AN: I feel guilty of extreme writer's procrastination/block. But at this point, I'm writing more for my enjoyment and trying to format the plot to make it (maybe) more enjoyable for you.

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own any part of Naruto.

Chapter 4: Musings

A little recap: Female OC, named Shiro, trains under Senju Hashirama and Uchiha Madara while living by herself in the forest next to the "river of stone-skipping" (from canon).

OC (Shiro) POV:

In all the time I spent with Hashirama and Madara, I didn't venture out of my forest. I loved my forest. And yes, it was my forest, no matter what Madara tried to say. I didn't want to venture out and see the war-torn land. I wanted to seclude myself and live in my little bubble of happiness. I was sure that Madara didn't approve of my attempts to delude myself and to avoid the harsh realities of life. And I knew, on some level, that my friends had blood on their hands.

But the main problem, I discovered one day, was that I was afraid that I was actually a psychopathic killer on the inside. Even during the before, I hadn't really cared if someone died. I'd attended funerals of close friends and relatives, and I hadn't cared. Sure, they died. All humans died in the end.

I watched movies. I watched people play video games. Scenes of blood and gore. Screams of pain.

A pool of blood? All I could think was, ew, it's blood and I don't want to step in it.

Screams of pain? I felt annoyed, thinking, shut up already.

I reveled in people's pain.

Some random passerby tripped and fell? Or cut themselves? I showed my socially acceptable concern outwardly, but inside, I was laughing hysterically.

Perhaps I wasn't all there in the head.

That was probably why I'd adapted so well to my displacement.

"Shiro-kun!"

"Yes, Hashi-chan?"

"I brought you some more clothes!"

"Ah, thank you."

Hashirama and Madara both supplied me with clothes, and Hashirama even managed to get me needle and thread so I could patch the ones I already had accumulated. They still hadn't figured out that I was a girl, which I was thankful for. No need for them to suddenly insist I join one of their clans for protection or something. I was going to remain neutral and unaffiliated.

I was fulfilling my purpose by learning the written form of the language and training to the point of being able to protect both myself and them, right?

The two boys I'd begun seeing as my friends began coming less often, barely staying to say a few words to me at a time before leaving again. I wondered if the fighting outside had escalated. I couldn't think of any other reason for them not to hang around anymore. I was left feeling lonely again.

It had always been like this. I'd be happy making a new friend or acquaintance, and then they would have to leave for a bit, and we wouldn't see each other, leaving me lonely and depressed, and when they came back, I would be emotionally dead and not as invested as much in our relationship. It was quite the vicious cycle. My mood would go up and down, leaving me exhausted. I tried to throw myself into training to ignore the loneliness. I barely had the motivation, though. My sleeping schedule got messed up because I would wake up, then train to exhaustion, sleep for a long time, wake up and train to exhaustion, and that cycle kept repeating, regardless of what time I woke up or went to sleep.

I woke up one day, after having passed out on the riverbank from training to exhaustion the day previously, to find Hashirama arguing with someone.

"Hashi-chan? What are you doing here?" I had to ask, because I hadn't seen him in a while.

He didn't even bother making any excuses for his prolonged absence or the argument that he'd seemed to be having while I returned to consciousness. Instead, he stepped to the side and introduced me to someone who currently had a scowl on his face.

"Ah, Shiro-kun! Meet my brother, Tobirama."

I blinked as I sat up and got a good look at the boy. He had white hair like I did, and his looked even fluffier and softer than mine. "Tobirama?" I asked slowly. Tobirama as in Senju Tobirama, the second Hokage of Konoha? And then I smiled, the muscles on my facial muscles feeling stiff from their lack of use. "My name is Toshiro, but Hashi-chan insists on calling me Shiro. It's nice to meet you, Tobirama."

The white-haired boy just nodded stiffly, his eyes seeming to study me.

I just felt a vague sense of disappointment when I identified the look in his eyes. Suspicion. Of course, why did I expect any different? Wait, now that I think about, isn't it a bad thing that Tobirama is here? Madara knows this place, too. Wary, I tried to sense for Madara's presence, but there was no sign of him, and I let myself relax a little.

Suddenly feeling old from the aches in my muscles, I stood up, brushing the dirt from my clothes. "Hashirama, may I speak to you?" I asked in what had to be the politest I'd ever spoken since I'd landed myself in this forest.

"But aren't we speaking already, Shiro-kun?" the older boy asked brightly.

He's being purposely obtuse to the risks of bring his brother here. I sighed. "Nevermind. Is there something you needed from me?"

"Let's spar! Winner spars Tobi-chan!"

Tobirama scowled at the nickname, but I saw it more as a pout, and I felt my lips quirk in amusement as I began stretching. I felt my mood lightening.

"Losers have to make lunch," I said, finding a small bright spark of joy in the fact that I was going to be spending time with my friend and his brother, even if said brother was probably plotting ways to separate me from his older brother.

"Deal!" Hashirama declared, and the two of us shook hands. "Let's go, Shiro!"

Yes, Shiro's name is actually Toshiro. Thanks for reading! I hope you've enjoyed 2017 so far! ~VM