Thanks for reading, darlings :)
I'm terribly sorry I haven't gotten back to all of you yet. Life is hectic right now but you know me... I'll do it asap! :)
I hope you're all doing well, great or fabulous.
CHAPTER 23
Regina moved fast. Almost like a tornado. Or exactly. Not stopping for anything.
Her body seemed to be buzzing with pent up… anger or even something akin to rage, Emma feared.
Every next click of her heels against the sidewalk was harder than the former as every muscle in her back visibly continued to tense beneath her blouse.
And Emma felt fucking nauseous. More and more so by the second.
What the fuck had just happened and why the fuck did it have to happen to her?
Hadn't her life been unfortunate enough already?
She didn't usually ponder on these kinds of self-pitying thoughts.
But tonight's events hit a nerve she didn't realize she had.
Out of all the shit that could have gone wrong tonight, this would have never… never ever crossed her mind.
As the whirlwind of emotions inside of Emma's head and stomach eliminate all concepts of time and space,
they both suddenly and finally find themselves standing in the middle of their living room.
Both are silent and Regina's squared shoulders move up and down slowly, subtly slouching down inch by inch with every exhale.
Until her entire posture looks like one of defeat.
Until the otherwise regal and powerful looking woman resembles more of a lost child than she probably ever has.
Emma's heart is painfully thundering inside of her chest. She wishes there were things that she could do or say for and to Regina.
And if there were such things, that she could think of them. So either there aren't or she simply can't.
Failure, Emma inwardly scolds herself.
When suddenly Regina's eyes find hers, Emma becomes the unfortunate witness of the most beautiful woman on earth, crying.
"What was that?" Regina sadly mutters. As far as Emma can tell there's no tone of accusation in her voice.
Perhaps because she doesn't have the energy or perhaps because Regina isn't actually blaming her for anything.
Just hurting. But well that, it's more than heart breaking enough to wanna break down and cry herself. But Emma tries to stay strong.
Deciding she should do anything within her power to comfort this wonderful woman.
"Regina baby…" She carefully approaches her. "Calm down… it's okay."
Regina's face scrunches up as she stubbornly pouts. As far as she's concerned; it's not okay.
"Please Emma. Explain what... that was." She adds a little force to her tone because she really needs to understand.
She's all torn up inside, not knowing how to feel and unable to rationalize anything about the situation.
Emma winces, swallows thickly and traces her fingers slowly up her girlfriend's arm.
Wanting nothing more than to reach out further and lock her in her own arms.
But she doesn't... feeling too cautious of what Regina needs right now to give into her own needs.
"I'm sorry." she defeatedly murmurs. Her voice sounding hoarse and guilty of shame and sadness and all things indicating how shattered she's feeling.
Things Regina, as soon as she spots them, wants gone from her girlfriend's voice. Immediately.
"Sweetheart, I'm not mad at you." She quickly breathes out. Shocked to be realizing that's what Emma was thinking. She's made Emma think.
Dark brown eyes are wide in honest concern as she steps closer into her girlfriend's arms and Emma's fingers fall from her biceps around her waist.
Her tears continue to fall slowly but she's able to regain a bit of her control. If only to comfort her obviously distressed Emma.
"You're not?" The blonde meekly questions. Her face all kinds of vulnerable.
"I'm… very upset. Confused about tonight because I don't understand what happened and afraid of the truth
but… darling, my anger is definitely not directed at you." Regina honestly tells her and Emma nods.
"She's crazy…." She then shakes her head and sighs.
"How do you know her?" Regina carefully asks. It's not that she wants to hear the truth. But she has to. Better get it over with.
"We hooked up once."
In that moment, the brunette draws in a big breath through her nose. Her teeth clash together behind dry lips that are pulled together tightly.
The look in her eyes is steeled as she seems to be concentrating hard. Not to wince or snarl or groan, for instance.
Not that she hadn't already expected this, but to have it confirmed still sucks immensely.
"Well… Emil and her." Emma breathes softly.
"You had sex." Regina states in a clipped tone. Trying but failing miserably to sound composed and unaffected. The words taste awful in her mouth.
"Yeah." Emma's eyes flicker closed and back open a couple of times before she swallows thickly and looks up at her girlfriend.
