A/N: So, every time I see Sam in my head, I picture him looking something a lot like a bigger, bulkier version of Nick Gonzalez (fanning myself furiously). I know each of us have different images, but my Sam doesn't look anything like Chaske Spencer.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for each and every review! You make my day. My week.
And Sassy...words continue to fail when I try to describe just how much your help means.
I'm working up to Sam and Bella getting together, but I'm trying not to do it too quickly. And as for Emily and the punishments...fear not. I haven't forgotten. This chapter is just a little more family (and Sam/Bella) orientated. With a little insight into the past where Sam is concerned. I really hope you like it. I struggled a bit.
Disclaimer: Twilight and all its recognizable characters belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.
Song to listen to: Demi Lovato - Tell me you love me (the words, the words, the words...)
Chapter 7 - Soft:
Bella got up at half past four to the sound of her alarm clock going off. She needed to get up early so she could make some snacks for the men. She knew Charlie was about as useless as they came when thinking of food. All he and Billy ever took along was beer and…yes…more beer. Harry used to be the designated driver, but since he was no longer around, she guessed Cameron was going to do the driving on the way home today.
She made sure to pack Cameron some Cola, also loading the rest of Sam's left-over beer into a cooler. He had forgotten to take it home after their dinner on Thursday. It wasn't much, but she had no doubt that Charlie would bring some more beer, too. They wouldn't go thirsty, that was for sure. And with her small contribution, she was making sure they wouldn't starve either.
As for snacks, she popped some frozen pigs in a blanket into the oven, and started on sandwiches while she waited. For a treat, she whipped up a batch of her grandma's secret recipe caramel choc chip cookies.
She kept thinking back to Sam's words last night. Was she being too hard on him? Was she being ridiculously stubborn not to give him a chance? It wasn't that she didn't love Sam anymore. She always would. Nothing was going to change that. But she still had questions. Like why he never came after her when she left? Why he never picked up the phone to call her and find out what was going on? Since he knew nothing about the baby, and merely thought she had left because she didn't want him anymore, why didn't he try and fight for her?
Just as she was popping the cookies into the oven, there was a knock on her door. This time she was prepared for Sam. She'd made sure to brush her teeth and fix her hair, hoping to look a little more presentable than she did on Monday morning.
The smell of soap and deodorant rushed in on a burst of cool morning air as she opened the door, finding Sam in a pair of shorts and a white shirt. He looked all kinds of yummy, and without intending to, she licked her lips at the sight of the material straining over his muscled biceps and torso, like it had been painted onto a smooth toffee canvas. That shirt should be banned from his closet, simply because it made him look so sinfully sexy.
"Morning," He greeted with an amused grin, one eyebrow kicked up in appraisal of her, and she wondered if he knew what he was doing to her? "Smells good in here." He winked, and somehow she felt like she missed the true meaning behind his words...
Bella waved him in and closed the door, opting not to overthink the situation. "I'm making snacks for you guys to take along."
"Thanks. I didn't even think of food when I packed for today, to be honest." He followed her to the kitchen, table lined with sandwiches.
"Strange," She mused and turned to look at him. "I thought food would be one of the first things you'd think of, considering you've got a bottomless pit for a stomach."
He merely chuckled in response, and shrugged.
"Morning!" Cameron greeted brightly as he came bounding loudly down the stairs, already dressed and looking extremely excited for the day.
"Hey, you ready?" Sam smiled affectionately at Cameron as he came to join them, slipping his backpack from his shoulder, and hanging it over the back of a chair.
She had to admit that she loved the way he looked at their son. It was hard to explain, but this was what she had wished for, for Cameron. To have a great relationship with his dad. For him to feel accepted. To spend time with Sam doing things much the same as they were today. And there was a point in her life where she'd truly given up on it actually happening.
"You have no idea, Dad. It's been the longest week, and I swear it took forever for today to come around."
"Did you pack sunscreen like I asked you to?" She asked Cameron, eyeing his bulging backpack. The zipper teeth strained, like they were holding on for dear life against whatever was stuffed inside. She had no idea what he had decided to pack. All she did know, was that his bag had been ready and waiting since Wednesday - a testament to his excitement to spend time with Charlie and Sam.
"Towel, a change of clothes just for in case, a cap and the sunscreen." He awarded her with a smug, toothy grin.
"Just make sure he actually puts some on, please?" She asked Sam. Cameron had tough skin, but he was a little fairer than his father, for obvious reasons, and required more protection against the sun.
"Will do." Sam assured her. "As soon as we get there, I'll let him put some on."
"And you guys will be careful, right? No falling into rivers or drowning, okay?"
"Relax, Mom." Cameron appeased her with an amused grin. "It's not like Dad and Grandpa are going to go crazy out there. It's just fishing."
She snorted in a very unladylike manner and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I've seen what 'just fishing' looks like at the end of the day." Beer and sun were never a good combination, and on too many occasions to count, her father had come home a little drunker than he had intended to, and burnt to a crisp. When the beer and fish started to flow, they forgot all about the world around them. "So, please just make sure you eat something before you start chugging down beer." She implored Sam, though she knew he had a higher tolerance for alcohol than Charlie did.
"I promise we will. You can seriously stop worrying now." Sam put his hand on her shoulder, ocher eyes wide as he tried to assure her. "I've got this, okay?"
