Chapter 22: Two Separate Parts

I groaned after opening my eyes, immediately closing them again afterwards. The sun was bright this morning and streaming right through my window in an attempt to blind me. I covered my head with my thick comforter, opening my eyes once again now that I was shielding them. I could see the light even through the thick blanket but it was heavily muted at least.

I wiggled on the bed to find a comfortable spot, freezing suddenly and wrinkling my nose in disgust - my body was sticky. My right leg basically just peeled off the other; I can also feel how damp the sheets and blanket are. My nose wrinkled in mild disgust after making the mistake of breathing in while my head was underneath the blanket, the smell of stale sweat filling my nose unpleasantly.

"Egh!" I exclaimed, quickly following up with a loud gagging noise after - I had accidentally sucked in the thick, muggy air trapped within the confines of my blankets and drew it into my lungs. Breathing in the pungent odor of sweat and damp cotton threw me into a coughing fit, leaving my lungs burning slightly after the irritation subsided.

I remembered to turn my head at the last moment as I whipped the blanket off of my head, avoiding the sun and taking a heavily desired deep breath of untainted air outside the confines of my blanket. I rolled to the side of the bed, facing the wall that lay opposite of the windows with bleary and half-lidded eyes, another groan escaping at how disgusting I felt. I ignored the damp sheet and blanket, both of which had absorbed a healthy amount of my sweat throughout the night, and climbed out of the bed.

My feet touched the floor and I instantly corrected my movements to become soundless subconsciously - the years of conditioning my body to do such things without thought kicking in. I padded across my wooden floors lightly, moving across the one bedroom apartment before stopping at the dresser containing my clothes. My eyes gravitated to one particular area of the wall - the filled up space slightly above my dresser. There lay my most recent and maddening obsession: a calendar.

Shikamaru left for his mission sixteen days ago and his projected time of arrival was exactly twelve days, which is why there were the numbers one through twelve written in green pen starting on the 3rd of March and going through the 15th of March. The four days afterwards were marked in red pen, indicating he was that many days late. All Shinobi know that it is not uncommon for somebody to be late coming back from a mission. There is an unspoken rule followed by all active duty shinobi that it's only after the seventh day after the expected return date, unless there has been a mission extension request or an update of any kind, that you should begin to worry. I attempted to keep calm as another day passed without news but I was finding it increasingly difficult not to imagine the worst scenarios my macabre imagination could generate.

As I have the previous four days, I activated my dojutsu while standing in front of the calendar - focusing on Shikamaru - his eyes and the way they crinkle at the corners when he is amused, the shape his hair is when tied up, and the feel of his warm hand leaving tingles behind in the wake of feathery touches. I concentrate on the way he walks with his hips swinging a little, how he stands with one hand on his cocked hip while the other is in his pocket, and the sound of his voice - a voice too raspy for someone his age, especially when compared to our peers - both those in his age class and my own. I could feel the chakra funneling into my eyes and the drain beginning to pull the chakra from my core at an ever increasing rate.

Everything seemed to stop, the world almost feeling as though it were frozen in time, and I saw a indistinct blurry image that very well could've been Shikamaru in his thinking position. I held the image, clenching my hands into fists as the chakra drained at a faster rate the longer I held the image, and watched as his eyes slowly opened. As soon as I saw the brown irises I have become so familiar with as of late, I was forced to deactivate the Sakimonagan or risk my chakra getting too low.

"Ah!" I shouted out, slamming my clenched fists into the dresser hard enough to shake the wood. The last four days everything was totally black! I had been so close that time! With a disappointed and worried scowl, I grabbed the red pen laying on the dresser and marked the X on the calendar hard enough to put the marker through the paper accidentally.

I took a shaky breath in, letting it back out less shakily. I repeated breathing in and out until I felt myself stop panicking. I felt helpless without being able to See what was going on - which, in turn, reminded me of Rafu and Akari. It was a constant nightmare I have to see them and for them to tell me that if I wouldn't have been so blinded by Shikamaru, I could have seen their death and prevented it. Then the truly ugly side of myself came out and wondered if I saw both events, who would I have picked back then? What about if I had to choose now?

