Chapter 13
Sunday 31stAugust 2014
I'm nervous as hell.
Mom is just about in tears as she stands with me out the front of the post office. We're standing with the rest of the group and their families, all of us waiting for the bus that will be taking us to our year at Heathstone Academy.
I'd been up most of last night finishing packing, having spent all of yesterday with Cloud. I feel so awkward looking at either of them, both only a meter away from me. My mixed feelings for them both are leaving me reeling each and every time they so much as glance my way.
With Luca I feel intensely embarrassed yet at the same time wanting to check my reflection to make sure I look okay, leaving me a blubbering mess. Cloud, on the other hand, is so gentle and sweet, and I feel comfortable around him even if his soft kisses are enough to turn my legs to jelly.
I have no idea what I'm going to do about it, but I have a feeling things will resolve themselves with time.
The bus arrives and Mom wraps me in a bear hug. "I'm going to miss you so much, honey," she whispers in my ear. I hug her back, still a little uncertain with her but forcing myself to try to make her feel better.
"I'll call whenever I can," I promise her, stooping to collect my suitcases as she releases me.
"You'd better," she threatens weakly, her voice choked with tears.
I hand my suitcases to the driver, who is loading the undercarriage of the bus. He gestures me towards the door, indicating that I get on.
After giving Mom one last, lingering hug, I follow Mai onto the bus, thinking that I'll probably sit next to her.
Cloud clearly has other plans, however, because as I'm drawing level with his seat – heart fluttering with nerves at seeing him after yesterday – he grabs hold of my hand and pulls me past his legs and into the seat next to him.
Mai looks behind her, confused as to where I'd gone, a slow grin spreading over her face when she sees who I'm now sitting next to. She winks at me and continues on her way down the aisle.
"Hey," Cloud greets me, a cheeky smile on his face.
"Hi," I reply, laughing. When we first met I got the impression that he's a fairly closed off, reluctant person, but now here is this bright, charming guy. The difference is startling. I'm glad I've gotten to know him enough for him to open up to me. It makes me happy knowing I have someone like him in my life, whether we're on kissing terms or not.
"Did you sleep well?" he asks casually, keeping a casual eye on who is still boarding the bus.
I deliberate telling him the dreams I had about vicious wolves and beautiful moss green eyes morphing into piercing emerald ones. Probably best not to bring any of that up. "Not really. I was pretty nervous about today and it took a while to fall asleep." That's definitely true enough.
He looks at me, a cute little crease between his eyebrows, not quite a frown. I can tell he's worried, so I twist my fingers through his and squeeze his hand, smiling up at him. He seems a little placated, but I know he's not going to forget about it.
As I look back toward the front of the bus, Luca appears in the doorway. Our eyes meet immediately and an awkward tension shoots through me, a feeling like I'm betraying him. I shove the emotion aside as quickly as it rears its ugly head, but as Luca's eyes drift to Cloud next to me, then to our entwined fingers, my heart falls into my stomach.
I can't read his expression, but as he completely ignores us both as he passes, he doesn't exactly look happy. I feel guilty, and I'm not entirely sure why. It's not like he and I are together – and neither am I with Cloud, technically – so there's nothing stopping me from holding hands with someone else.
This is getting confusing. If I'd been sitting alone, I would have no doubt spent the next five hours dwelling on every moment of that horrid encounter. But Cloud, who's been oblivious to the whole exchange as he fiddles with his iPod with his free hand, is the perfect person to share a long trip with.
"Wanna share?" he asks lifting an earbud up, indicating he's talking about music.
"Sure," I tell him, pushing aside my cringe over using someone else's earphones.
As it turns out, we have a fairly similar taste in music, and as the bus starts and we begin the journey, we find ourselves in a deep conversation about the group All Time Low.
I think fell asleep somewhere along the way, because I open my eyes to the sun high in the sky and the view outside completely changed. We're still in the mountains, but we are much higher up, the view out the left side of the bus is completely open air as we follow the winding road.
"Holy shit," I whisper, well and truly awed. The view of tree tops and other mountains is amazing, the million different shades of early autumn turning everything into a spectacular palette of oranges, greens and blues.
"We're almost there," Cloud tells me softly. "You've been asleep for a few hours." He has that concerned look again, and again I take hold of his hand to try to comfort him.
"I can't believe how beautiful it is," I say, turning back to look out the window.
