with the shirt?"

"Oh leave her alone, Vic. She's been here all of five seconds, let her settle in before you start being all pretend-bitch on her," Reina tells her, rolling her eyes. I'm shocked; again someone I haven't really spoken to before is standing up for me. "Us short girls need to stick together," she tells me, smiling wryly. She'd already noticed what I hadn't; we're about the same height – about 5"5' – and for some reason this makes me laugh.

I guess it's nice to know that not all of them are supermodel perfect.

"Are you girls coming down to the water, or what?" Jesse yells up at us. We all look over to see the guys are already half-way down to the lake. He clearly wasn't waiting for a reply, turning and racing passed the others and basically belly-flopping straight into the water.

"And every one wonders why he's still single," Mai mutters, rolling her eyes and making everyone snort.

We make our way down to the soft sand at the edge of the lake. I keep to the back of the group, both so the back of my head isn't on fire from being stared at, and because I don't trust myself not to fall over.

It would not be the first time, believe me. I pick my way off the path and through the rocky band before the sand began.

By the time I even reach the water pretty much every one else is already in there. Seeing an opportunity to get every ones attention on each other and away from me, I sit next to Cloud on the sand at the edge of the water.

"Aren't you swimming?" he asks in surprise as he notices me.

"I'm just waiting 'til they're not all looking to take my shirt off," I say, again opting for total honesty. I think I startle a laugh out of him, because the chuckle that escapes his lips sounds different from other times I've heard it.

"I'm not even going to pretend to understand why you girls get so worried about what other girls think of their bodies. It just seems like so much effort to be that self-conscious all the time." He shakes his head and I feel silly all of a sudden.

Why am I so worried? It's not like I haven't worn a bikini before. Changing rooms and the swimming pool at our old house count, right?

"You can't possibly be telling me that you are one hundred per cent fine with displaying almost every inch of your skin in front of other people." I stare at him, daring him to contradict me.

He smiles sheepishly. I knew it! "Okay, I get your point, but honestly what's the problem? It's not like you have an extra nipple or toe or something."

I have to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing. "Here goes absolutely nothing then, I suppose," I say, sighing dramatically as I pull my shirt over my head and let it fall to my side.

I see Cloud glance down at my newly-exposed flesh, as if he can't quite help but look. I feel weird about it suddenly. Should I really be relishing in a guy openly looking at my breasts and stomach?

Not wanting to ruin my mood by dwelling on that, I stand quickly and dive into the water. Not knowing how deep it would be, I make sure my dive is shallow, and surface quite a way from the shore-line. Feeling as though I can breathe properly again, and still glad the water muddles what people can see of my body, I close my eyes and tilt my face towards the sun.