Chapter 14

Sunday 31stAugust 2014

"So, dinner tonight will be pretty formal, probably the most it ever gets here," Mai tells me as she opens the door of our dorm. "School uniform is required, and our best behavior because the headmistress will be there. Sometimes people skip dinner, preferring to take something back to their rooms or whatever, but tonight we don't get that option: the headmistress – Tatiana Hennington – is really particular about things. Thankfully this is the one night of the year that she eats with us, though."

Listening carefully and trying to absorb every detail possible, I almost miss my phone beeping with a message. I lunge for it, my heart in my throat. Mom's face lights up the screen and I'm ashamed with myself for the disappointment that courses through me. I know what had me so sad, but I don't want to dwell on it.

Swiping the screen, I answer the call. "Hey Mom."

"Serenity! You said you were going to call once you got there." She sounds worried. I close my eyes against the guilt.

"Sorry. I was looking around and hanging out with Cloud and Mai. I got distracted." My voice sound disconnected and empty. Out of the corner of my eye I see Mai looking at me carefully. I turn away from her. "I didn't mean to worry you."

There's a pause, and I can hear muffled voices on the other line, followed by Mom shushing them. "That's okay, as long as you got there safely," she says, her voice cracking slightly. "I'm glad we got to have your birthday party, though."

My heart lurches. My seventeenth birthday. The Day of Doom, as I've decided to call it. "It's okay, I'm sure you'll make up for it at Christmas." Mom always goes overboard for Christmas, and I can't wait to see her work her magic on our new house. She'd be busy for weeks decorating the huge building.

After a few more awkward sentiments, we hang up.

"Is it always like that between you?" Mai asks softly, reminding me of Cloud's similar question a couple days ago.

I think for a moment. No, it's not always like this. It's only been this way ever since I found out that after my birthday I'd be able to sprout fur and chase after little bunny rabbits. Enough to put a damper on anyone's relationship, if you ask me.

My answering shrug quietens her and we both change in silence.

Fifteen minutes later we file into the dining hall and I try my best not to directly look at anyone I don't know. It's hard enough that I don't know the difference between those who are in the upper classes, and those I'd be sharing my classes with.

Mai leads us to the second table from the door (and second furthest from the food), which already has a smattering of students seated at it.

"There's a lot more people than I expected," I whisper to Mai as we sit across from each other.

"Yeah, not all of them are full-blooded wolves." Seeing my confused frown she shakes her head. "I'll explain later," she says and turns her attention to her phone.

So I sit amidst the chattering and laughter, perhaps gripping my knife handle a bit too tightly, willing it to be over. There're five short tables. Each one is supposed to be for the different study levels, but Mai told me earlier that not a lot of people pay attention to that after the first night.

The twenty-ish staff members are seated at their own tables, and I assume they're part of the humans-who-can-turn-into-wolves population, but it's pretty impossible for me to tell when I myself haven't even turned yet. I have no idea which one (if any) of them is the headmistress, and I don't want to ask. I'm getting enough curious looks from other students as it is.

I feel warm suddenly and glancing to my side I see Cloud. My breath catches in my throat as his soft green eyes meet mine as he walks past. I feel like collapsing when he winks at me, and can't do anything but stare at him, dumbfounded. We'd been apart for all of half an hour and the first time we see each other again I'm left mentally comatose? Wonderful.

He does look quite delicious in his school uniform, white shirt straining against the muscles in his arms and back… I bite my lip, desire blossoming in my abdomen.

A sharp pain in my leg brings my attention back to the present. Looking around to see Mai glaring at me, I realize what had happened. "You kicked me!" I accuse, shocked.

"Yes, because you are just about drooling," she says, sniggering.

Flushing bright red, I promptly ignore her. She grins at me, but as her eyes are drawn over my shoulder, I forget my anger. Glancing once again to my left, this time I lock eyes with Luca. Piercing green eyes so unlike his brother's, they bore into mine. But when he looks away without so much as a smile, I feel like the ground under me has disappeared.

When has Luca ever not smirked at me? I stare at his back, my earlier thoughts forgotten. Did I do something? I shake off the idea. He isn't my problem to solve. I keep my eyes fixed on my plate after that.

A few minutes later and the smell of food coming from the cafeteria side of the hall is making the basket of bread rolls in the center of the table more enticing by the second. I'm just considering grabbing one when a woman strolls through the doors from the foyer. Her heels click on the stone floor, an imperious air around her, she heads straight for the dais on which the staff tables are. Standing there staring out at us, I gulp.

She looks so intimidating. Her iron-straight black pencil shirt with silken white shirt tucked into it is about as commanding yet stylish as it gets, and she wears it like a queen.