"I know what you mean. Kind of surreal, isn't it?" I can't tell what the emotion in his voice is, and when I look at him, his expression is just as unreadable. After a moment he smiles softly and any trace of that unknown emotion is gone.
Opening my messenger bag, which is doubling as my overnight bag, I make sure I haven't dropped anything.
Pushing aside my sketchbook and pencil case, I dig through the underwear and pj's, making sure I have my toiletry bag and make up case. I barely ever use make up, but I'm of a mind to ask Mai for lessons on how to use it properly.
I blush slightly as I realize a pair of my underwear is showing just as I remember Cloud is sitting right beside me. They aren't anything special by any stretch of the imagination, but it makes me think of the much more revealing underwear I have in my suitcase under the bus.
I try stopping my brain from leaping on to its next thought, but obviously it isn't going to be listening to me today.
Will we ever be intimate enough that he would see them?
Disgusted with myself for jumping a thousand steps ahead, I close my bag and clutch it to my chest. Now I'm mortified at my own thoughts on top of being nervous about being literally around the corner from my new school.
"We'll have the rest of today to get settled in and look around, then tomorrow is orientation and more time to explore, then Tuesday we start classes," Cloud tells me, completely unaware of my internal battle with myself.
"What are the classes like?" I ask, suddenly curious about something I haven't really thought of before.
"Most of them are pretty much the same as any other school – you'll find out all of that tomorrow. There are a few classes that you wouldn't find at most schools, and I can't wait to see your face when you find that out." He grins at me, tugging on a loose strand of my hair.
All I do is shoot him a dirty look, as I fight to not react to his touch. I mean, god that boy looks damn good with his hair all mussed and sexy. Yet again I have to remind myself that I shouldn't be attracted to him at all, considering the confused feelings I still have for his brother. I can barely even admit to myself that Cloud might be the reason for bringing the lacy underwear and shiny high heels innocently sitting in my suitcases.
A few minutes later, we're passing through a pair of giant wrought-iron gates along a wide paved driveway. "This is known as the Path of Warriors, because of the warrior men and women almost a hundred years ago who were going off to war and lined up on the stairs of the castle and marched all the way through here and down the mountain. A few decades of romanticizing war gave it its name." He rolls his eyes, clearly not a fan.
Tall oaks stand on either side of the driveway in neat rows, their leaves awesome orange hues, making me itch to paint them. They stretch on for what seems to be miles, and by the time they open out onto a sweeping circular driveway, I'm hooked. A huge elaborate fountain stands in the middle of the space, cascading sparkling water and sending spray up into the air.
The main building is gorgeous, to say the least, and it awes me completely. The sweeping, three-story tall former-castle, has climbing vines slowly taking over its walls, merely adding to the enchanting feel of it all. I see the roofs of a couple other buildings further back on either side, and my curiosity is peaked.
There are already a couple of other buses parked around the circle, with kids waiting to collect their luggage. I turn to Cloud. "How many other kids go here?" I ask, surprised.
He shrugs. "Hard to tell because it changes every year, but maybe a couple hundred. Some of them drive up to nine hours to get here."
Impressive. Who would have thought that there could be so many teenagers in America who could turn into huge furry wolves?
The bus comes to a halt behind one of the others and the driver indicates that everyone can get off. I wait for Cloud to get up first and when he does he clasps my hand to pull me out behind him. Tingles shoot up my arm and I blush. I find myself glancing around to see if anyone notices, but they're all making sure they have their stuff.
We jump off the bus and Cloud lets go of my hand to go grab his bags. I'm kind of relieved. I'm not even sure what's happening between us, and I definitely do not want others throwing in their opinions.
I collect my suitcases, turning down Cloud's offer to carry one for me. Waiting for everyone else to get their luggage is nerve-wreaking. I can feel the stares of people from the other buses as they no doubt assess every inch of me. There's probably a big floating sign above my head saying that I don't belong here.
Caius and Acacia are new here also, and you can just tell by looking at them that they're just as nervous as me. It makes me feel a little better, knowing I'm not the only one. Once I think about it I realize there will most likely be new students from other towns as well, and my stress levels lower a little more.
