Episode 7: New Teen Titans Go vs. The Three-Eyed, Shaggy-Haired, Flying Purple People-Eaters!
Ravager slunk stealthily through the shadows of the amusement park, even as the park-goers around her ran screaming from the alien invasion going on around them. She'd told her girlfriend, Blackfire, to go help Starfire and Raven out in the open, telling her she was going off to get some answers on her own. They might need them, because this looked like it could be a tough one. Maybe even a three episode long event or something (it was about time they had one of those anyway, as far as she was concerned).
She saw a fire escape and started to climb up to the roof.
Once there, she took in the scene. She saw one of those girls with three eyes she'd been seeing that'd come out of the space ships, riding those funky-looking three-eyed, shaggy-haired, flying purple dragon things of theirs. The girl was swooping in down below, chasing a family who was almost cornered. Rose smiled to herself as the thrill of what she was going to do went through her. She took off, counting down the timing in her head, and then she jumped off the roof, landing a second later behind the girl on her dragon.
"Hi there. Going my way?" Rose whispered into the girl's ear in a tease, relishing the shiver of fear she could sense going through the girl as she held her sword to the girl's throat.
The girl swallowed and pulled up, stopping her pursuit of the family. "Don't kill me—please?" The girl asked, scared.
"Maybe if you answer my questions, I won't have to." Rose offered. "What's this about? Who are you, and why are you doing this?"
"My... my name's Pan, and, um... we're um, doing this because we're um, hungry?" She offered weakly.
"You... eat people then?" Rose asked, getting a queasy feeling all the sudden.
"Uh-huh, humans are yummy. Momma makes us people pies sometimes." Pan said positively. "And, you know, there are so many of you, is it really so bad if we eat just a few? You don't have to be one of them, I promise. So you can, you know, just let me go?" The girl offered, sounding way too innocent and genuine in this situation.
"...Land this thing." Rose told her with gentle menace in her voice, reminding herself she'd promised not to cut anyone's head off anymore. She was having a hard time thinking of what else made sense to do in this situation though. Maybe have Raven send them to another dimension or something?
"Her name's Umpy." Pan supplied, doing as told.
"Her?" Rose asked.
"My lopa, her name's Umpy." Pan explained, patting her dragon, or, apparently it (or, apparently she) was called a lopa. "She's really nice, um, well, once you get to know her?" She offered.
"I'm happy for you both." Rose replied drolly.
"Um, thanks?" The girl asked. "So, um, I answered your questions, are you going to let me go now maybe?" She asked hopefully.
Rose noticed something then. "What's this do?" She asked, pulling out something from Pan's saddle that looked decidedly gun-like.
"It, well, it puts people to sleep?" Pan offered.
"Does people include you?" Rose asked as they landed.
"Um... yeah?" Pan offered reluctantly, swallowing.
"Good to know." Rose said, sliding off the lopa and shooting first Pan, then Umpy with the sleep gun.
Pan slid down from her seat, falling limply in Rose's arms. "Well, that worked." Rose mused, throwing the surprisingly heavy girl, with effort, over her shoulder and heading towards a nearby building. She couldn't just leave her out here, she considered, mentally kicking herself for not asking how long the sleep gun put people to sleep for. She was thinking about maybe finding a nice closet to lock her in in one of the nearby buildings, when her eyes caught movement across the way.
Her eyes met those of another girl's—a girl with three eyes—who was spying on her from around the corner of an ally between two of the gift shops.
Rose smiled and the girl ducked back into the ally, startled.
When the girl peeked back out of her hiding place, Rose was gone, having left Pan laying there in the street behind her.
When the girl, looking forlorn and lost, emerged from the other end of the ally, Rose stepped up behind her, sliding her sword under her throat. "Hi there. Going my way?" (She really liked saying that. Was that so wrong?)
"You um, wait, please, I'm... I'm on your side, I promise." The girl told her meekly.
"Uh-huh. Are you telling me you don't eat people after all, then?" Rose asked dubiously, realizing that these girls really were kind of wimpy, at least when you turned the tables on them.
