Long Time, No See

Aunt May still wasn't home yet. It would be another two hours until she got back. She was arriving home later from her job this time around. She still was training as a nurse so that she could pay the rent somehow. But it didn't bother him. Well, at least not the training part, but walking home later when it's a little darker out concerned him more.

Peter went downstairs to get a glass of water. But again, another interruption prevented him from doing so. It was another voice, but not from 'her'. And for some reason this one felt more real. More concrete. The words hammered into the air, not being mistaken for some illusion this time. Peter knew the difference (or at least he thought he did) between what was real and what was not. He heard and saw the 'intruder' speaking before he even made it into the kitchen.

"Well this is new," the 'intruder' spoke. "Spider-Man not saving the day, and instead relaxing on a Thursday afternoon?"

He didn't forget her face. He knew that well before and well after they had parted. No one ever forgets a black widow when they see one.

"Agent Romanoff," Peter said in astonishment, not expecting to see her again anytime soon. Yet there she was, sitting in his living room. What surprised him more was to see that she wore casual clothes and not her signature catsuit. She had on a brown leather jacket over a black tank top, and some jeans with a pair of sneakers.

"Yep, it's me," she said with a smile. "I'm sorry for making unexpected entrances, including breaking and entering, but, let's be honest, this is kind of a normal thing for me now, isn't it?"

Peter smiled. "Yeah. Sure."

He walked over to the sofa across from her, and stood next to it, nervous for some reason, but reassured himself that she . . . well, was enough for him to be called a friend. She sympathized with him, did she not? She obviously was concerned for his wellbeing, so why wouldn't she be considered a friend at this point? Perhaps the passing of time.

"It's been a while, I'd say," Natasha spoke. "Things have changed much."

"Yeah. Yeah, they have," Peter awkwardly replied.

"You're not surprised to see me?"

"Well, yeah, but-

"A woman breaks into your house and that doesn't alarm you in any way?"

"You just got here abruptly after . . . nevermind."

"Okay. Well, I guess since you don't seem to mind, I can just break in whenever I please," Natasha said as she slouched in her seat.

"No, let's not."

"It was a joke."

Peter was quite intrigued by the Black Widow's sense of humor that she seemed to portray. Before, she always seemed quite serious and professional about everything, but now wasn't so. Something about her seemed kind of off.

"So how has life been?" Natasha asked. Peter hesitated for a moment.

"Eventful," Peter said kind of quietly.

"Same."

"So, I'm assuming Fury sent you here?"

For some reason, it took some seconds for Natasha to answer.

"No, actually. He didn't send me this time." This surprised Peter.

"Oh," Peter muttered with wonder.

"SHIELD's kind of . . . in disarray, if you will. It's . . ."

Peter didn't understand what she was trying to tell him, and Natasha wasn't sure exactly if she wanted to. SHIELD is very much a covert organization, and even when it was fully functional, it was not to be taken lightly and told around like some folktale. But now, knowing what it truly is, what was the point of hiding it anymore? About all of the agents within the entire division are now exposed at this point to the entire world, including Natasha herself. It was merely useless to try and defend something that no longer needed to be defended at this point.

"SHIELD . . . has been compromised," Natasha finally managed to pull out. "It's no longer functional at the moment."

Since Peter wasn't so involved in SHIELD, besides the fact of being wanted for recruitment, he didn't have any sort of feelings for the organization whatsoever. He really didn't even feel any sympathy to hear that it fell apart. Though, he didn't expect to hear that sort of news from the Black Widow.

"What do you mean?" Peter asked. Natasha didn't care anymore at this point. She had no reason to hold it all in. She knew Peter didn't care, and that it wouldn't hurt him to know.

"It turns out that another organization - a terrorist organization - that we swore was defeated long ago, infiltrated SHIELD, and was operating within us all along."

This little detail for some reason made Peter a little more interested.

"Who were the terrorists?" Peter curiously asked.

