Note: chapter title from "chemical" by kerli.

last chapter before the epilogue! can you believe we're here already?!

19. don't know where you end and I begin

… … …

Damon can't decide which is worse: the fact that he's no longer living under the same roof as his girlfriend, or the fact that he doesn't have anyone to use as a buffer between he and his brother anymore.

Now that Giuseppe's out of the picture for the foreseeable future, he and Stefan are moving back into their house, which would be an occasion to celebrate if, you know, his brother would even look in his direction. His petty avoidance is really starting to grate on Damon's nerves, if he's being honest, and he has no idea where to go from here. He feels like he's tried everything, to no avail. So he decides he's done playing nice.

"You know, a simple thank you wouldn't kill you," he smirks, leaning on the door frame to Stefan's room as his brother unpacks his bags.

Stefan scoffs. "For what, exactly?" He slams a dresser drawer shut and turns to face Damon. "For manipulating my best friend right out from under my nose?"

Oh. Apparently, they're doing this now. "Manipulating," Damon laughs. "That's a good one. You really think I had any influence on the situation?"

"Of course you did," Stefan insists. "She wouldn't have lied to me otherwise."

"For fuck's sake, Stefan, get over yourself." Damon pushes off the door frame and approaches his brother. "You think I wanted to be the dirty little secret she snuck around with because she was too afraid to hurt poor Stefan's little feelings?" He narrows his eyes. "Trust me, I tried to convince her to tell you. I could've cared less about your precious feelings."

"So you admit it," Stefan smirks. "You don't care about her at all. You just want to parade her around like some sort of trophy, just to get under my skin."

"Jesus, Stefan," Damon yells, throws his hands up in exasperation. "When are you going to stop twisting everyone's intentions to fit what you want them to be? Not everything is about you, asshole."

"What other reason could you possibly have?" Stefan insists, raising his voice to match Damon's volume.

"Because I'm in love with her!"

Stefan just blinks at him for a moment, lips parted in surprise, and Damon closes his eyes, tries to regulate his breathing. God, that's twice now he's blurted that out, and he hasn't even told her how he feels yet. It scares the shit out of him, honestly, feeling this way about someone, but he knows she's more than worth it. He's been struggling with when to tell her - how to tell her - but now he thinks that even if she doesn't feel the same way, she deserves to know how much she means to him.

"Well," Stefan says quietly after a moment, swallowing loudly. "I hope you two are very happy together."

So that's the end of that, and, okay, the look in his brother's eyes kind of breaks Damon's heart a little bit. He thinks he just lost his brother and his best friend, all in one fell swoop. He's gotta find a way to convince him that he can have them both, if he really wants them.

"Talk to Elena," Damon pleads. "Hear her out. This doesn't have to be the end, Stefan. You don't have to shut both of us out."

He lets another moment of silence go by before he backs out of his brother's room, wondering how the hell the three of them are going to untangle the mess they've made and get back to some semblance of normal. Normal. He shakes his head. He doesn't even know what normal is anymore.

… … …

It's been over a week since the Thanksgiving fiasco, and Caroline's had just about enough of this choosing sides business. She wouldn't even say she's choosing a side, per se - she can see both sides of the issue, which is part of the problem. But Stefan confided in her when he needed someone, and it's clear to her that right now, she's pretty much all he's got.

She won't 'abandon' him, as he likes to say. But she won't make it easy on him, either.

"What are you doing here?" Stefan asks when he opens the door to find her on his front porch.

"Nice to see you, too," she laughs, pushing past him and into the house.

She's always wondered what the inside of the Salvatore mansion looks like. Of all the popularity Damon has amassed over the years, he's never thrown a party here - which she now knows is due to their father's iron fist - and the curiosity has plagued her since the first time she saw it from the street. It's exactly what she thought it'd be, really. Sprawling floor space, ornate décor, dark wood everything. It looks like it's hardly been touched since the 1860s, when it was built.

"Are you happy to be home?" she asks him, looking up to the vaulted ceiling in admiration.

She sees Stefan shrug out of the corner of her eye. "At least I only have to see Damon instead of him and Elena."

"Funny you should mention them." She lowers her gaze to his. "That's exactly why I'm here."

He rolls his eyes. "And here I thought you were here to hang out with me. My mistake."

"Oh, come on, Stefan," she sighs. "You and I both know that you're miserable. Isn't it about time you did something about it?"

"I don't have anything to apologize for," he insists stubbornly.

