I can't say thanks enough to everyone who has supported this story so far, you guys are amazing! I have so many plans for this story, it takes everything in me to not rush through every chapter to get to the next part but it's important to me that I do these characters justice and show the slow build of their relationship. It means the world to me that you guys are enjoying it so far!
It took a whole day passing on Dantooine before Leia finally approached Rey. She'd been waiting for it, trying to think of what to say to her. How could she possibly explain what had happened between her and Ben? And what was still happening? Their bond was something Rey didn't think she was ready to share with anyone. Her brain told her it was because of the concern and questions of her loyalty that would arise, but another part of her felt strangely… protective of her time with him.
Protective perhaps wasn't the right word but she didn't know how to explain that the bond had become important to her over the last few days. The occasional emotion or thought she got from Ben helped combat the constant loneliness expanding in her chest. She found herself anticipating when she would see him again. For the opportunity to bring him to the light, of course, but also for the softness he seemed to show when it was just the two of them.
But how could she explain to his mother that she still had hope for him, could still see the humanity underneath the monstrous mask of Kylo Ren?
Rey had spent the day claiming a room at the far end of the abandoned rebel base on Dantooine and helping get other members of the Resistance situated. The base was old, the first rebel base according to Leia, but had been maintained in case they ever needed a safe place to flee to. It was clean, stocked with supplies and rations and had a fully operational, if outdated medical building. They even had running water.
Leia had smiled sadly when congratulated on having thought ahead and preparing a suitable base to rest and recover at.
"I'd hoped we wouldn't need it," was all she said. Rey watched and thought that General Leia Organa was one of the strongest people she had ever met. But even the strongest of trees wear down and fall after time. Time and stormy weather could break down all.
Rey had intentionally picked a room away from the main corridors, away from the constant sound and bustle of people. Though she didn't want to admit it, the noise and amount of people made her feel claustrophobic. She was so used to the empty space in the desert of Jakku, of falling asleep to the sound of her own breathing.
It wasn't just being surrounded by people that bothered her, it was that they all stared.
She was hurrying back to her room on the second morning on Dantooine, trying to look pleasant and calm, though the weight of everyone's eyes on her in the hall made her curl her shoulders in protectively. There was such expectation, such misplaced faith in their gaze, it made her want to scream.
A soft pulse of understanding came through the bond. Images followed, officers tensing when he walked by, fear and anxiety creating a dense aura when he entered a room.
Expectations of a different sort.
Ben's voice was quiet but clear in the back of her mind and Rey didn't know whether to be frustrated or appreciative. If she concentrated, she could throw up a mental wall and push him out. But it seemed that otherwise, the bond was content to stay open constantly.
You bring that on yourself, she shot back snidely, annoyed she was such an open book, easily accessible on his end. She hadn't tried to reach out to him yet, afraid of what she might find.
Bitter amusement rolled through the connection.
Don't pretend it would be any different there.
Rey wanted to protest but knew he would feel the lie through the bond. So she kept walking to her room, trying to not imagine every face she passed cringing at the sight of Ben Solo.
Then she saw a familiar face working her way through the crowd towards her.
Get out! She thought to Ben frantically, focusing on shoving him out of her head with everything she possessed. She caught a brief surge of his shock before she clamped down the doors in her mind.
She hadn't wanted him to know she was seeing his mother. She had no idea how he would react, considering the last time he was near his mother, he was trying to kill her. And, if he knew she was speaking with his mother, it could drive a wedge between them, destroying the tiny bit of progress she felt she'd made so far.
Them not trying to murder each other was progress, right?
"Rey." Leia had finally reached her, grasping her elbow in the crowded hallway. "Could I speak with you for a moment?"
"Of course." Rey tried to sound natural, like she hadn't been dreading this moment for the past day. Like she hadn't just been speaking with his son, the most dangerous enemy of the Resistance. "Would you like to go to my room?
The small woman nodded and allowed herself to be led to Rey's room, entering and taking one of two seats at the small table Rey had found in an empty room and dragged back to her own. It currently held the stack of Jedi texts, ancient covers cracked.
Rey closed the door and sat down in the other seat nervously.
"Well..." Leia smiled kindly, eyes crinkling in the corners. "You must know why I'm here. Chewie told me that you went after Ben, trying to turn him to the light."
"I… I did. While I was with Luke, I discovered what really happened the night that Ben destroyed the temple and fled. I believed that he could be saved, that he might come to our side if I went to him."
