Save the Manatee!

10: Kiss the Bride

(June 11-12, 2015)

Robbie's parents were fine with Mabel's decorations. The jovial funeral directors approved of the black curtains, the black candles in the candelabra, the little skull-headed pins that held the table drapery in place. It was all in a day's work for the Valentinos, after all.

Tambry's parents—well, they looked as if they were playing poker and didn't want their expressions to give away the fact that they held losing cards. However, they had raised Tambry, who had gone punk at the age of thirteen and graduated to goth when she was fifteen and had never looked back—and she was in a Goth Metal band, and it was doing well, and she was heading for college and a degree in secondary education, and—sigh—they were stuck with Robbie as a son-in-law, so they apparently tried to make the best of it.

The wedding rehearsal was at seven PM on Thursday. Tambry wore her usual purple and lavender—not a wedding dress, bad luck to let the groom see her before the ceremony in her wedding dress (a sort of Victorian mourning dress, lots of lace and bows. Black, of course). She'd also touched up the pink highlights in her hair and had applied deep purple mascara.

Robbie wore his most current hoodie, with the broken heart stitched up with the letters T-A-M-B-R-Y repeated. He'd also had a recent haircut, which made his nose look somehow even longer, and he maintained the approved Robbie oh-let's-get-this-over-with bored attitude that had taken him far as the lead guitarist and chief songwriter for The Tombstones.

Before the rehearsal began, Mabel, in a rehearsal bridesmaid's dress (really the one she'd worn to her grunkles' wedding), flitted through the Mystery Shack parlor—the same location where Stan and Ford's double wedding had been held—adjusting, tweaking, and adding some discreet silver glitter here and there. She was one of Tambry's bridesmaids, with Wendy as Maid of Honor. After some serious discussions that had left both boys with black eyes, Nate and Lee were co-best men. Flesh-tinted makeup couldn't quite cover the damage, but, hey, it was a goth wedding, right? Tambry cheerfully told them they could borrow some of Robbie's masca—uh, eye-paint for men.

Robbie's folks being Presbyterian and Tambry's Catholic, the question of the officiant had come up early. In the end, Father Perez and Dr. Gaspell (who had conducted the elder Pines twins' weddings) agreed on a compromise, though Father Perez would limit himself to prayers and not administer the actual vows.

Tambry and Robbie had received a special dispensation from the Church for this, and Robbie had agreed that their children could be baptized as Catholics. Well, he'd said, "Sure, whatever," but Father Perez tended to take a lenient view.

The DiCiccos' regret was that an interfaith marriage couldn't take place inside a Catholic church—but everyone knew the Mystery Shack, everyone liked the Pines family (though a few still nursed reservations about Stanley), and with Father Perez's counsel and advice, they had come around and had accepted the venue and the arrangement. As Tambry's father said, "I'd rather have it there and have the Church recognize the marriage than have the kids keep doing what they've been doing over the last year!"

Since Soos and his family were congregants, they happily agreed to let Father Perez do a preliminary blessing of the premises, which he did. An ancient Japanese ghost who had long hung around the gift shop went out and haunted the totem pole until that had been performed. Then he'd returned to the kaiken he haunted, looking around and muttering, "No difference!" But then in life, he had been a man of deep spirituality.

Seated in the bride's section, Dipper watched the rehearsal and felt cheered to learn that Robbie and Tambry had decided against writing their own vows. At one point, Robbie had been in favor of musical vows, with him shredding away on electric guitar and Tambry rocking the keyboard, but what with getting ready for graduation and being excited over the band's having a golden chance to cut an album, he had run out of time to compose anything. Since Robbie's lyrics tended to range from the sarcastic to the hostile, Dipper thought it was all for the best.

He watched the rehearsal with a sense of déjà vu. At least he wasn't part of the wedding party this time—no role to play, no words to remember—and he could relax and watch. As they were sitting together waiting for the rehearsal to start, Wendy had already warned him, "In my dress, I'm gonna look like a pale-barked black Christmas tree, dude!" but he had reassured her that she looked great in anything.

"Like a bikini?" she had teased.

"Especially in a bikini," he'd answered with a grin.

She giggled. "Man, you're comin' along. Year ago, that would've made you stammer and stutter!"

"Well—when you show up in the red bikini again, I probably still will!" he told her.

The proceedings went well. Afterward, everyone adjourned to the rehearsal dinner, which the DiCiccos hosted at Le Club. Since he wasn't part of the party, Dipper joined Teek for a cheaper dinner at Yumberjack's. Teek was wearing the hoodie he'd inherited from Robbie—Robbie's very first broken-heart number, which he'd first worn back in seventh grade. Robbie had passed that along as thanks for Teek's having pitched the Tombstones to the music producer who had signed them to do the album.