Her girlfriend, who seems to be having a rather difficult time processing the news. Her facial complexion is redder than it usually is but in a flaked-kind of way. As if she's coming up with a fever. And the little wrinkles around her eyes and lips are straining as she's obviously trying hard to control her features.
Her tongue nervously sweeps across her teeth before she can't help but murmur.
"Gross."
Emma visibly winces but honestly can't deny that.
"Hey baby, I know… it was a long time ago…" She softly tells Regina, sighs and looks down at her girlfriend's collarbone.
"And I'm not proud of it. You know that."
"I know…" Regina nods immediately, remembering learning about Emma's former lifestyle. "But I didn't want to see her." She sadly adds.
"Or anyone from that part of your past."
But that's not Emma's fault, of course it isn't… she knows that.
"Me neither." The blonde, obviously, agrees and the room grows silent again.
Emma's still tentatively holding onto the older woman.
Feeling the light fabric of her blouse beneath her fingertips and trying to distract herself from darker thoughts by analyzing the fiber.
"I was so excited to tell Robin the truth… about Henry and about the baby we're trying to make…" Regina suddenly quietly whispers.
"Of course." Emma just as softly says.
Regina swallows thickly a couple of times. Hating this feeling she's having and hating tonight's turn of events.
Still, not understanding how Emma ever was able to fall, even if only just for one night,
for such a horrible woman and why fate had to put them in this terrible situation
where her brother is actually planning to spend the rest of his life with said woman.
"She's horrible. How can he be with her?" She roughly shakes her head and pulls back from their gentle embrace.
Emma, once again, winces at the hardness in her tone and the anger noticeable in her posture. The muscles in her back strained and rigid again.
"Maybe he's still getting to know her?" She softly offers. Trying to keep the volume of their conversation down.
The topic itself being intense enough already.
"They're engaged Emma! Engaged!" But Regina can't seem to help but raise her voice in anger and disbelief.
"Like I said… she's crazy…" Emma pulls up her shoulders and tells her again.
"The fact they're engaged doesn't mean that's his idea! I wouldn't put it past her that she's pushing him to get married." She reasons.
Truly deeming Lilly capable of such a thing. Besides, Robin had kind of seemed like a push over.
A nice enough guy… but not really the sharpest knife in the drawer…
and if he's really engaged to Lilly… a horrible judge of character.
Too self-absorbed to really notice what's going on around him perhaps.
Used to being the main focus and enjoying any and all attention.
Regina is silent for a moment.
Of course, Emma doesn't see this but she's actually biting her tongue to the point where she might actually be starting to cut through the tender flesh.
There are so many things she wants to ask but also never wishes to know or hear more about. She's conflicted.
And not just for her own sake but also… it's cruel of her to make this about her, isn't it? So very cruel towards the blonde.
This is me, she inwardly concludes… on my worst.
She releases the pressure on her tongue and waves a hand through dark stresses before turning around to face her girlfriend.
Who seems to be looking at her intently, studying her every move as if trying to figure out where to go from here.
"Did she push you?" Regina softly asks. The emotion in her voice evident. But that's nothing new.
Emma's eyes go wide for a split second.
"Euhm." She scratches the back of her neck while licking her lips and then moves towards the couch.
"She didn't force me to do anything… if that's what you mean…" She awkwardly says, sporting an uncomfortable expression.
Regina is jealous. And that's okay.
Not that there's anything to be jealous of.
More than anything, Emma'd like to erase the experience from her past.
But she can't. It had been her own doing. Her own responsibility and it had been bad.
But out of it, had come the best decision of her life. To stop pretending.
Talking about it is awkward and brings back unpleasant feelings but…
Some things need to be felt in order to move on from them, don't they?
Now, Emma is in no need to feel any of these negative feelings ever again. She's had more of enough of them.
Processed them and used all of the bad stuff so she could grow and become a stronger, better person.
But, looking at Regina, they… as a couple… need to, at least once, go through learning these things about each other to grow stronger together.
Regina's thinking hard too. She's pursing her lips in deep thought while staring at the spot on the couch beside Emma.
Her emotions are so layered she can hardy find her way through the maze inside of her head.