"And yet, both Elena and Damon have apologized to you, and you still can't seem to let it go," she counters. "And don't give me that bullshit. You're not a victim, Stefan. You've been a dick to both of them lately."

"It's not as if they don't deserve it."

"Listen to me," she snaps. "You're at a crossroads, here. You have a choice to make. You can either shut out everyone you care about - including me - or you can suck it up and let them try to make things right. They want to make things right, Stefan."

He's quiet for a moment, sits down on the couch in the living room, scrubs his hands over his face. She watches him as the wheels turn in his head, and she knows that he knows that she's right. She cares about him - she might even more than care about him, if she's honest with herself - but she can't do this anymore. She can't sit by and watch while he just lets the world crumble around him and waits for everyone else to build it back up. He's the first to complain when things don't go his way, and the last to try to do something to fix it. She thinks it's about time that changed.

"Where do I even start?" he asks quietly. "How are we ever going to get back to the way things were?"

"We might not get back there," she admits, sitting down next to him, running her hand over his back. "But things could be better than they were. You just have to try."

... … …

It's Monday afternoon before he gathers up the nerve to set foot on her front porch. It's been over a week since they've spoken at all, which, if he thinks about it, is probably the longest they've ever gone without speaking. It sucks, and he hates it, and if she's ready to talk, then he's ready to listen.

"Stefan," she says in surprise when she opens the front door. "Is everything okay?"

"Not really," he admits quietly.

Her eyes soften, and he wonders at how she can still be so compassionate, even after everything he said to her. Because, yeah, when he looks back on it, he can admit that he's been horrible to her. He said all sorts of things he didn't mean, and then he completely shut her out. He did exactly what she was afraid he would do, validated all her reasons for lying to him in the first place. And when he thinks about it that way, he can't really blame her, can he?

"What's going on?" she wonders as they stand in her living room.

He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't have any idea where to start, but he hates this space between them, so he does the only thing he can really think to do in that moment. He's across the room before he can stop himself and wraps his arms around her, and relief floods through him when she readily reciprocates. It's not a lost cause, he realizes. "I'm so sorry," he says.

"Oh, Stefan," she chokes out. She breathes in a shaky breath. "You have no idea how sorry I am."

He stands there for a moment, just holding her close to him. He's realized, over the past couple of days, that her friendship is more important to him than anything. It always has been. He just forgot for a little while, was so blinded by his anger and hurt that he couldn't fathom why he ever wanted her in his life to begin with. But he wants to make things right, wants to get their friendship back to how it used to be. He thinks this is a good place to start.

"I get it," he admits, when they're sitting on the couch a few minutes later. "I get why you were afraid to tell me, why you were afraid of what I might do. I did exactly what you thought I would."

"That's not an excuse," she counters. "There's no excuse for lying to you the way I did. I should have told you what was going on from the beginning."

"Yes, you should've," he acknowledges. "But Thanksgiving would have been far less exciting if you had." She chokes out a laugh, and he smiles. "I'm sorry for the things I said that night. I was hurt, and I was angry, but you still didn't deserve that."

"No, I didn't," she agrees. "But you had a right to be angry and hurt."

"Is Damon really worth it?" he wonders. "All the strain this has put on our friendship. Do you really think he's worth it?"

She hesitates, then nods. "I'm in love with him," she reminds him.

He winces. "So you've said."

"He's your brother," Elena insists. "You've seen the way things changed between the two of you, before all this went down. Do you really still believe he's the horrible person you thought he was?"

"No," he concedes. "And that really sucks, because if it's like you said and he never really was that person, then I wasted five years of my life being angry for no reason."

"He gets it," she reveals. "He was hurt back then, but he understands. Your dad pushed you apart, kept you far enough away from each other that you never got a chance to flesh things out. Now that he's gone, don't you think you should at least take that chance?"

He knows she's right. He also knows that as hard as this conversation was to start, that one will be even more difficult.

… … …

The first day without football practice is always a strange one for Damon. It's even more strange this year, because he's officially done with high school football.

It ended with more of a dull thud than a resounding bang. They lost their first playoff game last Friday. They played well, but it wasn't enough; they didn't get their asses kicked, but the other team was definitely better than they were. Honestly, Damon thought that no matter how it ended, he'd be devastated, lost without the one thing that has defined his life for the last six years. But without his dad here to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be, he just feels… free. He doesn't know if he even wants to play football in college. Sure, he's a good quarterback, and he's been recruited by some good schools. But a professional career is likely not in his future, and he thinks he needs to start focusing on his real career options.

