CHAPTER 31
Gusts of warm wind gently stroke Emma's cheeks.
Her already loose pony tale is slowly loosening further as she walks alongside Cora Mills.
To be honest, the young woman has got no idea where to even start this conversation. In silence, she goes over her options.
She can either begin by telling her own story and then work her way towards her role in Henry's life.
Or she can tell the story the other way around. Start off by just putting it out there.
That both Henry and this new baby are biologically hers as much as they are Regina's.
Before she's able to make up her mind, Cora is the one who starts to talk.
"Regina's right to loathe me, you know." Her voice resonates defeat.
And even though Emma can sense that this is a conversation Cora seems to really need to have with her, with anyone…
She needs to have hers first.
"I've been wanting to tell you something." She rushes out.
Cora looks at her with furrowed eye brows. "Me?"
"Yes. Well, your husband and you both but I guess I just wanna have it off my chest." Emma smiles a little uneasy.
Cora's kind enough to return the smile in an encouraging fashion.
"It's probably not as big of a deal as I make it seem like but it's always a pretty uncomfortable topic for me to talk about sooo"
She swallows awkwardly while staring down at her own shadow walking ahead.
The sight of the stretched out silhouette on the dry grass kind of comforts her.
There used to be a time where it would be her only companion. Today, that's not the case anymore.
Today it's just a shadow. She's got her riches in the form of people now. Real people. flesh and bone people.
Today, she's stronger than she's ever been.
Cora stays silent and just looks at her. Allowing her to take her time.
"Well I guess, uhm…" Emma breathes out, waving a hand through some stray blonde stresses
that must've escaped the elastic that's supposed to keep them together.
"Do you know how Henry's conceived?" She pulls herself together and seriously asks the other woman.
"I do." The brunette nods in affirmation.
"Yeah. With an anonymous donor, right?"
"Yes."
Something unexpected happens right then.
Rather than dread what she's about to do next or fear for any possible negative reaction, Emma feels warm inside.
It's pride and that… makes so much sense. How could she not be extremely proud of the family she's got?
Where she stands right now, is the result of everything that came before.
All of the struggling and all of the insecurities she's had to go through, the fear and the doubt. She'd faced everything bravely.
Even though she never felt like she was given a choice, she was… she always could have chosen a different path.
At every turn she could have chosen a different direction but somehow she always chose the right ones
that have now led her here. Walking along side Cora Mills, about to share with her the truth.
"Not so anonymous anymore." She exhales and meaningfully smiles at the older woman.
"Oh?" But the latter's more confused than anything, of course.
"Long story short…" Emma clears her throat and explains "I'm Henry's donor and I'm our new baby's biological other parent as well."
When Cora doesn't immediately respond, Emma shakes her head a little and breathes in and out slowly.
Whatever happens next, doesn't really matter. Cora can't take anything away from her.
"But you're a woman." She suddenly says.
Her tone doesn't imply any judgment. It's more that she seems confused.
"I am. In most regards, I am." Emma calmly states. "But, the truth is that I'm just me. I'm Emma and I'm Henry's mom and Regina's partner and whatever anyone else feels the need to define me as, is their business."
Cora stops walking then and turns towards Emma. Her full attention on the girl now.
The young woman's hands are taken into older ones and Cora dares Emma to look at her.
"Well then, Emma. Thank you. We're all so incredibly blessed to have you as a part of this family."
In that moment, Emma's eyes shine with the emotion that's rushing through her. She can't really think of anything to say.
So staring it is then.
"You've changed, haven't you?" She softly asks Cora after a long stretch of silence.
The woman sighs and then releases her hands.
"What Regina's told you about me doesn't stroke with who you're seeing…" She leaves it open for Emma to agree with.
She does agree.
"Regina is such a kind and compassionate person. But not when she interacts with you. She's different then."
"That's my own doing."
"Okay. Don't tell her I said this but from what I've seen, you two seem a lot alike." Emma carefully states.
Her eyes are narrowed in thought while she studies Cora's face closely.
She watches as an incredibly sad, almost heartbreaking smile appears.
"The way you look at the people you love." Emma's voice cracks under her own emotions.
"You've no idea how ironic it is for you to say that."
"Ironic how?"
The look Cora gives Emma seems thorn. She's nervous, but why? More than nervous even. She actually looks scared.
"I've always loved Regina endlessly. Unconditionally, to the moon and back." She truthfully says with furrowed eyebrows and a convincing couple of nods.
And Emma really wants nothing more than to believe her.
"She's always been so strong-willed and intelligent."
"Sounds like her." Emma softly says.
"I don't know where to start." The older woman is quickly becoming very overwhelmed.
"She and you had a difficult relationship when she was growing up."
"I've always seen myself in her, from the very beginning." Tired eyes stare off into the distance. This beautiful landscape she's chosen to be her home but that never has quite felt like one. It's all just a pretty shell. A pretty shiny shell. But empty and cold and if you listen carefully the wind echoes loneliness.
"Uhu."
