A/N: So, a lot of you had read my earlier fanfic A Very Grimleal Birthday Party, and it received an overall positive response, so here's another fanfic. For those of you who don't know, Grima is male and Morgan is a girl.
The world has no shortage of people who aspire to take over it.
However, the one thing that such people seem to forget is how much work doing so would be. It isn't easy trying to take care of everyone, after all.
This was a lesson that the Fell Dragon was taking in. People were constantly rebelling against him, and he couldn't understand why they fought so hard against being exterminated. Not to mention some of his Risen had gone on strike.
Grima thought that he should probably go on strike too and negotiate for better working hours and such, but the problem with being a self-proclaimed dictator bent on genocide was that people would be relieved, rather than inconvenienced at his absence.
You'd think that he'd be able to pawn off at least some of his work for Morgan to do, but she tended to create more problems than she solved.
And so, Grima decided that the only solution possible was to recruit someone to help him. He then got the not-so brilliant idea to ask Morgan to take care of it.
Morgan decided to post up an advertisement which went like this:
Wanted: A person willing to become Director of Evil Stuff to help in annihilation of all life on earth. No experience of qualifications required. Salary includes everything you can loot. Health benefits include immortality as an eldritch monster. Interested candidates are requested to send their resumes to Sunshine Palace.
Grima fond several things wrong with the ad, beginning with the fact that it invited people to Sunshine Palace. That was the place they were using as HQ, but Grima hadn't got around to renaming it, and he had to admit that it looked like Morgan had inherited his quality at being bad at naming things, because 'Director of Evil Stuff' was something that he would have probably thought of.
But yet, the applications did arrive, though almost none of them were from their dimension, and Morgan filtered the candidates and invited them for interviews.
And so, the day of the interviews arrived, and Grima was in the main hall of Sunshine Palace, with several Risen guards to give the place a dark and evil atmosphere, and a glass of red Kool-Aid (no one except Morgan and his chef knew it was Kool-Aid, everyone else thought it was blood) in front of him. Morgan had also come for some reason, and while Grima really didn't care for her advice, she had brought double chocolate-chip cookies which she only made when she was excited, so he decided it was okay to let her be there.
The first candidate was a teenage boy with blonde hair.
"So," Morgan said, reading from a resume. "Your name is Justin Bieber, correct?"
The boy nodded.
"So," Grima said, "tell me about yourself."
"Well, you see," Justin stared, "when I was thirteen, I had my first love-"
"Uh, I know I told you to tell me about yourself, but I meant something related to this job," Grima said. He then frowned. "You really don't strike me as the evil type though. Why did you apply for this job?"
"Well, I saw the ad, and as I tell all my fans, I thought 'never say never' and thought I'd give it a go," Justin said.
"Really?" Grima asked. "You do realize we want to destroy the world, right? Are you really okay with that?"
"Sure," Justin said. "It's alright even if we destroy the world, because that just means that I can make another world, my world, version 2.0."
Grima frowned and whispered to Morgan. "Why did you even give him an interview?"
"It's alright Dad," Morgan said. "I read up on him and it turns out that he's infected millions of people with some disease called 'Bieber Fever.' I thought that was pretty evil."
"Well then," Grima said, turning to Justin. "Please tell me about this pestilence known as 'Bieber Fever' that you've managed to spread. What are the symptoms? Do people wander the streets in agony before dying? Are they unable to smell? Do they slowly creep into insanity?"
"Nope," Justin said. "They just love my songs. Like this one."
And then it happened.
He began singing.
"Gah!" Grima screamed and kicked Justin out. He turned around to see something horrible: his Risen were humming the song Justin had been playing.
"Oh no!" Grima shouted. "Morgan, our guards have gotten Bieber Fever! We have to kill them before they infect the others!"
Once that was taken care of, Grima called in the new applicant. It was a rather pale looking boy who introduced himself as Edward Cullen.
"So," Grima said. "Tell me about yourself."
"Well, you see, I'm an Edward Cullen who comes from a fanfiction world written by a Team Jacob fangirl, so I lost Bella and have now decided to become evil. I saw this ad in the newspaper and decided to give it a shot," the guy said.
Grima turned to Morgan. "Why did he get an interview?"
"He says he's a vampire," Morgan said.
That perked up Grima's interest. "So, you're telling me that you can drink blood?"
"Yes," Edward said. That made Grima instantly jealous, being an evil dragon he was supposed to be the one who drank rivers of blood, but the thing was that it was so bitter he could never drink it and had to resort to drinking cherry-flavored Kool-Aid instead and pretending it was blood. "But, I only drink the blood of animals, because I'm a vegetarian vampire."