"Yeah, alright," She nodded. "I trust you." She knew Sam wasn't the irresponsible type, but nothing was ever guaranteed. Anything could go wrong. But she knew she had the tendency to be paranoid, and for the time being, she tried to push it away, and simply share in their excitement.
"Good girl," He smiled down at her. "Now, what time is Charlie coming over? I'm itching to get this show on the road." Sam asked and took a seat at the kitchen table, while Cameron fished a bowl out of the cupboard and poured a massive amount of Cap'n crunch into it.
Bella checked the clock on the wall. "Probably in another ten minutes or so." She reached into the fridge for the milk and handed it to Cam. "He said six o'clock."
"What are you going to do all day, Mom?" Cameron asked around a mouthful of cereal. "You sure you don't want to come along?"
"And ruin your male-only bonding session?" She shook her head and chuckled. "Nah. I was thinking of doing one or two loads of laundry and cleaning the house. And after that, I'll probably head over to the store for some groceries, and swing by Kim's after that."
"I just don't want you to be lonely all by yourself today." Cameron said, gobbeling down his cereal at lightning speed. She knew he wasn't used to going out for the entire day, leaving her on her own. This was a first for both of them, and honestly, it was probably time they started getting used to it.
"Like I said, I've got quite a few things on my to-do list today. I'll be way too busy to feel lonely."
Cameron pushed away from the counter where he was eating his cereal, put the empty bowl in the sink and rinsed it with water. "Gotta go get my phone before Grandpa gets here." He said and hurried out of the kitchen, bounding two steps at a time up to his room.
"Thanks for doing this," Bella said to Sam as soon as Cameron was out of earshot. "It means a lot to him that you'll be spending the day with him. Means a lot to me too."
For some reason, this comment caught Sam off guard, and his eyes softened as he appraised her silently for a moment from where she stood, leaning back against the side of the table next to him.
He rose slowly from his chair, towering over her with that massive body of his, arms caging her in as he rested his hands palms down against the table on either side of her. "There's nothing I'd rather be doing." He assured her with a gentle smile and lifted his hand slowly, carefully, to cup her cheek. His thumb slipped briefly over her bottom lip, tracing it with a feather light touch. "Thank you for staying. For giving me the opportunity to get to know my son." His warm breath washed over her face, and she inhaled deeply. For a moment, the smell of him and the heat of his body so close to hers, made her mind fog over, and all she could focus on was the look in his eyes and the familiar feelings of the past that came crashing into her like a tidal wave of emotion. Burning pools of hematite threatened to consume her entire being as she kept her gaze locked with his, too entranced to look away. She swallowed thickly, the sound crinkling in her ears, muting the thrum of blood rushing through her body, and she couldn't quite comprehend why she wasn't willing to just fall back into this beautiful man's arms. It would be effortless.
The sharp beeping of the oven timer broke the spell they were caught up in, and she sucked a whooping breath into her burning lungs, only now realizing that she had stopped breathing altogether.
"The cookies are done." She whispered as they remained standing impossibly close to each other with no obvious intention of moving. Neither one of them noticed Cameron watching them from just outside the kitchen entry with ill-disguised amusement.
Sam merely nodded, and only after another minute, did he release her eyes, lower his hand from her face and took a step back, so she could go rescue the cookies and silence the annoying beeping.
Her legs felt like Jell-O as she wobbled over to the oven, her foggy brain still desperately grabbing onto any semblance of clarity, and came up surprisingly empty. The more time she spent in Sam's presence, the more she realized that she was in big trouble. Her mind was stubborn enough to resist him, but boy oh boy, her body reacted with something akin to desperation, lusting after this man in a way she'd only experienced as a teenager.
Charlie arrived shortly after, joining them in the kitchen while she packed their snacks into a container. He was sporting the same fishing attire from years ago. It looked a bit worn out to be quite honest, and she wondered if she could get him a new set for his birthday? It would be an investment.
The air of excitement between the three men was tangible. Cameron was practically vibrating with anticipation, waiting eagerly for them to leave. And when they finally stepped out onto the porch, Bella pulled him in for a tight hug. "Be careful." She said and kissed his forehead.
"Mom," He complained, trying to wriggle out of her embrace. It didn't escape her notice that he seemed more embarrassed by her affections whenever Sam or Charlie were in their company. She supposed he wanted to appear more grown up and macho in front of them, and her kissing and cuddling was doing nothing in the ways of helping him appear so.
"Fine." She let go of him, throwing her hands up in a gesture of defeat. "I won't give you kisses in front of your dad and grandfather again, okay? Just be safe. And have a good time. I'll see you later."
"Promise," He said and hurried down the steps towards the men, eagerly jumping into the back.
"See you later," Sam winked at her just before he ducked into the passenger side of Charlie's truck, making her blush.
Oh sweet Jesus...
Whatever he was doing to her...it wasn't good. She was becoming soft, despite her best intentions to keep him at a distance. And she swore he knew exactly what he was doing to her.
Kennedy, Quil's wife, joined Kim and her as they parked themselves in the back yard on lawn chairs, wine coolers in hand while the kiddies played in the big, inflatable pool not fifteen feet from them, where they could keep an eye on the little monsters.
It was a particularly hot day and she hoped Sam remembered the sunscreen. She had typed and deleted a message to him at least six times in the last hour, desperate to hear how things were going, but so far, she had yet to send the blasted text. She didn't want to annoy them with her concerns.