Rey could see the flicker of hope in Leia's eyes as what she said sank in. It quickly disappeared.
"It feels safe to assume that you weren't successful since he didn't come back with you."
Rey opened her mouth, uncertain of what to say. True, she had failed. Ben hadn't turned to the light, he had too much rage eating him alive, too much hurt festering inside of him. But… that look in his eyes when he held his hand out to her. The intimate moments they had shared through the bond. The heartbroken way he said he hated her, like he was trying so hard to make it true.
"It's okay," Leia said, reaching out to grab Rey's hand, tears glistening in her eyes. "I've accepted that my son is gone. Snoke is simply too strong and I wasn't there for him when he needed me most."
"No!" Rey exclaimed, surprising even herself. "You can't give up hope!"
She explained what had happened aboard the Supremacy, Ben killing Snoke and saving her life. Of Luke's admission to failing him, the moment he created Kylo Ren out of the fear of a young man.
Leia wept silently. "Oh Luke," she whispered, tears trickling down her cheeks.
Rey gave her a minute to let everything she said to sink in, a minute to mourn all she had lost.
"I don't know how to keep hope that Ben is still there, that he can be saved. Even though he's free of Snoke now, it might be too late," Leia finally admitted. "After all he's done… it would be easier to just believe my son is gone."
Rey ached to explain their bond to her, how every encounter with Ben just solidified her belief that he could come back from the dark side. But she couldn't.
"He needs you to keep hope alive now, more than ever," she said instead. "If you don't believe redemption is possible, that he can be saved, how can he?"
People giving up on him is what caused this in the first place. No one in his life seemed to have faith that he could fight the lure of the dark side, no one believed in him. At the first sign of him giving in, they abandoned and turned on him.
Harsh words rose in her mouth but Rey pushed them back down, ashamed of herself for thinking those things, for wanting to berate Leia. She already knew how much she failed Ben and had to live with the guilt every day.
But a small kernel of anger still simmered in her stomach at the thought of Ben's childhood and all the people who gave up on him. She knew all about being abandoned, but the belief that her family was coming back for her, still loved her, helped her keep going. He'd had none of that.
Leia left soon after, looking physically and mentally drained. Rey felt awful for her internal conflict but nothing she said hadn't been true and Leia deserved to know.
The second the door closed behind the general, Rey let out a huge sigh. Her head had been throbbing for the last few minutes, pain radiating out in steady waves. It was radiating from the bond and Rey could only assume that Ben was trying to force his way through her walls.
What a child. She ground her teeth, regretting her earlier sympathy and anger on his behalf. She pulled her hair free from it's tie, enjoying the brief second of relief across her scalp. Then she undid her arm wraps and shrugged off her outer tunic, leaving her in a thin undershirt, shivering at the chilly nip of air on her bare skin.
If he was going to throw a temper tantrum like a child, then she wasn't going to talk to him.
She crossed her room and entered the refresher, marveling again at the shower and tub at her disposal. Rey had never taken a bath in her life and showers usually consisted of a bucket of lukewarm water dumped over her head. Though she was tempted to shower, the thought of getting naked while Ben tried to invade her mind made her uncomfortable to say the least.
So she just splashed cold water on her face instead, rubbing it up her arms and across her shoulders. It soothed her flushed skin and aching headache, a groan of relief escaping her lips.
She was splashing herself a second time when she felt the unmistakable feeling of the force bond going tight.
No, no, no, she thought. Why? Why now? She stuck her head out of the refresher door, letting out a loud curse when she spied a black-clad figure standing in the middle of her room.
"Rey," he said, a smug smile curling at his lips.
Rey internally cursed the Force with every foul word she could think of. What determined when and how the bond decided to pull them together? She was suddenly immensely happy she decided against the shower.
Ben raised an eyebrow as he looked her over and she realized she was in just her white undershirt, hair down in frizzy waves around her face, water rolling down her face and neck. Heat rolled up her chest, staining her skin red.
"Am I interrupting something?" he asked, looking amused. Ben Solo, amused. That was new.
"Yes, actually." Rey felt herself prickling at the way he kept looking at her, his amusement transforming into something else.
"Good," he said curtly. "Serves you right for shoving me out so rudely earlier. What were you so desperate to try and hide?"
Serves you right. Rey wanted to take his twisted logic and strangle him with it. Only he would think it rude that she blocked him out when he was the one invading her mind in the first place.
