She found him in the kitchen, peeling potatoes with Patch and chatting about first aid. It seemed like Patch was milking Luke for any kind of knowledge he could use for further reference, but Luke didn't seem to mind. His face looked much younger as he excitedly discussed splinting versus bandaging for foot injuries. An involuntary smile tugged at her lips when she remembered how excited he could get about things that were important to him – health care, economy, Zoot-worshiping dictators... she pushed away that last thought, it wasn't fair to blame him for that. They'd all been a lot younger back then.

When he looked up and spotted her in the doorway, he seemed to sober up immediately and went back to the half guarded, half deferential face he had worn when they had first met again. She realized that he probably thought she was going to shout at him some more, like she had done the night before. She almost felt sorry for him – she might be dreading the moment when she had to tell him the truth, but he was just as scared of the looming conversation.

She jerked her head towards the door, and he nodded in response and got up. "Sorry, Patch, gotta go. I still say that bandaging is enough in most cases."

"Sure, man. I'll catch you later." Patch didn't even look up from his potato – no matter how many he peeled, he still had a wicked talent to cut himself if he didn't pay attention, and he knew better than to risk getting on Dee's bad side by getting blood on the food.

Luke followed Ellie towards the porch on the backside of the house, where she sat down in and old wicker chair and indicated another for him to sit in.

For a while, neither said a word. Finally, Ellie sighed as she looked towards the barn, where she could see Sammy milking the cows. "I'm sorry I shouted at you last night. I was... really surprised to see you."

He laughed softly. "That's all right. I shouldn't have expected anything else after turning up so suddenly."

"Why did you come, Luke? It's been years." She turned to him and saw him smiling.

"Will you believe me if I said I just wanted to see how you were doing?"

She fixed her eyes on the barn again. "No. You must have spent an awful lot of time looking for me – knowing you, you didn't go to the Mall to ask where I was. People don't spend years looking for someone just to see how they're doing."

From the corner of her eye, she could see him shrug. "I needed to see that you were all right. And..."

She waited, but nothing came. "And what?"

He turned towards her, and she mirrored the movement without thinking about it. "I don't know. I guess I just... needed to know if you hate me."

She was so surprised that she laughed out loud. "Seriously? You came all the way, spent all that time looking for me, just to see if I hated you?"

He looked sheepish. "I guess so. Maybe because you were the first girl I ever really loved. It's... a closure thing. When you mess up so bad on someone you loved so much, you wanna know if they're ok."

The laughter died on her lips. Suddenly, she looked very sober. "Yeah. I get that. You just... need to hear if they hate you. Because even though it was you who walked away, you still care. And you want them to care a little, too."

He stared at her. "How did you know?"

"You're not the only one who has unfinished business with the past, you know."

"Oh." The silence stretched out between them. "So... do you?"

"What?"

"Hate me?"

"No, Luke. I get why you left. I really wish you hadn't, because it broke my heart and nearly drove me insane, but I get why you did it. I get what you were trying to save me from. And I know that, in your way, you did it the nicest way you knew how, even though it nearly tore me apart. So no, I don't hate you. I don't think I ever could."

"But...?"

"Luke, all that was years ago. I get that you wanted closure about this, but I hope you weren't hoping for anything more. I'm a different person now. Things... have happened. I don't hate you, but I don't love you any more either."

"Fair enough."

Silence stretched out between them. This is it, she told herself, this is the moment. You gotta tell him girl.

She took a deep breath. And another one. She tried to speak, but no words would come out. A stifled little laugh from his direction made her head whip around.

"What?"

He sniggered again. "Ellie, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were gearing up to break up with me. That boat already sailed, so why don't you spit it out, whatever it is you're trying to say?"

Her answering laugh sounded hysterical in her ears. "It's just..."

She could feel his eyes on her and turned to meet them. For a minute, she was back at the Mall, in that silly prayer room the Chosen had built, having just told Luke that she cared for him, in that fraction of a moment when all there seemed to be in the world was his eyes, until a second later their lips crashed into each other and all there was or had ever been important had been to kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

A door banged somewhere in the house, and the moment was broken. She was back on the porch, preparing to tell her ex that he had a kid.

There must have been despair in her eyes, because the laughing twinkle vanished out of his eyes. "Ellie, whatever it is that you're trying to say, just say it. It's all right. I didn't expect any love from you, or anything, really. I just wanted to see if you were all right, I didn't come here to woo you back or anything. Whatever it is you're worrying about, you don't have to. It's just me."

"This one I have to worry about."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. What I don't know won't hurt me."

"Dammit Luke!" she snapped at him. "D'you think I'd be so worried about it if it wasn't important? If I didn't think that not telling you would be worse than telling you? Stop being so damn understanding and just wait for me to get the damn words out."

He held up his hands in surrender. "All right, all right. I was just trying to make this easier for you, you know."

She couldn't help but soften at him. "I know. I'm sorry. I just have no clue how to..."

"Mommy, mommy, look at all the berries we found!" Murron bounded onto the porch brandishing a jug full of fruits and all but spilled them into Ellie's lap.

"Oh honey, that's great! Dee will be so happy, now she can make loads and loads of pie!" She shot Luke an apologetic look over her daughter's shoulder. "How about you go in and bring them to the kitchen? Maybe you can get Dee to make pie for dessert!"

Murron tumbled out of Ellie's embrace and ran back into the house, perfectly oblivious to the scene that was unfolding behind her.

This time, the silence felt to Ellie like it might suffocate her. She stared at her hands for what felt like a very long time before daring to look up to him.

"Please say something."

"Umm... I'm guessing this is what you were trying to tell me?" His face looked like his brain was about to explode. She assumed that short answers were probably best.

"Yep."

"This little girl is your daughter?"

"Yep."

"Is she Jack's?"

"Nope"

Silence.

"She's seven?"

"Yep."

"Seven and how much?"

"About a month, give or take"

More silence. She could see the wheels in his brain turning, doing the math, doing it again.

"Is she..."

"Yours?"

"Yeah."

"Yes."

"Oh."

She shifted around in her chair, fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve. "So... you see why I was having trouble getting that out."

"Yeah."

"And why I had to tell you."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier." She finally couldn't justify picking at her sleeve any more, and risked a glance at his still-stunned face. It was caught somewhere between soaring happiness and deepest despair.

"Oh Ellie, don't be sorry. I'm the one who's sorry. I'm so sorry I left you to deal with all that by yourself, I'm so sorry I never..." She shushed him with a finger on his lips.

"Don't be. You didn't know. I don't... blame you. I know you would never have left if you'd known, and I'm really sorry you had to find out like this. But please don't think I blame you for giving me Murron. Never think that."

"No, it's just... wow. I... have no idea what to say or do or... anything. I mean, suddenly, I have a child, and I had no idea, all this time..."

She laughed out loud. "Believe it or not, I know exactly how you feel. So I'll tell you what – why don't you go for a walk and think it all over, and we can talk about it some more later, if you want to."

There it was again, that smile that she remembered so well – it seemed to lift ten years off his face in a heartbeat, and for a moment, she glimpsed the man she had loved all that time ago. "I'd like that."