"Let it go, Bella." Kennedy said with a knowing look. "They'll be fine. Sam's nothing if not responsible."
"I know," She sighed and stowed her phone back in the pocket of her shorts. "It's just so new to me to have Cam go off and do his own thing. We used to do everything together, which meant I was always there to supervise."
"You would have had to start getting used to it at some point." Kim added, and shot a warning look at Bailey and Bennett (yes, apparently, Jared and Kim were fixated on names that started with a 'B') when they splashed Scarlett, Kennedy's daughter, with water. "Do it again and I swear I'll throw that beloved Gameboy of yours in the trash can." She threatened.
"Sorry, mom." They apologized, looking properly chastised. Or perhaps they were just scared their mother would actually go through with her threat.
"Don't apologize to me," She said, leaning back in her chair again. "Apologize to Scarlett."
"I have a question," Kennedy interrupted Kim, leaning forward in her chair to look at Bella. "What's up with you and Sam?"
"What do you mean?" She frowned, not quite following. What was there to know?
"Are you guys together now?" She rephrased, looking genuinely interested, instead of just fishing for information so she could gossip about it with someone else later.
"No, of course not." Bella denied emphatically. "What makes you think that?"
"Well, you looked so at ease with each other on Friday at dinner." She explained with a shrug of the shoulders. "You seem to get along very well for a couple who broke up so long ago."
"It's for Cameron's benefit." She stated matter-of-factly, so Kennedy would understand. "We're trying to give him a sense of what it's like to have a family, minus the drama and arguments."
"Doesn't look like it's only for Cameron's benefit, Bella." Kim interjected with a knowing look. "There's some crazy tension between the two of you. And not the bad kind, if you know what I mean?" She winked and grinned deviously.
"Are you suggesting that there's sexual tension between us?" Bella asked and cocked her head to the side to appraise Kim with something akin to a scowl.
"Yup." Kim nodded and took a sip of her wine cooler in an attempt to hide her amusement.
"Did you sleep with him?" Kennedy asked, wide eyes looking very intrigued.
"Of course I did." She huffed. Wasn't it obvious? "Where else do you think Cameron came from?" Surely she didn't have to explain the birds and the bees to this woman, since she had a child of her own.
"Oh my god, Bella. Not back then." Kennedy rolled her eyes with mild exasperation. "Now? Recently?"
"What?" She gaped at Quil's wife, shocked at the direction her thoughts were headed. "No, of course not! We're just friends."
"Oh," Both women said at the same time, looking thoroughly disappointed.
"Well, you should." Kim insisted. "That man's been carrying a torch for you, for as long as I can remember. And he's never gotten over you."
"But that doesn't mean we're getting back together." Bella challenged with annoyance. "We just get along well, that's all."
"But it doesn't mean that you're dismissing the idea either, right?" Kennedy looked hopeful, and Bella couldn't help but wonder why they were so eager for Sam and her to get back together.
"It's complicated." She groaned into her hands, when she realized they weren't ready to drop the subject. "Really complicated." She didn't feel like getting into detail. They didn't need to know that they were rather spot-on where the sexual tension was concerned. That her stomach did flip-flops whenever Sam was near. Nor did they need to know that she still found him so bloody sexy after all these years. It was her struggle, and no one else's.
"It doesn't have to be. Just tell him you love him and that you want him back. I mean, have you seen the way he looks at you? He's obviously ready to pick up where you guys left off." Kim supplied, clearly not catching on to Bella's annoyance with the direction of the conversation.
"I'm not going to tell him that." She refused flatly, and finished her drink in two large gulps, praying for some strength.
"Why not?" Kennedy asked with wide eyes, looking shocked by Bella's answer, like she was being an idiot for not wanting Sam back. And now she's had just about enough. This wasn't open for discussion when she, herself, hadn't had time to consider anything of the sort.
"Because I'm not sure I'm ready for that." She snapped and sat up straight in her chair. "Look, I don't want to argue over this, guys." She tried to rein in her temper. "We were having so much fun. Why not just drop the subject and move onto something that I actually have answers for? Or better yet, something that doesn't involve me at all."
"Sorry." Kim apologized. "We didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. We just thought you guys were considering it. Because you look so good together."
"It's fine." She waved it away. "It's not the first time I've heard that. But I'm just trying to get my life sorted out right now. There is a lot of things going on and I'm not sure I want to add a relationship to that mix."
"I get it, Bella. Just don't forget that you deserve to be happy, too. You deserve to move on, and I don't think there is anyone better than Sam. I know I wasn't in the picture back then, so I have no idea what your dynamic was like as a couple back then, but if I look at you two now..." Kim sucked in a breath and shook her head. "If this is what friendship looks like, it must have been all kinds of crazy-hot when you were dating. There is some serious chemistry there."
Kim and Kennedy were right. She did get along well with Sam - it wasn't hard to. And yeah, she deserved to find happiness. So did Sam. But she wasn't sure if it was possible anymore. She needed to let go first. And she was still working on that part. If she did manage to get over it, would it really be that easy to just 'pick up where they left off', as Kim so deftly put it?
When the men arrived back just after six, Bella had dinner ready, knowing they would be famished. She had pan-seared steak sitting on a wooden block, resting, and the fries were just about ready to be taken out of the oil.
