Note: chapter title from "cosmic love" by florence + the machine.

7. you left me in the dark

… … …

Between his talk with Matt last week and the way Caroline's been eyeing him lately, Stefan feels like he needs to regain some sense of control over the situation, and the only way he can think to do that is to talk to Caroline. He needs to let her know that he's not okay with the way things are going, that he won't be the reason she throws away her relationship. (He's giving himself a little too much credit, but judging by his conversation with Matt, he might not be that far off the mark.)

So he approaches her at her locker on Monday morning, and she looks up, sends him a flirty smile. "Mr. Salvatore," she croons. "What a pleasant surprise."

He can't help but smirk back at her. "Listen," he starts. "We need to talk."

"Ooh, sounds ominous," she teases. "You're so serious all the time, Stefan. Lighten up a little. You've got a great smile."

"You need to back off, Caroline," he insists, and she recoils. He feels bad for a second, but it seems that she responds best to harsh reality, so he's not gonna sugarcoat it for her. "You need to stop with the flirting and make things right with Matt."

She scoffs. "Like you have any idea what's going on in my relationship with Matt." She slams her locker door shut, turns to face him. "What makes you think this little flirtation we've got going means anything at all to me? You're not special, Stefan. This is just how I am."

She's right. It is just how she is, but she's also lying, because he can tell he hurt her feelings, so he just ignores her jabs at him. "He really loves you," he reminds her, because she already knows. "Trust me. You don't wanna mess that up."

"You give yourself way too much credit, Salvatore," she sneers. "Like I'm gonna throw away a relationship like this one on an asshole like you."

He holds his hands up in defeat. "You can say whatever you want, but you and I both know you've got one foot out the door. It's obvious to anyone who pays close enough attention, and you either need to make things right or break it off. Either way, what you're doing isn't fair to Matt. Or yourself."

She looks up at him then, and the ice in her eyes melts ever so slightly. Their eyes lock for a few seconds, and he watches her face carefully, notices the resignation and sadness he sees there. He knows that she knows he's right, and it sucks.

Then, in a split second, her face hardens again. "Fine. You've said your piece," she says haughtily. "I'm done listening to this. You can go now."

He turns and walks in the other direction, tries to catch his breath. The way their eyes locked… it was like he could see straight down into her soul, and she could see straight into his. He could see every insecurity, every damaged reason why she treats guys the way she does. He thinks he's been able to see right through her from the start. She's been burned before, and she just wants someone to understand, someone to remind her that she's worth it. She doesn't need it - that's obvious to him, too - but she wants it. She craves it. He finds himself wondering if he could be the one to give that to her, if things were different. But they're not, and she's Caroline Forbes and he's Stefan Salvatore, and there really isn't a world in which those two names go together. So he keeps on walking and doesn't look back.

… … …

When Damon gets to the tutoring center on Monday afternoon, the first thing he notices are the bags under Elena's eyes. She looks like she hasn't gotten a good night's sleep all weekend. In fact, now that he's studying her face, she looks distraught. She's chewing on her nails and staring off into space; she hasn't even noticed him standing there, staring at her.

"Elena."

She practically jumps out of her skin, then forces a smile when she finally looks up at him. "Oh, hey. Ready to get started?"

"Sure." He eyes her as he sits down across from her. "Are you okay?"

She looks over at him, meets his eyes, and her shoulders collapse in on her body. "No," she admits. "I'm really not. I've been worried about Stefan all weekend."

He furrows his brow. "What's wrong with Stefan?"

"Your dad ambushed him after the game on Friday," she says. "You didn't know? He came to the party complaining about how his shoulder was hurting."

Now Damon remembers. "Yeah, they got into it last Friday, too. Dad shoved him a little too hard into the door frame in the kitchen."

Her eyes widen. "You just let him do that?"

"What was I supposed to do, Elena? Retaliation only makes things worse." She stares him down, at he stares right back at her. "Stefan's a big boy. He can take care of himself. I've been doing it for years. We both have."

Elena stares at him for a long moment before she lets out a long breath and runs her hand down her face. "Will you just… tell me if anything else happens? I made him promise, but he's never the first one to ask for help when he really needs it."

