Episode 2: New Teen Titans Go vs. The Flying Chandelier of Doom!

"So, I'd like to welcome you all to the first official meeting of the New Teen Titans." Raven said, sitting at their newly installed conference table, in their newly installed situation room. "First, I'd like to thank Blackfire for tricking this place out so we actually look like a legitimate crime-fighting team. Thank you Blackfire."

"Psst." Terra nudged Blackfire with her elbow. "She's talking about you."

"Huh?" Blackfire looked around. "Oh, right. Yeah. Go me. Whatever." She said, going back to gazing at Rose lustily. She'd actually paid a transdimensional construction crew to do it, using stuffed animals (surprising valuable in some dimensions) that she'd pilfered from Starfire's room, but it still counted, right? "Can we just get this over with so I can start making out with my girlfriend again?"

"Um, yeah. Seconded." Rose said, feeling like she could really go for that.

"I think we'd all like to be making out with our girlfriends and watching a date movie right about now, but if we're going to make a serious go at this whole being superheroes thing, we've got to go on a crazy adventure or two, and fight some villains right away. Otherwise the readers are going to get bored and whoever's writing this fan fiction we're in will quit, and start writing something else and we'll be back to not getting any on camera and hiding in the closet all the time because people just aren't ready for this kind of diversity in a cartoon show." Raven told them.

"So, do you think that fanfics like this might raise people's awareness levels? Maybe get at least two of us a chance for a real main-stream romance storyline?" Jinx asked hopefully.

"Yeah, like that's going to happen." Rose said.

"It might." Terra told them. "I mean, everyone's already pretty much secretly gay, right? Most of them just pretend not to be because they're scared of the lurv."

"Yeah, she's right." Jinx agreed, supporting her girlfriend. "Think about it. It just doesn't make sense otherwise. If people are in denial about that, then they're just purposefully deluding themselves. Is it natural for a boy and a girl to be a couple when every time they do the deed, the girl gets pregnant? I mean, yeah, there's birth control, but that's not exactly natural, is it? If we went the supposedly natural route, then we'd overpopulate the planet so fast it's not even funny. We're supposed to be lesbians, and all the boys are supposed to be doing the boy-love thing. It's so obvious."

"Um, don't you mean the boys are supposed to be bromantic?" Terra put forward.

"Yeah. That's kind of the running quip that this story's got going for that storyline. We should be consistent." Rose offered.

Blackfire sighed dreamily. "Say something else? I love the way your lips move when you talk, lover." She said.

"Um, huh? We... aren't exactly lovers yet, you know?" Rose told her in a hushed voice.

"Oh, playing hard to get, huh? That is so hot." Blackfire told her seductively.

Rose actually blushed. "Um, thanks." She tried to play it off.

"Any time... lover." Blackfire told her, licking her lips.

"I had no idea my elder sister was such a vixen." Starfire observed. "I like seeing this side of her." She smiled. "And also, if she is the Vixen, I wonder if she can imitate the kittens like the one on the Justice League can? Can you do the purring if I were to scratch your chin-chin just so?"

"Yeah, whatever." Blackfire said, not really having been paying attention, her gaze still locked on Rose.

"In any case." Raven went on. "I don't think we can really count on the average human being to wake up and see things logically any time soon. Not in our generation, at least. So, like I said, we've got to buckle down and be superheroes."

Jinx raised her hand.

"Yes, Jinx? You have the floor." Raven told her.

"Um, yeah... I'm not sure I'm okay with going after the H.I.V.E., if that's where this is going. I mean, my brother's over there, you know?" Jinx put forward, looking around and hoping this wouldn't be a problem.

"You have the brother? Is he the short bald one with the funny metal arms like the spider?" Starfire asked, imitating the spider's legs with her fingers to illustrate what she meant.

"No! Jeez!" Terra stood up. "You've been the H.I.V.E.'s enemy for how many seasons now, you've had four Girls Night Outs with her, and you still don't know that Mammoth is her brother? Talk about insensitive." Seriously, it was this kind of thing that got people banished to trash dimensions.

"I... apologize, friend Jinx. Friend Terra is right. I should have made more of the effort to know of your family status." Starfire admitted.