"No, I mean, they do, but I don't. Really, I want to help. I... What my sisters are doing, it's wrong. I ran away." She pleaded.
"Why?" Rose asked.
"Because humans are nice. One of them is my girlfriend. Her name's Wendy. She and her brother, Marvin, are really smart and fun to hang out with. I don't... I don't want anyone to eat her, even if they are my sisters." The girl explained.
Somehow, Rose realized, she believed her. Maybe she was being stupid, but she lowered her sword. "...What's your name?" Rose asked.
The girl turned around and their eyes met. "Shimmer." She said, just a little shy. "My name's Shimmer."
"Hi Shimmer, I'm Rose." Rose smiled to her.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the amusement park...
"You do not get to abduct the old people!" Starfire laid down the law, shooting two energy beams from her fists at one of the teenage girls riding the three-eyed purple dragons. The girl had been trying to net a pair of old people who weren't as spry as they probably used to be, you see. Which was just plain contemptible, in Starfire's considered opinion.
The girl yiped as she fell off her purple dragon, but she managed to land on her feet on the ground below anyway. "Just like the kitty cat." Starfire paused to muse, just as a net dropped over her from above, and an energy washed over her, causing her to pass out instantly.
"She looks yummy." The girl who'd just netted Starfire said.
"True, but she's mine, so hands off!" Raven commanded, punching her hard with a giant black magic fist. The dragon the other girl had been flying caught her before she could hit the ground though, and flew off towards the space ships above with her.
Raven used magic to shred the net that was holding her girlfriend then, and Raven caught her in her arms. Starfire blinked awake. "Good morning?" She asked.
Raven smiled. "You're all right." She said softly, relieved.
"You rescued me, did you not?" Starfire asked, gazing into her eyes.
"Um, yeah..." Raven said.
Starfire kissed her. Three more dragon riding girls were heading their way, but Raven negligently batted them out of the sky so as not to interrupt the kissing part. Her magic demon powers had a lot to do with her emotional state, and also how much motivation she was feeling. Starfire kissing her made her feel like she could to anything, and gave her plenty of motivation to not want the kissing to stop.
"I was going to ask if you two could use some help, guess not though." Blackfire teased, smirking.
"Sister." Starfire said, after she ended the kiss. She levitated up to hover next to Raven. "You came to help."
"Kind of my job now, I guess." Blackfire said, even as a ray from the biggest space ship hit Raven and her sister and they fell out of the sky, unconscious.
Blackfire dove, dodged another beam aimed at her, caught Raven and her sister, and sat them down under the cover of a hotdog cart, really wishing she knew where her girlfriend was right about now. They'd split up though, Rose telling her she was going to be stealthy and see if she could capture one of the alien girls so they could interrogate her. Blackfire had wanted to go with her, but Rose said no, that she should go help Raven and her sister, then she'd kissed her goodbye, and her brain had stopped working long enough for Rose to slip away.
She looked up in time to see another of the dragon riding alien girls heading right towards her, tossing a net. She'd seen from afar what one of those nets had done to her sister, and she was not about to let one of them anywhere near her! She eye blasted the thing, her beams burning through it and hitting the dragon the girl attacking her was riding full in the head. Her eye beams were strong enough to knock the dragon aside so it went crashing into a nearby fountain, which was satisfying.
She was in trouble though, that was obvious. She couldn't afford to go back out into the open and risk getting hit by those knockout beams. She'd recognized these girls with the three eyes too, they were Zemrals: a species that was all female, traveled between dimensions, and saw most other sentient beings as snack food.
If Earth was infested with them now, it wasn't good. She needed help. She needed... her gaze fell on Raven. Yeah, she needed Raven to wake up, she admitted to herself. She really did.
She shook her sister's girlfriend and called her name, but it didn't work.
"Maybe if I zap her? Just a little bit?" She thought out loud.
It was kind of tempting, but she was worried Raven would hit her back on reflex if she tried it.
Across the amusement park...
Cyborg, Beast Boy, Aqualad, and Speedy were standing back to back in a circle facing out against seven of the dragon rider girls.
"That one has machine parts all over him. So gross." One of the girls said about Cyborg. "I bet he tastes like an oil can."