He wants to roll his eyes, but she wouldn't be asking him if she wasn't truly worried. "Fine, I'll keep an eye on baby bro," he concedes. He watches her for a moment, notices again how she spaces out, stares off into space like she's completely preoccupied. "Hey." She looks over at him. "I have an idea."

"That doesn't sound good."

"Let's just blow off tutoring today," he suggests.

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, right. You're doing better, but not that good."

"Not for me," he chuckles. "For you. You look like you could use a chance to let off some steam. Let's go do something fun."

"Like what?" she asks, but she's already packing her stuff in her backpack. "We're trying to keep this thing a secret, remember? We can't just go out for pizza or something."

"Let's just drive," he suggests. "We can find something a few towns over. And even if we don't, at least we'll just get out of here for a little while."

He watches as she mulls it over, then smirks as she sighs in defeat. "Fine. My head's too fuzzy to teach you anything, anyway. But you're driving."

He doesn't mind that so much, he thinks as he looks over at her, riding shotgun in his Camaro. With the top down, her long hair flies out behind her, and she props her feet up on the dash, smiles as the wind hits her face. They don't talk much; there really isn't much to say. They just drive and drive and drive until it gets dark, and he doesn't even know what town they're in, but she doesn't protest when he pulls into a gravel lot outside a carnival. There must be some kind of special event going on, but they don't bother to ask.

"You still suck at skee-ball," he comments with a smirk, sipping on his slushie.

She punches his arm with her free hand, and he laughs. "It's no secret that you have more athletic ability than I do." He bought her a corn dog as a consolation price after he kicked her ass at both skee-ball and the ring toss game, and she takes a bite of it now. "It's not a fair fight."

"You're just mad because I've won at every game so far."

"My god," she laughs. "How could I have forgotten about your competitive streak?"

"It's part of my charm," he smirks.

He watches as she scarfs down her corn dog, laughs when she almost drops her drink all over the ground. He'd honestly forgotten how much fun they used to have together, but he's definitely gotten a nice reminder tonight. She's adorable when she lets loose. She's so much different with him here than she is at school; she's playful and relaxed and she just looks happy. He remembers a time when getting her to smile was he and Stefan's collective goal every day, and he loves that her smiles come so freely now. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's her.

Not for the first time, he wonders what Stefan would think if he saw them together. He knows they're just friends, but he's never quite been able to get a read on what Stefan's true feelings for Elena are. Is he secretly in love with her? Does he think of her like a sister? He always thought he would get his answer when Stefan finally made a move, but he hasn't, and Damon's curious. (He also just kind of wants to know how much competition he's facing, but he's getting ahead of himself.)

That brings him to another question he's been wanting to ask her all night. "Can I ask you something?" She nods as she sips her drink, so he continues. "Why are you so afraid of Stefan knowing about this?"

"Is that a joke?" she laughs. "This is Stefan we're talking about."

"Come on, I'm serious," he insists. "I really don't get it."

She veers to the right and takes a seat at a nearby bench, and he sits down next to her, watching her expectantly. "When everything… changed, all those years ago," she starts, "Stefan was really hurt for a while. He felt like you just cast him aside, like you just forgot about him." Damon wants to interject, but he doesn't really know what he'd say, so he keeps his mouth shut. "I think he feels that he and I have this pact. Like there's solidarity between us because we were both on the same side at the time. He would feel so betrayed if he knew I was helping you out this way, after everything that's happened."

"But things are better between us now," Damon reasons. "They're not great, but they're better. You really think he'd still be pissed off about it?"

"It wouldn't be so much about you now," she concedes. "It would be more about me, that I've been going behind his back and lying to him for weeks. I don't know if he would ever forgive me if he knew." She sighs. "He's my best friend, Damon. He's the only one who's been by my side through absolutely everything." Okay, that one hurts. "I don't want to hurt him, but…"

He waits for her to finish. "But…"

"But now that I know the truth…" she looks over at him, meets his eyes. "It's getting harder for me to keep my mouth shut, you know? There's so much that he doesn't know, so many things that could change his mind."