Walking up the marble steps to the foyer door, it's impossible not to feel like a princess who's coming home. "The original castle has stood on these grounds for hundreds of years, and was once owned by Lady Agatha Heathstone, who had the bright idea of turning it into a school for girls," Cloud tells me as he walks beside me. "It was passed down through the generations and was eventually changed to a girls and boys school, when things like that were popular. Then it became a super-secret private school for members of particular families and communities. The grounds are kept immaculate, no plant or vine left to grow unruly. Small pavilions are spaced around the gardens, allowing us to study outside if we want. They could be good as a picnic location, too, on a nice day."
He looks at me sideways, gauging my reaction. I flush. Is that supposed to be a subtle way of asking me on a date? I bite my lip. "Sounds magical," I say, picturing it in my head and wanting it very very much.
We step through the massive open oak doors into the foyer, and the inside is just as beautiful as the out; a mixture of modern and old, creating a space that you can love. It's going to be my new home for the next few years and I'm glad to see that I'm going to be surrounded by people I know and like, in a gorgeous place like this. I really can't ask for much more.
On either side of the foyer and straight ahead of us are matching oak doors to the ones we just came through. A huge sweeping staircase leads to an upper gallery hall, with doors at either end of that. Cloud continues his tour guide speech.
"To the left is the dining hall, with the bookstore and café on the other side, which can also be accessed from outside. On the right is the wing holding the classrooms, greenhouse and biology lab. Upstairs above the dining hall is the ballroom, for special occasions and formal-type things. Opposite on the right is the second story of classrooms, and on the final level above that is the teachers quarters and the headmistress' office."
So much to take in. Everything is fairly simple to follow, but I have a bad feeling that I might get lost. Cloud must have seen the worry on my face. "Don't worry, I'll draw you a map tonight and we'll have a proper look around after lunch." He smiles down at me and I feel comforted knowing he's looking out for me.
"So we just settle ourselves in?" I ask, not having seen one adult the entire time – other than the bus drivers.
He nods absentmindedly as we walk towards the doors directly ahead of us. "The older students are supposed to show the younger ones around, because usually we've all grown up together so it's easier for the teachers to just leave us to ourselves. They're generally pretty busy getting ready for the first week."
"That makes sense." I'm struggling a little with my suitcases, but I refuse to ask Cloud for help with them. Until I know exactly where we stand, I'm not going to act the damsel-in-distress to make him feel like the knight in shining armor. As tempting as it sounds, I'm going to stand firm in my resolve.
We step out the doors into sunlight again, and I'm once again overwhelmed by the beauty of the place. There's a single-story building that Cloud tells me is the library, study hall and post office, that sits in the middle of a huge courtyard that he says is where most students hang out after classes. I can see outdoor tables and chairs set up strategically around the place, and understand how it would be nice to sit outside and study on nice days.
"The girls' dorm is over there to the left," he says, pointing to where he meant. The edge of the two-story dorm building pokes out around the edge of the main one. "I'm not allowed in there, but Mai will be more than happy to show you around." Mai has just bounced up to us, having been off doing something while Cloud gave me the mini-tour. Her bags have disappeared, so I assume she's put them in her room already.
"We're gonna be roommates!" she squeals, smiling hugely as she hugs me one-sided. I'm relieved. I'd worried I'd be with one of the older girls who I'm still not really sure about. Or even worse: someone I don't know at all.
"Thank god," I say, laughing.
"Well I'm gonna go find my room," Cloud interjects before Mai says anything else. "Meet me back here in an hour for lunch?" He looks hopeful, making my heart flutter.
"See you then," I assure him as I let Mai drag me away. He heads in the opposite direction, off to another two-story building a bit further away.
The door to the dorm building is propped open, and I notice the keypad on the inside wall next to it. I ask Mai about it as she leads me through the main room to a reception desk on the far side.
"It's just for precaution," she tells me confidently. I'm not really sure what that means but I nod anyway.
An older woman looks up from behind the desk as we approach. Her cocked eyebrow makes me nervous, but Mai just smiles sweetly at her.
"This is Serenity Oaken," she tells the woman. I'm confused and about to ask what she's doing when I notice the woman flicking through a clipboard of names. Oh, this must be how they check in to make sure everyone's here.
"No problem, Maiara," the woman tells her, then directs her gaze at me, but continues talking to Mai. "Please ensure you instruct her in the dorm rules and procedures. If she gets into trouble, you will also be held accountable." I gulp as she fixes us both with a stern stare, then waves us off.
"Cool, let's go" Mai grabs hold of one of my suitcases and takes off again. The room is beginning to fill up slowly, and I accidently bump into two other girls who glare at me before I find myself in a near-empty corridor.