But despite all of the confusing and painful thoughts… there's also relief washing through her.
For a moment, Regina had feared a horribly dark part of her would have preferred to hear that Emma hadn't fully wanted it…
But as soon as the words are out and Emma's made it clear that hadn't been the case…
Regina had realized she was entirely clear of such thoughts.
Isn't that ridiculous? How we can actually fear to feel something we'd never actually be capable of.
One could argue whether or not that mere fear isn't making us guilty already…
But I'd tell them to fuck off and never judge someone who's willing to question their own possible weaknesses.
Especially when it comes to love.
When brown eyes flicker upwards and find Emma's, Regina exhales slowly and walks her way over to the couch as well.
She sits down and places her hands in Emma's, facing the girl and feeling her willingness to talk about whatever it is that comes to their minds right now.
There's nothing worse than silence when there's questions to be asked.
Their unspoken agreement to just face whatever this is they need to go through is… the best evidence that it's going to be okay.
"She was obnoxious and drinking a lot but she seemed interested in me" Emma calmly begins to tell her. The words aren't loaded. She's just sharing.
"And I was in one of those moods where I felt horrible about myself, looking for distraction." She sadly adds and Regina's fingers tenderly stroke pale digits.
After a minute of silently comforting Emma,
Regina slowly gathers her courage to ask some questions she knows won't stop haunting her unless she just lays them out.
"Was she good?" She awkwardly murmurs and is, of course, totally surprised when Emma answers her with an outbreak of laughter.
The unexpected sound filling the house is actually quite comforting.
It's a very welcome reminder of how easily and quickly they're able to lift each other's spirits.
It's one of the first things you risk of forgetting when demons creep up on you. But you shouldn't.
As hurt, down or angry you might feel, if you leave the gate to light open… it will find its way inside and fill you with warmth… even if just for a moment.
"She was crazy and all over the place." Emma snorts and offers Regina a small but reassuring smile that it hadn't been something she'd brag about. At all.
Regardless of that being the better of only a few possible answers to that question, Regina still curls up her nose in disgust.
"What do you mean?" She asks but is quite positive she doesn't want to know.
"You know… she was just… over-acting like… weird. It's a long time ago, baby… I don't remember that much. Nor do I want to remember it."
Emma thankfully finishes explaining.
Clearly also not in the front row to want to relive the exact events.
Now that the mood is a little lighter and Regina's first question has been asked, she finally feels somewhat braver.
Not that that's something that's necessarily good…
Emma's willingness to answer her questions might end up in her knowing more than she's capable of handling.
"Did you go down on her?" Regina blurts out none the less and Emma's face grows very very surprised at the question.
"No!" She quickly says, shaking her head to emphasize that fact.
"And did she…" Regina instantly asks next and Emma quickly interrupts her before all of the words are out.
"She didn't… it was really just fast and uncomfortable sex and afterwards she was clingy and obnoxious.
She wouldn't let me go and wanted me to stay even though we'd clearly just had a pretty uncomfortable experience."
Emma tells her girlfriend. Grimacing slightly at the memory.
"And all I could think of was … please let me go home and shower and untape my boobs and just forget about this horrible evening." She says.
Her voice taking on a bit of a softer tone again. More serious.
"But you stayed." Regina softly says… recognizing the look in Emma's eyes for what it is… that there's more to tell…
"Just a while…" Emma shrugs with a curled up nose while leaning back against the back-rest of the couch. "I didn't want to hurt her feelings."
"Her feelings?" Regina snorts "I don't think she even has a soul." and turns her body a bit so she can continue to look at her girlfriend.
Her hands are tracing shapes in the fabric of Emma's jeans as she's unwilling to not touch the blonde.
"I didn't know that then… until…" Emma sighs and then stops talking. Her own hands help Regina's trace circles on her upper-thighs.
Their fingers softly bump into each other before Regina stills hers and puts her right hand onto both of Emma's to stop her movements and get her attention.
"Until what?" She quietly asks. Softly and tenderly.
"We watched some TV and it was something about…" Emma cutely scrunches up her face in thought.
"I don't even remember what it was about but there must have been some gay couple on it
and she just gagged and expressed how disgusting she found same sex relationships.