He considered going over to Elena's after school to start studying for finals - thanks to her, his grades got him through the season, but now that he's not 100% sure about a scholarship, he'll need to continue to improve - but she sent him a quick text a few hours ago that Stefan was over. He hopes that means what he thinks it means, for her sake, but he's not holding his breath.

He's mindlessly watching ESPN when he hears his brother come through the front door. He expects Stefan to bypass him completely and make his way upstairs, just like he has been all weekend. So he's surprised when he looks up and finds his brother standing in the doorway.

"Waiting for them to show your career highlight reel?" he smirks.

Damon cracks a smirk in return. "It's the end of an era," he jokes. "They should honor it somehow."

Stefan slowly crosses the room and takes a seat across the coffee table, and Damon mutes the television. "Look," Stefan starts, letting out a long breath. "I owe you an apology."

Damon's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "You do?"

"I do," Stefan nods. "For shutting you out for the last five years." Damon tries to keep his mouth from falling open and doesn't respond, just lets his brother work through whatever it is he wants to say. "I think you'd agree that it's been mutual, but I feel like I should apologize for the part I played in everything. It seems stupid when I even think about it. I mean," he scoffs, "you didn't join the football team to hurt me, and it wasn't your fault Dad decided he liked you better."

"Yeah, but I could have tried harder to plead my case," Damon counters. "I didn't have to let Dad tear us apart the way he did."

"It doesn't matter anymore," Stefan insists, shakes his head. "I just want to put all of this behind us. I know we're not gonna be best friends anytime soon, but considering what's going on with Dad, it's probably better that we stick together through all this."

Damon nods, decides they just need to get it all out in the open. "I'm in love with Elena."

Stefan winces. "So you've told me."

"I'm not breaking up with her just because it makes you uncomfortable," Damon says definitively.

"I'd be disappointed if you did," Stefan agrees. "And I'm not gonna be a hundred percent okay with it right off the bat."

"I'd be disappointed if you were," Damon smirks. "Look, I know I screwed up, okay? And I know the past few years have been pretty screwed up between us. But now that Dad's gone, maybe we should just… start fresh."

Stefan sighs. "Truce?"

His hand hovers in the air over the coffee table, and Damon reaches over, grasps it with his own.

"Truce."

… … …

He feels… better. Lighter, somehow. He didn't realize how much his own stubbornness had been weighing him down until he finally let it all go. After some serious soul searching, he was able to admit to himself that most of this disaster was his own making, and in order to let everyone else off the hook, he needed to let himself off the hook first. Once he put his own pride aside, he was able to accept that his relationships with his brother and his best friend are far more important than being right. Is he still hurt? Sure. Does the betrayal still sting? Of course. But whatever is going on between Damon and Elena has nothing to do with him, and it's time he took himself out of the equation, for all their sakes.

There's just one more person he needs to apologize to.

"Stefan," she says in surprise when she looks up from where she's studying on her bed to find him in her doorway. She smiles. "What are you doing here?"

"Your mom let me in," he clarifies, and when she gestures toward the bed, he takes a seat on the edge. She's sitting cross-legged, and the outside of his leg brushes her knee as he sits down. He has to work seriously hard to hide the jolt that simple touch sends through his body.

"Is everything okay?" she wonders, her eyes shining with curiosity.

"I just wanted to thank you," he starts. "For giving me a kick in the ass when I needed it the most. I talked to Elena and Damon today."

She grins. "And?"

"And I think everything's gonna be okay," he smiles.

She squeals, throws her arms around his neck, and he grabs her around the waist to steady himself, laughing. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Yeah, well," he pulls back, keeping her close to him, and pushes the hair away from her face gently. "I don't know if I could have done it without you, even though I've been an ass. So I'm sorry."

She sucks in an audible breath. "Stefan," she murmurs.

"I'm sorry, because I've been an idiot," he admits. "I've been trying to pretend that I could be just friends with you, that I could ignore everything that I feel for you, but I just don't think that I can anymore." He looks away from her. "And I know you've got Klaus, and you're happy with the way things are, but-"

"I broke up with Klaus."

He meets her eyes, blinks in surprise. "You did?" She nods. "Why?"

"Why do you think?" she smiles sweetly.