"We're on this floor, because we're only in grade two. The older girls get rooms upstairs," Mai tells me as we walk further, passing doors on both sides. They all have brass numbers nailed onto them, with a chrome letter afterwards.
"What number are we?" I ask.
"39S" she replies, basically skipping down the hall with my suitcase in tow.
Finally she comes to a halt in front of the right door. Opening it with a flourish, she beckons me inside.
The room is fairly simple, two king single beds (one on each side of the room), with a desk, tall boy and large chest of drawers each, there's basically everything we need.
Mai's stuff – two suitcases, her huge backpack, and her handbag – had been tipped onto the bed on the left, so I figure she'd claimed that as hers. I can't say I mind, seeing as both are exactly the same.
"Welcome to casa Oaken-Hughes," she announces dramatically, lifting my suitcase onto what is going to be my bed for the year. "This room is bigger than the one I had last year by myself."
I'm glad that Mai is such a chatter-box; I don't think I could've maintained a conversation at the moment if she wasn't. Minimal effort on my behalf is required, so I just nod or say "Oh okay" when necessary.
"We're allowed to decorate the rooms however we want – to a certain extent, of course. There are already a couple hooks in the walls and the cork boards above the desks are for pinning stuff to. I got some tacks for both of us from the front desk when I signed in, so help yourself." And so the pattern of the next hour went; both of us unpacking while Mai gave me a mixture of useful information and stuff I probably could have lived without knowing.
Suddenly I hear my phone ding with a message and I know who it is without checking. "Crap, I was supposed to meet Cloud," I groan, opening the text.
Cloud: You still coming?
Mai is staring at me when I look up. "What?" I ask.
She smirks. "You and Cloud seem to be getting pretty close," she says slyly.
I blush and she gasps. "You guys have totally kissed haven't you!" When I don't answer and flush a deeper red, she arches an eyebrow at me. "You haven't, you know, have you?"
It takes me a moment to grasp what she's saying. I almost laugh. "No! We kissed twice, yesterday." I'm happy to confess to stop her from thinking we'd had sex already. "I don't even know where we stand… he hasn't asked me out, but he keeps saying all this stuff that makes me think that he might."
Mai gives me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "I kinda know how you feel. There's this guy who was in my classes here last year who I was getting pretty close to and I had the biggest crush on, but he never asked me out or anything so I stopped hanging out with him." She shrugs. "But, if you give me a couple days of observing you guys together, I'll tell you exactly what his intentions are."
I frown at her. "How could you possibly be able to tell just from watching us?"
"It's all about the body language. I'll explain later, you have a non-date to attend," she says, cackling when I scrunch my face up at her.
As we pass through the front door of the dorm, I remember the keypad. "Don't I need to know the code for that?" I asked.
"Oh that, there." She digs in her pocket and passes me a piece of paper, cut neatly into a rectangle, with a seven-digit number typed onto it. "I've already memorized it, so keep it."
I try committing it to memory but give up and shove it in my back pocket as we reach Cloud, who's sitting at one of the outdoor tables just outside the library doors.
He looks up as we draw closer. There's relief on his face for a moment before his expression is wiped clean again. "I almost thought you were going to stand me up," he says jokingly as he stands.
"Sorry about that," Mai interjects before I can say anything. "That was my fault, chattering her ear off." She laughs, and Cloud and I exchange smiles.
"So. Food?" he asks. I nod enthusiastically; I hadn't eaten breakfast that morning, having been too nervous to eat.
We head off towards the outside doors into the café. "Normally we would have all our meals from the cafeteria in the dining hall, but because most of the students today will be arriving closer to dinner, they have a lunch selection set up in the café, instead," Mai informs me as we cross the courtyard.
As we enter, I almost duck behind Mai to hide before taking control of myself. Luca and the rest of the boys, along with Reina, are already here looking through the lunch selections. There are a few other students, but it's Luca who had provoked the flight response in me. Our kiss still flits through my mind occasionally, but I try to push it aside each time.
I still feel so much guilt each time I see him – particularly when I'm with Cloud – and I want to avoid that feeling at all costs. Thankfully, Luca is too focused on choosing something to eat that I don't think he even notices me.
"What do you feel like having?" Cloud asks, and a tingle goes through me when our hands brush.
"Uhm…"