"But if you tell him part of it, then you have to tell him everything," Damon fills in.

"Exactly," she agrees. "And I don't know how to do that without ruining everything."

He doesn't know why he turned the conversation in this heavy direction, especially since the whole point of this was to take her mind off things, so he decides he's done with this discussion. "It's okay," he smirks, standing from the bench and pulling her with him. "I don't mind being your dirty little secret."

The sound of her laugh is music to his ears, and the way she links her arm with his as they head for the exit makes his stomach turn over a little bit. He's right back to being twelve again, like a fucking middle schooler with a crush who will make a fool out of himself just to impress a girl, and he kind of wants to punch himself in the face for it. But as they drive back into town and she sings along with the radio at the top of her lungs, she looks over and gives him a little smile, and he knows he's a goner.

… … …

"You can't do that!"

"You can too! This is the way we've always played!"

"Well, it's wrong, and I won't be an accomplice to cheating!"

"This is the way we've always played Uno, Stefan," Jenna laughs, standing up from where they're all sitting around the kitchen table to refill the bowl of chips. "You can play a card after a draw two, but you can't after a draw four."

"This is definitely not in the rule manual," Stefan huffs. "You're all cheaters. How did I not realize this before?"

"Dude," Jeremy laughs. "You need to chill out. It's just a damn game."

Elena smiles from the other side of the table where she's holding her little nephew. She looks down at him, lets him wrap his little fist around her finger as he snoozes in her arms. Baby Grayson took longer than they thought to get here, but he was so worth waiting for. She knows she's a goner every time he looks up at her with his big green eyes, or gives her that little gummy grin (she's pretty sure it's just gas, but it's cute no matter which way you spin it). When Jeremy and Anna showed up to surprise her for dinner tonight, she let everyone else hold the baby before her so that she could hog him for the rest of the night. Plus, she figures introducing a new baby is the perfect opportunity to take Stefan's mind off of things, and to subtly make up for her little adventure with Damon the other night.

It's not that she didn't have fun with Damon, because she did. She loved seeing that side of him again, the fun, carefree side that reminds her of when they were kids and he didn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders. She loved the reminder that he really is the same Damon she knew way back when. But she wasn't lying when she told him that knowing the truth, knowing what's really going on, makes it a thousand times harder for her to keep her mouth shut. And she feels unbearably guilty knowing that while Stefan is going through everything, she's goofing off and sneaking around with Damon.

"You're a million miles away tonight," he comments as they sit in the living room a while later, after Jeremy and Anna have taken baby Grayson home and Jenna and Alaric decided to call it a night. They've got old Friends reruns playing with the TV muted while they chat.

"I've been worried about you," she says, although she knows that's not the real reason for her distraction. It is true, though. "I've hardly seen you these past few days."

"I told you, it's fine," Stefan insists. "He's not like that all the time. Not unless I give him a reason to be."

"Don't do that," she says sternly. "Do not blame this on yourself. It's not your fault he can't seem to manage his anger without hurting you."

"It's not that dramatic," he chuckles. "I know you're worried, and I love you for that, but stop. I can handle it, I promise." She opens her mouth to respond, but he quickly changes the subject. "I talked to Caroline today."

"Oh, yeah?" She decides she'll bite. "What did you talk about?"

"Mostly I just told her to back off and make things right with Matt," he shrugs. "Did I tell you he came up to me last week and asked me what was going on between us?"

"No!" She whacks his arm. "How could you have not told me that?! He really asked you what was going on?"

"Straight up." Stefan ducks to avoid another whack. "I think he really genuinely cares about her, and he's afraid she's got one foot out the door, which we all know she does. I felt bad for the guy, so I took it up with her."

"Did you tell her what he said?"

"No, I wouldn't do that," he says. "It's not my place. But I did tell her that he loves her, and she should either make it right with him or break it off, but it's not fair to string him along like this."

Elena nods. "Bonnie and I told her the same thing, last week. I wonder when she'll get up the nerve to finally make up her mind." She rolls her eyes. "I really don't understand that girl."

"Yeah, well, on top of that, Rebekah pretty much asked me out yesterday," Stefan responds.

