Many thanks to everyone who read my first chapter and reviewed, followed, or favorited! You've all been so kind, I hope the second chapter doesn't disappoint! And as always, I don't own any of these characters, only the angst they give me and the feels I try to put into words.
Kylo Ren stood in his room and thought about the look on Rey's face when she rejected him. When she turned down his offer to rule the galaxy together.
Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to.
He ached with every fiber of his being to move on, to forget her. Would kill it if he could, wipe the memory straight from his mind. But it rose, unbidden, again and again.
The disappointment, the sorrow. Regret. That she was leaving him or that she had expected better of him at all?
He felt shame curling low in his stomach but he no longer knew his emotions. Was the shame from her disappointment or from caring about her at all? He was weak now, weak because of her. He remembered the taste of desperation when she went for her lightsaber in the throne room. It wasn't anger at her betrayal that gave him the power to pull against her, it was his desperate need for her to stay.
To not be abandoned again.
He snarled into the empty air, hating this. Hating her, the scavenger, Rey. Hating the little niggling feeling in the back of his mind from their connection, like a little seed radiating constant warmth and light.
Hated the way he said her name, the soft way it left her lips. Ben.
No, not his name. He was Kylo Ren. She spoke the name of a child who died a long time ago.
There was a knock on his door, the noise breaking him free from his thoughts. Kylo hadn't realized he was breathing hard, the rasp of air leaving his lungs deafening in his silent room.
He strode to the door, slipping on the calm mask he had adopted since destroying his helmet. He hadn't had to worry about schooling his features in a long time but now that he was Supreme Leader, everyone was watching him careful.
Looking for a sign of weakness.
He opened the door to reveal General Hux and the perpetual sneer that curled at his lips. Kylo felt contempt trickle down his spine as it always did when he laid his eyes on the general.
General Hux was a snake, slithering his way up the ranks of the First Order and coiling around every scrap of power he could find. He had the admiration and respect of his troops, had proven himself time and time again. And now, he suspected Kylo Ren of having a hand in the death of Supreme Leader Snoke.
Kylo could feel the distrust, the suspicion radiating off of him as they faced each other in the doorway. He kept his face clear, his eyes cold, giving nothing away. Hux didn't worry him, he could kill him if he wanted and they both knew it. That would keep him in line for now.
But they both knew that killing the general could cause a ripple effect that Kylo couldn't afford to deal with right now. Hux was just gambling on how mad Kylo really was, how far he could push him before he decided he didn't care about the repercussions of killing the most beloved general in the First Order.
They were circling each other and it was just a question of who would make the first move.
"General Hux."
"Supreme Leader." Hux didn't bother hiding his disrespectful tone, not even pretending while they were alone. "I wanted to give you the report-"
He cut off as the Force shoved him to the ground suddenly, knees smacking against the floor with a harsh sound. Kylo flexed his fingers and Hux's head painstakingly lowered until he was kneeling before the Supreme Leader, eyes locked on the floor.
"You forgot something," Kylo said cooly, feeling the swell of anger pouring from the man on the floor before him. Satisfaction tingled in his fingertips.
"Forgive me, Supreme Leader," Hux spat out from behind gritted teeth.
Kylo released the Force and Hux sagged on the floor before staggering to his feet on unsteady legs.
"Be sure you don't make that mistake again. Submissive looks good on you, general."
Hux's lips went white with rage.
"Now what did you need? I hope you didn't come here just to waste my time with your disrespect." Kylo turned away dismissively, intending on retreating back to his room when Hux's next words froze him in his place.
"I merely wished to assure you that the girl will soon be found. She will answer for murdering Supreme Leader Snoke."
Rey.
A bolt of… something raced through him at the smug tone in Hux's voice and it took every ounce of his self-control to not break Hux, to not have him on the floor begging for death, to spill everything he knew about Rey.
"Has there been progress in locating the rebels that I wasn't made aware of?" He asked instead, aware that Hux was watching his every move.
"We haven't found anything yet. But I have put a bounty on her head that guarantees every person in the galaxy will be looking for her and willing to turn her in." Hux smiled in a savage sort of delight. "Dead or alive."
With those words, Kylo felt the connection between him and Rey shiver, pulling tight. He froze as her presence filled the hallway, her sharp gasp as she realized she could see him. Everything in his body screamed at him to turn around and look at her.
"Ben?" she asked tentatively, sounding confused.
He ignored her. Hux was giving him a strange look and Kylo realized he was still waiting for a response.
"You presume too much, general. When she is found, I want her brought her alive. The murderer of Supreme Leader Snoke cannot be allowed a quick death."
Hux opened his mouth but Kylo cut him off. "See that it's done. Now leave me."
He could feel Rey behind him, uncertain. Had felt her shock at what he said before she pulled her emotions back in check. What had she expected from him though? They were enemies, figureheads on opposite sides of the war.