His lips are on hers before he can think it through, but the way she reciprocates, he doesn't think she minds. He's wasted so much time; he doesn't want to waste anymore.

… … …

As Mondays go, this one is shaping up to be pretty great.

She got her best friend back. She was so shocked when he showed up at her doorstep. She thought for sure that she would have to be the one to get them back on track, but he surprised her by apologizing and admitting that he understood where she was coming from. She was reminded of all the reasons why he's her best friend, and why he always will be her best friend.

And then, Damon surprised her with her favorite Chinese takeout and a movie night - her choice, of course - in the media room at the Salvatore mansion.

She honestly can't remember the last time she was here. After things went south between her, Stefan, and Damon, she rarely set foot here, especially since their father was never particularly fond of her. Stefan usually just came over to her place to escape his own. Now, without Giuseppe here, the atmosphere seems lighter, more inviting. The fact that Damon invited her over here feels symbolic somehow - like he's officially inviting her into his life, all the way. It feels pretty damn good.

"I take it things went well with Stefan today?" he asks as he feeds her a bite of fried rice. They're sitting on the loveseat in the media room with some old-school chick flick playing in the background while they eat and talk.

She nods, swallows. "And you said you talked to him, too?" she asks.

"All's well that ends well," he confirms. "I don't think we'll be having a brotherly heart-to-heart anytime soon, but we're putting the past behind us and starting new."

She swallows a bite of her sesame chicken. "Did he say anything about us?" she wonders apprehensively.

He shrugs. "He said it would take a while for him to be okay with it. I could care less, but I know you care, so I'm glad he's trying."

She smiles. "How did you convince him your intentions are pure?"

Damon smirks. "Whoever said my intentions are pure?"

"Damon," she laughs, whacking him across the chest.

"I told him I'm in love with you."

She swears her heart stops in her chest, because there's no way she heard that right. "You… you what?"

His eyes soften, his smirk turns into a smile, and if she weren't already a puddle on the floor, she is now. "I'm in love with you," he repeats.

"Damon," she breathes.

He sets their food aside, pulls her in close to him, leans his forehead against hers. He kisses her sweetly. "You don't have to say it back."

"Are you kidding me?" she blurts, and he chuckles. "I swear I've been in love with you since I was eleven. I just never thought you'd ever feel the same way."

He shakes his head in disbelief, leans in to kiss her again. "You're the one that I want," he whispers against her lips.

She doesn't know where the future is going to take them, but she does know what movie they're watching tonight.

(As the opening credits of Grease play on the big screen, he rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but he can't hide the smile on his face before she kisses it away.)

… … …

He would've walked into school hand-in-hand with Caroline on Tuesday morning, just to get the gossip mill going, but she had an early student council meeting and has already been here for an hour. So it's a little anticlimactic walking into school all by his lonesome.

But of course, the first thing he sees when he comes through the doors is Elena and Damon, talking and laughing and walking hand-in-hand down the hall, right in his direction.

"Hey, Stefan," Elena greets with a smile as they approach. Damon slings his arm around her shoulders, bumps fists with someone as they walk by him.

"Hey," he responds with a tentative grin. He closes his eyes, lets out a long breath. "This is going to take some serious adjustment."

Damon smirks. "Feeling a little uncomfortable, brother?"

Stefan ignores him, fixes his gaze on Elena. "Look, I'm not saying I'll ever be fully okay with this, but if you're happy, then…"

Elena breaks away from Damon, flings her arms around his neck, and he laughs. "You're my best friend, you know that?" she says quietly.

He nods. "Back at ya," he grins.

They continue down the hall, and Stefan reaches his locker just in time for Caroline to jump in front of him. "Morning!" she chirps.

He rears back in surprise, laughs. "Good morning." He pins her against his locker, his hands on either side of her head, and presses his lips against hers. "Been waiting to do that."

"Oh, yeah?" she giggles. "Can't wait to get the gossip mill going, huh?"

He smirks. "Just trying to make you proud."

She throws her head back and laughs. "Oh, this is going to be fun."

If someone had told him at the beginning of this year that by the end of the semester he'd have a massive fight with his best friend, make peace with his brother, and score himself the girl of his dreams, he definitely would have laughed in their face. But the way things stand now, honestly, he could never have imagined it happening any other way.

… … …

Note: thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has read, subscribed, favorited and reviewed this story! I love that y'all were so invested in these characters! I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond to every review individually but please know that they do not go unnoticed. it's been a fun ride! the epilogue is next!