Elena widens her eyes at him. "Dude, what else aren't you telling me?"

Stefan holds his hands up, laughs. "That's it, I swear."

"What did you say?"

"I hardly know her," Stefan reminds her. "And she didn't really ask me, just said she'd like to get to know me better, but the implications were clear."

"So now you have two blonde cheerleaders after you," Elena teases. "Your life has turned into an episode of The Bachelor."

He shoves her away, and she can't help but laugh, because as bad as this football thing has been, as much as he's hated it, it's apparently done wonders for his love life. She doesn't know if he would see that as a bright spot, but as much as he whines about it, he certainly doesn't seem to hate it. He needs all the bright spots he can get.

… … …

It's been a long time coming, Caroline thinks, this conversation they're about to have. She knew as soon as he asked her if he could stop by her house after practice Wednesday afternoon. He never asks, he just shows up, and if that wasn't a dead giveaway, the exhaustion in his face and the resignation in his voice would have done it. He's just done, and to be honest, she doesn't blame him.

Stefan was right, about everything. She kind of hates how well he hit the nail on the head, because it made her feel about two inches tall. And that moment when their eyes locked… it was like he saw right down into her soul, and she saw right into his. She's never felt more connected to anyone than she did in that moment, and it scared the hell out of her. She put up her defenses, pushed him away, but she knows he saw right through her. She doesn't really know how to feel about that.

The bottom line is that it put things into perspective for her. She's been stringing Matt along for longer than she wants to admit, and she needs to let him go, not just for him, but for herself. It's not that she doesn't love him, because she does; she might have even been in love with him at some point. But if she ever was, she's not anymore, and it's not fair to either of them to keep this going. She's not happy, and she knows he's not either, and it's just time.

It goes pretty well, as break-ups go. There's no drama, or fighting, or yelling; he just tells her he cares about her, and he always will, but it's just not working out anymore, and she agrees. She doesn't expect to cry, but when he gives her a sweet kiss on the forehead as he's leaving, she feels a little piece of her heart break. She closes the door behind him and lays down on the couch, watches mindless television while silent tears stream down her face.

She's mad at herself, she realizes. She has an uncanny ability to sabotage every good thing in her life. She did it with her dad after her parents got divorced, and with her mom when she went through her rebellious phase last year, and now with the one guy who's ever treated her like she's even remotely important to him. She can't ever just be happy with what she's got; she's always looking for something better, for something more, and it's cost her pretty much everyone she cares about. Enough is enough, she decides. She needs to grow up, needs to figure out a way to stop the cycle, before she wakes up one day and realizes she really does have nothing.

… … …

Damon Salvatore is not the type of guy to zone out on a girl. He's the kind of guy that girls usually zone out on, if he's being honest. He doesn't get butterflies in his stomach, and he doesn't dwell on the conversations they've had, and he doesn't get so distracted watching cheerleading practice that he lets Enzo throw a ball straight at his head. Which is exactly what happens Thursday afternoon during warm ups.

"Dude," Enzo comments, laughing. "What planet are you living on these days?"

Planet Elena, he thinks to himself. "I don't even know, man," he says instead. He picks the ball up off the ground and throws it back to his best friend.

"Who were you staring at over there?" Enzo wonders, looking over his shoulder at the cheerleading squad as they practice. "That new Rebekah girl is pretty hot."

"It's not her," Damon blurts, then realizes that now he really does have to explain himself. "It's Elena."

"Elena?" Enzo chuckles, throwing the ball back to him. "Stefan's dorky tutor friend?"

Damon throws a perfect spiral so fast that Enzo almost can't catch it before it hits him where it hurts. "Shut the fuck up," he laughs. "She's been tutoring me lately."

"You two have history," Enzo points out. "You've never really talked about it, but I can tell."

"Something like that," Damon hedges. "I had a thing for her when I was, like, twelve."

"No way," Enzo laughs.

Damon smirks. "Pretty sure she had a thing for me, too, if we're being honest."

"You were star-crossed middle school lovers," Enzo teases. "So, what? Your middle school crush is rearing it's ugly head?"