I was so disgusted with myself that I'd just… been… you know intimate with that kind of person…
and simultaneously felt horrible about betraying myself like that.
And lying. And sleeping with people while lying to them and... god it was horrible."
Her voice is trembling by now as she swallows thickly and bites her lips.
She still feels so ashamed when thinking back of that time in her life.
"Emma sweetheart" Regina emotionally breathes out. "It's okay" she tries to soothe her girlfriend.
"it's okay." She says again as her fingers reach for Emma's hands and she pulls the girl against her.
"Sex was just an escape back then." Emma murmurs against her. "I mean, that's what I fooled myself into believing.
But of course, even then… especially then… I couldn't let my walls down. I was just going through motions and it was all just so generic…
I was trying to connect and distance myself from my true and full self as far as possible at the same time. It was the best recipe for disaster.
And that's exactly what I got."
She stares down at Regina's lap as she's resting her body into the older woman's embrace while continuing to let the words flow out of her.
"I left and… I never wore my guy-clothes again. Let my hair grow and just… have been trying to be a better person ever since."
She finishes and looks up at the brunette a little. Finding a soft expression is watching her lovingly.
"I'm sorry." Regina quietly says.
"Why?" Emma asks confused.
"For acting like a bitch and making you talk about it." The brunette offers her a small apologetic smile.
Feeling like an entire ass for acting so childish and jealous.
"No… you can know anything… it's just" Emma shakes her head and sighs. "I'm so ashamed of who I was." she blushes in shame.
"was… exactly…" Regina takes a hold of her face and brings their lips together. She plants kisses. Some small and some more lingering.
"We all have our demons darling… but today you're a gorgeous woman, partner… and parent.
And there's nothing you could tell me about your past that would make me feel different about you." She soothes her.
Lips still rubbing softly and tears mingling slowly.
"I love you." Emma hums lowly.
"I love you too." The other woman nods before pulling back a little and looking down.
"I just … what are the chances my brother proposing to… her…"
"I know… that seriously sucks." Emma nods and puts a finger under Regina's chin to pull her focus back on her
"But after tonight… I mean, after he's seen her true colors… he might change his mind, no?" She offers her a hopeful little smile.
Regina nods and returns it before biting her lip and blushing just slightly.
"And I just…" She furrows her brow a little. Realizing that it's gonna hunt her for a little while longer… and that she'll just have to deal with it.
"I really hate thinking about you being with anyone else."
Now, Contrary to what Regina might have expected, Emma breaks out into a huge smile.
Not that she wants her lover to feel things that make her sad…
but to have someone that considers you "their person" this much is something she can't deny makes her own heart swell.
"Then don't…" She whispers and pulls her girlfriend closer against her. Her hands are softly caressing Regina's sides. Gently and tenderly.
"It's all been empty… this… you and me… we are real." She tells her.
"Hmmm." Regina nods meekly and looks up at her from beneath long lashes.
Feeling embarrassed to be so jealous, openly so… about something that lays in the past and can't even begin to compare to what they have.
"What can I do to make you feel better, baby?" Emma rubs their noses together.
Her voice carrying a hoarse quality that gives Regina one billion ideas.
"Fuck me." She whispers. The look in her eyes intense and oh so needy.
"Because you're sad?" Emma softly inquires. Her eyes narrow and traveling across her girlfriend's face. In search of the truth.
"No… because I want you to want me badly." Regina pouts stubbornly. Her eyes are dark and boring into the blonde's.
"I want you so badly." Emma breathes almost inaudibly yet oh so convincingly.
"Prove it." Regina groans. Her chest is heaving wildly, pushing her breasts upward…
Emma smirks softly and sticks out her tongue to slowly lap at the exposed flesh. Dipping her tongue down sinful cleavage.
Regina throws her head back and lets out a content sigh. The muscles in her body are now finally relaxing as her blood begins to run hotter through her veins.
A soft moan escapes her lips as her mouth opens wide upon feeling eager fingers pull down the cups of her bra.
A split second later Emma's teeth softly tease hard nipples and the moaning is a constant.
They spur Emma on to continue. She sucks hard onto stiff peeks. Bites them a little harder before relieving them with soft kisses and light licking.