She had to steel herself when Sam walked into her kitchen without that damned white shirt on. Yes, it was sinful, but seeing him sans shirt, was even worse. Every muscle on that silky toffee abdomen looked rock hard, like you could chip a diamond on it. And every time he moved, those yummy muscles rippled, and it made her mouth dry up and her fingers twitched as she suppressed the urge to touch him. How was she supposed to focus on anything around her with him in her presence? When she looked up into a pair of amused ocher eyes, she knew she'd been caught out. Caught staring...again.
This had to stop. If she continued to behave like this, Sam was going to get the wrong idea.
"See, Mom." Cameron waved his hands over his body, forcing her not so subtle gaze away from Sam. "No damage. No sunburn. Healthy as a horse."
"Yeah," She smiled, trying her best not embarrass Cameron again by pulling him in for a hug while the men were in their presence, and instead, she simply squeezed his shoulder affectionately. "Good boy. Glad to see that you listened."
"Hey," He pretended to look offended, throwing in a playful scowl for good measure. "I always listen."
"I know." She grinned and ruffled his hair, eliciting a huff from him.
"How was your day?" She asked when they were all seated around the table, ready to dig in.
"It was amazing, mom." Cameron raved. "I caught the first fish of the day, and then five more after that."
"That's great!" She shared his enthusiasm, glad that he had enjoyed his day with Charlie and Sam. "Did you get pictures?" She was curious to see what they'd been up to.
"Did we ever..." Sam chuckled, "Cameron made sure we took a picture or three of each fish he caught."
She noticed that Sam had a pink tinge to his cheeks and nose, where the sun had kissed his skin, but overall it seemed like all three men had actually remembered to apply sunscreen. And neither Sam, nor Charlie was drunk. So, either Sam had been a good influence on Charlie, or Cameron had been a good influence on his dad and grandpa. She was still deciding, but she suspected it was the latter.
"Can't wait to see." In her mind's eye she could already picture the look on Cameron's face when he'd pulled his first fish out of the water. And more specifically, the look on the two older men's faces when he'd been the first one to catch a fish, being a novice and all.
"He made a fine fishing partner," Charlie said proudly as he looked at Cameron, speared a piece of steak with his fork, and ferried it to his mouth. "And so did Sam, by the way." Her father said around a mouthful of food. "They are officially my new fishing partners."
"What's Billy going to say when he hears this?" She wanted to know. Billy had never missed a fishing trip for any reason, but she wondered if perhaps Charlie had wanted to be a little selfish, and not share this day with anyone but Sam and Cameron? Maybe he had wanted to bond first, before he let anyone else join in. And she'd be willing to bet her entire month's salary that Billy would be present for the next trip, so Charlie could show off his grandson's mad fishing skills.
"He'll just have to join us so he can see for himself. So he can see that his reputation is at stake with Cam here." Sam chipped in, placing his hand briefly on her thigh in an innocent gesture. But whatever else Sam was saying, was lost to her now. The words faded into the background like white noise, while his lips continued moving. He had already removed his hand from her leg. But it still burned. FIRE! Every inch of her had been set alight by the simplest touch from him. Her breath hitched and in stark contrast to the heat, her body erupted in goosebumps like a wave washing over her skin, making her body tingle.
He frowned momentarily, and his mouth stopped moving. His eyes did a swift circuit of her face, and the frown deepened.
"Are you okay?" Her hearing had been restored, she noticed, as his resonant bass drifted to her ears.
"Hmmm?" She tried to figure out what he meant. Her brain function was a little slow.
"I asked if you're okay?"
"Oh, yeah, she nodded feverishly, trying to hide her confusion about what happened just moments ago. She rubbed her hand over her leg and looked down to make sure his hand didn't burn right through her skin. It still tingled where his palm had made contact with her bare skin, just below the shorts. But there was nothing there. No evidence that anything out of the ordinary had happened.
Sam noticed though, and seemed to realize the reason for her sudden out-of-body experience and racing heart. She knew without a doubt that he would be able to hear the wild thumping of her heart. And as she looked him dead in the eye, she could swear the corners of his mouth kicked up almost imperceptibly, as if he was trying suppressing a grin.
She was distracted for the rest of dinner, only catching bits here and there about the fish they'd caught and how they were planning on making fish fry soon. Apparently, Charlie was going to try and coax Harry's secret fish fry recipe out of Sue. No one had ever been able to get it from her, and Bella highly doubted Charlie would be able to succeed.
After dinner, Charlie stuck around for a while, stretching himself out in front of the television, along with Sam and Cameron, while she did the dishes. All three men had offered to help, but they looked worn out from the day's activities, and without thinking twice, she had shooed them out of the kitchen so she could work in peace and quiet. Besides, she didn't need Sam close to her when his bare torso seemed to distract her to a point of zero brain function. Being by herself in the kitchen was way easier. She could think. Breathe. Function.
"I think I'm gonna head home now," Charlie popped his head into the kitchen as Bella rinsed the last of the soap suds from the sink, dried her hands on the dish rag and hung it neatly over the rail. "Sam and Cameron are passed out, and I'm quite tired myself."
"You're more than welcome to stay here," She offered. "If you don't feel like driving."
"No, thanks Bells." He declined and grabbed his keys from the kitchen table. "I'm looking forward to my own bed, tonight. Besides, I'm completely capable of driving. I didn't have much to drink today."
