Destruction. Desolation. Despair.
These are the only apt words to describe the tragedy of Joseph Stalin's melted off custard launcher. Hitler blinked in disbelief. The onlooking Dee-Doh was having trouble processing what happened. The naked, bawling Stalin scrambled to collect the ashes of his heat-seeking moisture missile, tears flowing down his face like one of the room's approximate ten waterfalls.
"The best sex of my life, and I wasn't able to finish… this isn't how it ends!" Stalin whispered to himself while gathering the ashes in desperation. Dee-Doh looked at Hitler with a look that clearly meant, literally what the fuck is Stalin doing. Explain this shit.
"Stalin… what are you doing? The ashes are all but gone," Hitler asked Stalin.
"While looking at you, Adolf. While looking at Dee-Doh… I realized something. I've been missing this for years. I don't want to do anything but gay interspecies threesomes anymore. I've lost all passion for anything else so quickly. While you were sucking on my trouser snake, I realized I've wasted my life. I need to reconstruct my quiver bone. And I know just the person to help."
Dee-Doh and Hitler were doubtful, but they decided to follow Stalin to wherever his destination may be. Stalin led them to, to their surprise, Fishlanta Taqueria.
"Doo nye?" Dee-Doh questioned. They walked up to the hostess desk where Tessa stood.
"God. This isn't worth three twenty-five an hour. What do you guys want? Weren't you just kicked out for public indecency? Although seeing that handsome creature sucking on your steamin' semen truck really got me hard." Tessa had a noticeably moist bulge.
"Tessa, we're gonna need a table for four. Me, Hitler, Dee-Doh, and my gigantic pork-sword. The one that I'm gonna put between your massive titties." Stalin explained while performing strange barbaric crotch chops and ethnic movements. Unknown to Hitler and Dee-Doh, this was a code. A code that pained Stalin to perform because of his recent tragedy that turned him into a broken man. Even Tessa has a bigger dick than him now.
"Oh, I get what this is, B.J. (that stands for big Joseph, not blowjob). I'll show you to the I.I.M.A.V.I.P. section," Tessa nodded and led them to a hidden passageway behind a painting of a strange fish man kissing a strange human man underwater. From there, they rode the dildomobile with built in seat vibrators to a secret underground base.
"What is this, daddy?" Dee-Doh asked Hitler.
"I believe this is the base for the Illuminati. I've heard about it in some smut I read online," Hitler responded.
"You're well-versed, Hitler. And correct. Here, we'll meet the one who can reconstruct my piss weasle!" Saying Stalin was ecstatic about this was an understatement.
"Welcome to Beyonce's Beaver Basher Boutique! Ah, a return customer I see! Stalin, how you doing? And who is that handsome gentleman?" Beyonce gestured towards Dee-Doh.
"I'm a broken man, Beyonce. And that is one of my two (2) lovers. Unfortunately, we got too frisky in our frickle frackle session and my mayo shooting hot dog gun was sucked clean off! I collected the ashes because I knew you could turn them into a superpowered bionic luigi." responded Stalin.
"Oh my stars! B.J. is no longer a fitting nickname for you anymore! What will we call you now?" Beyonce exclaimed.
"Call me Ballin' Stalin. That's all I have left," Joseph put on aviators to hide his millions of tears and gazed into the horizon.
"You poor thing! Tell you what, I'll hook both you and your incredibly thicc slab of furby meat with a bionic meter long king kong dong!" Beyonce told the group. "Follow me to the sample room! You gotta pick your model." Stalin and Dee-Doh headed inside. Hitler decided to stay outside in order to be pleasantly surprised when they have their re-do.
The door opened. A holy light emerged from the doorway, and a gospel choir of angels descended from the heavens, singing "My Neck My Back (Lick It)" by Khia. There were mahogany shelves, 80 feet high, up to the ceiling, with hundreds of thousands of pretend pepises, in a plethora of shapes, sizes, colours, and materials. There was a vending machine to the right, with pepsi, but only diet pepsi!
"This is the beauty Beyonce's Beaver Basher Boutique!" Beyonce exclaimed dramatically.