Regina can't decide whether to look down at the incredibly erotic sight of Emma worshiping her chest or to just let go, throw her head back and only feel.
She chooses both because even though she prefers not missing a moment of the amazing sight,
the sensations both physically and visual make it almost too much to handle.
Next, but without pausing the oral attention on her girlfriend's boobs, Emma's hands tug at Regina's fancy slacks.
She's able to undo the row of buttons at the side blindly… thank god, and pulls them halfway down the brunette's ass.
In order to get them off of her entirely, she needs some cooperation from the wearer.
Regina catches up quickly and shifts her position so they can remove the garment along with her panties. They land somewhere on the floor.
The crotch of both already wet and sticky.
Emma then one-handedly pulls down her own pants and boxers before letting Regina sit in her lap and rocking their bodies together.
At first without penetration as she's still fumbling to get out of her shirt but once they're both completely bare, they work together towards the same goal.
Emma holds Regina by her butt cheeks, helping her keep her balance as Regina takes a hold of Emma's sex and softly lets it enter her.
Sinking down on it slowly until it's entirely and snugly inside of her. She wiggles her hips a little. Emma moans in pleasure and then the moving starts.
The fucking.
"Mmmmmmmm" Regina hums with her lips shut tightly.
Her eyes are narrowed and focused on Emma and the way her breasts are jiggling and bouncing, dancing the same dance as hers. soft mounds, hard tips.
"Mmmmm Emmaah mmm I can't… I can't hold it off… I"
Regina almost instantly breathes out.
The blonde enters and exits her with nice deliberate strokes. Pressing their pelvises together and rotating her hips slightly once she's fully inside.
Hitting those amazing sweet spots inside of her girlfriend over and over and over. "Don't hold off baby. Cum for me. Cum all over me."
"Fuck Mmmmm don't stop aaah fuck Emma I'm cumming!" She yells out in pure pleasure.
Feeling how her orgasm rips through her with so much force she can hardly believe she hasn't fainted yet.
Emma keeps holding her, guiding her up and down, not daring to think of stopping their movements…
especially with Regina crashing so deliciously on top of her.
Once she's come down from her high, Regina sighs and rests her hands on the blonde's shoulders,
catching her breath and licking her lips while regarding Emma lovingly.
Emma, who's now stopped sliding in and out of her but is still very much buried deep within her pussy.
"You feel really nice inside of me, Emma." Regina's raspy voice warmly confesses.
"Mmmm I do… I do feel really nice inside of you." The younger woman grins. Her hands are traveling up and down her naked lover's body.
Softly caressing the slightly sweaty skin for both of their sake.
"You haven't cum yet, have you?" The brunette asks. An obvious apologetic look in her eyes.
"Not yet, no." Emma sweetly kisses her pouting lips, reassuring her that there's no reason for such an expression.
"What do you say we take this to the bedroom?" She proposes suggestively.
"I'd love that." Regina nods excitedly, capturing her lover's lips as well.
They wetly kiss for another minute.
Then they both get up, grab their clothes from the floor and make their way upstairs and to the master bedroom.
"Hmmm come here you." Pale arms pull Regina's hot body in for an intimate hug.
Her penis is still erect and the need is still scorching through her veins.
Regina, just as excited and horny, happily obliges.
Letting Emma kiss, suck and even bite her neck. She groans and she whimpers until she's ready to initiate the next chapter of the night.
Her left hand reaches down between their bodies so she can slowly jerk off the small pole between her girlfriend's legs.
It's sticky and slippery with both of their juices causing for her excitement to reach yet a new level.
She exhales loudly, smiles and sports a dirty look in her eyes. The best kid of dirty though.
So amazing it's nearly hypnotizing to the blonde.
"Take me from behind again." Regina hotly pleads against pink, kiss-swollen lips.
At first Emma's eyes shine with surprise until a pleased smirk spreads onto her features.
"Ask me again." She teasingly groans while deliciously pushing their bodies together.
Although they're still in a standing position, that doesn't stop Emma from kneading that amazing behind of Regina skilfully.
The girl's tight grip on her ass,
her hard dick against her body and the glint of pure want in her eyes makes Regina's breath hitch before she swallows and then bravely repeats herself.