"Alright, just drive safe. Don't fall asleep behind the wheel." She said and stood on her toes to plant a kiss on Charlie's cheek. "Thank you for today."
"Don't thank me," He shook his head. "I should be thanking you for staying. For giving Sam and me an opportunity to get to know Cameron. He really is an amazing young man."
"I think today meant a lot to him. He's been yearning for this as long as I can remember. And I haven't seen him this happy in a long time."
"Are you happy, though?" Charlie asked and pulled Bella into his side, a deep frown wrinkling his forehead. "I'm worried about you. You seemed a little distracted tonight."
God, had she really been that transparent during dinner? Enough so that even her father had noticed? "I'm fine, dad. I'm happy. Just a little tired myself," She lied artfully. "This week was just jam-packed with a lot of events and a lot to get used to. I guess it's taken its toll on me." She didn't lie about being happy, but was she okay? Having Sam around her, and experiencing all these feelings again, was confusing and overwhelming. She had no idea what to make of it.
She followed Charlie out of the kitchen, but stopped short at the sight in the living room. Cameron was curled up on his side on the couch directly facing the television, snoring softly, and Sam was stretched out on the three-seater, feet hanging over the arm rest - the couch was way too small for him. It was the most endearing sight to see the two men passed out together, and she couldn't help but stand and watch for a moment. She never thought she'd get to experience something quite like this.
"Tell me you're going to let that poor guy off the hook soon." Charlie shot her a sideways glance. "He deserves a second chance."
Her father's comment caught her off guard. He was never one to meddle, unless he felt really strongly about it. And it seemed that he, along with everyone else, were hoping that she'd get back together with Sam. Was she being the stubborn one? Was she being stupid to keep her heart guarded against Sam, when she should be opening it up to him?
"I know he does, Dad." Bella sighed. "But I keep thinking that he could have come after me if he really loved me. He says he waited for me, hoping I'd come back, but why did he not fight for me when Emily told him I left?"
"Are you kidding?" Charlie frowned deeply, eyes frantically searching hers. He seemed completely taken aback by her words, like he thought it should have been obvious to her. "Sam said you asked Emily to tell him to set you free. To let you go."
"I what?" Her head snapped back to her left to look her father in the eye again. She pushed away from the wall she was leaning against and crossed her arms over her chest.
"You said you wanted him to let you go. And that if he really loved you, he'd respect your wishes." Charlie explained matter-of-factly. "And so, that's exactly what he did."
"I never said that." She closed her eyes and shook her head, pulling a stuttering breath into her lungs. "I was so in love with that man. I would never have said that."
"I figured as much, since Emily did everything in her power to break you up. And I gathered that, since Sam knew nothing about the baby, it was a total lie. There were so many times that he had threatened to fly down to Florida and fight for you, but in the end, he was trying to respect your wishes. He wanted you to be happy."
"Oh my god." She groaned in exasperation. "How can one person mess up someone else's life so badly. Emily was truly a vindictive bitch back then. And somehow, I think she still is, because she kept her mouth shut all this time. Never said a word to anyone. Can you imagine how different things would have been if she'd just stayed out of our way back then?"
"Well, I imagine you'd have been long married, with more kids by now." He mused.
"That's what I had pictured for us back then, when I thought about how our future would have unfolded."
"Just think about it, Bells." Her father implored. "Sam really is a good man with a big heart, just like his momma. And he obviously still loves you a great deal."
She sighed, not sure what to say to Charlie. She didn't want to promise something that she wouldn't be able to follow through on.
"I know it's easier said than done, Kid. But just be open to it, so that when the time is right, you won't miss out on a second chance to build a life with him." He touched his hand to her cheek briefly, eyebrows raised. "And don't do it for Cameron. Yes, he deserves a family too, but you need to do this for yourself. Not for anyone else. Otherwise it wouldn't be fair to either Sam or you."
After seeing Charlie off, she headed back to the living room, where a full-on snoring war was in process - Sam was in the lead for now.
For a while, Bella stood in front of him, simply watching his chest rise and fall evenly, fascinated by every perfect feature on his handsome face. She completely understood why Emily had been so in love with him, but not why she did what she did. Nothing could justify her actions.
She leaned in closer to Sam, itching to touch his face, to feel his heat against her hand. But she pulled away at the last second, just before making contact, scared that he'd wake up and catch her red-handed.
A yawn made her realize that she was in dire need of some sleep, since she'd been awake since before dawn, and she contemplated waking Sam up. The couch didn't look all that comfortable, but he looked so peaceful. Would it be wrong of her to let him sleep? He was wiped out, and though his house was just across the street, she didn't have the heart to chase him out of here. And for some reason, the idea of him spending the night in her house was really appealing. And it was innocent, right? It wasn't like she was letting him into her bed for the night.
Yes, she decided. It was innocent enough. It was just him sleeping on the couch in his mother's old house, after a day spent with his son. She would leave him to rest.
And with her mind made up, she planted a soft kiss on Cameron's cheek, switched off the lights and headed up stairs to bed.
Bella woke up to the sound of voices in her house. Yes, voices - plural.
For a moment, she couldn't quite understand why there was another person in the house, aside from Cameron and her. And then last night's events slowly drifted back to her. Sam had stayed over. He had fallen asleep on her couch. And she had let him stay.
She shot out of bed at the thought, and stumbled her way into the bathroom with bleary eyes, scowling at her crazy hair in the mirror. How did she manage to sleep it into such disaray every night?