"It's alright, apology accepted." Jinx offered magnanimously, giving Terra a grateful look before looking back to Starfire. "But, anyway, just like you wouldn't want to fight your sister, I don't want to have to fight my brother either." She told them, in heartfelt plea.

Blackfire giggled. "Us, not want to fight? Oh, you really don't know us very well, do you?"

"Um..." Jinx was confused.

"They sort of fight... a lot. It's completely her fault though." Raven said, accusing Blackfire.

"What can I say? Raven does have a point. It's how I show her that I lurv her." Blackfire told her.

"It is? Truly?" Starfire asked, getting her hopes up.

"Um, yeah. Sure. Let's go with that for now." Blackfire said. "So, you said we've got to go pound some Earth villain into flaming space debris so I can keep dating my girlfriend? Who's the unlucky dead guy?"

"Do we not simply need to await the next crime alert?" Starfire asked. "They are often very conveniently timed."

"Well, we could, but I was thinking we could try being a little more proactive-"

CRIME ALERT! CRIME ALERT! CRIME ALERT!

The notifications popped up on the monitors all around them.

"Um, yeah, never mind." Raven gave in to the inevitable. "Let's find out who the unlucky victim of Blackfire's violent lovesick tendencies is today." She went and pressed a button and a live TV broadcast came up, showing them a flying chandelier of death menacing Jump City from above. "So... Doctor Light then?" Raven asked, because the guy looked super tiny on top of that huge thing, but it was still pretty obvious who it had to be.

"Yes. I have learned from my time as The Jeff, that the Doctor Light does indeed enjoy making the chandeliers of death in his spare time. He can be very sneaky when he is engaging in the hobbies." Starfire told them gravely (or, you know, as gravely as she was capable of ever sounding). "We must be vigilant, if we are to stop this fiend's fiendish plans once again."

"Right. Vigilant." Rose said.

"Guy sounds like an idiot." Blackfire said. "Can we just go trash his face already? This is already starting to get boring."

"Seconded." Rose said.

"You're always going to second everything Backfire says from now on, aren't you?" Raven asked.

"Pretty much, yeah. Got a problem with that, demon girl?" Rose asked.

Blackfire went over to Rose and pulled her by the arm close to her. "See? Who's got the better girlfriend now?" She told Starfire, sticking her tongue out at her.

"Ohhhh! The raspberry! You know I hate the raspberry! I like the strawberries! With the chocolate! It is the Earth tradition!" Starfire argued.

"Yeah, yeah. Tell it to my butt." Blackfire told her.

"I will! I will tell it to the butt!" Starfire said, her eyes and fist flashing with green energy.

"Whhoooaa there, girlfriend, lets save it for the chandelier monkey, okay?" Raven placated, drawing Starfire back to her by the arm, trying to avoid a sister-on-sister fight scene, even though she knew that some of the readership might like to see that happen. There was always the next episode for that kind of thing though, if they got desperate for something to do to move the plotline forward.

"Fine! But I do have the better girlfriend!" Starfire challenged.

"Oh, yeah?" Blackfire leered, taunting. "Wanna make a bet on that if you're so confident?"

"Yes! I do want to make the bet! But... what shell we bet? And what shall be the stakes that will be at stake in the bet?" Starfire asked, feeling tongue-tied.

"We'll bet on which of our girlfriends beats this Light loser in the end. When my girlfriend beats your girlfriend, then you have to do whatever I tell you... for the next week." Blackfire told her triumphantly. "Unless you're afraid Raven will lose, of course?"

"She will not lose! And when she does not lose, then you will be the one to be doing whatever I say for the week!" Starfire accepted her sister's challenge.

"Then, little sister, it is on." Blackfire smiled smugly, as though she'd already won. Because she would win. She'd make sure of that.

"Fine! If you want it on, then it is the on!" Starfire told her, turning her back on her sister.

"Um, I hate to interrupt, but... you know, if we're supposed to be the heroes of this story, shouldn't we, you know, be out there doing the hero thing? The chandelier guy is, well, wreaking havoc on the city and everything?" Jinx reminded them, hoping it would be well received.

Terra raised her hand. "Seconded."

Jinx giggled. "You're funny." She told her, kissing Terra on the cheek affectionately. "And really cute."

"Yeah?" Terra asked.