"You OK?" Teek asked him as they waited for their food.

Dipper shrugged. "Yeah, fine. That hoodie brings back some sour memories, though, man." He told Teek about the time he'd brought Rumble McSkirmish to life and how—to save Robbie, who'd threatened to beat him up—he'd had to endure a pounding from Rumble instead, which was very likely twice as painful as a Robbie mauling would have been.

"Why were you fighting Robbie?" Teek asked. He'd considerately taken off the hoodie and had folded it across his lap.

Dipper shrugged. "Aw, I had a crush on Wendy, but she didn't know, Robbie found out, he was gonna rat me out to her, I kinda accidentally broke his phone—it's embarrassing to talk about now."

They ate their dinners—pot roast, potatoes, salads, pie—and Teek said, "Mabel tells me you're a little bit uneasy about her and me. Dipper, you don't have to be."

"Yeah," Dipper said, not meeting the taller boy's gaze, "I know it. It's just that—well, you know Mabel. It's all or nothing with her. She's had some pretty awful crushes in the past. Including Mermando, the guy we're trying to help with this whole manatee kidnap thing. And there was this horrible guy at school when we were freshmen who treated her like crap—anyway, I've seen her get hurt a bunch of times. Guess I'm over-protective."

Teek nodded. "I've seen that, too. Like with Russ last year."

"Yeah. That was really rough on her." He gave Teek a crooked grin. "For what it's worth, I didn't trust Russ, either, man! And after he died trying to protect my sister—well, I've kinda beat up on myself for running him down to Mabel when I thought there was something between them."

"Yeah," Teek said. "I guess you and Mabel have always been so close you never want to see her messed up over a guy."

Dipper agreed with a nod. "That's true. But—well, Wendy says I have to let Mabel make her own decisions, and she's right. I do trust you, Teek. That's hard for me to say, 'cause there's very few people I trust, but it's true. But—OK, I'm kinda paranoid sometimes?"

Teek smiled. "Yeah, I get that. But I don't blame you. Mabel's—well, Mabel! I've always been kind of a nerd. Bookish. Not in any cliques. Too shy to talk to girls. Mabel's like a breath of fresh air."

"Heck," Dipper said. "Mabel's like a gosh-durned hurricane!" His imitation of Fiddleford was pretty good.

"I can't disagree with that!" Teek said, laughing. "I'd never met anybody as accepting as her before. And she made me laugh, and she enjoyed it when I did, and then when Russ died and I saw her so—so broken-hearted—I just wanted to comfort her, you know? Anyway, that's how it started. It's turned into something else."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Dipper said.

For a second it looked as if Teek were struggling to make up his mind. Then, though softly, he blurted, "OK, honestly, Mabel and I aren't doing anything, you know, drastic. In the romance way, I mean. She gets these wild hairs sometimes, and once or twice I've had to put on the brakes, because if she really got me started—"

"I know, I know," Dipper said. "Same with me and Wendy. We swore a pact that we wouldn't get, you know, totally physical until I'm eighteen. But we, well, hug and kiss and all and sometimes one or the other of us has to say 'Let's pull back now.' So far, we have, and I think we'll make it to our deadline. Wendy and I are seriously talking getting married after I'm out of high school, like Tambry and Robbie. Except I think my mom might have a hemorrhage if we told her right now."

"Catcher in the Rye!" Teek said, looking surprised. "You've read that book!"

Dipper blinked. "Yeah, why—oh, 'hemorrhage.' I guess I did pick that up there."

"What did you think of Holden?"

Dipper shrugged. "Closet geek being faux-cool and trying way too hard."

"Me, too!" Teek said. "He overcompensated so much, he was kind of a jerk! People have called me a geek, but I consider myself more of a dork!"

With a grin, Dipper raised his plastic cup of Pitt Cola. "To dorks!"

Teek made a pretense of clinking. "To dorks!"

"Which means," Dipper said, raising his cup again, "to us."

"Yeah," Teek said. "To us, man."

"You can put on that stupid hoodie," Dipper told him. "It doesn't really bother me any longer."

The actual ceremony took place Friday night, and it was interesting. Dipper, seated on the aisle, bride's side, didn't think Wendy looked strange at all—she wore a minimum of make-up, and her hair had been done in braids, but the black ruffled dress she wore had a low neckline, and Dipper resolutely didn't stare at her cleavage. Well—not too much, anyway.

All the bridesmaids wore black, Mabel's a chiffon number that fell gracefully to her ankles and bared her right shoulder. It swayed when she walked The only touches of color among the ladies were the bouquets—blood-red roses, with a few sprays of white baby's-breath. As for Tambry, she looked really good, confident and poised, her strapless wedding dress, all lace and ruffles, revealing her shoulder tats—discreet, tiny ones, a small sun on the left shoulder and a small moon on the right.