"Yeah, but the other three look tasty." The girl next to her said, licking her lips with avarice. "Especially the fish-flavored one." She went on, leering at Aqualad, who, yeah, kind of did gulp at that.
"Um, are these girls talking about actually eating us or something?" Cyborg asked.
"I really think they actually are." Speedy said.
"Bake you up in a pie." One of the girls said to Speedy. "Just like momma makes."
"Momma... as in, wait, as in Mother Mae Eye?" Cyborg asked.
"She told us about you." One of the girls said to Cyborg.
"She's kind of holding a grudge." Another of the girls said.
"Yeah. Too bad you're so unappetizing, otherwise one of us might have decided to eat you and save you some misery." The first girl added.
"Um, I don't suppose we can talk about this?" Aqualad asked.
The girls all giggled. "Sisters? Let's feast!" One of them said, and the seven of them attacked.
Speedy shot an arrow, which hit one of the dragons' wings. "Watch out!" He cried as the dragon crashed headlong into them.
Everyone but Cyborg managed to get out of the way in time.
The girl who'd been riding that dragon had jumped down and landed on her feet meanwhile, and she faced Speedy, offering him a hand as he got up. He made the mistake of looking into her third eye and she hypnotized him. "Mine now." She sing-singed.
"Get away from him!" Aqualad bellowed, charging and tackling her, even as he dodged a net thrown by one of her sisters.
Speedy blinked, coming out of it in time to get caught and carried up and away in a net, which had him out like a light.
"Nuh-uh!" Beast Boy said, chomping the dragon and flailing it around in his T-rex form, spitting it out, even as he caught Speedy in one of his T-rex hands, the girl who'd been riding the dragon having jumped down and landed on the ground, unhurt but holding a grudge. "Nasty!" Beast Boy complained, spitting out the dragon, which had tasted awful.
Back on the ground, Cyborg had shoved off the unconscious dragon on top of him and did a duck and roll to escape being netted.
He got to his feet, only to be tackled by one of the girls who'd jumped down from her dragon right at him. He toppled over and couldn't help but look into her three eyes, the girl doing her hypnotic thing on him at that point. "Mine now." The girl said, smirking in triumph. Luckily, it didn't seem to work on someone who was half-cybernetic, and Cyborg head-butted her, right in the third eye.
"Ha! No strings on me, better recognize!" Cyborg said in triumph, getting to his feet. "Yipe!" He cried, dodging a sleep gun beam, only to get tangled in a net. He promptly fell unconscious and was carried away, the sleep nets apparently working on him just fine.
The girl who he'd head-butted was swaying on her feet and moaning in disorientation and pain. She was swooped up by one of her sisters and carried away too.
Beast Boy's T-jaws snapped for his boyfriend's abductor, but missed. "Oh no you don'ts!" Beast Boy called, turning into one of the girls' dragon mounts and following after. He put on speed and barreled into the side of the dragon who's rider had captured his boyfriend. They grappled in midair and tumbled down onto the roof of the food bazaar's Mexican restaurant, Senor Fuego.
The girl who'd kidnapped Cyborg was out cold, and Beast Boy, who'd turned into a mouse and landed unharmed (mice can survive pretty much any fall unharmed—strange but true!), became his regular human self again and went over to check on his boyfriend, untangling him from the net.
As soon as the net was off him, Cyborg's systems booted back up and he blinked, looking around, then met his boyfriend's eyes. "What happened, BB?" He asked, confused.
Beast Boy let out a breath in relief and hugged him.
Meanwhile, back on the ground, Aqualad and Speedy were in the middle of being mobbed by four of the Zemral girls, who were tearing off the two boys' clothes, playing with them while laughing and taunting them. "Sweet Neptune, will someone please help us already!" Aqualad wailed piteously for help, even as he yiped loudly when the girls brought him down to his hands and knees and he wailed all over again when one of them bit him on his butt! It was a feeding frenzy, he realized with growing horror—they were the sharks, and he was the fish!