"I had company," was all she said, quickly making sure the Force hadn't ripped her mental shields open when it thrust Ben here. But everything was firmly in place.
He rolled his eyes, about to say something then froze, staring at her intently, taking in her disheveled appearance again. She could feel the path his eyes were taking as they traced up her body.
His lips flattened into a white line. "Was it a man?"
A loud laugh burst from her lips before she could stop herself. A man? Of all the absurd assumptions for him to make…
Ben wasn't amused, his eyes flat and cold. "Who was it?"
Another laugh escaped Rey. "Who was who, Ben?"
His eyes narrowed. "Don't play dumb. Tell me who he is. Was it that traitor, FN-2187? I saw the way he looked at you." His hands balled into fists at his sides.
Rey stiffened. Finn was a loyal and true friend, nothing romantic in their relationship. For Ben to say something so absurd... "There's no man. You're delusional. And even if there was, that's no business of yours." She felt her chin lifting stubbornly. "You have no say in who I do or don't see."
Ben stared at her, his eye giving the slightest twitch, a muscle jumping in his jaw. Then he moved suddenly, a savage gesture. He seized something invisible, muscles shifting under his black clothes as he threw it and Rey heard a phantom smash through the bond. He was breaking things on his end.
He whirled back to face her, breathing hard, eyes wild.
"Ben, stop it!" she demanded, his rage startling her. Immediate regret flooded her at goading him when he was clearly upset. Something must have happened to him today to make him so irrational, this couldn't just be about her.
He strode towards her, closing the gap between them in a second, his movements predatory. Rey willed herself to not flinch away, meeting his gaze the whole time.
"If you won't tell me, I'll just rip it from your mind," he hissed, teeth flashing.
He didn't scare her. He was both glorious and feral in his anger but she wasn't afraid of him. She knew his instinct was always to attack, to use his emotions like a finely honed blade to injure others. They were the instincts of a hurt child.
"If you do that, I'll never speak to you again," she said calmly. He rocked backward, surprise extinguishing everything else. "I will put everything I have into locking you out of my mind. You try to reach out to me and you'll hit a wall. The Force pushes us together, and I'll pretend you don't exist." She glared at him fiercely, feeling triumphant when unease flickered in his dark eyes.
"That's right. Deny it all you want but you think we've been bonded for a reason. Maybe so you can turn me to the dark side, maybe to discover where I am so you can come kill me. But no matter what the reason, you don't want to lose this." Rey gestured between them, satisfaction filling her when he looked away but didn't deny it. She had counted on him trusting the ways of the Force above all else, his belief that it made things happen for a reason.
"How about," she continued, "you can take what I freely offer you and deal with the rest. You will respect my privacy and in return, I will do my best to be honest with you. But you have to earn it first, my trust. Digging through my mind and taking what you want isn't the way to do that."
It felt strange to have to explain the concept of privacy and respect to him. But having Snoke constantly rooting around in his mind and taking everything he wanted had created a broken man who understood neither. He only knew how to take and have everything taken from him.
Silence settled between them as Ben considered what she said. She could tell he was struggling with his pride, his need for control and instinct to take what he wanted.
"I… apologize," he finally said.
Rey tried so hard to hold back the surprised smile but she felt her lips curl up in the corners. "What was that?"
"I won't say it again," he growled, crossing his arms. He sounded angry but the tips of his ears were pink.
Rey smirked but didn't push it. Ben was so unpredictable and most of the time, she thought she hated him. One second he was telling her she wasn't alone, the next taking her to be tortured by his master. Reaching his hand out and telling her she meant something to him, then reaching for her lightsaber to cut her down. And now, threatening to rip her mind apart, then getting embarrassed about apologizing.
He was a constant contradiction, a sad story and a hopeful tune all at once. He frightened her, comforted her, threatened her, listened to her. He was simultaneously her greatest enemy and her closest companion, someone who saw inside her and understood who she was to the core.
Staring up at him, feeling the strength of the bond between them, Rey had no idea what she was doing. Why she was so drawn to him, why she was giving him another chance after all he had done. She couldn't help but think that choosing this path would bring nothing but pain. She knew it in her heart, that she could be making a terrible mistake.
But she couldn't live with herself if she was another person who gave up on Ben Solo, who turned their back on him.
And as she gazed back at him, Rey couldn't help but feel like today had been a victory.