"Good evening, everyone," she speaks, her voice travelling clearly through the great room. "I can see there are many new faces here this evening, and whilst it warms my heart, I am still weighed down by the unfortunate reason as to why you are here. While many of you have dealt with your conditions bravely and with a degree of matureness some might envy, there are others who struggle every single day to keep a grasp on their normal lives. I have unlimited pride in all of you."

I glance around. Absolutely every single pair of eyes is fixed on her, unblinking. She speaks like she's from another era, and I can't help but feel an almost grudging respect for this woman. I wonder how I'd be if I were in her shoes. The only mental image I can produce is a younger version of the woman before me, wearing jeans and stumbling over her own feet.

I have to slap a hand to my mouth to stop myself from laughing. Thankfully everyone is too absorbed to notice.

"Now, I know you must all be famished, so I won't keep you any longer." With that, Tatiana turns crisply and joins the other staff at their table.

There's a fluster of motion at the table furthest from us as everyone at it stands and makes their way to the food warmers. No one else moves. I see Avery, Mason and Reina up getting their food as well.

"The kids in Grade five get their food first," Mai explains, fiddling with her napkin, bored. "So we have to wait." She sighs deeply.

Looks like she's not going to be much of a companion tonight, I think to myself. But then I remember what she said this afternoon.

"Did you get enough time to 'evaluate' me and Cloud this afternoon?" I ask, hoping she isn't going to blow me off with some cryptic answer.

I see her visibly brighten. "Oh, yes! He has so got it bad for you," she says, grinning. Apparently whatever had been bothering her is now forgotten.

"Are you sure?" I glance over to the next table where Cloud sits. He's laughing at something Jesse is telling him, and my heart melts to hear the sound. Suddenly he looks up and our eyes meet.

Warmth floods me, and I know my face is bright red, but I can't look away.

"This is exactly what I mean," Mai remarks and my eyes snap back to her. "I feel like I need to leave the room whenever you guys look at each other."

I roll my eyes at her, but inside I feel light as a feather. Could she be right? "It's not that dramatic," I say.

She raises her eyebrows at me. "Are you denying that you want to jump him every time he smiles at you?" She grins slyly at me.

I narrow my eyes at her and refuse to respond. Thankfully it's now our turn to join the other second graders in getting food. The walk past the other tables is nerve-wracking, and I make myself look straight ahead; I've had enough of eye contact for tonight.

Sitting back at the table with my lasagna in front of me, I can finally swipe a couple of the bread rolls that have been taunting me. I bite into one and almost moan at how soft and fluffy they are. I've never in my whole life had bread that good. Having a forkful of lasagna, I find that that's equally delicious.

"To be honest, I thought the food wouldn't be this great," I inform Mai, who's rather daintily picking at her roast chicken and salad.

She snorts, bemused. "I thought the same thing, trust me. The cooks here know what they're doing, that's for sure."

The rest of dinner is mostly silent, Mai clearly absorbed in her thoughts. I don't entirely mind: it gives me the chance to discreetly stare at my other classmates. They all look normal, and there doesn't seem to be much difference between those in my grade and those in their last year, aside from age and height.

The kids in Grades four and five are a little louder than the rest, and have more muscles, but again that could just be their age. It seems I'm not going to get much information out of just looking, so it seems my best bet is actually asking someone.

One glance at Mai tells me I'm not going to get much help from her: she's texting someone on her phone. I'm mildly surprised that there aren't rules against that kind of thing, but I suppose that because of the nature of this school they give some leniency to their students.

Besides, Mai hasn't turned yet, and to get the answers I need, I'm going to have to ask someone who knows from first-hand experience what it's like. It's out of the question to ask anyone I don't know – I'm not that comfortable here yet – and my aversion to most members of our group leaves me with one choice.

It's not a conversation I particularly want to have with Cloud, but out of anyone he'd be the most honest and forthright about it.

"What happens after dinner?" I ask Mai, hoping I'm not going to have to have this conversation over text.

"We get about a couple hours to ourselves to study and do whatever, then it's off to our rooms like good little children," she replies, still texting away. I wish I could tell who she's talking to, but a quick glance around the room tells me most of the students are on their phones.

Pulling out my phone, I find Cloud's number and type out a quick message.

Serenity: Meet me outside after dinner?

My heart leaps into my mouth when I get an almost instantaneous reply.

Cloud: Of course. You OK?

Serenity: Yeah. Just want to talk

Twenty minutes later, I've polished off my food and sit there nervously, trying to work out exactly what I'm going to say to Cloud. I'd expected the headmistress to say something before leaving, but her and the other teachers just leave without saying a word.

"They really let us do whatever, don't they?" I remark to no one in particular.

