His secrets

Natsu could feel it. He could feel that something was wrong with Gray. He was having bandages around his arms for a couple of weeks now. not only that but he also had the scent of blood with him a couple of times too. Gray is hiding something. The fire mage really needed to know what was going on if this didn't end soon he would go mad. He just couldn't stand to see Gray like that. it was frustrating and hard to see. Natsu was smart enough to see how Gray had changed after the assault. And he wasn't the only one Erza had noticed too and even Lucy who had no idea of what happened made a couple of comments about the ice mage behaving oddly.

Lately Gray hadn't been showing up at the guild. And if he showed up it felt like he wasn't really there. Maybe Gray should get help, professional help. But how the hell was Natsu going to convince Gray to do that? He was pretending it never happened. He clearly didn't want the subject to come up. And maybe that was a good idea maybe not. "Natsu what's wrong you seem bothered?" Erza asked "Ow, Hey Ezra I didn't see you there. I'm just thinking a little about how strange Gray has been acting." Erza looked at Natsu he didn't look her in the eye but she could see how worried he was even though he tried to hide it so badly

"So you noticed too? It seems like no matter how hard he tries he can't get back to being the old Gray. He tries to make it look like he's fine but he's not he hasn't even stripped since and I don't even think that he's aware of that himself. But Natsu you have to know that it's normal for him to be like that after what happened " Natsu looked at Ezra it was the first time that he had the power to face her he was scared that she would see how much this bothered him. But there was no point in hiding he could hear it in her soft voice she already knew the pain he had in his heart. And when he finally faced her he saw that it wasn't just him, Gray was like a brother to her, of course, it hurts her too to see him like that. They were all family after all.

"Erza do you think that Gray needs help?" Ezra looked at him shocked she knew how much Natsu cared for gray but she didn't expect the fire mage to be clever enough to realize that even friends alone weren't enough to fix Gray's problems. "I actually thought about that too. I know Gray needs a therapist but I'm scared that confronting him about that will actually make it worse. The thing what happened affected Gray's self-esteem a lot and I'm afraid that telling that he needs help will make that problem worse." It was true If Gray thought even lower of himself than he already did he may get worse "Maybe we should wait just a little longer and give Gray some more time. If he get's worse or it doesn't end will take action" Natsu said. "Sounds like a good idea, for now on let's both keep an eye on him. And maybe we should inform Lucy I feel bad about her being the only one in the team being left out. And she could help us out."

"She isn't the only one who doesn't know. Happy doesn't either but I do get your point. But I don't think that Gray wants more people to know. I don't even think he wants us to know"

Gray got out of bed ever since he found his new method to forget everything and let out all his frustration he decided to sleep again there were nightmares but it had gotten better. The ice mage was aware of the dangerous game he played, Self-harm was addicting and apparently, in long term it only made you feel worse. But he didn't care it felt so good to feel something else it felt soo good to damage his body ever since the incident he couldn't look at it. It felt so gross and no matter how much he showered he still felt dirty. Right now his body was his biggest enemy.

"Maby I should go to guild do today" he mumbled to himself. He didn't want people to see how broken he was. And not coming to the guild like has been doing lately made him look suspicious. And he knew he should avoid that. But it was also so hard to act like he was fine. Putting a fake smile on his face hurt so much. It made him worse and he was already a mess. Sadness is a weird thing. Nobody likes it. Nobody wants it and yet it's so much easier to be sad than to be happy. Gray knew that he was only getting worse. Everyday. He fell deeper into a hole And no matter how hard he tried he couldn't find a way out.

The thing is it's easy to fall down you don't have to use any effort to do that. But climbing all the way back up is a pretty difficult task. As long as you're on the ground like normal people your fine. You will have to climb a hill a once in while but you'll survive. But once you're in of those dark holes it feels impossible to get out of there again. And that's when you get stuck in a routine where you fake a smile and start lying. Maybe your lying to your friends. Maybe to your family maybe to everyone and maybe your lying to yourself. It's different for every person. The way you handle being in that dark hole is also different for every person. And Gray's way of handling it was locking himself away from the world. Because even when he showed up at guild he wasn't really there. And he wasn't really connecting with them either. Not because he didn't love them it was because he was scared.

The ice-mage was scared all the time of everything. Of what people may think if they found out, Of people seeing how broken he was, Of people seeing how disgusted he felt, Of people hurting and betraying him. And last but not least he was scared of the person he was becoming. Someone weak and Vulnerable. He was no longer the strong Gray who could take care of himself no, he was broken because he didn't look out for himself. Gray stood up and took the first t-shirt he could find that looked decent. It was time to go the guild. If he didn't want people to know his secrets he needed to pretend like he had nothing to hide.

Natsu was supprised to see the ice princess walk in the guild. He didn't expect him to come anymore. He stared at his friend. His face pale and he looked tired but he had the bright smile on his face that fooled almost everyone. But not him he could see through it. He could see his pain and he was gonna stop it no matter what. "Hey ice princess, Are you free tomorrow?" "Why?" Gray stuttered "Well because we're going to do something fun, It's my treat," Natsu said with an enthusiastic smile.

"Euum, I repeat why?" Gray answered. "come on princess, You look like a zombie who doesn't leave the house let's have some fun. I'm not taking no for answer" Gray stared blankly at the fire mage. He was wondering if this was a good idea. If he went Natsu may figure something out but if he said no he would also figure out something was off. "Okay, I'll go" he answered."But not early in the morning, i would like to sleep in" Natsu smiled he couldn't hide how happy he was. Gray said yes. Gray who had locked himself away from the whole guild said yes. He knew it wasn't a big thing and he needed to push Gray but it was a step for him. A step back to happiness.

Gray got in his bed he couldn't believe it. He said yes. He didn't plan it definitely when he was like this. But when he looked into the fire mage's eyes he just couldn't say no. He knew Natsu just wanted to cheer him up and that I wasn't a date or something. But knowing he would spend a day with the flame brain. Made him happy for the first time in a while he looked forward to something. He just needed to make sure that Natsu would see how broken he was. He knew Natsu suspected but he didn't want to show him just how messed up he was. this was his mess and not Natsu's. He was not going to make Natsu worry about him more he already did. He needed to fix this depression om himself.

Yea sorry another short chapter... I still hope you liked it. :) From here on it's going to be more romantic :) But of course Gray will still struggle with his issues. And Natsu is going to help him with that. Yea mine idea of romance is one person suffering and the other saving and supporting them with a lot of "drama" I guess my parents are right when they call me a drama queen.