Without waiting for a response from Hux, Kylo slammed the door between them and waited a second before turning to face Rey.
She met his gaze coolly, eyes clear and unafraid. He waited for her to demand why he named her as Snoke's killer, if he meant what he said about having her brought to him alive.
But instead, she let out a breath and glanced around. "Your room is… large."
Surprise threw him off balance, that being the last thing he expected her to say. "You can see it?"
She shrugged, a quick motion of her delicate shoulders. "If I concentrate, I can make things out. It's like I'm here and there."
Similar to when he had appeared to her and she revealed what the cave showed her then. He could make out the shape of her hut, could sit next to her by the fire and see the flickering flames. The bond between them was powerful indeed.
Rey reached out and trailed her hand over the dark glass of his desk. He couldn't take his eyes off of her fingertips, the way they caressed the black surface. Something lurched in his stomach.
"Am I to be hunted down like an animal then and brought to you for slaughter?" she asked casually.
Images danced across his vision; Rey broken and chained to the floor, blood sliding down the side of her face, the sizzle of his crimson lightsaber against her tan skin. The thought brought the taste of blood to his mouth and he realized he had bitten his tongue.
A sudden urge to grab her, to shake her until she understood the danger she was in, gripped in.
Be careful. Please.
The words rested on the tip of his bloodied tongue. He ignored them.
Rey watched him with a knowing look in her eyes, as if she could sense his inner struggle. He double checked that his mental shields were still up and they were. She simply knew him. Or knew herself and understood that they were one and the same.
One and the same. What was he thinking? She was weak, relying on the light to lead her and influence her decisions. He took what he wanted, his emotions guiding him. There was no purer way to live. Darkness always swallowed the light. Always.
"Perhaps if you had joined me when I offered, you wouldn't be in this situation right now," he finally said, striding over to his desk and peeling his gloves off.
"You're right. If I had joined you, I'd probably be dead already." A small part of him wanted to laugh at her defiant tone, the petulant tilt of her jaw. A bigger part wanted to scream at how frustratingly stubborn she was being.
"But if you had joined me," she continued, "we could have fought together. Fought for what is right, for the people of this galaxy."
"Is that what you tell yourself?" He spat bitterly, flinging his gloves onto the desk. "That this is what the people want? Endless war and casualties for nothing?"
"Casualties?!" she spluttered, red flushing across her cheeks. "How dare you speak of casualties when you wiped out whole planets!"
"It was necessary," he said dismissively. "Your precious rebellion forced our hand."
"So what then, if I joined you, the killing would have stopped?" Heavy sarcasm laced her words. "You would have spread peace across the galaxy as a benevolent ruler?"
Her words hit home, pummeling every second of uncertainty he'd felt since killing Snoke. He couldn't afford to be weak in his position now but he didn't know what he wanted. He didn't have a grand vision for the First Order or for the galaxy.
All he'd known as he extended his hand to her was that he wanted her by his side.
"Tell me, Ben, tell me you would have done some good, trying to stitch up the gaping wounds the First Order left across the galaxy." Rey stepped closer, her soft brown eyes peering into his soul. "Tell me I made a mistake by turning away from you."
"Of course you made a mistake," he retorted, pretending she wasn't destroying him with every word.
"Why?" she said softly, close enough now to touch, close enough he could count the freckles that made a constellation across the bridge of her nose. "Why should I have taken your hand?"
"Because we would have been together!" he yelled, snapping finally. What a childish thought at the time. He'd had nothing to offer her except himself and their future together… of course, it hadn't been enough for her.
Rey looked stunned by his outburst but didn't step away. Her eyebrows pulled in as she watched him struggle to breathe evenly, his yell ripping something free in his chest. Pity crossed her face briefly before she hid it, like she could hear his thoughts.
"Stop doing that," he said weakly, turning away.
"Ben… you-"
He didn't want to hear what she had to say, what sort of sweet lies she could murmur to him, trying to turn him to the light. She had shown her true thoughts in the throne room, made it clear that he wasn't enough for her. He was never enough for anyone. His parents faces flashed before him, Luke standing above him with his lightsaber, Snoke's cruel laugh.
"I hate you," he said venomously, with everything he had left in him. He scrabbled around inside himself, trying to find the darkness, needing something to latch onto, something familiar.
"No you don't," she whispered, then those fingertips he couldn't look away from earlier, those fingertips that made something hot twist inside of him, were brushing against the back of his hand.
His breath stuttered to a stop inside his lungs, every particle of his being focused on the warm slide of her skin against his. A desperate need to look at her, to see what was on her face as she willingly touched him, rose in him. Pity? Or something more, something like… wanting?
Kylo turned to face her, fear thumping in his chest, but she was gone before he could see her face.
He was alone once again.