I shook those thoughts from my head and pulled some clothes from my dresser, walking into the bathroom and laying them on a shelf beside my towel. I relieved my bladder, flushed the toilet, and climbed in the tub underneath the warm water falling from the shower head. The water pressure combined with the heat stung sharply against my tense back, most likely coloring my skin a sunburnt red fairly quickly but it felt far too good for me to either lower the heat or the pressure.

I could feel the sweat, dirt, and lethargy wash off of my body before spinning around the drain. The feeling made me moan - a long, drawn out blissful noise one only acknowledges in solitude. Quite a bit of my time has been spent in solitude lately, with Shikamaru gone. It feels ludicrous to miss him after so short of a time but it doesn't change the fact that I do. The time apart did have one positive effect, however, and it was making me realize that I was using Shikamaru to an extent - using him as a crutch.

Almost all of my time since Akari and Rafu were killed has been spent with Shikamaru. The time I've spent alone reminded me that I can't depend on Shikamaru for everything- it's not fair to either of us if I do so. There is just a lot I want to say to Shikamaru; all he needs to do is get back alive.

Determinedly not looking at the calendar, I slipped on a dark purple mandarin collared shirt, long enough to go down to my knees but cut on the sides to allow for free motion. I tied my braid, green and white feathers woven in, and pulled my hair back into a top knot. I slung the quiver full of freshly fletched arrows across my back along with my new long bow. Walking to the Long mirror pressed against a wall, a bottle of paint in my hand, I stared at my reflection solemnly.

Hesitation.

Tentative, slow, but smooth hands lightly went through an almost ritualistic motion. Calloused fingers dipped into the creamy and glossy mixture contained by its spherical prison. My hand jerked back reflexively, surprised by the glacial temperature of the slick substance. I chuffed, bemused by my own skittish behavior.

Rubbing my forefinger and index finger together, I watched the paint spread out on the tips of my fingers; dark eyebrows furrowed above unfocused, unseeing stormy eyes. The nightmares had been getting worse lately. Akari and Rafu being butchered by THAT man almost thoughtlessly, as if the two people who had helped keep his world up were an afterthought - not worthy of attention or life. Seeing my own life end in a myriad of ways and locations, two recurring themes within a parade of possibilities; the silver haired man, curled and wicked, and a broken Shikamaru on his knees beside my broken and dying body.

My eyes raised from stained fingertips, looking into the glass surface cautiously; unsure, for the first time in my life, of what image would be reflected back. The first feature that demanded attention were haunted eyes, wide and open in blatant terror. There were dark bags underneath with lines that seemed to be cut into his paler than usual skin.

Shaking off any thoughts about the horrifying images tormenting my subconscious lately while I sleep, I dipped my fingers into the cold paint purposefully. With precise movements, I drew two thick lines of purple paint from my cheeks down to my jaw. I looked back at my reflection once more and thought about the photograph of Ren shown to me years and years ago. The thought of where I would be or what may have happened to me had this kind girl not taken me on as a burden by deviating from her mission and bringing an abandoned baby back to Konoha caused is always humbling.

It was a kunoichi who first told me about Rin Nohara, a girl who risked her life and broke protocol to save a defenseless baby she had never seen before. That was the day I promised, with Rin's friend and the memorial stone as witness, that her legacy would live on through me. I swore to protect this village just as she had before me. I would give my life without hesitation - a fair trade, I think, because without her and this village my life would lack purpose.

I let the melancholy thoughts slip from my mind like sand through fingers as I ran to the Hospital, utilizing the rooftops to save time and arrive for what would, hopefully, be my final check up punctually. I was itching to be assigned a mission after all of the time spent reading,'lightly training', and lazing around Shikamaru; the only thing standing in my way was the medical restrictions I was placed on at Tsunade and Shizune's 'suggestion' - which means they did not give a choice in the matter and seemed to even take a sadistic amount of glee from watching and enforcing my restriction.

