If anyone ever told Rey that she would find herself missing Jakku after she finally left, she would have laughed in their face.
Yet here she was, heart aching to feel the heat, to feel the touch of the sun on her body again. She dreamed of the hot sand on her skin, warm breezes kissing her face.
It wasn't even that it was overly cold here on Dantooine, not that Rey had been outside much. The sky was always soft gray, the breeze holding just the barest hint of a chill.
But she just couldn't warm up, the metal walls of her room seeing to radiate cold through the night. After living in the desert for so long, bundling up and wearing multiple layers went against everything she knew, the fabric suffocating around her. There was no winning, her body was miserable and sun starved.
So night after night, Rey fell asleep folded in on herself under her blanket, feeling goosebumps prickle down her skin, her toes tingling in the cold.
Tonight was no exception. It was through the pure force of her will that her teeth didn't chatter as she pulled her knees up to her chest like a small child. She wrapped the blanket around herself and fell asleep with the sheets cold against her skin.
Except, some time in the quiet space between the night and morning, Rey woke up and she was hot. Not warm, but hot. She was just conscious enough to recognize the delightful sensation and let out a moan of relief, rolling over to press herself against the source.
…
Kylo wasn't sure at first what had woken him up. He was still in bed, his sheets and his pillow under his head, the darkness of his room; but something was different. He opened his eyes and it took him a second to realize he the shape he was staring at was the back of a head.
Rey. In bed with him.
Kylo froze, every bit of him suddenly awake and alert.
Her brown hair looked black spread across his pillow, the curve of her cheek just visible from where he laid. The slope of her neck leading to a bare shoulder peeking from the blanket.
His mouth went dry at the realization that her shoulder was covered with a smattering of freckles. It was such an intimate detail about her body, something few people probably knew. A surge of possessiveness jolted through him, coiling hotly in his stomach.
Rey. Sleeping in his bed.
Did he wake her up? Did he pretend she wasn't there and try to go back to sleep? Who was he kidding, there was no way he'd be able to sleep now. He'd wake her up then.
But first, he wanted just a minute to look at her. A stolen minute she would never have to know about, a secret between him and the darkness.
The blanket rose and fell gently with her breathing and she made a soft noise in her sleep, shifting slightly so it slid down, revealing another inch of bare shoulder. He could see the edge of a loose sleeveless tunic she wore so at least she was clothed. Thank the Force.
Kylo watched her, hardly able to breathe, his heart racing in his chest. There was something about seeing her like this, all of her shields down, her usually intensity absent… it made his chest ache, a confusing sensation just on the edge of being painful.
He was still frozen, torn between desire, what he wanted to do and what he should do, when she rolled over to face him, pressing herself against his body with a low moan.
He could feel her.
Rey pressed her cheek against his bare chest, nuzzling his collarbone. Her legs slid against his, toes cold against him through the thin fabric of his sleeping pants. The scent of sunshine and lemons swirled around him and he thought he would die right here in his bed, with her in his arms.
Force, she felt so real.
He had never been touched like this, never felt the thrum of desire rushing through his veins while being this close, this intimately pressed against someone. She was so small, so delicate against him, yet they seemed to fit perfectly.
He wanted to brush the hair away from her shoulder and kiss it, counting those freckles with his mouth. He wanted to trace the curve of her throat with his lips, taste her soft skin on his tongue. He wanted to take her in his arms and pull her onto him, tilt her chin up until he could see her face, the pink of her lips, lips he wanted to-
This desire, this wanting was more powerful than anything he had ever felt, more powerful than the dark side could ever be. And the realization terrified him.
Why? Why was the Force doing this to him?
"Rey," he choked out into the darkness, suddenly needing her away from him. But no, that wasn't right, he needed her closer, pressed more fully against him.
She shifted, nose rubbing along the line of his collarbone. He could sense the slow trickle of her consciousness slipping in through the bond.
"Mmmmmh," she hummed. "Ben." He could feel the brush of her lips against his skin as she breathed his name, the softest flutter of her eyelashes.
It took less than a second for her to go completely stiff against him, alarm screaming down their connection. Less than a second for her to jolt up and scramble backward, dragging the blanket with her.
"What are you doing?" she gasped, stands of hair hanging in front of her face.
She was like a cornered animal and Kylo could practically feel her hackles raise as he sat up and she took in his shirtless appearance
"What are you doing?" she repeated and he could feel her emotions swinging from confused to angry, back and forth like a pendulum.
He was shuddering under her gaze, under the reality of the situation now that she was awake. They were alone in his bed and his body was nearly vibrating with desire for her.
"Perhaps I should ask you, seeing as you're in my bed," he pointed out gently, taking silent deep breaths.
Her wide eyes focused on the black sheets, on the blanket curled in her lap. She looked at a loss for words. "I… I didn't-"
"I know," Kylo rushed to say. "It was the bond." Disappointment was settling in his stomach like a rock at her apparent horror. He wasn't sure what he'd expected but he should have known she'd be repelled to wake up next to him.
"Were we cuddling?" she blurted out then slapped a hand over her mouth, looking mortified. "Oh Force, I'm sorry, I can't believe I said that." Even in the darkness, he could tell that her face was red and she wouldn't look at him.
"I don't know, I just woke up," he lied, the words tasting ashy in his mouth.
"Oh," she said awkwardly, fidgeting with the edge of her tunic.
Silence settled between them until Kylo couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to be angry but the feeling kept slipping through his fingers. He couldn't seem to focus on it. "I'll sleep on the floor until the morning. I'm sure the bond will have taken pity on you by then." He slid from his bed, feeling Rey's eyes on him as he grabbed his pillow and tossed it on the thick rug beside his bed.