"They're called HYDRA." Saying the name alone made Natasha uncomfortable. Just to know how more advanced they really are now and what they were capable of somewhat gave her chills. "They rose during World War II, previously as a branch of Nazi party. Captain America, who also existed at the time, had helped put an end to their schemes, but only for a while, as it turns out."

"So no one ever noticed that they were sabotaging SHIELD from the inside?"

"No. No one did. Not until me and the Captain himself found out together."

"You and Captain America?" Natasha nodded.

"We worked together quite frequently under SHIELD's orders since his unfreezing from the ice he was submerged in for decades. He was a good partner. I owe him my life.

"It's strange. When I look back on it, my life seemed like it was a lot less complicated, even though it wasn't. At least then I was oblivious to the fact that I was really working for the enemy. Ignorance is bliss, I guess."

"So you're no longer an agent of SHIELD?" Peter inquired.

"Apparently not," Natasha sort of answered. "For the first time, the whole world kind of knows who I am now. Do you remember on the news?"

Peter's eyebrows caved in, indicating his confusion. He didn't watch the news too much. The only time he did was when his Aunt May would have it on in the morning before school.

"It more than likely aired on C-SPAN when I had to speak on Capitol Hill, or some channel like that. You could probably even Google it right now. But anyways, almost thousands of agents are now exposed to the public, and, as much as it is HYDRA's fault, I hold a lot of responsibility," explained Natasha.

"Why?"

"Because, I'm the one who leaked that information to the public." Now Peter was really confused. "I had to because we had already planned for SHIELD, or rather HYDRA at that point, to go down as well, and that included making the sacrifice of letting all of the secrets go."

"So all of those people in the whole world, their friends, families, co-workers, acquaintances all know who they really are?" Peter said, getting the gist of how absurd it all sounded.

"Unfortunately. What's worse is that we still don't know who's really with SHIELD and who's with HYDRA."

After she said that, the thought of the mystery with affiliations suddenly had the hair standing on Peter's neck. Peter knows how friendly she was before with the whole recruitment situation, but still, there was only so much he knew about Natasha. He knew that she was in the KGB. He knew that was the truth. Why did he know? Because she told him that, and he believed it. But how does he know that wasn't just a cover for her to use whenever it came time for where she needed to give her backstory? How does he know she isn't with HYDRA herself?

It was all starting to frustrate Peter right now, and he didn't want to keep treading along with it. Maybe he was too scared to want to worry at the moment. He just kept reassuring himself that she was a friend. He believed it.

"So what's going on with you?" Natasha asked, turning the attention away from her. "You've graduated high school now, right?"

"Yeah," Peter said. "Finally done with that."

"You must be relieved. Now you get to deal with the 'big boy' science stuff. With your credentials you could probably even get a job at Stark Industries. Lucky for you, I know the man himself; I could maybe get you a spot, then you can go to college and still have work on the side."

Peter smiled. It didn't sound like a bad idea, actually. But for the most part he knew he didn't have the time for it. Not now, anyways.

"Thanks, but, I've got some other things to deal with at the moment," Peter said. "Being Spider-Man and all."

"Well, from what I saw the day we met on that rooftop, you handled those thugs pretty well. Is cleaning up the streets really that difficult for you?" Natasha made sure not to also mention the other time she saw his full potential from that simulation before.

"Things have changed since."

"Since what? That night?"

"Not just that night, since . . . Connors and all. It isn't just criminals on the streets anymore. My enemies are becoming . . . more personal. And powerful."

"There's always going to be someone to try and challenge the leader. Someone who thinks they're better."

"I'm not a leader."

"Why's that?"

"Because, I'm just not. No one follows after me."

"Well, that's not true."

"How do you know?"

"Well for one, people own Spider-Man merchandise now and even do graffiti after you. And, being a leader doesn't just have to be for other people, it can be for yourself, which you are one."

"Am I?"

"Yeah, because you were enough of a leader for yourself to know what was best for you when you talked to Nick Fury."