I made it to the entrance of the hospital with more than enough time to spare before my appointment time. Despite my punctuality, my lips were tugged downwards into a frown. The reason for my displeasure was simple enough and, while expected, it was also unwelcome - I was breathing heavily. Far more heavily than I would have before taking 'time to heal' and allowing my body to 'recover from the trauma it's been put through.

I sighed in disappointment. I was out of shape.

"I'm here to see Shizune-san." I said to the receptionist, after finally having entered through the double doors.

The woman merely gestured for me to take a seat in one of the chairs on the left side of her oak desk after sending an unimpressed look my way. My feet remained firmly planted in front of the light brown furniture, one eyebrow raised challengingly. The receptionist maintained her apathetic expression while she continued flipping through a book bound in a blue cover, her eyes never leaving the page while she spoke in a clipped tone of voice. "She will be with you shortly."

I nimbly took a seat in one of the uncomfortable, straight backed chairs that filled the waiting room of the hospital. I idly wondered if they made the chairs this uncomfortable for a reason - maybe to discourage people from coming to the hospital for every minor injury?

I only had to wait ten minutes before I saw the double doors across the room swing open to reveal a dark haired woman - Shizune. I stood and made my way across the room, raising two fingers lazily in order to get Shizune's attention. She had been scanning the room systematically, most likely looking for me, and she perked up a little when she spotted my fingers in the air.

"Hello, Ren-kun." Shizune greeted, turning on her heel and gesturing for me to follow her back through the doors and down a busy hallway. She seemed to maneuver on autopilot, dodging staff members and patients alike in a seemingly unconscious dance that spoke of how much time she's spent in

The two of us reached a wooden door after a few moments of silent walking; Shizune pushed it open, scowling slightly when she heard the obnoxious creaking noise of protest it made as it was moved, but her features were soon schooled into a professional look once more.

"How are you feeling, Ren-kun?" Shizune asked as she pulled out a blood pressure cuff and wrapped it around my arm after rolling my sleeve up with nimble fingers.

"I'm fine." I answered readily, smiling slightly. "I am more than ready to resume training and taking missions. I have been going a tad bit stir crazy as of late. How are you, Shizune?"

"I'm busy, you've probably seen how hectic everything is today - it's been like this since Lady Tsunade and I returned." Shizune grimaced, the sour look fading away when she smiled in satisfaction - the pleased look that went along with it was a good sign. It was because of whatever the device she held relayed to her concerning my health.

The check up went normally and the two of us continued to exchange small talk about the going on's in the village while Shizune did what she needed. She shined a light in my eyes and had me follow it slowly, hearing was impeccable, sight good, and I didn't feel sore or tight when doing the stretches she asked me to do.

"Alright, Ren-kun. You seem as healthy as can be - taking it easy combined with the physical therapy exercises has done wonders for you." Shizune declared from her hunched over position while writing something on a sheet of paper she had pulled from the file in her hand as she spoke. She straightened up and held out the paper with an easy smile on her lips. "Give this to the mission desk so they know you have a clean bill of health and you'll be okay to return to active duty."

"Yes!" I exclaimed with a grin stretching across my face from the good news. "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!"

Shizune laughed as I pulled her into a tight hug, gently tapping me with her palm on the back of my head in a fond manner. "I didn't do anything. I told you if you took it easy and did the exercises, you'd be perfectly fine."

"Well thanks for the advice anyway!" I shouted, cringing sheepishly when a resounding bang echoed in the small examination room - someone next door obviously caused the noise as a warning to keep the noise down, which was a bit redundant considering they made a loud noise to stop one.

"Come on then." Shizune said, shaking her head in exasperation. "Let me walk you to the front and then watch you run away to try to hurt yourself again."

"Ha. Ha." I replied sarcastically, winking to let her know I was teasing just as she was to me. I was glad Shizune decided to take me back to the waiting room as we took another few turns - with all the changes going on, now that Tsunade is here and reorganizing, the sterile hallways seemed like a chaotic maze with too many people inside trying to find a way out.