"I liked that at first." She admits. "No, I loved it."
"But that changed?"
"I've... Emma, I've always carried a lot of insecurities with me and seeing her grow up" The woman hesitates. Shame-red colouring her cheeks. "this is going to sound terrible."
"Please go on."
"She's always been a lot stronger than me. Braver too." Cora dances around what really needs to be said.
"But that's a good thing, right?"
"It is. It really is." She nods.
"But?"
"I didn't know how to deal with that." She sighs out, sounding frustrated with herself. "It was like watching a better version of myself making better choices, living larger, loving harder."
"You were jealous?" Emma understands but not fully because she could not for the life of her imagine being jealous of her child. Children.
"I was stupid. I can't explain it any other way. I was really really stupid to have felt the way I did." Cora's voice shakes.
Shame and regret entirely evident. And this, Emma does fully understand.
"But… it could have been such a positive thing. If you'd let it." The young blonde says.
"I couldn't face myself. I was angry with myself." Cora's head shakes from side to side.
"But you projected it on her. You missed out on each other."
It makes Emma feel so angry. The fact that Cora had wasted a chance of Regina feeling loved by her mother as she was growing up.
It stings badly for someone who grew up fantasizing about having just that. A mom.
Imagine having one that refuses to show you her love.
"And I'll never be able to forgive myself for that." Cora breaks. Tears rolling down her cheeks freely. Bitter freedom.
"So what's changed now?" Emma wants to know.
"I'm and old woman, Emma."
"We all age at the same pace." The blonde shrugs. Why do people always do that?
Use their age as an excuse while getting to grow old is such a gift.
"Over the last couple of years, I've tried to find peace with everything that's happened and everything that hasn't."
Cora's voice sounds a little calmer now.
"Everything that happened?" Emma asks.
"And everything that hasn't." The brunette nods
"You let go of your regrets."
"I mentioned it's ironic for you to say Regina and I are a lot alike…"
Cora looks at Emma again.
"Yeah." The girl's eyes narrow, wondering where she's going with this.
"In a lot of ways." She nods.
"You're trying to tell me something else, aren't you?" Emma slowly and suspiciously inquires.
"Anything in particular that comes to mind? Don't be scared to make an outrageous guess."
Cora's breath hitches right after she's said that.
She can't take this back. Ever. And as long overdue as all of this is, it's all the more terrifying for it.
And for Emma, it clicks.
"Are you gay?" She asks and as much as Cora had seen it coming, the question hits her hard.
She's visibly uncomfortable and can't help but beat around the bush about it.
"I love Regina's father." She averts.
"That's not what I asked." Emma's eye brows furrow as she can't help but smile in understanding.
"But they're both truths." Cora's eyes shine with embarrassment.
"You're bisexual." The statement is out there.
"Hmm."
They stand in silence as about a minute worth of seconds tick by.
"Does anyone know? Anyone but me?" Emma softly asks her.
"Other than the girl I kissed back in college?" Cora humourlessly laughs a little. "Not a soul."
Emma's lips are pursed as she nods.
"Have you ever said it out loud?"
"No." Cora's quick to answer. Why would she?
"Say it to me." Emma smiles encouragingly, as if it's not the most terrifying thing Cora's ever had to do.
"Why?" The woman stubbornly protests.
"Just do it. Tell me you're bisexual." Emma softly laughs. Unwilling to feed the tension.
"I don't see how that's going to" But Cora's really hesitant it seems and Emma will simply have to step it up.
"Cora, trust me. I'm talking from experience here. Say it." She's not taking no for an answer here. It's time. Overtime.
"Okay." Cora swallows thickly and nods.
"So?" The blonde's smile grows wide and her eyes shine expectantly.
"Give me a second." Once fire-red lips part and close a couple of times. but no sound escapes.
"Today please." Emma raises her eye brows impatiently and it's entirely infuriating to Cora.
"I'm bisexual, okay?" She rushes out, if anything just to stop the blonde from treating her like a child.
"Okay." Emma goes quiet and smiles at her warmly.
"Oh my… " Cora breathes out as her eyes well up again "I'm bisexual."
"Yeah you are." Nods the blonde.
"That took me half a century." Cora's eyes close as she turns her head up to the sky. A new kind of freedom is dawning. Finally.
"Coming out isn't easy." Emma says.
"Is that what's happening? Am I coming out?" Dark brown eyes stare at her. Fear and excitement but mostly fear there.
"That's up to you but" Emma's hand palms are facing upwards as if she's holding up a set of invisible options.
"But what?" Cora tries to see.
"I know how hard it is to live with a secret. And I know how good it feels not to have any for the people I love."
"She hates me." Cora looks back down. Defeat once again washing over her as it does every single time she thinks of everything that's been wasted. She's wasted.
"She's angry and sad." Says Emma. "Much like you were."
"But I can't make it up to her."
"That's probably true." Emma nods. "But that doesn't mean that you should ever stop trying. She's worth it, Cora"
"She is."
Thanks so much for all of the love and support. It really means so much to me.