She grabbed the brush and pulled it through the brown, tangled mess, praying that it would submit to her ministrations. She couldn't very well head down stairs looking like a disaster, when Sam always managed to look like a bronze god without any effort whatsoever.
After a gnashing of teeth and an inordinate amount of perseverance, she eventually succeeded in taming her locks, and pulled it up into a messy bun on top of her head. She squirted toothpaste onto the toothbrush, running it under the water and sticking it into her mouth. Her heart was pounding frantically in her chest at the idea of seeing him again this morning, after he'd stayed over. He would know that she had let him sleep here, and she wondered what he was going to make of it?
She rinsed her mouth when she'd scrubbed away the morning breath, and placed the toothbrush back into the holder. All she needed to do now was get dressed. And face him...
Her alarm clock said that it was nearly eight, and she couldn't remember when last she'd slept so well, and actually slept in (Yes, 'almost eight' was late for her). Maybe it was just knowing that Sam was here? Perhaps it had provided her with a sense of comfort, even though she wasn't scared to sleep alone in the house with just Cameron there. Never had been. Besides, the Reservation wasn't known for high crime rates. This was as safe as it got. But the one strange thing she'd noticed lately, was that she slept a lot better since she moved back. She was used to getting a maximum of four hours' sleep at most, back in Florida. It had been her usual sleeping pattern for as long as she could remember. Until now...
The men were cooking breakfast when she arrived in the kitchen, and her stomach growled at the delicious smell of bacon and eggs.
"Morning," She greeted them, smiling awkwardly at Sam as he turned around from where he was pushing the bacon around in the pan. He had a dish rag flung over his shoulder, and much to her relief, he was wearing a shirt. The white shirt. And yes, as sinful as that shirt looked on him, it was a hell of a lot easier to form coherent thoughts, than when he went without it.
"Hi," He awarded her with a similarly awkward smile, eyes kept trained to the ground, like he was feeling a little embarrassed.
"Sleep well?" She asked, directing the question at both Cameron and him, and only then did Sam's eyes flit up to meet hers. And the emotion in them threatened to steal her breath away. He looked happy, scared, hesitant...and for just a moment, she felt the overwhelming desire to comfort him.
Cameron's answering nod to her question, pulled her attention away from Sam, as he mumbled some incoherent answer from around a piece of toast - clearly too hungry to wait until the food was done - while he spread butter onto the rest of the toast he'd just pulled out of the toaster.
"That couch is surprisingly comfortable, despite its size." Sam said with a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, finally managing to speak a full sentence, before he turned his attention back to the stove.
Bella was immediately assaulted with images of feverish kissing and...a little more action...on nights when his mother hadn't been home, or had retired to the bedroom already. That couch had beared witness to so much...
She blushed and cleared her throat. "I'm surprised that you don't remember how comfortable it was." She briefly shot a glance at Cameron, hoping he wouldn't catch the meaning behind her words. He seemed oblivious as he diligently continued with his task, not even sparing Sam and her a moment of his attention.
Sam looked up over his shoulder at her with a wide grin and twinkling eyes as he realized what she meant, and just that look made her breath hitch. "I guess I was a little too distracted to notice, back then."
"Mmhmm," She returned his grin boldly, trying to rein in her blush. What was going on with her? Was she...did she just...flirt...with Sam? This was so unlike her.
"So," Cameron said with bright eyes as he finally finished his toast and washed it down with a glass of juice, "Dad and I thought we could spend the day at his place, and have dinner there tonight. He's got a pool." Cameron's eyes widened markedly, briefly portraying the innocence he still had inside of him, somewhere. An innocence that, for a sixteen-year-old boy, should have been more patent. But he'd had to grow up fast. Too fast, because of the harsh realities he'd had to face in his young life. And seeing it on him now, so raw and natural - because of something as inconsequential as a pool - made her incredibly happy.
"Yeah, it's my turn to host family dinner, isn't it?" Sam turned around and shoveled the bacon onto a plate, peering up at her from under his thick lashes.
"It sounds good to me." She was still so curious to get a peek inside his house, and this was her chance to do so. Not that she was planning on telling him as much.
"I can throw some meat on the grill, we can have a swim and eat dinner on the deck. Just enjoy the good weather while we have the chance. It's going to rain again tomorrow."
"Can't imagine a better way to spend a Sunday." Bella winked at Cameron as he watched her closely with unguarded excitement shining in his eyes.
"Awesome!" He all but cheered.
"Should I make a salad to go with the meat?" She wanted to know. She had some greens in the fridge that she could use. Or she could make a pasta salad - she knew it was one of Cameron's favorites.
"You're more than welcome to. My fridge is stocked with everything you'll need," He offered. "And if I don't have it, I'll be happy to swing by the store to get it for you."
She was surprised that, for a bachelor, Sam was so 'together'. "No need," She declined. "I'll work with whatever you have."
Sam's house was breathtaking inside. Even more so than the outside. He had a large living room, and though it had been visible from her kitchen window, she hadn't been able to see all the detail all the way from her house.
The living room had the same red alder wood walls as outside, making it seem cozy and warm in all its rustic glory, with red, burnt orange and brown decorations, giving it an inviting atmosphere - a place where you could spend time with family and friends, and host amazing dinner parties.