Raven sighed. "Jinx is right. So, um, I guess:" She opened a portal. "New Teen Titans? Go!"

"You said that very well, Raven." Starfire told her, kissing her on the cheek as Jinx had done for Terra moments before.

Raven blushed.

"You make a good leader." Jinx told her as she passed. "I'm glad I voted for you."

"There was no one else to vote for. No one else wanted to do it." Rose remarked as she passed too.

"Hey, lay off my girlfriend, eyepatch girl." Terra said.

"Yeah, I'll get right on that." Rose said, walking through the portal.

Blackfire followed next, slapping Starfire on the butt as she went by.

"Hey!" Starfire protested, shooting off after her sister, eyes glowing.

They heard Blackfire laughing from the other side.

Raven looked at Terra. "Going?" Raven asked.

"Yeah... about that. Could you, I don't know, maybe promise not to send me anywhere weird or trash like through one of these things, like, ever again?" She asked, eying the portal.

Raven smirked. "As long as you don't do anything to really deserve it, sure." She told her, turning and going through the portal.

Terra sighed. "Why do I not have the best feeling about this?" She asked Silkie, who was laying curled up in a ball on the table in front of where Starfire had been sitting.

She got no reply, so resigned herself to following along.

When Terra got there, she saw Starfire and Blackfire up in the air, using their starbolts and blackbolts to wreck the huge flying chandelier thing. Jinx was standing there next to her, and Raven was floating there next to them. "You two are damage control. Protect Jump City's citizenry while the rest of us take Light down, and be ready to step in if it looks like we could use the help." Raven ordered, flying off to join the fight. Rose was already on top of the chandelier, fighting with Doctor Light, deflecting his laser blasts with the reflective flat edges of her swords and trying to get close to him so she could win the bet for her girlfriend.

"So, who do you think's going to win the bet?" Jinx asked. "Rose, or Raven?"

"I don't know. Let's just go, you know, help people and stuff." Terra offered.

"Yeah, okay." Jinx agreed, kissing her girlfriend on the lips briefly.

Terra blushed a little, but dutifully pulled some rock up from the ground in a nearby alleyway to take her and Jinx down to the street.

Up in the sky, Raven headed towards the battle between Rose and Doctor Light. She wasn't really all that happy about the bet, but she definitely didn't want Blackfire to win. That... would be bad.

There were three smaller chandelier drone ships flying about (there had been four, one was already destroyed), but Starfire and her evil (okay, supposedly now formerly evil) sister were keeping them busy.

Raven got all scary with the black claws and glowing red eyes and shot a blast of dark magic at Doctor Light. He raised a light shield, but fell on his butt when her blast hit him, happily making Rose miss when she'd been about to kick him in the face. Raven laughed to herself a little at that. Oh, she was so going to win this.

As Doctor Light was getting up, Raven was about to punch him into the ground with a big magic fist. One of the chandelier drones blew up right next to her though, blasting her away from the fight. Her magic protected her, of course, but she needed a few moments to get her bearings and head back.

"Oops, sorry about that." Blackfire chuckled.

"Definitely still evil." Raven muttered to herself.

She was almost back to the fight when she saw Rose use one of her swords to cut off Doctor Light's head. Raven stopped where she was as a beam of light shot up like a geyser from the beheaded villain's neck. She watched as Doctor Light started to fade away and then wink out, gone.

"Ha! I knew I'd win! Looser!" Blackfire taunted her sister, flying down to swoop Rose up in her arms, carrying her up and kissing her passionately. "You are the best, hottest girlfriend ever, and you are so getting lucky tonight." She told her between kissing.

Below them, the chandeliers started to fall out of the sky. Raven turned to help Jinx and Terra stop them from causing too much damage as they crashed.

"It'll be okay, Star." Raven told her girlfriend, once the crisis was over minutes later.

"It does not seem like it will at the moment, girlfriend Raven." Starfire looked at her. "The bet has proven that you are not the best girlfriend after all, but I still believe... that you are the best one."

Raven blushed.

"That's so sweet." Jinx said.

"Thanks, Star." Raven said.

Starfire sighed. "But now I am the slave to my older sister for the week. I fear that I am... the doomed."

"Probably." Terra agreed, levitating down on a rock to join them, just getting back from sealing off a leaking water hydrant.