Just then, a sonic cannon from Cyborg hit and blew the girls away with its force. Speedy and Aqualad tumbled and rolled too, but they hadn't taken the brunt of it. Beast Boy changed from falcon to whale and landed on the four Zemrals.
"Why..." Aqualad moaned pitiably, twitching on the ground, feeling gnawed on, and generally quite traumatized.
Speedy groaned and got to his feet. "I don't have my pants..." He said to no one in particular. "This is just... so wrong." He muttered.
"Yeah, can't say I disagree with you there, buddy." Cyborg said, patting him consolingly on the shoulder.
Terra kept her eyes narrowed on their destination as she, Jinx, and Billy Numerous sped across the water in pursuit of the three alien space ships that'd abducted See-More and one of the other Billy Numerals. "This is kind of nuts, right?" Terra asked her girlfriend. "I mean, an alien abduction?"
"Well, we do kind of live with two aliens now." Jinx pointed out.
"Oh, um, yeah, right. Forgot about that." Terra admitted, embarrassed. "I guess I just didn't think about it like that. It's just so cliche though, right? I didn't think aliens really went around doing this stuff in real life."
Jinx shrugged. "First I've heard of it." She admitted. "Though, come to think of it, I think Raven did mention something about some tofu guy from outer space her old team fought once."
"Tofu guy?" Terra asked, skeptical.
"Yeah, you know, like a block of sentient tofu that wanted to take over the world to, um, stop us from eating tofu I think?" Jinx offered, admitting to herself that, yes, perhaps she should have paid more attention when Raven had been telling her and Rose about it. "I kind of felt sorry for him."
Terra giggled. "You're totally making this up, aren't you?"
"No, it really happened." Billy said. "See-More follows these kinds of things, and he told me all about it. Dude's name was No-Fu, but he didn't want to protect Earth's tofu or anything, he basically wanted to blow us all up with a cow powered death ray or something, and for no other reason than he was just a very bad dude." He sighed. "...I hope these aliens haven't turned me and my boyfriend into something weird like that. I don't want to have a boyfriend who's a dairy cow, you know?"
Jinx and Terra shared a look. "That's understandable." Jinx offered.
Terra nodded. "Totally." Figuring she should just go with it.
At that point, they reached the amusement park, a few minutes behind the space ships. The ships, having been able to fly much faster than Terra had been able to, were already attacking the park-goers. More of those dragon riding girls with nets, kidnapping people. Terra stopped and considered the problem from above the scene a moment. "Do we know which one of the ships has Billy and See-More in it?"
"That one. I can feel the other me in there." Billy pointed to one of the three ships.
"Then that's our first stop, I guess." Terra concluded, determination in her voice as she stood up on the rock that was carrying them, raising her hands over her head and calling on her power.
"What are you going to do?" Jinx asked, kind of finding it hot that Terra was being so decisive right now. It made her feel kind of fluttery inside... but, then, most things Terra did made her feel that way one way or another she supposed. She really had fallen hard for this girl. Really hard.
"Making a hole." Terra said, pulling up rocks from the ground below them. She embedded metal piping inside the rocks and spun it around in a collecting circle in front of her. She couldn't actually control metal, but she could catch it up inside the rock, or even coat it with gravel and move it that way. In a few seconds, her drill was fully formed.
"Oh, I get it." Jinx smiled, understanding now what Terra was doing. "Here, let me help." She gestured, adding some of her chaos magic to the mix, thinking it was always good to have a little luck on their side.
Terra smiled to her and shot the drill, now sparking with hex magic, out down at the bridge of the ship as fast as she could push it, not wanting to hurt Billy and See-More with her attack and figuring they probably wouldn't hold prisoners in the same place where they steered the ship from.
Three of the Zemral dragon riders saw what they'd done and swooped up to attack them. "Oh, no you don't." Jinx said, casting hexes at them, smiling as the dragons the girls were riding all lost their coordination at once and tumbled out of the sky, not able to fly right anymore. The three girls yiped and jumped free, landing safely on their feet on the ground below. "Wow, they're tough." Jinx commented.
"No kidding." Billy said.
"Yeah, well, we're tougher, okay?" Terra said. "Come on. Let's go get our friends."