Shizune opened the door to the waiting room and i flung myself out of the doors, keeping a straight face as I breathed dramatically and cried out about how wonderful fresh air is to finally suck in. I quickly scampered out of the Hospital completely after hearing Shizune's threat about running a lot more tests if I kept being a brat.

My mood was better than it had been in a long time and I headed straight for the training ground; I have been lightly training since I was released from the Hospital but the lack of missions, which means lack of money, has been keeping me anxious. Finally, I was free to take missions again! I practically buzzed with energy and made the decision that I am going to celebrate my return to service by finally attempting the new jutsu I have been studying out of the scroll Akio gifted me with.

Smiling at the sight of a empty training ground, I took my bow off of my shoulder and lovingly caressed the smooth wood as I got into the firing position. It was similar to tying a shoe; I reached back and felt the feathers of an arrow brush against the tips of my fingers before I pulled the projectile from the quiver and nocked the arrow.

With my feet shoulder width apart and my target in sight, a nice log a few hundred yards away acting as my 'target', I took a deep breath and released the arrow just as I breathed out. In that moment, the twang of the bow sounded as wonderful as the voice of a friend you've missed terribly and are finally able to see.

'Thunk'

My brow furrowed in confusion and honest bewilderment. The arrow, still quivering minutely even as it stuck out of the piece of wood, was off my mark. I smoothed out my face and pulled the next arrow, lining up the shot, breathing out as I release the arrow.

'Thunk'

'A little better' I thought to myself, narrowing my eyes at the vibrating arrow stuck deep into my makeshift target. I drew the next arrow almost mechanically. 'But not good enough.'

I practiced for two hours until the arrows I fired consistently struck where I intended them too. After the fifteenth perfect shot in a row I took a small break, carefully placing my weapon against a nearby tree and stretching my back muscles to prevent them from becoming too stiff. I drank a few mouthfuls of water, during which I also mentally reviewed the handsigns and other aspects of the jutsu I was about to attempt.

I let my chakra gather in my core, feeling the warmth in my midsection as I focused the energy before utilizing it. After I felt as though enough energy was together, I concentrated on converting the gathered chakra and funneling it into the Earth Release technique. My hands went through the signs easily and on the last one, I slammed my hand into the ground.

"Earth Release: Tracking Projectiles Technique!" I shouted as soon as my hand made contact with the ground, simultaneously releasing the pent up chakra.

I watched happily as three projectiles shot out toward the tree I had chosen, at the last minute, to target. The three projectiles hung close to the ground and rocketed towards the prone target at a surprisingly high speed. The impact creates more noise than I had anticipated, forcing the ground to tremor as a result of the force of the explosion. I had thrown my arms up to protect my face the minute the tree was struck and it was that instinctive reaction that protected my uncovered face from the large pieces of splintered wood falling from the air.

I moved my arms out of the way and observed the location where there had previously been a tree - before it was decimated by my new jutsu. Only a blackened, charred, and dead stump remained behind. The grin on my face grew wider, stretching my cheeks enough that it began to be painful, but the amount of damage I caused the training area had me giddy with endorphins and adrenaline, both of which were flushing through my veins. I could not imagine why anyone would want to do drugs; there is no way any substance comes close to making someone feel as powerful, as invincible as I do currently. My smile began dimming slightly as I investigated my chakra levels, a jolt of shock jolting through my body like lightning because of how much chakra the jutsu had taken for me to use. Despite my now significantly lower chakra reserve, I inherently knew that I could preform the jutsu one more time without draining myself completely. I smirked devilishly as my hands began to once again flash through seals at a rapid pace. '

That boulder looks kind of sturdy..' I thought musingly while the smirk deepened. 'For now.'

Civilians gave me a wide berth as I walked along the street, my torn and dirt covered clothes repelling them faster and more effectively than the appearance of an enemy shinobi would have. The attention and wary glances was not the most pleasant reception I have been given but on the bright side, I was making my way through the streets faster than I ever have before. Even the Shinobi's Highway, also known as the roof's of Konoha's buildings, would get me somewhere only fractionally faster than my present pace allowed.