"Wait though, we're the heroes now, right?" Jinx asked. "So, we're not supposed to kill the bad guys, or am I wrong about that?" She looked to Rose in question.

Rose shrugged. "Hey, don't look at me. I fight with swords, you know? What did you think I used them for? Cutlery? I am not a chef." She told her.

"She does have a point." Terra said.

"Point." Jinx giggled. "There you go, being funny and cute again." She said, stepping behind her girlfriend and wrapping her arms around her waist from behind, kissing her neck.

"It is true." Starfire said. "You should refrain from the beheadings from now on, if you are to live up to the superhero standards." She explained.

"Yeah, okay. I can see that." Rose admitted. "But it's still okay if I maim them and sever a few limbs sometimes, right?" She asked hopefully.

"I don't see why that would be an issue." Starfire told her.

"Cool." Rose replied.

"And anyway, it doesn't really matter that much in the here and now." Raven said. "It's not like he's actually dead or anything. He's Doctor Light. You know, as in made of? All Rose did was disperse him. He'll... wait." Raven got an idea and she smiled a wicked smile, spreading her arms and chanting, forming a magical summoning circle in front of her. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" She commanded, using her magic words.

A whaling ghost of light started to form inside the circle, gaining more and more physicality as the moments went by. "What... happened?" Doctor Light finally asked, bewildered, sitting up on his knees and looking piteous.

"You lost... chandelier monkey." Raven summoned a magical book and used it to zap him and turn him into a monkey in a cage. "There." She said, smug, sending the magic book back where she'd summoned it from, brushing her hands together in dramatic fashion, and looking at Blackfire. "Looks like my girlfriend wins the bet after all. The monkey says so."

Blackfire growled. "That's not fair!" She whined.

"All is fair in the love and the war, sister." Starfire corrected, very satisfied. She went over and hugged Raven to her. "Best girlfriend ever." She cooed, lavishing her with kisses.

Blackfire sighed. "This sucks."

"Get used to it. Raven always wins. It's really annoying sometimes." Terra explained. Especially when she does it by sending you to a garbage dimension, she added to herself, still not over it.

"So... am I not getting lucky tonight then?" Rose asked what, to her, was obviously the most important question.

Blackfire sighed again. "Only if my sister lets me, I guess." She admitted, feeling depressed about it all. "You... will let me have my way with my girlfriend, right?" She asked Starfire, pleading.

"...Only if you say the please." Starfire said. "And if you give me the hugs." She added. "And also give Silkie the hugs. And apologize to Raven for trying to do the cheating. And also make me breakfast in the morning, like mother used to make us." She told her.

"Is that all?" Blackfire asked, cringing inside.

"No. When we get home, we will also have the girl talk, like proper sisters should." Starfire told her.

Blackfire groaned. "So not fair."

"Fair or not, you have lost the bet, and you owe me the hugs." Starfire told her firmly, having no mercy.

"Fine." Blackfire gave in, going over to give her sister the hugs she wanted.

"I don't know which one of them is more terrifying." Rose told Raven.

Raven giggled. "Good question."

Meanwhile, out on the bay of Jump City, across from Titans Tower, Robin knocked on the front door of H.I.V.E.'s island fortress. Automated weapons appeared from all around them. "What do you losers want?" Gizmo's voice came over the intercom. "And why shouldn't I blast you to smithereens, exactly?"

Robin sighed. "We're here because we're... looking for jobs."

"...Wait, what did you just say?" Gizmo asked.

"Dude, Starfire and Raven fired us from the Teen Titans and kicked us out of the tower." Cyborg explained.

"Yeah, they hired a bunch of chicks to replace us." Beast Boy added.

"Jinx included." Robin told him.

"Wait..." Gizmo said, opening the door to reveal him floating there, backed by Mammoth, See-More, and Billy-Numerous. "Jinx joined the Teen Titans?" He asked.

"Afraid so. Terra and Rose Wilson too." Robin informed them gravely.

"Ravager?" Gizmo asked. "Damn, she's bad news. I totally get why they'd chose her over you three dorks."

"She cuts off people's heads sometimes." Billy-Numerous said. "She did it to me twice once. It was traumatic." He lamented, shivering at the memory of when Rose beheaded two of his copy selves and stabbed a bunch more of them in various unpleasant places.