There was yet another moment of silence in the room.

"So, I hate to kill the vibe, but what exactly are you doing here again?" Peter asked, trying his best not to make that sound too derogatory. Natasha smiled.

"Well, with me taking a new identity and all, since I have to disappear from the public, I'm just getting by with life, kind of living free for the first time, I'd say. And since I happened to be in New York, I decided why not pay a visit."

"You figured I'd still be staying with my Aunt May?"

"I know you better than you think."

Isn't that the truth, Peter thought to himself.

"How's the girlfriend?" Natasha asked next.

That's when the spy noticed a change in Peter's expression. It went from engaged to deadpan. She had no idea. And in the back of his mind it kind of puzzled Peter that she didn't know. He swallowed before trying to break the news to her. He didn't like to talk about it. Reminding him of it only made it worse.

"She uh . . ." He paused. Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"Dumped you?" she guessed.

"No," Peter firmly stated. "She . . .

Peter had a certain look on his face. It wasn't the kind of expression someone can just put on. It wasn't something a person could just act out. It was an expression that showed damage. It showed loss. It showed tremendous grief, despair, mourning . . . and Natasha knew that look from anywhere. She knew how to read people very well, and she was unfortunate enough to have to have seen this one once too many times.

Her heart almost dropped. She couldn't believe it, but it was true. There's hardly much people she can feel actual sympathy for, though Peter was one of them because of their past experiences together. The idea of him losing something that was so dear to him, the fact that even though he stepped out of the line of joining an organization – which in itself was doomed from the start – for the sake of his loved ones, the people he cared for the most in this world, and in the end he still lost someone, nearly broke Natasha's heart. She was more shocked than torn, but there was still something she felt within her that brought her expression blank. She wore a blank face that covered up triggers of emotions. It was her natural defense mechanism.

"I . . ." Natasha started, and then stopped. She barely had room for words to describe. "I'm so sorry."

He just looked at her, and then back at the wall. He'd cried enough, and he wasn't going to do it again. Peter started to feel bad for making Natasha feel the same way he did, despite never really knowing if she was being truthful with her emotions, or anything at all for that matter. They were only to have a nice conversation after having been nearly two years since seeing each other. Now it's still only more drama when they meet. There's always something going on. They could never be good friends this way, only allies.

After a while of her speaking for the majority of the time, Natasha had only wanted to change the subject so that she could hear how much better he was doing without the involvement of SHIELD in his life, and now it's no much better than how it could've been from the start. She felt failure. She felt like she failed at what she tried to do – for his own good – which was to keep him out of the life of espionage and everlasting danger. But danger, as it seems, was always there. It's everywhere, wherever one goes. There's no stopping it, no matter how much people wish to. Especially not for Natasha.

"How did she die?" she asked, already knowing it wasn't an accident.

Peter hesitated, and then finally spit it out. "One of my um . . . 'enemies' . . . killed her. I thought he was my friend, but I was stupid enough to believe it. I'd known him since we were younger. That was before he became the monster he is now."

He looked at her, and then looked away.

"I thought I was okay after a while. I thought . . . that I was, I don't know, re-inspired to go out again and do what I do best because of her. To help people. But I had myself fooled."

Natasha wished she knew something that she could say in order to help him, but she remained withdrawn. She never knew what to tell to people mourning. It wasn't a special skill she had out of all the things she could do. She only said what she'd heard other people say many times before.

"You're not responsible for what happened," she said. Peter shook his head.

"Actually, I am. I'm the one who refused to follow her father's orders: to leave her out of all of this; to keep her safe by keeping her out of this lifestyle. He and I knew that being in a relationship with her would only make her life less safe, and because my enemies would try to hurt me . . . through her. And I completely disobeyed what he said, knowing what might happen, which it did."

Peter was tearing up the more he spoke. He was going to cry after all. Natasha tried saying something else. Something to reassure him that the world wouldn't end.

"She'll always be there, Peter."

"I know. And that's the problem."