"Please take me nice and hard from behind?"
"Oh but Miss Mills, of course. I will take you so good from behind, your pussy won't ever forget me." Emma so so sexily replies.
They're not just words but promises.
One last squeeze in that firm flesh beneath her fingers and then she grips Regina's hips and makes her turn around.
The older woman instantly follows her silent instructions and softly hums. She even nods… that's how very willing she is.
Emma's words ring loudly in her ears. They make her even hotter and wetter.
Entirely naked and on hands and knees, Regina crawls towards the middle of the bed. She's breathing hard and is completely drunk on lust and love.
Behind her, it takes Emma a couple of moments to gather herself.
The sight in front of her simply being so very overwhelmingly hot.
When Regina's obvious wetness is revealed and the way her pussy is swollen with want,
the twitching of the blonde's dick reminds her that there's no reason not to fully indulge in their togetherness right this instant.
So she too gets onto the bed and softly caresses her girlfriend's behind.
Her palms rubbing the soft flesh of her cheeks tenderly before she lets her hands trace along Regina's spine, softly teasing the woman.
Not touching her where she needs it most and enjoying the shivering, horny state of the older woman.
Not that Emma isn't equally horny.
Because she is. And because she is, the waiting must soon come to an end.
It's why her next move involves her putting her throbbing member against Regina's puffy lips.
"Oooh" Regina gasps at the suddenness of Emma's actions.
A beautiful smile spreads onto the girl's lips as she rubs herself up and down Regina's slit, pushing in just a little.
"Ready?" She grins.
She could have just nodded or said yes. A hum of consent would have sufficed even.
But instead of just confirming her readiness Regina actually pleads once again.
"Please." She literally says. A little whiny and breathless and it spurs Emma on to fulfill both of their needs immediately.
Pushing in, she can feel Regina's tightness grip at her shaft. Emma groans lowly. "Mmmm fuck baby."
They're both still but just for a moment before Emma starts to move again.
Slowly building up their pace.
Regina's head sinks down in the pillow. Her cheek is pressing down onto the soft feathers while her eyes slip closed.
Olive toned fingers grip the sheets tightly while she concentrates on nothing but Emma,
both of their pleasure and both their physical and emotional connection.
One of Emma's hands is lovingly stroking her lower back while the other is gripping at her left ass cheek to help guide the motion of their movements.
Emma's dick never fully leaves her girlfriend's drenched heat, of course.
But always almost, until she pushes back in. Stroking Regina so deliciously they're both rapidly nearing the edge of their pleasure.
This time together. Regina pushes back against Emma as she's now whimpering and crying out softly in tandem with the blonde's sighs, and moans.
"So close…" Emma urgently announces between clenched teeth.
And Regina pushes her pussy back even harder, wanting for the younger woman to feel as much and as good as possible.
Wanting to be the person to pull her over the edge and make her see stars. Always her.
Her own sex clenches wonderfully in that moment, announcing its own point of no return.
Wanting just that extra bit of stimulation for what promises to be an earth shattering orgasm,
Regina manages to squeeze her right arm in between her own thighs and skilfully rubs her slick clit.
Her wetness is soon running down her hand, the idea of being so horny only heightening her current state.
Catching up on her girlfriend's actions, Emma moans out loudly.
Finding it nothing short from gorgeous and the most sexy thing ever to realize Regina is touching herself.
"Fuck!" She groans. "That's right baby. Rub your beautiful clit hard for me! You're so hot! I think I'm gonna"
The need to moan keeps her from finishing that sentence but Regina's rhythmic whining turns into rushed pleads for Emma to blow her load.
"Oh Emma do it! Cum deep inside of me. I want it so badly. I want to feel you loose it when I cum. I'm gonna… Emma please. Fill me!"
Her needy though breathless and murmured request still couldn't be more clear.
So that's exactly what Emma does.
As soon as she feels Regina start to tense and then tremble, she too lets go and screams out exactly how amazing she feels releasing inside of her lover.
If you think that by now, uploading these kinds of M-rated scenes don't make me blush like the waves of hell anymore.
You're sorely mistaken.
Let me know what you think? Maybe? Please? :)