"You could say that." Damon catches the ball Enzo throws his way, locks eyes with Elena across the field, and she smiles at him. "I don't know, man. There's just something about her. There always has been."

"So what's stopping you?" Enzo catches the ball and approaches his friend.

"Stefan doesn't know we're hanging out," Damon reveals. "And we're better these days, but not to the point where he'd be okay with it, so we're trying to keep it on the down low."

"So you're afraid to make a move because of your little bro?" Enzo chuckles.

"It's complicated, you asshole," Damon laughs. "It's not that simple. And like I said, we've got… history. Besides, the odds that she still feels the same way are, like, less than slim to none."

"Please," Enzo scoffs. "You're Damon Salvatore, star quarterback of the number one team in the state, five-star D-I prospect. Just turn on the charm and you've got her."

Damon rolls his eyes. "That's the thing about her. She doesn't fall for that shit." He smirks. "And she's worth more than that, anyway. I've just gotta figure out how to convince her it's worth the risk."

Worth the risk of her friendship with Stefan? Yeah, right, he thinks. Good luck with that.

… … …

When Damon gets home from practice and sees his dad's car in the driveway, he knows something's up. Giuseppe works late on Thursday nights so that he can leave work early on Friday for games; it's been a fact of Damon's life during football season since he was twelve years old. So the fact that he's home right now can't mean anything good. And he's right, because when he walks into the living room, his dad and his mom are both waiting for him. Shit.

"What's up?" he asks, setting his gym bag down by the doorway.

"Have a seat, son," Giuseppe says calmly. Damon does as he's told, apprehension building in his stomach. He watches as his mother nervously smooths down the skirt of her dress. His parents look straight out of a 1950s sitcom, he thinks absently.

"I got an interesting call from your coach today," Giuseppe begins, and Damon's blood runs cold, because that never means anything good. "He told me a little story about a talk you two had a few weeks ago."

Damon figures honesty is the best policy and just nods in response. "Rings a bell."

Giuseppe's face hardens. "Care to explain to me why this conversation was even necessary?" he growls. "How could you let it get to this point, Damon?"

"I'm taking care of it, Dad," Damon insists. "I won't put your precious college scholarship in jeopardy."

"Don't you speak to me that way!" Giuseppe roars. "Do you even take any of this seriously? Do you understand how important this year is for you, son?"

"Even if I didn't, you'd drill it into my head every damn day anyway, so what does it matter?" Damon interjects. "I get it, Dad. I told you, I'm handling it."

Before Damon can blink, Giuseppe is in front of him and gripping the arms of his chair. His eyes flash with anger. "You better watch your mouth, son."

"Giuseppe, please," Lily pleads from the sofa.

Her pleas fall on deaf ears. "I brought you into this world," Giuseppe threatens. "And I can take you out just like that. You remember that."

He stares Damon down for another moment before he stomps out of the room, and Lily spares a distraught glance at her son before she follows him. Damon closes his eyes, inhales a shaky breath. There aren't many things that scare him, and his father usually isn't one of them. Usually. But now…

When he opens his eyes, Stefan's standing in the doorway, his eyes wide. "Dude," he breathes out.

Damon lets out a long breath. "Yeah. Do you believe me now?"

Stefan doesn't respond, just moves slowly toward his brother and sits down on the coffee table in front of him. "I…" he clears his throat. "Are you…"

"I'm fine," Damon assures him. "Sorry you had to see that."

"I don't…" Stefan pauses. "What are you gonna do?"

"I'm handling it," Damon repeats. "I'll make it work. As you can see, I don't really have a choice."

If he's honest, he feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest. Not just because his dad finally knows about his grades - though it's nice not to have to worry about that reaction anymore, he supposes - but because Stefan finally got an opportunity to see the truth. They've been divided against a common enemy for so long; he wonders how things might change if they can band together, support each other through it. They are brothers, after all. Maybe it's time they start acting like it again.

… … …

Note: thank you so, so much to everyone who has read and reviewed so far! I hope everyone is enjoying reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm trying to get chapters up on Wednesdays and Sundays, but I've got finals this week and the holidays are coming up so I'll try my best to stick to it. it's 20 chapters total, so we're already almost halfway through...!