"Pretty much," Mai replies as we file out of the hall, through the foyer and out into the cool night air. "Aren't you coming?" she asks when she notices that I'm not following her back to the dorm. I'd stopped under the shadow of the great oak tree in the corner of the courtyard.

"Uh, no. I'm meeting with Cloud." The blush spreading like wildfire across my face makes her laugh.

"You've got it bad, don't you? Just make sure you're back in before nine, otherwise you'll be locked out," she warns.

I nod and watch her retreating back, wrapping my arms around myself to ward off the cold. For autumn, it sure gets cold at night up here in the mountains. I'm just hoping that I'd brought pajamas when a warm arm drapes itself over my shoulders and I'm looking up into familiar moss green eyes.

"Hey," Cloud says softly.

My heart racing, I bite my lip. "Hey." I'm glad the shadows hide most of my blush, but my heart hammering in my chest is just about audible in the quiet.

"What did you want to talk about?" he asks, leading me to the bench seat next to the trunk of the tree. It's out of the wind, but I'm still glad when he sits as close to me as possible.

Here goes nothing, I suppose. "I just had some questions about the… wolf thing."

He seems a little surprised (it's hard to tell in the dark) and I wonder what he had been expecting.

Almost as though he can read my thoughts, I get my answer. "Can't say I was expecting that," he says, chuckling to himself. The sound makes me shiver, and his arm almost unconsciously tightens around me. "I thought you wanted to ask me about yesterday."

Yesterday? The memory of his lips on mine flashes through my mind. More than anything I want that to happen again.

When I don't answer, he continues. "I'm sorry about that, too. I didn't mean to push you or anything." It's his turn to blush. My fingers itch to touch his face, brush the hair out of his eyes, trace the outline of his lips…

"You didn't push me. I – I wanted it, trust me." Oh man, this conversation is not going at all the way I planned. This boy has a real knack for side-tracking me.

"Best thing I've heard all day," he whispers and I realize he's suddenly incredibly close.

My phone buzzes suddenly with a message. I blush, withdrawing from the close-proximity to check it. It's a text from Mai, reminding me I have a lot to do tomorrow and not to stay out for too long.

"So, your question?" And just like that our kiss is pushed aside.

Gathering my thoughts, I stare up at the starry sky through the branches of the oak. "What is it like, turning for the first time?"

It takes him a moment to answer, but when he speaks his voice is quiet and reflective. "I knew it was coming, and I was scared shitless. Luca had had his turn the year before, and didn't have the best experience with it. He told me what it was like, and I was so scared that it was going to be painful for me, too. But other than Reina, the others had fairly painless experiences as I soon found out."

I try to imagine it, a slightly younger version of the guy sitting beside me, living in fear of the day he has to go through the same thing he'd seen his older brother go through. The image my mind produces makes me feel sad.

"We never did talk about… us," he whispers. I shiver as he leans over and his lips brush against my the skin of my neck as he speaks.

I tilt my head to the side to allow him easier access. "What about us?" I breathe, totally absorbed in the feeling of his mouth. I can't help the disappointment I feel as he lifts his head again to meet my eyes.

"I don't want it to feel as though we're just messing around, or as though I'm using you." He's serious, the green of his eyes darker than usual. My breath catches in my throat. Is he going to ask what I think he's going to? His eyes lower, like he's shy all of a sudden, and I find myself amazed by how thick and long his pale eyelashes are.

Do I want this? I think about how gentle he is, treating me like a delicate flower. His quiet politeness and sense of humor… and our kisses. What more could I possibly want? My mind flashes unbidden to Luca and our all-but-forgotten kiss in the cabin. NO, I tell myself firmly. Luca was nothing more than a fantasy, and the only reason we ever kissed was because both of us had been drinking.

"Yeah?" I prompt softly, but my heart starts to fall when I see in his face that he's holding back.

"I just wanted to make sure you knew."

I'm enveloped with his hug and any misgivings that may have been lingering in my mind vanish completely.

Returning to my room half an hour later, I'm giddy. Cloud and I had sat and talked until the last possible moment, and even then I know we had barely scraped the top. There's a lot we don't know about each other, but I know it's going to be fun in the process.

Mai accosts me the second I step through the door. "Did he ask you?" she demands.

I stand there and blink up at her. I come up blank when I try to work out what she's talking about. "Huh?"

She rolls her eyes. "Don't be obtuse. Did he ask you out or not?"

Oh. I almost laugh at myself. Of course she'd been watching us: our bedroom window looks out over the courtyard.

I try to keep my face neutral but I obviously fail when her mouth drops open in shock. "Oh. My. Gosh. He didn't?" Then she hugs me and I fight the urge to go and hide under my bed. Suddenly she grabs my hands and drags me over to her bed to sit down. "What exactly did he say?"

I sigh. This is going to be a long night.