I felt significantly more at ease now, especially when compared to the restless and hyper aware feelings I had experienced almost constantly during the past few weeks. The vigorous workout I accomplished seems to have cleansed my mind in the same way a hot shower cleans a dirty body. A particularly pinched look I saw being directed at me due to my appearance reminded me of my current state. Stifling the laughter attempting to escape from my chest, I decided a shower might be a better idea before my next errand. It would mean I would be going past the store in order to reach my apartment and then have me walking back to the store to get everything finished I had wanted to complete today. At the end of the day, I will have done more work and spent more time than necessary by showering before shopping but I know the store owner will appreciate the extra effort.

'Hmm,' I thought, sniffing as little as possible to avoid the full effect but still determine the extent of my odor. My nose wrinkled up slightly out of disgust after I registered my own smell. 'Ugh, oh kami. The pre-shopping shower was no longer up for consideration - in fact, maybe I should just Shunshin to my apartment.'

'Ping'

My eyes had already noted the hanging bell that announced my arrival into the store - the kind of bell people placed to ensure every occupant knew when someone entered or exited the structure. Surprisingly, I even recognized the silver dragonfly insignia inscribed upon the silvery surface marking it as part of a brand popular within The Hidden Leaf Village. It would neither be strange nor noteworthy to see the very same bell, dragonfly and all, being used within more than half of the stores within Konoha.

The silvery instrument hanging above this particular door, unlike the numerous other bells placed by store owner's - which I had merely acknowledged as a device being used for an intended purpose, made me abruptly freeze. The bell had a reflective surface, something that is not generally worth mentioning - I would not even comment on it now if it was not for what I saw. It was not a reflective surface, instrument, or engraved insect that kept my feet heavy and unable to move. I would not react to any object with a increased heart rate.

It was gravity defying silver hair, held off to one side by a Hiatite. It was a blurry blob below aforementioned hair - a blob that I know is actually the reflection of a dark navy blue mask being used to cover half of a face. Despite the fact that the rational portion of my brain was screaming at me to ignore the wiry man non-chalantly leaning against a bookshelf in one a corner of the store, I was paralyzed by indecisiveness - should I greet him and continue on my way? Stay and have a conversation with him? Ignore him completely?

"-ello? Sir!" Just like how the world seemingly froze, everything snapped back to normal just as suddenly. It left me feeling disoriented, unfocused, and small. It took a moment for my mind to process the fact that someone was attempting to speak to me. I blinked a few times to clear the blurriness from my vision and focused on the concerned shop owner standing in front of me.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked confusedly, trying to recall what the man had said while I was not paying attention.

"I asked if you are okay - you seemed a little dazed." The silver-haired, older man said, speaking slowly - most likely wondering if I was mentally handicapped or just stupid.

"I'm fine, sir." I responded, forcing a somewhat genuine smile on my face in order to appease the obviously worried man. I examined his hair briefly, ignoring the thought comparing his to Hatake Kakashi's own silver locks. Unlike Kakashi, this man's hair seems to have faded to gray with age rather than being the original, natural color.

The older man, who asked for me to address him as Atsushi-san, continued to hover for a few more minutes - I could feel his sharp, watchful eyes observing every move that I made. Being under such blatant scrutiny became uncomfortable very quickly and I had to reassure the man six times before he conceded and sat behind his desk.

I decided to just get the book I wanted and go back to my apartment. I looked through the shelves for a moment until I heard a sharp inhalation of breath to my right. Kakashi's one visible eye was opened more than usual and it was focused entirely on my face.

"Ne.. Hello, Kakashi-san. How are you today?" I asked uncomfortably, wanting to shuffle my feet under his stare but forcing myself to remain still.

"Your paint.." Kakashi muttered seemingly to himself.

"Oh, yeah." I replied anyway, reaching up to touch the purple stripes on my face. For a moment, I forgot I had the purple on my face - the same color the other Rin, one of Kakashi's dead teammates no less, wore. Guilt weighed down my stomach at the thought of how I'd feel if someone went around imitating Rafu or Akari. "I can take it off - I won't wear it again, I promise. I think I have water in my bag I can use or maybe Atsushi-san might have some.."