"Stop, I can't take your bed." Rey crawled across the bed to his side. "Ben, stop. I'll take the floor."
"I'm not letting you take the floor," he said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he laid down. He'd slept on worse.
"You do realize that I used to sleep in a broken down AT-AT, right?"
Kylo paused. He knew that she had been lonely and unhappy on Jakku, that she waited for a family who never came back from her. But he hadn't known the specifics of her situation.
Her head popped over the edge of the bed, filling his vision. "Ben, I'm serious. I'm not going to sleep in your bed while you're on the floor." He noticed that she kept her eyes fixed firmly on his face and he wanted to laugh at how uncomfortable she was with his naked chest.
"Rey." He said firmly. "Go to sleep." He closed his eyes, hearing her huff angrily then the rustle of blankets. His satisfaction at winning the argument lasted all of two seconds before he felt her climbing down on the floor next to him.
His eyes flew open and he glared at her as she curled up next to him, creating a little nest around her with his blanket.
"Looks like no one gets the bed then," she said sweetly.
This woman. One second he's fighting the urge to kiss her, the next, struggling not to strangle her. It was a skill really, how quickly she could infuriate him.
"Fine," he growled.
They were both silent for a few minutes, but Kylo didn't feel remotely tired. Quite the opposite actually. His blood was alive, scorching through his veins. He wouldn't be able to sleep even if he tried.
"Is your room always this warm?" Rey's voice was quietly curious.
"You don't have to use a blanket if you're hot," he pointed out. Truth was, he did keep his rooms a little hotter than normal. Though his childhood left a lot to be desired, he had always enjoyed traveling with his mother and the warmth reminded him of some of his favorite planets he visited, where the sun wasn't hidden and the breezes were balmy.
"No, it's not that… it's nice. My rooms are freezing, this must be the first time I've felt warm all week," she admitted. Sleepiness was making her less guarded that usual, sharing information about her surroundings.
The Resistance obviously wasn't concerned about keeping their prize happy, Kylo noted wryly. "Why don't you ask for a warmer room? Or for a heating unit?"
He glanced at her when she didn't answer, only to find her looking genuinely baffled, brows scrunched together. She was always so expressive, almost childlike in her inability to hide her emotions.
"That doesn't seem right," she finally said.
Kylo rolled over on his side to face her better, propping himself up on an elbow. "Why not? I'm sure the Resistance would be more than happy to cater to your every need."
"You don't understand."
"Then explain it to me."
She studied him for a second like she was trying to decide if he was being serious or not. He tried to not look to eager at getting a look into her mind, an opportunity to understand her better.
"On Jakku," she started slowly. "No one gives you anything. I would scavenge for anything I could trade for food and water. And if I didn't find anything, I would go without. I had to earn everything I had. But here..." she struggled to find the words. "Here, I'm offered things at no cost and I don't understand. People give me things when I have nothing to trade them for. It goes against the way I know the world works."
Rey glanced at him self consciously while he let what she said to sink in. The thought of her, hungry and thirsty out in the desert, trying to find the strength to go find something to trade- he gritted his teeth. No, that was something he could dwell on another time.
Rey had been thrust into a world she couldn't understand. He knew she had probably brought this up with people in the Resistance, only to be dismissed, assured that she didn't need to give anything. But she was obviously looking for a way to cope with this, something to help her make sense of this.
"I think the only difference here is that sometimes the trade isn't between physical things and not always in the moment." He tried to put it as simply as possible but he could see she was confused. "For example, the Resistance is giving you a lot, right? Food, a bed, maybe clothes. It may seem free but it's not. The trade is that they give you these things but in exchange, they expect your support in the war and you to fight for them when the time comes."
He could see her working it out in her head. "You're right with your instincts that things are rarely given freely. The price is just less simple than when you were on Jakku."
He thought of when he stood in the throne room and offered her the galaxy by his side. But even then, it hadn't been free. The price had been too much for her. Less simple indeed.
She nodded, a small smile on her face. "Yes, that makes sense. I suppose the Resistance could do a lot more with my support than a scavenged ship piece." An embarrassed laugh slipped out of her.
"It probably depends on the piece," he teased, rewarded with a smile, bright even in the darkness of the room.
"Thank you, Ben. I have a hard time sometimes with the differences here and-" she looked down to pick at her nail. "I don't want the Resistance to think I'm stupid or incapable of understanding simple things."
He reached out without thinking, grasping her hand and gently pulling to away from where she was picking. "Don't say that. Having a different upbringing or point of view doesn't make you stupid. Don't let anyone make you feel like it does."
Her hand was warm in his and Force, this connection was too much. He kept forgetting she wasn't actually here with him, that she could vanish at any moment. But if this wasn't real, her hand in his, their whispered conversation in the dark, what was? Tonight was the most alive he'd felt in a long time.
Rey was staring at their clasped hands with her mouth slightly open. Her fingers curled in, nails scraping against his palm, sending shivers down his spine.
"The Force bond is getting stronger, isn't it?" she asked softly.
"Yes," he whispered.
They held hands in silence until Rey fell asleep, her soft noises filling Kylo's room, until his heart stopped racing from the feeling of her palm against his and evened out to a steady beat that echoed in his head. Until he drifted off to a place right on the edge of sleep, only to rouse later and realize she had disappeared at some point, his hand now clasped around empty air.
This chapter ended up being way more fluffy than I intended... so yeah. I just think that in order to do these character justice, it has to be very slow burn and character driven, focusing on the intimate moments. But that doesn't mean action isn't coming up! And this is Star Wars so it's not going to be all rainbows and sunshine for much longer *evil laugh* Thanks guys!