Robbie, in a black tux (naturally) and a black lace-ruffled shirt, wore a white satin bow tie and a white cummerbund. Like the girls, he had one splash of color: a red rosebud boutonnière. Nate and Lee, with gobs of black face-paint for men making them look something like tall, skinny pandas, were similarly dressed, but with black ties and white shirts.

The service didn't take long—half an hour or so—but touched all the bases, Dipper thought. Tambry's mom, Melody, and Abuelita wept, Mr. and Mrs. Valentino beamed and smiled, and nobody said or did anything too outrageous. He was mildly surprised to hear Robbie say, "I, Robert Stacey Valentino III, take thee, Tambry Ava DiCicco. . .." Dipper hadn't known their full names before that moment. And he could understand why Robbie preferred the nickname. Robert Stacey Valentino III and the Tombstones just didn't have the same bleak, Gothic ring to it.

Outside the hall, a limo waited to take Tambry and Robbie to Portland. There they'd board a plane for Los Angeles and their weekend honeymoon (the rest of the band would meet them in L.A. on Monday, when they'd start work on their recording), Tambry took off her garter to chants of "Go! Go! Go!" from the band members, Nate, and Lee, and she flipped it over her shoulder.

Father Perez caught it, which he seemed to find somewhat embarrassing.

Then she tossed her bouquet, and Dipper suspected collusion when Wendy stretched way up, made a leap, and fielded it. "Woo-hoo!" she yelled, and the chant changed to "Wen-dy! Wen-dy! Wen-dy!"

As she turned, displaying her catch, she raised her eyebrows and gave Dipper a surreptitious zip-my-lip gesture. He felt his heart melt.

Teek and Mabel came up, arm in arm. "Whoosh!" Mabel said. "That's over!"

"A triumph of your wedding-planner art," Teek said, grinning.

She playfully shoved him. "Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna run and get out of this dress, and you can take me somewhere nice to eat."

"I can't afford Le Club," he warned her.

"Meh, anywhere that's a step above Los Hermanos Brothers!"

"Mabel," Dipper said solemnly, "Once you take off your dress—you are going to put something else on, aren't you?"

She blew a raspberry instead of replying and, grinning, bopped off toward her room. Wendy came over and linked her arm through Dipper's. "Guess we're committed," she said, waggling the bridal bouquet. "Wedding flowers don't lie, man!"

"Couldn't be happier," he told her. "You want to change out of that dress?"

"Sure," she said. "Didn't bring my bikini, though."

That made him laugh. "Better wear something you can go to a respectable restaurant in. I think we're double-dating with Teek and Mabel."

Teek looked surprised, but then he said, "That would be good."

"Cool!" Wendy said. "Hey, I know this nice place over in Morris. Not too expensive, and they stay open until two A.M. There's even a dance floor!"

"Yeah!" Teek said with more enthusiasm. "Let's do that."

As the girls were changing, Dipper confided to Teek, "Right after a wedding is sort of a dangerous time to be alone with a girl, you know. They're thinking honeymoon!"

"Thanks—I guess," Teek said ruefully.

But he was smiling.

Later that night—at midnight, in fact—about twenty miles from Gravity Falls, in the town of Morris, the stranger sat at the table in his motel room and again performed the ritual. Seven, maybe eight, he had identified—there was a weird blur between two of the figures on the Zodiac, one that he had not yet figured out.

And then he lost one.

The heart had faded, as if the person it represented had died. Or had resigned the position. For days it had been absent.

He tried again.

This time, when he held the pendulum over the symbol, though—

He felt the line tug hard, harder than it had before.

The heart was back, somehow.

And . . . close.

And so was . . . Ice? And the Comet? And the fir tree?

All of them?

All so close?

He fought to slow his excited pulse. Four at once. Quite near. Could he capture them? Should he try?

Premature, he knew, but he had waited so long . . ..

No.

Bitter as it was, no.

He still was recovering from his blood sacrifice. He needed more time, weeks perhaps.

But now—now he knew he was on the right track.

Though these seemed to be in Morris.

He might be mistaken about Gravity Falls, he thought.

He could not yet strike, that he knew. He had to gather strength.

But—he could certainly visit the town. He had to do it.

And then he would see.

He leaned back in his chair, put the pendulum aside, and, turning on the desk lamp, extinguished the candle that had given him only a little light. It had an unpleasant smell as the smoke from the wick wreathed.

That was always the case with such candles.

The ones in which the wax had been mingled with human fat.