"She's hard core alright." Gizmo acknowledged.

"My sister abandoned us?" Mammoth said, looking as though he might cry.

"There, there big buy." Gizmo comforted, levitating up and patting him on the shoulder. "I'm sure she still cares."

"Dudes, you don't have to put on an act, we're totally in the fan fiction zone now." Cyborg told them.

"We are?" Gizmo asked. "Well, that's a relief. Come here, big fella." Gizmo said, giving Mammoth a sweet, lingering kiss.

"Wait... Those two?" Robin asked, baffled.

"Totally." Beast Boy confirmed. "Don't judge, dude."

"I'm... not." Robin said. "It's only, I mean he's so... big, and Gizmo's so... not."

"Hey! Is that a short joke?" Gizmo asked, offended. "You know I can still have all these guns fry you right?"

"Yeah, sorry about him. He's still all gutted because Kid Flash stomped on his fragile ego again." Cyborg explained.

"Oh. Well, that's okay then, I guess. That guy's a real jerk wad." Gizmo said.

"Totally." See-More agreed.

"He told me I looked fat once." Billy-Numerous confided.

"You aren't though. You're beautiful, Billy." See-More said.

"You think so?" Billy asked.

"Here, let me show you how I feel about it." See-More said, going over and soundly kissing him.

"Oh, I get it now." Robin said. "This is a boy-love fan fiction. I should have realized it sooner."

"Dude, you really should have." Cyborg agreed. He didn't usually like to say dude this much, but it was thematic at the moment, so he went with it.

Robin hung his head. "What about me though? Am I such a looser that I can't even get a boyfriend in a boy-love fanfic when everybody else has one?" He asked.

"There, there, little bro buddy." Cyborg patted him on the head. "Don't be sad."

"We'll get you a bromance, bro. Just wait and see." Beast Boy added positively.

"Yeah." Cyborg said. "We just need to get you a makeover and a little more self-confidence."

"A makeover?" Gizmo asked. "Oh, we are totally in for that, right boys?" He asked.

The others nodded and said that they were.

And so it was that, several hours later, Kid Flash got another phone call. "Yeahhello? ThesisKidFlash." He answered. "What? H.I.V.E. Island? Robin wants to tell me how awesome I am? I'm so..." He skidded to a halt inside the H.I.V.E. living room, staring at the boy in front of him. "There." He finished. "And who are you, hot stuff?" He asked, slow walking around the boy in the handsome black leather with the cool hair.

"They call me... Nightwing." Robin, or, now Nightwing said.

"Nightwing, huh?" Kid Flash said. "So... Seeing anyone? If you are, dump him right away. I'm here."

"Don't recognize me, do you?" Nightwing asked.

"No, I... wait." Kid Flash squinted, looking closer in around the eyes and the chin. "Robin, is that you?"

"Used to be." Robin said. "I've had an upgrade." He told him. It really was amazing how much good a wardrobe upgrade and a better haircut could do for a boy, he thought to himself. He felt confident and smooth in a way he'd never felt before.

"I'll say." Kid Flash said. "So... Want to date me?" He asked. "What am I saying, of course you want to date me. I am me after all. Come on, let's go date."

And, just like that, Nightwing found himself seated at a restaurant down by the water. "So... tell me about yourself, Nightwing." Kid Flash prompted, making lurv eyes at him from across the table as violins played and a tuxedoed waiter came to take their order.

"Well, once upon a time, I was born in a circus..." Nightwing started to tell his origin story.

And that, people who've been reading along, is the end of our show's second episode!

Next Episode: "New Teen Titans Go vs. The Teen Titans Boy Band!"

Do come back and join us, for thrills! Surprises! More amusing turns phrase! More romance! More bromance! And, you know, other stuff too.

Anyway, so I've got one reader who's followed, faved, and commented so far. I was very flattered by the joyful praise of my show. It warmed my cold, cold heart (I don't really have a cold heart, I just said it because of a whim). Thank you for saving me from a swarm of the crickets, dear reader. Still though, possibly a slow start building my readership I guess, but obviously I'm a huge hit just waiting in the wings =]

So, what do you say readers of mine? Want a full season of this stuff?