At the one end of the room, there was a large fire place, with various photos on the mantle piece. Aside from the pictures he had of him and his mother, and of the pack, there was one of him and her, right in the middle between the others.
They were still so young back then. It was a picture of them at James Island. She still remembered that day like it was yesterday. It had been a sunny Friday afternoon, shortly after Sam and she had started dating. Quil had phased only recently, and he'd still been single at the time. Embry, Paul, Rachel, Jake and Quil had all joined them, equally as eager to get a peak of the Island. They had taken Quil's father's boat to the island, so they could do some exploring. They'd packed their camping gear and some food on a whim, with the intention of staying over if they found a good spot. And upon finding the island quite to their liking, they had set up camp, making a whole weekend out of it. Jake had snapped the picture where she was helping Sam make s'mores, while sitting around a camp fire at the edge of the beach. She still remembered how bummed they'd been when the tide had risen to wash away their camp fire, and they had to move further up to escape the choppy waters.
With Sam's prompting, Bella tore her eyes away from the picture, and followed behind him as he lead them to the kitchen.
It was a large, spacious area, sporting a high beam ceiling. Cashmere gold marble tops covered the breakfast bar, kitchen island and any other work space imaginable, which there was plenty of, by the way.
Rustic wood was used to build the drawers and cabinets, and looked like it had merely been sanded down and sealed, giving it a natural feel. Brass pots and pans - polished to perfection - hung from a dark metal rack, suspended from the ceiling. And to the side, there was a large stone oven that she was sure could make the perfect wood fired pizza's imaginable.
"Oh my god..." Bella breathed as she turned around on the spot, trying to take it all in. This right here was kitchen heaven, and she'd give anything to be able to spend her life in this room. She could lose herself in here for days on end, without any consideration for the outside world.
"What do you think?" Sam asked, leaning back against the island, arms crossed over his chest as he observed her with a guarded expression.
"It's-" She gaped at him in amazement and shook her head in awe. "My god, I can't find the words to describe this kitchen." She kept his dark, careful gaze. "Did you do this all by yourself?"
"Yeah," He blew out a breath she didn't realize he was holding. He seemed to relax markedly at her open appreciation of his handiwork, arms slipping to his sides. "Took a really long time to complete."
"When did you start building it?" She asked, taking a step closer toward him, dragging her hand absently across the smooth marble surface of the breakfast bar.
"Uhm," He cleared his throat, and shuffled his feet uncomfortably. He looked down, frowning for a moment. "I started it not long after we imprinted." He lifted his head, glancing up at her with midnight eyes, expression looking strained. "It was meant to be a surprise."
"Oh, Sam." She said on the heels of a breathy sigh, swallowing thickly as she realized something very disturbing. He had started building this house with the idea of them sharing a life together, right here. He had built this kitchen with her in mind - every detail attested to it. And then Emily came along and messed it all up.
He pushed away from the island, and took slow, careful steps toward her where she stood rooted to the spot in the middle of the kitchen, keeping his heated gaze locked with hers. He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing as he did, and licked his lips. "Bella, I-"
"Mom!" Cameron barged into the kitchen. When had he left? "You should see the pool! It's huge!"
Bella tore her eyes slowly from Sam's, and turned her head to look at Cameron, plastering an enthusiastic smile onto her face. "That's great, baby."
"Come have a look." He grabbed her hand and shot Sam an excited smile, before pulling her out of the kitchen, totally oblivious to the tension in the room.
Double french doors lead out onto a deck that she hadn't realized encircled the entire house. She'd only been able to see the front. And right in the middle lay a lazy L shaped pool, with crystal clear waters. It looked inviting enough that she almost wanted to get in right then and there. But what caught her notice even more, was the back yard that was accessible through a set of stairs leading directly down from the deck.
It wasn't the biggest garden she'd ever seen, but it looked like something out of a magazine. The lawn was a neatly trimmed green carpet of fine fescue grass, and to the right, a stone water feature caught her eye as it trickled slowly into a small koi pond. Large ferns stood out proudly on either side, reveling in the soft mist the waterfall created. It was quite picturesque to be honest, and it brought a sense of calm to the back yard. Nestled away in the far corner on the opposite side, between more ferns and evergreen huckleberry, was a small wooden bench, perfect for refuge on hot summer days. It looked like the perfect place to put your feet up and get lost in a good book. Everything about this place was magical and inviting. It was everything she loved.
And suddenly, it was too much for her to absorb. A lump formed in her throat as she realized what he'd created for them...only...he never got to share it with her. With Cameron. All this time, he had to live here, with the evidence of what could have been, staring him boldly in the face. Mocking him. And her heart ached for Sam. If only he'd been selfish enough to break the imprint, he could have moved on with someone else. Started a life - a family - like he'd wanted to. He could have been happy. But the mere thought of him with someone else brought her so much pain that she consciously had to stop herself from shattering into a million excruciating pieces.
When she turned back to Sam, the truth of it all - the chilling reality - was visible on his face, open for her to see. And then, in the blink of an eye, he locked it away behind a stony wall.
"I'm so sorry, Sam." She said under her breath, lowering her head in shame. She felt so guilty for leaving him behind with all of this...
"Sorry for what?" He ground out, suddenly sounding so antagonistic.
"For all the pain I caused you." She whispered. From her periphery, she could see Cameron shuffle uncomfortably as he stared between the two of them.