Morgan frowned."You're vegetarian... and still kill animals? I don't think you understand what the word 'vegetarian' means."
Edward frowned this time. "As for my skills, I'll have you know that I can read minds... but I'm not getting anything from you two."
"My wards protect us," Grima said, though he had to note that the mind-reading thing was pretty nice to have. "Just one thing, how are you going to be able to function if I send you out into the sun?"
"It's alright," Edward said. "I don't die when I go into the sun, I just sparkle."
Grima was sure that it was a joke, but then a ray of sunlight came in, and he did sparkle. Edward was kicked out after that.
"The next guy is someone named Bob," Morgan said.
"Last name?" Grima asked.
"Nothing... it just says Bob," Morgan said.
"It better not be Bob the Builder again," Grima said.
It wasn't, it was just a guy who was wearing a Burger King uniform.
"So, tell me about yourself," Grima said, though he was already thinking of rejecting the guy.
"I'm Bob," the guy said. "I work at Burger King."
"And why are you still in uniform?" Grima asked.
"Oh, I have to work all the shifts I can get," Bob said. "I took out way too much student loans, partied all my college life, and now I have no chance whatsoever of finding a real job so I'm stuck with this and my loans which I have to pay off."
Grima turned to Morgan again. "How did this one get an interview?"
"Well, Daddy, it says here that he has an MBA from Harvard Business School, and a PhD from Oxford, and also that he's been a Navy SEAL," Morgan said.
"Umm, actually I lied about all of that so I could get the interview," Bob said. "I actually dropped out after eight years of trying to get an undergraduate degree."
Grima almost face-palmed. "And why do you want to destroy the world?"
Bob shrugged his shoulders. "See, the thing is that I've realized that the only hope of me ever paying off my loans is if I win the lottery, the Zombie Apocalypse happens, or the world ends. Like seriously, I don't know who owns these student loan companies, but whoever do are like the most evil in the world."
"Uh, well," Grima said, "you see, Bob, there's this thing called 'sounding desperate' that normal interviewees try to avoid, and the thing is that you're practically radiating it, plus it seems that I own one of the companies that has lent money to you."
With that, Bob had been kicked out too.
Next, a small pink ball rolled in, and unfurled itself to show that it was a Jigglypuff, and it had a marker in its hand.
Grima turned to Morgan, exasperated. "Now just tell me why you agreed to give an interview to this... thing!"
"I didn't," Morgan said.
"Jiggly jiggly jiggly," Jigglypuff said.
"Oh," Grima said.
"What's it saying?" Morgan asked.
"It said that it wanted to go to American Idol but ended up here instead by mistake," Grima said.
"Wait, you can understand Pokemon speech?" Morgan asked.
"Of course," Grima said. "Did you know that Giratina is actually my younger brother?"
Morgan's eyes widened in amazement. "It all makes sense now..." She then thought about it further. "No wait, it doesn't make any sense at all."
Jigglypuff had decided to start singing though, and the thing was that Grima hated it and chucked a pen at Jigglypuff, who understandably got angry.
"Oh no," Grima said. "It appears I've angered you. I'm an ancient evil dragon, and clearly you scare me so much..." he said and laughed.
Jigglypuff puffed its cheeks and made a beeline for the Fell Dragon. Grima fired a blast at it, but then to his surprise, found that it did nothing.
"Umm, Daddy," Morgan said, "that thing's a Fairy type. It's immune to Dragon-type attacks."
"What?" Grima said. Jigglypuff jumped on top of him and began using Double Slap on the Fell Dragon. "Guards!" Grima shouted, but then he realized he had killed them all, and had forgotten to get more in, thinking that he didn't need protection. How wrong he was.
Morgan tried helping, but she ended up missing and hurting Grima instead of Jigglypuff.
And so, Jigglypuff Double Slapped Grima into submission, drew on his face, and to add insult to injury, he took Grima's plate of double chocolate-chip cookies. He then took off for American Idol where the judges reacted to his music pretty much the same way that Grima had.
"I'll go get a healer," Morgan said. And so, the auditions were halted temporarily.
A/N: And that ends it... for now. Thanks for reading, and reviews are always appreciated. Also, I thought that I'd try something new this time, and I'd like to take inputs on who Grima should interview next. You can write in the review or PM me.
Also, if you didn't know, Justin Bieber is the pop idol, Edward is from a book called Twilight, and Jigglypuff is a Pokemon. I tried picking stuff I thought most people would have at least heard of, and Bob is just... Bob really. If you or someone you know resembles Bob, the resemblance is unintended.