"Yeah." Jinx said, smiling and feeling her heart swell with courage for the battle ahead, and with love for this girl all over again, because her girlfriend had just claimed her friends from H.I.V.E. as her friends too, and was willing to fight to protect them for her sake. That mattered so much to her.
"Count me in." Billy agreed, worried for his boyfriend.
So they headed down, landing on the ship's bridge. Right away, one of the Zemral girls there shot at them with a ray gun. Terra dodged, but it hit Billy and he passed out. Jinx narrowed her eyes and cast a hex, making the gun short-circuit in the girl's hand. She yiped and dropped it. Terra got surprised into running into one of the other girls, looking into her eyes. Before she even guessed at the danger, she was hypnotized. "Mine now." The girl said as Terra fell into her arms. "I bet you're a tasty one, aren't you?" She cooed, moving in for a kiss that, hypnotized as Terra was, she was helpless to resist.
"Hands off!" Jinx growled, casting a hex that hit them both.
Terra blinked her eyes open, coming back to herself, scrambling out of the girl's arms. "Hey! NOT okay!" She accused, punching the girl, who was already looking disoriented by Jinx's hex, in the face.
The girl fell over, out cold. Terra looked back to her girlfriend and was just in time to throw up a rock to be caught in a net in Jinx's place. She shot more rocks, the remains of her drill, at the girl, and the two other Zemral girls who were entering through a doorway. The rocks hit one in the face and she staggered disoriented, the others seemed to just shrug them off though.
"Their eyes—they're vulnerable there." Jinx said, casting another hex at them.
The girls recoiled and shrieked in panic. "Bind! I'm blind!" One of them cried. Jinx smiled in triumph. "Am I good, or what?"
"The best." Terra agreed, kneeling to check on Billy, who was still dead to the world. She shook him. "He's really out of it." Terra reported, looking up at her girlfriend worriedly.
Jinx looked around. "So, what do we do? Leave him and look for the others? Can we do that?" She asked.
Terra didn't know. "I don't know. I um, I guess we could?" She offered, letting out a breath. "I wish Raven was here." (Words she never would have thought she'd say, up til recently.)
There was a thoom right then, shaking the ship. "Maybe we can help." Gizmo said.
The girls turned and saw Mammoth (whose landing had been responsible for the thoom) along with Gizmo, who was piloting a small hovercraft that must've been what got them here.
"You came!" Jinx cried in happy relief, going to hug her brother.
"Of course we did." Mammoth said. "We'll always be a team. We promised."
"Awww." Jinx said.
"How about you two go find the guys, we'll watch out for Billy here and I'll see what I can do about taking over the ship for us." Gizmo offered. An alarm had gone off when the ships has passed so close over the H.I.V.E. towers. It'd been too late to stop the abduction by the time Gizmo had checked on what had set the alarm off of course, but he'd rewound the surveillance recordings, found out what'd happened, and followed along with his boyfriend to see if they could help.
"Sounds like a plan to me." Terra said, actually a little impressed that these two had come to back them up this way. "What do you think?" She asked Jinx.
"Yeah, I'm in." Jinx agreed.
So the two headed off to find the missing H.I.V.E. boys.
Jinx just hoped they were still okay...
Next Episode: New Teen Titans Go vs Mother Mae Eye vs The Return of the Ghost of Grandma Cyborg!
And that, dear, darling readers, is the end of another episode... This horribly tense cliffhanger provided to you by the fine folks at Shamma Lamma Mu-Mu, LLC—Shamma Lamma Mu-mu: We ARE the cool... What's that you say? You want spoilers? Well, yeah, of course you do! (What was I thinking?) First of all, it should be of the apparent that in the next of the episodes, there will at long last be the rematch between the villainous people-eating, pie-making Mother of the Mae Eyes and our very own beloved Grandma Voice, returned from the grave in our (humanity's) hour of need! Rejoice! But also, there will be the drama... the sacrifice... the epic conclusion at the climax of the battle, in which one of our heroes will become the most awesome super-hero ever! (Just like Iron Man in the Avengers movie... except, you know, still different.)
Stay tuned!