Sam sighed harshly, dragged a hand over his face, and shook his head. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella." And with that, he turned to Cameron, plastering a pathetic smile onto his face. She could see that it wasn't okay...but...he was trying. "How 'bout we go take a swim, huh?"
The rest of the day turned out pretty well.
After the somber moment between them back at the garden, Cameron had managed to lift their spirits with his enthusiasm and excitement. He'd probably spent a good three hours in the pool, having the time of his life. And to be honest, she had enjoyed herself too.
The water had been cold at first, but the longer she stayed in, the better it got. So much so that she had to force herself to get out. She still had to prepare a salad for them. The only thing that had motivated her to get out of the pool, had been the prospect of cooking in that heavenly kitchen of Sam's.
He'd been right. Everything she had needed was there. Greens, tomatoes, olives, onions. And when making a garden salad had taken too little time, she decided to whip up that pasta salad, just so she could stay in the kitchen for a little while longer. She loved how effortless it was. There was tons of space. Tons of surfaces to work on, and when she peeked into his cupboards, she was shocked to find everything a woman could ever dream of. A steamer, a blender, an electronic pressure cooker. Even an ice cream maker. And oh god, so much more than she could mention. Would Sam take offence if she asked to move into the kitchen permanently?
From now on, she was definitely going to insist on family dinner being held at his house at least once a week. She would surely go into withdrawal if she didn't get to spend at least one day a week in his kitchen. And she told him so, too.
This had a surprisingly good effect on Sam, because it seemed to coax a genuine smile out of him, and the mood lifted even more from there on out.
At some point, not long before dinner was ready, she shrugged out of her blue kimono for one last dip in the pool. The sun was hanging low in the sky, and the heat of the day was finally easing. Dipping just a toe into the water to test the temperature, she looked up to find Sam's dark eyes on her, barbecue tongs held uselessly up in the air as he stared, before swiftly looking away again. She supposed he hadn't planned on being caught.
Writing it off as nothing more than a casual stare, she slowly lowered herself into the water and sighed as it cooled her skin. She moaned in appreciation, leaning back against the side of the pool, propping her elbows onto the edge and threw her head back. From her periphery, she saw Sam looking in her direction again. And sure enough, when she turned her head to look at him, his eyes were on her. But unlike before, he kept her gaze, merely smirking when she lifted a questioning brow.
She shook her head and smiled lazily at him before closing her eyes to enjoy the last bit of the weekend, while hiding the fact that the look he just gave her, sent her stomach aflutter. She was in sooo much trouble...
"I was wondering," Cameron said as he swallowed a large mouthful of pasta, and directed his gaze toward his father, "Is there any way that you'd let me come work for you, Dad?"
Sam put down his fork and knife, giving Cameron his full attention. He wiped his mouth and cleared his throat. "Like an after-school job?"
"Exactly." Cameron nodded sharply, and leaned back in his chair.
"If your mother is okay with that, I would love to have you come work for me. I could show you everything I do on a daily basis. We could start out slow, and maybe if you're still interested after you're done with school, you could join the business."
"Kinda like a father-son thing?" He looked hopeful, and Bella could only watch their exchange with awe. It was such a precious moment. Sam looked quite taken with the idea.
"Yeah," Sam grinned. "I mean, if that's what you want?"
"I've honestly never really thought about what I was going to do after school." He said. "And after seeing this house today, I was so impressed. And it kinda clicked, you know? I want to build things. Create something spectacular out of nothing. Just like you, Dad. And I could use the money I earn, to save up for college."
"No!" Sam said so forcefully, so vehemently, that it made Bella startle and drop her fork. She was just about to reprimand him for squashing Cam's dreams to go study after school, when he continued in a softer, but strikingly adamant tone. "I'm not letting you pay for college yourself. Use the money you earn as an allowance of sorts, but the last thing I want you to worry about is footing the bill for college. I'm going to pay for it myself."
Bella gaped at Sam in utter shock. She had always felt bad about the fact that she'd never be able to pay for Cameron to go study. He understood from an early age that he'd have to find a job to pay for his tuition. And that had never been a problem. So, for Sam to offer to pay without any hesitation, took her by surprise. Pleasant surprise. "Are you sure you can afford it?" She asked carefully as to avoid stepping on unnecessary toes.
"Look, Bella, I know you had it tough." He gave her a knowing look. "And so did I. We had to work really hard to be able to go to college. And I just want to give Cam what we never had."
"But you guys did well for yourselves. Mom always provided me with everything I needed. And look at what you accomplished with hard work."
"True," Sam agreed. "But I want to do this for you." Just like seeing Cameron off for school, this seemed to be another milestone for Sam. He wanted to be able to send his son off to college. He wanted him to have a worry-free time at college, where he could simply focus on his studies.
"Thank you, Dad." Cameron accepted the offer with earnest appreciation.
"It means a lot to us." Bella met his gaze head on, imploring him to understand just how much. "More than you'll ever know."
"I just want him to have a good future. It's the least I can do, after being absent for so long."
"We don't blame you for it." Cameron insisted. "It's all Emily's fault. Things would have been so different if she hadn't meddled."
"Everything would have been different." Sam agreed, catching Bella's eye. And in that moment, she could see the hell he'd been through in the past seventeen years. He had managed to hide it so well, but one slip of his brave mask had revealed so much to her. Just like earlier, in the garden.
She wasn't the only one who'd been broken...
A/N: Let me know what you thought.