I continued to babble as I looked through my bag, finding my canister of water and unscrewing the lid. I moved one hand to dip it in so I could start scrubbing the paint off but a hand caught my wrist.

"Mah, mah, Ren-kun. I never asked you to take it off." Said Kakashi, his closed eye and the movement beneath the mask conveying that he was smiling.

"A-are you sure? I didn't mean.. I mean, I wasn't thinking about.." I could not figure out how to put what I wanted to say into words. This was the first time Kakashi has ever really been nice and I am afraid of messing it up.

Kakashi's look softened just the slightest, leaning a little closer to speak. "I think she would have loved it. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, after all. Just look at me."

Kakashi winked at the end of his sentence and I chuckled quietly - he was called the copy ninja after all. I looked at the shelf behind Kakashi and lit up when I saw the book I originally came to get.

"There you are! I've been looking for you!"

"It's funny that it is only when we stop looking for something that we find it, hmm?" Kakashi commented, turning to watch me take the book off the shelf. "So where is your other half? I haven't seen you without Shikamaru for awhile."

"I don't spend all my time with him." I grumbled, trying to hide the worry by being petulant but Kakashi was not a highly respected Jounin for nothing.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked, his eye narrowing a little when I didn't respond right away. "Ren-kun?"

"After we get out of the store." I muttered, brushing past him to pay for my book at the front counter. Kakashi and I both quietly payed for our books, and I promised Atsushi to come back soon.

'Ping'

A small smile formed at the sound of the bell ringing out as the door shut behind us. Kakashi allowed me a few moments to gather my thoughts without pressing me to speak, for which I was grateful. I saw the small side street I usually take as a shortcut to my apartment and I stood next to the wall after turning the corner.

"He's on a mission but something doesn't feel right, Kakashi-san. He's five days late." I began, wanting to pace as I spoke but quelling the urge. I saw the look on Kakashi's face - I could tell he thought I was a worried kid who missed their boyfriend. I cut him off before he could speak. "I know, I know - only after seven days should you worry and even then, sometimes unexpected things happen… but Kakashi, I cannot See him."

"You can't?" Kakashi asked slowly, his head tilting to the side as he considered my words. "Nothing at all?"

"It's been black for four days and today all I could see was a blurry image of Shikamaru in the stance he uses while thinking." I told him, thankful to finally have someone who knew about my dojutsu and will understand. "My chakra started to drain at an incredibly fast rate so I let the image drop."

"How are your levels right now?" Kakashi asked

I hesitated, briefly toying with the idea of telling him I am good to go but I knew that was reckless. Not to mention it could kill me - I can't die before I find out where Shikamaru is. I ruefully told the truth "Almost empty. I was practicing a new Hutus today and it takes a lot of chakra."

"Meet me at Hokage Tower in eight minutes." Kakashi told me, body flickering out before I could reply.

I stood there for a second before I realized what might be going on - Kakashi was doing something. He was taking me seriously! Hope filled my chest and I shot off towards the Hokage Tower as fast as I could run, using the Shinobi's Highway to make better time.

I only had to wait two minutes for Kakashi to arrive, a record for him I'm sure, and he silently gestured for me to follow him as he walked inside the building. I felt nervous as we drew closer to the Hokage's office, glancing at Kakashi every now and then to reassure myself - he seemed calm and controlled, so I took comfort in that. We stopped before the door and he knocked loudly.

"Come in!"

It was a loud and angry voice that called out a response. I swallowed my nerves as Kakashi opened the door and only our trained reflexes allowed us to dodge the paperweight that came flying out of the door to hit the wall behind us, creating a dent in the spot it hit. Kakashi seemed amused as he greeted the leader of our village.

"Lady Hokage."

A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I hope you all enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think. I've been without internet, aka slowly dying, for the past month so it's been difficult. Thank you to all my kind and lovely reviewers! You all make writing even more enjoyable than it is with your thoughtful comments!